Wonkette
Well, shit. Fun while it lasted, right? For us, anyways — the elites who had the MacBooks and iPhones and flat-screen teevees and cars and hot water and, uh, food. Pretty much sucked for the other 5 billion, but whatever, it’s all academic now. Ha, not really, because there will be no more academics. Just fighting, fighting other people (and rats, mostly) for food. And then fighting over the rats, and the rotting corpses of the people. Fun Fact: Many societies turn to cannibalism once they’ve hit bottom! TO RECAP: Global sell-off, stocks plummeting worldwide, the NASDAQ dropped like 5% this morning, which is kind of incredible.
The Dow’s down by 290 or so. Google is under $400 a share — that’s cheap for Google! Apple plunged, too. Looks like we’re all betting that we’re not going to have a lot of money for new Mac crap, eh? Same story with Google: Looks like we’re betting that none of us will have money for anything. Google’s an advertising company. No money means no buying means no ads. (Yikes — that means no Wonkette, too. Well, it was fun. Sometimes.)
What about your retirement and 401k and IRA and maybe even your portfolio, if you have one? Your editor advises that you not fuck with anything right now, because you’ll just fuck it up more, and you’re supposed to SELL HIGH, remember? Your editor has only lost about 10% of his fortune since October, so he’s doing better than the S&P 500, which is down what now, 27% over the year? In other words: Golden Ameros.
Anyway, this is a good time to leave this motel room, in Boulder City, and drive back across the Mojave Desert and listen to people lose their shit on Bloomberg & CNBC. It will be sad when Sirius/XM shuts down and that fancy satellite radio no longer does anything. Maybe it could be used to brain a rat.
U.S. stocks hammered as Fed adds more liquidity; Hard-hit Nasdaq Composite down 4.5%; Google Inc. falls to two-year lows [Marketwatch]
CBGB’s closes and now this?!?
Well, you know what our soon to be Chinese overlords say - may you live in interesting times!
eh… as long as there’s booze to be moonshined and dope to be smoked, I’ll be ok… moving up to the farm in Kentucky is sounding a lot more tasty these days…
Well, in my bleak future there’s still peanut butter.
“Maybe it could be used to brain a rat.”
HA! Even editing doesn’t work anymore!
there it goes… it’ll burn real purdy fer a while, then it’s gonna get real dark…
What Ken? What!!?!! Stay in Boulder City and buy yourself an AK. You will need it very soon. I hear there are food stocks in Dolan Springs…
Hey the Dow was supposed to be at 30,000. WTF happened? Anyway, order this book on Amazon and choose the “bill-me” option. HA HA.
http://www.amazon.com/Dow-2008-Different-This-Time/dp/1893958701
The Howell Report
http://chrishowell.com/
Once you go human you never go back(from Sweet Dee and Charlie). Seriously though, I’m really going to stock up on canned food so I can avoid eating my brethren as long as possible.
Oh well, US Americans will be a sought after meat thanks to eating corn based food products most of their lives. The human equivalent of Kobe beef. Hmmmm mmmm good.
columnv: What do you mean?
RIM stock dropped like, 26 bucks the other day. This was terrible news for Blackberry inventor John McCain.
How low does the NASDAQ have to get for the zombie hordes to start rending the flesh from the living?
Waaalll, like Peter Tosh he have say:
I see Johnny with his head hanging down
Wondering how many schillings left in that pound
Cost of living it is rising so high
Dollar see that have heart attack and die
Bills and budgets are waiting
Finance ministers anticipating
Unemployment is rising
And I hear my people, they’re crying
The day the dollar die
Things are gonna be better
The day the dollar die
No more corruption
The day the dollar die
People will respect each other
The day the dollar die
I’m glad to know our Chinese Overlords will always have jobs for us.
What about whores, Ken? Will we be able to afford the whores?
Lets just print more.
…or maybe tie the US dollar to the Zimbabwe dollar.
ManchuCandidate: i unnerstand we taste like pork… anyone know fer sure?
magic titty: Former Wall Street traders will be blowing guys in alleys for worthless scraps of colored paper which they will wave and shout to each other over as they pass them back and forth.
Ken Layne: I had never heard the word “brain” used as a verb and thought you might have meant “train”.
I probably just made a stupid assumption and would not like the wrath of Mr. Ken Layne to come down and kick my lily ass.
TJBeck: Woo hoo! I’m a Trillionaire!
grendel: That guy looks like someone rubbed Tabasco sauce on his ass.
I prefer my humans processed. Soylent Green: It’s people! Yummy, yummy people. Probably with MSG, though, so be careful if you have high blood pressure due to the market tanking.
grendel: Well, that’s horribly depressing.
In light of all this economic shit, I like to foolishly dream of running away to another country. However, at this point, isn’t the whole world pretty much fucked?
Anyone watching/hearing the passionate spewing of rabid economic populism from the House Republicans in Congress right now? Enough to make you lose your appetite, even for grilled rat.
oooo, Netflix has “Escape From New York” on instant viewing. Time to study.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Just avoid the Chinese… lead tainted.
I for one am looking forward to the weight loss due to malnutrition. I’m gonna be cut dude!
Well shit then I’m all set, have any of you seen a Baltimore rat? It’s going to be like thanksgiving every day!
This didn’t have to happen, they had a deal last week.
slappypaddy: I heard SPAM, but I’m not sure…
Has anyone tried the Soylent Green?
grendel: and these alleys would be where?????
Ken Layne: I think that area is where ‘A Canticle for Liebowitz’ was set. Good luck when ‘The Great Simplification’ happens.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Canticle_for_Leibowitz
Well, I have a PhD so I’m sure I’ll always find gainful employment.
Ken Layne: I think that this commenter doesn’t know that brain is a verb. A nice verb, one that I like, but apparently, I am old.
And, hey, you missed that pirates have taken a Navy ship
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/29/AR2008092900541.html?hpid=moreheadlines
and the Chinese are trying to kill chocolate eaters
http://blog.washingtonpost.com/thecheckout/?hpid=news-col-blogs
End times!!
The next Cold War will literally be a war over coldness, as the collapsed economy will lead to a shortage of heating oil and the arctic empire of Russia will revert back into sad, huddling masses of peasants in sheepskin coats like they were a hundred years ago before central heating. No wonder Palin wants to move from the doomed tundras of Alaska to the temperate coastal land of Washington, she’s been masterminding this whole thing.
great news: my credit card still works. i already got food and gas(not from food) today.
really sorry for the small town in europe that slaughtered my (maternal) grandmother’s family. they’re in financial crisis. i guess they’ll have to start tailoring new uniforms.
shit, MSNBC split screen - vote failing, market dropping like a rock
It’s time to reread “The Grapes of Wrath” for tips on how to look for work picking fruit.
If it comes down to cannibalism, I personally would not eat a clown. They taste funny. Or a neocon. They’re very bitter.
And there is no cannibalism in the British Navy
damn- did I miss a panic? I gots a new shotgun and everything. Shoot.
market down 300 or so in last couple minutes i think
dano: I think your belly will be big like the Ethiopians and malnourished deer in the forests.
slithytoves: I said that first 15 years ago and it still cracks me up.
whatever_dc: In the post-apocalyptic Wall Street area of the devastated wasteland formerly known as Manhattan.
shortsshortsshorts: I try to avoid the Chinese, generally, but it’s getting pretty difficult, now that they own the world. “Firefly” was right. In the future, we’ll all speak Chinese.
Doglessliberal: brain, v.
1. trans. To dash (any one’s) brains out; to kill by dashing out the brains.
2. To conceive in the brain. Obs. rare.
3. To furnish with a brain.
I feel like S. Palin
InKnockYouUs: Are they proposing to cut taxes and get rid of the capital gains tax? those are their usual solutions to any economic problem. Once the market is freed of taxes and regulation, the good times always roll!
slappypaddy: Umm..if anyone does know what human flesh tastes like, don’t admit it ok?
graceless: what annoys the crap out of me is that all these Republican legislators ranting about the American people and how they should not have to suffer are the ones who kissed Bush’s ass while he refused regulatory oversight of Wall Street AND none of them, I guarantee you, understands that we are THISCLOSE to a freeze on all commercial paper. That would mean no businesses could operate, no stores would have products, no loans of any kind (most importantly, overnight retailer loans) would be made. We have to have some sort of bailout, as shitty as that seems. Yes, we should not be here, yes it is because of overweening greed, but we have to do something about it or the whole US economy will stop. This is fucking serious and no one is explaining to the people calling their legislators to complain just why the bailout is of all of us at this point, not just of Wall Street. Yes, we are screwed, but we are screwed more if no credit is extended to anyone or any corporation. If that happens, we are in a barter economy, no exaggeration.
Well if we’re going to resort to cannibalism, I got dibs on Huckabee & his family. He looks like he’d be nice & tender & with the rotundness of his boys, we could even re-upholster our furniture with their skin. Not to mention have tons left over for beef jerky.
TJBeck: I know. I’m actually getting the feeling of what it would be like to live in 1929. This is some freakin’ scary shit. Wonder if they’ll have to close the market early?
columnv: nah, you know how to look something up. She just makes shit up and pretends it is real.
I remember feeling pity for folks who were Depression survivors when they hoarded tins of sardines and other nonperishable stuff. Silly me.
Doglessliberal: AMEN! I listened as one after another of those Republitards asked that we slow down and take A WEEK to write a substitute bill! A WEEK!
I’m not sure our country will exist in a week, at this point. We’ll just be a suburb of China.
Measure fails, Dow down more than 600. And, here we go. Nice knowing you all.
Doglessliberal: So basically, no dinner no movie, no lube, just Republicans trying to now sound like they give a tasty rats ass about the average ‘Murican, and the rest of us who saw it coming, get anally raped the old fashioned way…it’s infuriating!
I was a poor, literally starving artist to begin with, so this will just mean that I’ll have lots of other starving people to talk to.
Wall Street Journal is reporting the full Dow fall was 700, but that’s it’s rebounded to “only 400 down.” Gee, why am I not feeling that much better? I mean, the day isn’t over yet.
The economy is collapsing, I have no home, no insurance, no retirement, I lost my legs in Iraq.
–what with these libruls whine about next?
I promise to not (knowingly) eat any of you.
CNN: measure still failing, rather than failed. Huh? I watched the vote live, it ended like 10 minutes ago. Failed. CNN says Dow down 700 nao, MSNBC says 400. Chaos! And I have to follow this on my Blackberry.
I learned the other day that SPAM has a generic! It’s called TREET!!!
That makes me giggle uncontrollably.
Well, at least Kim Jong-Il lived long enough to see the rest of us start tumbling down to the DPRK standard of living.
facehead: I KNOW! Way to ruin the end of my 20’s, fartknockers.
lumpenprole: I’m sure Fidel is having him a hearty guffaw as well. (I assume he’s still alive…) Hell, even if he’s dead he’s still laughing his ass off.
Cape Clod: just sayin’: i didn’t think anyone besides me remembered that book.
looks like we’ll have to fight animal lovers during open season on animals. fur coats are warm.
I have all my money safely tied up in Chinese milk products. I mean, Chinese baby’s need milk, right?
All you morons need to stop your whining- this is a ‘mental recession’, after all. Have you people learned nothing from the wise words of Phil Gramm?
Let’s sell Florida to Cuba.
columnv: No, Ken used it correctly.
There’s also “giving brain” but you certainly wouldn’t want to do that to a rat… well, then again in this economy and if the rat has a couple of hundreds…
slappypaddy: aha, a trick question … i think it was in the book ‘conquest’ (about cortez) that i read that also … probably why our diminutive friends to the south are still so fond of pork to this very day
Can we sell Louisiana back to the French? America needs some money for it’s next fix. We’re good for it baby.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Heck, we can always just sell California to Spain - at least until it cracks off and falls into the Pacific.
Also, remember that there’s good eating on most insect life - worms, beetles, etc. are little packs of protein!
Miller: Better yet, can’t we do a reverse Seward’s Folly and sell back Alaska to the Russians? It’s like killing two birds with one stone- you get some much-needed money for the economy and, since Alaska would no longer be considered a United States province, Sarah Palin would no longer be qualified to be a VP candidate. It’s win-win-win if you ask me.
Ken Layne: Probably never had to brain a rat before, lucky bastard. Down here we call ‘em Track Rabbit.
Texan Bulldoggette: I knew there was a reason I had kids. Being young, they’re both still tender, and will fit easily on my barbeque grill. It’s going to be awkward notifying the grandparents, though.
magic titty: Yes, some of the privileged among us might still be able to afford whores. But they will be <A HREF=”http://wonkette.com/tag/whore-diamonds” TARGET=”_blank”1 Diamond or [shudder] Half-Diamond…
Crap, I forgot Palin was born in Idaho, where she would be protected from any “Alaskan-Born Citizen U.S. Native Status Revocation” clause that would no doubt be written into any “Reverse Seward’s Folly” sale, which of course would be a given. Dang.
grendel: Oh the horror, Col. Kurtz
middleamerican: As long as you give me time to pack and get back to California, I’m willing to throw in Idaho and a set of vintage Ginsu knives as an added bonus for the Alaska sale.
ihasasad: All this end of capitalism stuff makes me long for the days when pan-grilled Spam and Romanov dressing were the treat of choice (destitution) after a night of clubbing. Now, instead, I can party like it’s 1929 by clubbing baby harp seals, or any other such critters, and opening cans of spam for my vittles. Wish I had a jug or ten of Grannies XXX “White Lightnin’” handy . . . . Then again, it’s only a phone call away in these parts. Hope it doesn’t give me the jake leg . . . .
TJBeck: Brilliant!
columnv: Haha..So what did you envision Ken “training” the rats to do? Maybe they could be Ken’s personal Rat Zombie Army…
Hungry Man style. Just add more water, to that Top Ramen, you’ll be having for dinner.
Today is the end of the world. Aw shucks.
DJIA - 689
Now we can start fresh. That’s the best deal going. Elect Ralph Nader. Now we don’t need to hear all the dumb shit about 2000. Remember 98% of Americans thought Y2K would be the end.
We can get dumber. McCain & Obama said if we didn’t bail out the banks we would be doomed.
Are we doomed now?
grendel: i was just there this weekend and i have to say that i didn’t see any post-apocalipstick!!! and i didn’t get blown either…
vigilante: Baaa! Brainz! Baaa!
natoslug: HA! I have TWO kids (7 & 15), a dachshund, a beagle and a tortoise. I’m fully stocked on food for the winter! Mmmmm… dachshund!