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The brave mayor of some little South Carolina suburb has been very busy forwarding everybody some emails (and probably this old Wonkette post) about whether that colored fellow Barack Obama is perhaps some creature sent by The Devil to have a mythological war with Dead Jesus — you know, the Anti-Christ!

“I was just curious if there was any validity to it,” Fort Mill Mayor Danny “Funderburk” Funderbunk told the Charlotte Observer. “I was trying to get documentation if there was any scripture to back it up.”

And, as we all know, the way to get “documentation” about “scripture” is to forward some batshit racist nonsense to all your church chat friends.

The e-mail, which has circulated in the last six months since Obama secured the Democratic nomination, claims the biblical book of Revelation says the antichrist will be in his 40s and of Muslim ancestry.

There is no such scripture. And Obama is not a Muslim. But that hasn’t stopped the e-mail

Mayor Dingleberry will be re-elected with 99.9% of the vote, whenever these people elect a mayor again. This is the same town where Jim Bakker’s evangelical theme park, Jesusland, is located.

Mayor ‘just curious’ if Obama is antichrist [Charlotte Observer]

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  • Rush
  • superfecta

    It seems pretty clear to me that only us liberal elitist atheists have ever actually read said Bible. The wingnuts are aware it was not written in English, right? Oh…

  • wheelie

    “Any knowledgeable person who really “studies” his bible knows the anti-christ will come out of the middle-east” – Observer comments

    Aha, this points the finger of suspicion at Ralph Nader! Could he be the anti-Christ? I am curious about the validity of that. We already know that his minions are diabolical.

  • Walter Sobchak

    Wait, don’t the mouth breathers WANT their beloved Raptor Jeebus to come back and rapture them or whatever? They should be doing everything in their power to get Hopey elected! SATAN/BIDEN ’08!

  • EnBuenOra

    I too am curious, mostly about whether or not the Earth is hollow and populated entirely by nubile beauties.

  • ManchuCandidate

    That’s also the same book that believes China doesn’t exist.

    Bet your lead laced toys and melanine flavored milk China does exist.

  • gurukalehuru

    Danny Funderbunk sends out an e-mail to see “if there was any scripture to back it up.” What, Danny hasn’t actually read the bible.

  • 4tehlulz

    Maybe if they ran a Bible code analyzer, then divided by zero, they would be able to divine that Barack is the Antichrist; they would miss the part about it still being better than the alternative, however.

  • BrandonMills

    Charlotte has betrayed it’s Northern Carolinian roots!

  • Terry

    Charlotte is in NORTH Carolina, unless it’s moved.

  • WIDTAP

    I am just curious if the Good Book has anything to say about Funderbunk sodomizing goats.

    Just curious.

  • Anita Cocktail

    I’m just curious: is this guy a fucking douchebag?

  • Delicious

    [re=113144]Walter Sobchak[/re]: I gotta get me that bumper sticker.

  • daltonmc

    I think it says somewhere in the “scripture” that Charlotte would relocate itself during the “end times” unbeknownst to the population, mainly because no one gives a damn where it is.

    –d.mc.
    http://www.politikosandpolites.blogspot.com

  • V572625694

    “The e-mail, which has circulated in the last six months since Obama secured the Democratic nomination, claims the biblical book of Revelation says the antichrist will be in his 40s and of Muslim ancestry….There is no such scripture. And Obama is not a Muslim.”

    Oh, and one more thing: when the Book of Revelations was written, there weren’t any muslins, because Muhammad wasn’t born until about 530 AD. But it was right about everything else!

    Oh these Jeebus lovers….

  • Min

    The mind boggles.

  • answerbird

    How the F*ck could the scripture say that the antichrist would be muslim. Mohammed was born several hundred years after Jesus!

  • Serolf Divad

    The e-mail, which has circulated in the last six months since Obama secured the Democratic nomination, claims the biblical book of Revelation says the antichrist will be in his 40s and of Muslim ancestry.

    Of course, Islam didn’t originate ’till 600 years after the Book of Revelations was written… but don’t let that stop you. I realize that the book or John prophesies everything from the rise of Napoleon to the latest Windows Vista vulnerability. It’s all magical and shit.

  • disgustedcitizen

    When, Dear Jebus, will you please have the Rapture and rid us of these idiots?

  • Carrie_Okie

    haha, this gives us 1 more thing to look down our noese at the fucking Sand Lappers. (Now that the Strodes are gone)

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=113152]WIDTAP[/re]:
    In Cornholians 4:26

    “And so shall be born a man so foul that he layth with the goats and prick them with his penis, not to help spread his seed but for thine own selfish pleasure. This man, a tiny man born of Fundamentals and earned a living as a bunk maker and liveth in a place far away where teeth and intelligence are few and far between.”

  • 2goats

    It is a nice side note to this boring election cycle that we have a new phrase to replace the Southern American excuser: “Bless Her Heart”, as in “she has the ankles of a plow horse, bless her heart.” Now any mean, petty malicious phrase can be instantly rendered acceptable by inclusion of “I am just curious”, as in “I am just curious, is English Sarah Palin’s first language?”; or “I am just curious, does John McCain know anyone who earns less than $5 Million a year?”

  • Paterlanger

    I’ve had contact with a few christianists in my area who are entertaining themselves jabbering about the “anti-christ” angle. My question to these folks, assuming we could have a civil discussion of this topic, would be shouldn’t you be celebrating the arrival of the anti-christ ’cause doesn’t that mean that Jeebus is coming back soon? And isn’t it blasphemous to talk about voting against the anti-christ? Shouldn’t you be voting for Obama/Satan so His plan can be fulfilled? And my final question, on a meta level that these necks would never get, Isn’t it ironic that anti-christ would appear in exactly the form you pinheads would expect him to have, i.e., brown and foreign? How convenient.

  • Juan McMaverick

    ummmmm…..hot cup o’ java to sip while I read about Jeezus Freaks and Republican strategery…..

  • DieOnTheTurnpike

    “Any knowledgeable person who really “studies” his bible knows the anti-christ will come out of the middle-east” – Observer comments

    The anti-christ will come out of a Boston music venue?

  • superfecta

    [re=113159]Serolf Divad[/re]: This is why I prefer the ironclad prophecies of Mother Shipton. And some say she didn’t even exist!

  • Johnetic

    While Charlotte is in North Carolina, this dude is the mayor of Rock Hill, which is just across the border in South Carolina, where bankers from failed institutions have fled NC for lower South Carolina taxes, shitty schools, Confederate Battle flags, insane liquor laws, all the while heaping traffic congestion and Larry the Cable Guy jokes on their the more on the less backward North Carolina.

    So, it’s the Newark to Charlotte’s NYC, with more overt racism and vinegar based BBQ.

  • dano

    The Book O’ Revelations also says:

    “…And I saw the douchebaggery that was committed in the name of our Lord. They would lay waste to nations for no other reason other than to please their bigoted, retarded base. Blood would rain down from the heavens and the toothless idiots would vote against their own financial well being because Jeebus told them to. Amen”

    ..or something like that.

  • MathewBrooks

    Thou must cleanse thyself, for thou art soiled.

  • Cape Clod

    A Republican mayor of a small suburb of backward, redneck Jesus lovers? Was he the next choice for VP if Palin turned down the gig?

    McCain/Funderburk 08.

  • ihasasad

    [re=113147]gurukalehuru[/re]: Nope. The religious nutz only have bibles for show. They don’t actually READ them. That’s why on church day they have story time.

    BTW, wasn’t John taking Oxycontin when he wrote Revelations: My Unauthorized Autobiography?

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    Actually, if Satan were to return to Earth, I think he would LOVE Charlotte. Lots of evil corporate bankers and it’s probably the most soulless, rootless city in the country, so Damian could just tell his neighbors he moved there from New Jersey.

  • Doglessliberal

    The good Christian President we have suffered under for 8 years has started a few wars, sown dissention and anger among his own citizens, shifted more wealth to the wealthy and caused the poor to grow poorer and lose jobs, let the infrastructure of his country fall into ruins while he ships money to a country that has millions in reserve, destroyed the environment in ways that cannot be reversed, and caused the rest of the world to despise us.

    I am looking forward to the antichrist.

    [re=113164]2goats[/re]: “Oh, that Sarah Palin tries so hard, bless her heart.”

  • dippinkind

    [re=113169]Johnetic[/re]: hey! as a resident of Rock Hill, i must correct you, this is the mayor of nearby Fort Mill (where they have a monument downtown thanking the slaves who fought for the south in the war between the states)

  • magic titty

    [re=113158]answerbird[/re]: Haha – you think guy has actually read the Bible? As post-er [re=113141]superfecta[/re]: pointed out, only scuzzy atheist elitists like us Wonktards have actually any working knowledge of that book. It’s why we can denounce most of it so readily.

  • loquaciousmusic

    Curiosity killed the three-headed goat.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    I’m just curious, but isn’t sending chain emails to everyone on your email list from your business email a tad frowned on?

    Just curious.

    [re=113176]Doglessliberal[/re]: [re=113164]2goats[/re]: Needs more malice, methinks. “That Sarah Palin could be such a nice girl if she wasn’t so white trash, bless her heart.”

  • MarieDeGournay

    This just proves that so-called American Christians have no sense of history and no real knowledge of scripture. Anti-Christ only appears in the Johannine epistles as a symbol of those who actively act against the ethics of Jesus of Nazareth: think avarice, hate, a view of the would purely separated into mine and thine. Sure there was a sense of endtimes, they were being killed enmass by Roman emperors. And the Anti-Christ never appears in their beloved Apocalypse of St. John beyond the images of the various beasts. Also, this book was written with an eye against the great evil of the time: Rome. And Christians won that battle with Constantine the Great’s conversion. Fucking pisses me off that these so-called Christians (they really worship Darkseid from DC comics as the lovers of Anti-Life) want to take the scriptures and apply them to their pathetic lives, while throwing awy the ethics: love your neighbor, give all you have to the poor, give into the evil of other men rather than raise you hand in hate. They are the anti-christs.

  • noidiotsplease

    Charlotte, NORTH Carolina.

  • Johnetic

    [re=113177]dippinkind[/re]: My apologies. It’s hard for me, as a “New Southerner” to keep my Confederate Apologist shrine cities straight in my head. Charlotte is not immune to this, as you know – we have to annual confederate conferences a year. They call them NASCAR races.

  • ihasasad

    [re=113182]MarieDeGournay[/re]: AMEN! I feel bad for Jesus because these assholes give him a bad name. I don’t think anyone should call the red states “Jesusland” because most of todays Christians donut understand what Jesus stood for. Which goes back to the fact that they only have bibles for show and never read them.

  • archer

    Sick, sick, si–oops.

  • dippinkind

    [re=113183]noidiotsplease[/re]: right on the SOUTH Carolina border.

    also, awesomely stupid as this story obviously is, it would be nice if the national media also picked up on the story that there has basically been NO GAS AT ALL available here for the past week, with no end in sight. Seriously just about 10% of stations in the Charlotte area had gas available for sale yesterday and those that did had hours long lines. TN, GA, the Carolinas, it is going from panic to desperation down here right now and it does not seem to be making the news at all…………..

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=113187]dippinkind[/re]: NPR has done a bunch of stories on this, and I found it really interesting, since we have plenty up here in Northern VA. But you are right, I haven’t seen or heard anything about it anywhere else, except one small story in the Washington Post, and that was mostly about shortages in Maryland, so a local story.

  • choinski

    If there is no such scripture and Obama is not a moslem IT MUST BE TRUE

    Antichrist is not a moslem = Obama is not a moslem, ergo OBAMA IS ANTICHRIST

  • Herunar

    The Book of Revelations also revealed that Walnuts will be tortured for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS.

  • Big Ass Belle

    Google gives 947,000 responses for Obama and antichrist.

    But fear not, fellow Wonketeers! It is reported from the depths of my red, red state that Obama could not possibly be the antichrist.

    Proof? Not good looking enough.

    Yes, you may read that as “non-European, non-white thus unattractive.” And I am serious. The question of him being the antichrist has been given long and serious consideration with the aforementioned result. Thus spake the rednecks.

    As for me, when he puts on that dark suit and those dark glasses, stands there all sleek and sophisticated? I’d happily do him with my European lady parts.

  • Jobbotch

    Ha, that 2006 Wonkette post decrying geekboy love for Obama is so precious (bless its heart). “What’s the deal with all that ‘Obama ’08’ stuff?”

  • ihasasad

    [said in a very cool proper old southern lady with blue hair and a black driver accent]

    Well Iah declaiuh! Won’t y’all hauv ah lookahereuh:

    Some prominent Republicans and senior members of Congress have expressed worries about certain facets of the Palin campaign, particularly that Gov. Palin may be “overprepared” and not encouraged to be herself, an adviser said.

    Ouruh da-lin may be overprepared! What shall we do??

  • Luke Warm

    Yes, Charlotte is in NC, but it is near the border with SC and many suburbs are on the other side.

  • Sussemilch

    Jesus was a community organizer. Him and his band of guardian angels provided “insurance” for the hood.

  • Chicken Smack

    [re=113178]magic titty[/re]: Isn’t it ironic that an atheist can actually get more out of the Bible than a self-professed Christian?

  • whore4hope

    I am so scared of these people. I hope the Rapture is real because it is nice to believe in a future without the religious illogicals.

  • magic titty

    [re=113192]Jobbotch[/re]: link it!

  • Miller

    C’mon, he’s just a regular guy trying to do a little scholarly research….into whether the black guy running for President is the anti-Christ. I mean why should we begrudge him his academic endeavors. He found out Obama wasn’t the anti-Christ, but if he found out he was Satan incarnate? Wouldn’t we all be thanking him?

    http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

  • grendel

    [re=113191]Big Ass Belle[/re]: The redneck MEN declared he’s not good looking enough… the redneck LADIES will say this in front of the redneck MEN, but would happily play hop-on-pop with Hopey if no-one would find out.

  • facehead

    I’M GOING TO JESUSLAND!!! WOOHOO!!!

  • dano

    [re=113202]grendel[/re]: Ha ha. That’s the thing that redneck men fear most.

  • fuzznuts

    Sarah Palin is such a brain dead idiot, bless her Cankles.

  • HuskyMescan

    Maybe Barry should state his policy about inbreeding. I think we curb the population of retarded mayors by 2020.

  • Carrie_Okie

    [re=113169]Johnetic[/re]: exactly. Newark w/o the cultural amenities.

  • magic titty

    [re=113197]whore4hope[/re]: They should just Hale Bop themselves so we can move on.

  • MathewBrooks

    Maude (flanders) would have wanted it this way.

  • HuskyMescan

    [re=113137]Rush[/re]: Barricipher Satanico is getting a bit cocky. But I think he’s right, and he will win by a landslide.

  • Chicken Smack

    [re=113197]whore4hope[/re]: No, there’s always a pushback clause on the unforeseen. We’re stuck with them, and that’s that.

    We should take up paleontology as a hobby, and walk around with some dinosaur fossil in our lapel pockets. The moment this discussion (again!) comes up, we whip it out and ask, “is there any chance you might a chapter and verse for this?”

  • Carrie_Okie

    Of course now Wachovia is in the tank, so Charlotte is looking more like Chernobyl. I’m going to spend lunch in the conference room so I can watch the execs jump off of that 47 story unfinished building. $1/share bitches.

  • Johnetic

    [re=113187]dippinkind[/re]: The psychology of this shortage has been very entertaining to watch – and you’re right – if Ike can F us all from 1500 miles and six states away, for as long as it has, what kind of tenuous grip on gas supplies do the rest of the nation have? This should be a much larger story than it is. But since the banks are in such shitty shape, everyone has time to stand in lines at the pump so I’m less worried about that.

  • The Capt

    Wasn’t Bin Laden the Anti-Christ a few years ago? I wish they’d make up their minds…

  • Special Agent Jack Mehoff

    “I was trying to get documentation if there was any scripture to back it up”

    Translation: first I shot the arrow into the side of the barn, then I set about painting a target around it.

    Also, check out this t-shirt

  • nurple

    There’s a difference between Charlotte NC and Charlotte SC, just like there’s a difference between Brooklyn NY and Brooklyn CT. Frankly, I felt more scared in Brooklyn CT…

  • DoctorCulturae

    [re=113202]grendel[/re]: [re=113204]dano[/re]: And thus we have the real reason for the perpetuation of redneck racism…Is it any wonder why viagra is so popular? Fears of inadequacy anyone?

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=113219]DoctorCulturae[/re]:
    No Viagra, that would be Enzyte.

  • columnv

    dfunderburk@fortmillsc.org

    Office: 803-547-2116

    Town of Fort Mill
    112 Confederate Street
    South Carolina 29715

  • dippinkind

    [re=113213]Johnetic[/re]: it has been fascinating to see it unfold, though it was a little more fun while i still had gas to get to work or the store… but now i’ve used that up driving around trying unsucccessfully to find an open station, can’t get to work, have no idea when i will be able to, and am pretty well screwed. However, it does leave me more commentin time i guess!

  • Lorax

    “No, Your Honor, I’m Not a Pedophile, I was ‘Just Curious’ to Find Out if She Was Eighteen so I Emailed Some Pictures to My Buddies”

  • CorkPopper

    [re=113164]2goats[/re]: [re=113181]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: No, Doglessliberal has it right, you have to sugar coat the insult for it to be effective. My Tennessee mother has the BEST insult for badly/trashily dressed women: “Oh dear. She must not have a full length mirror at home, bless her heart.”

    And those Funderburks must be a fertile lot. They seem to be all over the place in NC…there was one in the Duke administration while I was there, another one in Congress for a while, and now this moron.

  • facehead

    O NOES!!! ITS THE FIRST CHAIN E-MAIL OF THE APOCALYPSE!!!

    Share your thoughts with the eschatological mayor:

    dfunderburk@fortmillsc.org

    Office: 803-547-2116

    Town of Fort Mill
    112 Confederate Street
    South Carolina 29715

  • dippinkind

    [re=113218]nurple[/re]: there is no Charlotte, South Carolina (there’s a Charleston…), all of Charlotte is on the NC side of the border, but the greater metro area includes surrounding counties in SC

  • NoWireHangers

    Funderbunk? Funderbunk? Well, with a name like that what did you expect? Of course he’s a batshit crazy Christian mayor of some podunk town in the south.

  • Walter Sobchak

    [re=113190]Herunar[/re]: I hope you mean after now, as opposed to in the past.

  • SweetTea&amp

    It’s Fort MILL, SC, not Fort Hill. Quit copying and pasting from HuffPo, Wonkette. If you’re going to pick on our ridiculous rednecks (and you should) please do a quick review of the article you’re linking to (Charlotte Observer gets the name right) and maybe a little Google search to make sure the town actually exists. Sorry to be all nonsnarky but if you’re going to ridicule someone for being ignorant it helps to get your facts right.

  • slappypaddy

    [re=113223]dippinkind[/re]: i’m jess curious, but you ain’t got gasoline? in what respect? i’m not gonna tell you what state i’m in, undisclosed locale and all that, but it’s over close to where jumpin jack mcnuggets first learned to ply his political trade… we got gas a-plenty, an’in fact the price at th’pump is down some ten percent or more (eleven?) in the past coupla weeks… we’re a battlegroun’ state, so we’z getting special treatment from the oil guyz… oh, i gotta go, here comes the’antichrist, looks like he wants to sell me somethin’… he don’t look like no black muslin… hell, he looks jess like me… he coold be my bro…

  • King of Pants

    [re=113167]DieOnTheTurnpike[/re]: Cambridge REPRAZENT

  • ihasasad

    [re=113222]columnv[/re]: [re=113226]facehead[/re]: 10Q for the addy!!

  • Slappy Whyte

    McCain’s surprising support from Drug Addicts and College Dropouts:

    http://megasizzle.com/annoying/surprising-mccain-support-from-college-dropouts-and-drug-addicts/

  • Jobbotch

    [re=113198]magic titty[/re]: It’s linked in the post!

  • OffTheRecord

    True story. When I was in my infancy my crazy southern family were some of the people who got screwed in that Jesusland scheme. Now I get a random check every few years for like 20 dollars from some lawsuit I never knew anything about because I was two at the time. I like to think of it as unexpected beer money from god.

  • dippinkind

    [re=113251]slappypaddy[/re]: in the respect that my tank is on E and every single one of the 12 stations i could manage to get to and wait in line without compeltely running out all have bags on the nozzles because they are out and don’t know when they’re going to get another shipment. if i could get further downstate or to the east i could probaly find some, but i do not have the fuel to get as far as where the fuel is…………….

  • StripesAndPlaids

    I do believe they are talking about Fort Mill SC, not Fort Hill.

  • glamourdammerung

    The ironic part is that Funderbunk is obviously the type of asshole that would have tossed a couple of rocks at Jesus during the cruxification.

    Because they were just curious of course.

  • Voyou Charmant

    I hate our freedoms that much more.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=113251]slappypaddy[/re]: Yup. Here in Arizona, too. I hear we get our gas from a pipeline coming from the West coast, but who knows what those manipulative bastards in the oil industry are really up to?

  • Gopherit v2.0

    Oh, and if Barry is the AntiChrist, then the Rapture is near, so, yay! Win!

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    I bet he’s also curious how it would feel to have a penis inserted into his anus. You know how Republicans are–just curious to learn more about new things….

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=113225]CorkPopper[/re]: Right, you have to make it subtle, yet biting. “Well, given her background, she does the best she can, bless her heart.” “Well, you can’t really expect more, given her people, bless their hearts.” Etc.

    I know from southern back stabbing–my mom’s side is from Georgia. and my grandmother was the Queen of Nasty Elitism (the real kind of elitism, not the new definition) cloaked in patronizing concern. (lots of, ‘well, they cannot help themselves, so we need to be tolerant’ type crap. Ugh)

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=113304]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: he probably knows. He and his meth-supplying male prostitute have discussed it often.

  • Ken Layne

    [re=113240]SweetTea&[/re]: Sorry dudes, etc.! I didn’t copy/paste from anything, but I did write this in a dark motel room at 5:30 a.m. (Nevada time) before coffee. (I am on assignment in Boulder City.) ANYWAY, fixed, etc., sorry I was CONFUSING with the whole “town’s in SC but is suburb of city in NC” deal. For the seven of you down there who can read, Wonkette apologizes!

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=113313]Doglessliberal[/re]: He’s just ‘bi-curious’….yeah, that’s it.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    The anti-christ isn’t even in the bible. There’s a “beast,” a “false prophet” (both in the book of John), but no anti-christ. Never. Not one. Ever ever ever. AND YET:

    John Kerry has been accused,
    Michael Moore has been accused,
    Barry Obama has been accused
    Even Marilyn Manson.

    SO many anti-christs! So little time! What do we do with all of these anti-christs??

  • zhubajie

    Everyone knows that Bush is the Antichrist, the Man of Sin! Ask Bro. Stair! (www.overcomerministry.org).

    Zhu Bajie

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=113331]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: an antichrist convention would probably be a lot more fun than the Republican one.

  • slappypaddy

    [re=113298]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: buyin votes, methinks…

  • StripesAndPlaids

    [re=113314]Ken Layne[/re]: We southerners are a gracious, if passive aggressive lot. So we appreciate your kind words and do accept your apologies. And we do realize we have much work to do in so many areas. I realize we lack the sophistication of northern states, such as Idaho Racists, and the lovely Michigan Militia movement. And we do strive to manage race relations the way they have in Boston and NYC. Perhaps one day we too can have pastors as sophisticated as they do in Colorado mega churches, or bathrooms as nice as the ones in Minneapolis. Until then, we will do our best to muddle through, though we may ask your help with the big words.

  • magic titty

    [re=113265]Jobbotch[/re]: whoops – i made a dumb.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=113225]CorkPopper[/re]: [re=113308]Doglessliberal[/re]: I agree on the subtle part, but that’s the whole beauty of “Bless her/his/your heart.” It functions as the sugar coating for an otherwise nuclear putdown. Here in the better part of Tennessee, we usually preface our insults with the “Bless their hearts, but…,” just so the other persons know what’s coming. Celia Rivenbark has it almost right (though we Southerners would never call a woman a tramp to her face).

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=113410]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: right, instead you say something like “well, now, isn’t that outfit creative, dear? But I guess your mama always did have trouble understanding the need for appropriate undergarments.”

  • Doglessliberal

    oops. missed the most important part–you need “bless her heart” there at the end.

  • J05H

    [re=113148]4tehlulz[/re]: you forget – “zero” as a concept didn’t exist in that part of the world. You’d need to travel to Central America at the time to find any civilization (preclassic-Maya) that understood the idea of zero. Silly Romans, maths iz hard.

  • facehead

    [re=113277]OffTheRecord[/re]: O dear, I thought the Jesusland thing was a joke…

    Wow, just wow. Link for the curious: http://www.boingboing.net/2005/09/20/photos-of-the-rottin.html

  • azw88

    This guy is wrong. The Bible clearly states that the Anti-Christ will be a small-town mayor from a small state that claims to be a leader that rules based on Christian values.

    So, the anti-christ will come from somewhere in the south or Alaska….

  • slappypaddy

    [re=113331]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: i went back t’th’source fer jess a momentita… got some bad newz fer the babble set… there ain’t a single solitaire english or merkun word in the entirety of the original verzhun o’th’bible… it all seemz to be in some other language, sumpin furrin…

  • Schadenfried

    Dear Mayor Fuckerbunk,

    Jesus was a colored fella too.

    That is all, Philistine.

  • S.Luggo

    Fort Mill and Wasilla have nearly the same number of residents and both are about 80% white. Coincidence, chance, or the work of the cloven-hooved one? Address all comments to Mayor Funderbunk.

  • regisgoat

    Can we all agree that “funderburking” should be the verb used to describe passing on religously insane material on the Internet?

  • S.Luggo
  • populucious

    Nation “just curious” about whether functional retardation is a requirement for South Carolina office finds answers!

  • Johnetic

    [re=113365]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: Preach on, brother.

  • american mutt

    [re=113137]Rush[/re]: Don’t spread the McCain hype on Obama. We can’t space on the date.

  • jodyleek

    [re=113331]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Perhaps we should whip out the Holy Hand Grenade?

    …And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, “O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy.” And the Lord did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu… And the Lord spake, saying, “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.” Amen. ONE!TWO!FIVE!

  • american mutt

    Using the bible for documentation is like using wikipedia for um, I don’t know. There’s some good pun or remark there somewhere but I’m look too tired. It’s monday. leave me alone.

  • iolanthe

    Interesting.

    I, too, was just curious about whether Sarah Palin might be the Whore of Babylon.

    She actually *does* rather meet the description given in the actual Bible (as opposed to the Bible These Idiots Pull Out of Their Ass All the Time) at least as far as haughty attitude goes.

    Check out Revelation, chapters 17 and 18 (it’s most fun in the King James Version.)

    The Whore of Babylon (unless you’re a Southern Baptist, in which case the Whore of Babylon = the Catholic Church) symbolizes a nominally religious system that has sold out to political and financial interests (“has committed fornication with all the Kings of the Earth”).

    Although I’m sure Sarah wouldn’t be above some *actual* fornication with a King of the Earth here and there. You betcha.

  • tiger

    “…and from his toothless mouth spake the words as fragrant as a dog’s fart…”

  • CthuNHu

    Hey, Fort Mill is a rapidly growing town of 7,587! Wasilla with Spanish moss!

    Buh-bye, GILF-lady: your understudy is about to take the stage!

    Seriously, though, Sir Mayor Mr. Funderburk, you are a moron. Anyone remotely familiar with Scripture would know that the newest book in the Bible had been written by the early second century A.D., 500 years before Islam, the religion of Muslims, came into existence. Also, the Book of Revelation, though mentioned by Eusebius as being among the “disputed writings,” or Antilegomena, clearly states that the Antichrist will be from Hoboken, though he will be circumcised in Chicago.

  • tocute2btrue

    Will this shit never stop, I hate fuken Curtains and Jews.

  • The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    For what it’s worth, choice of photo was…well, choice.

  • heathenish

    how ’bout we run Henry Paulson for anit-christ?

  • Saturnin

    Well, he sure ain’t Beelzebubba.

  • SC_Liberalette

    Oh my god…..this is the mayor of the town that is next to where I live. YES, I AM A LIBERAL, ATHEIST and I DO IN FACT LIVE IN SOUTH CAROLINA. This asshat gives South Carolina a worse name than it already has. While I may be a transplant from Michigan by way of D.C…..I swear, progressive, intelligent, evolved people do exist and live in this state. Even though I am waiting for some of my neighbors to try to stone me the next time I walk out of my house because of the Obama sign I have in my front yard.

    If Walnuts gets in I fear retribution for my liberal ways from the crazies. I’m moving to Germany.

    P.S. Jesusland does in fact exist and it’s terrifying.

  • Gregg Jocoy

    I live in Fort Mill. I supported and voted for Danny Funderburk. His ignorance of the Bible alone should send him to the theological woodshed for a heart-to-heart with the Son of Man, but I doubt that will happen. His disdain for doing the right thing is reflected not only in his using rumor to slander a Presidential nominee but in his ethics, or lack thereof. Google “Ken Starnes” and you’ll find out that Funderburk not only can’t tell the difference between the Bible and the Koran, but he can’t tell right from wrong. He should have been ridden out of town on a rail long ago.

    It would be wonderful..or should I say Wonkerful..if Wonkette were to go behind the headlines to see the slimy underbelly of Funderburk and his crony Starnes. Allowing someone who lives MILES from the town limits to serve on the Town Council is about as far from democratic as one can get.

    http://www.GreenPartyWatch.org

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