Wonkette
Wonkette operative “Jocelyn B.” reports from Grand Rapids, Michigan: “She in my backyard right now, dressed in neon yellow, squawking loudly to an impressive crowd of probably 200. A passerby commented that she looked like Tweetie Bird, albeit seven months pregnant. Emotional eating, no doubt. When she says ‘Barack Obama,’ her voice lowers about three octaves and she sounds like she’s reprimanding a naughty dog. Oh, she’s done. Over.” [MLive]
How sexist of her not to support Sarah Palin.
There’s only one Tweety, and he anchors Hardball. How about likening her to Big Bird?
That’s cuz she is really saying “The Cock o Rama”
I can’t wait for Thursday!
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/71577518-Joe-Biden?offset=1&owner=warpafx
I like that drunk woman in Kentucky better.
Haha, MLive. When I was in high school it primarily was what punkass athletes used to talk shit about the other team the week of the game. Looks like now it has broadened its scope to Michigan State scores, weather and pant-suited mulletteer sightings (Hillary).
I still don’t get why Hill & Bubba are so big in supporting McCain. You’d think they’d show a little party loyalty (not that I would know, as I’ve never belonged to a party, but). What do they think their roles will be if McNuggets gets elected? I’ve never since such sour grapes as Bubba is producing.
Oh, ps, love the mannequin on the vintage John Deere!
Meanwhile, at an undisclosed cheap motel, Billy Bubba was about to seal the deal with a randy little heffer sporting nice cankles when he caught wind of the rally on the room’s crappy television set. Roaring with rage at a combination of the loss of his stiffy and the thought of Hillary stumping for Balack Obama, he grabbed the room’s only chair and smashed the antique RCA black and white into a myriad of sharp chunks. The hooker squealed and dived into a corner to take cover.
The Secret Service burst into the room to make sure everything was okay. One of the agents slipped behind Billy Bubba and stuck him with an intramuscular alprazolam injection, while another herded the Southern Cow Belle out the door. Billy Bubba collapsed onto the bed and called for a jigger of Jack. One of the agents obliged him with a flask tucked into a pocket in one of their famous black suits. The agents were polite enough to turn around as Billy sobbed into a pillow.
“It didn’t used to be like this,” Billy thought to himself. “I used to be President. I used to get good looking young ladies. What have I become? WHAT HAVE I BECOME?” He wanted to scream, to kill somebody, to run naked in the rain… he knew none of it would help. “If only I could have got back in the White House, it would have been like the old days again. Damn you, Balack Obama. Damn you.”
She’s never getting the nomination now.
Oh, and OT but remember last night McCain remarked that he had stopped the crappy air tanker contract and people had gone to jail? Well Boeing had won that contract, beating out a bid by Northrop Grumman and EADS, Airbus’ parent company. The contract was rebid and NG/EADS won it this time — and guess who’s campaign co-chair is head of the firm that lobbied for EADS? That would be John McCain’s. His campaign is apparently festooned with EADS lobbyists.
Mr. McCain’s campaign co-chairman, former Representative Thomas Loeffler, a Texas Republican, also runs a lobbying firm, the Loeffler Group, which earned $220,000 working for EADS in 2007. Mr. Loeffler was the McCain campaign national finance chairman when his firm was hired to lobby for EADS.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/12/us/politics/12tanker.html?ref=politics
Words: It’s all their plan to get Walnuts! to squeak by, and leave the Democratic Party so demoralized that they can install all their loyalists (i.e. Stephanodildogreek, Carville, etc). Then it’ll be a cakewalk to Hillary 2012.
2druk2phluq: Ha ha Hahaha! Barry ought to offer to appoint Bubba to lead the White House intern program, just out of spite. Bubba would quickly come to his senses and ditch Hillary. Meanwhile, Hillary would go back to her old ways, and trash Barry in entertaining, but hilarious antics.
200 people? I can remember a time when she could draw a crowd twice that size.
SayItWithWookies: Twenty years ago, Airbus was paying grease money to Tories here [Lyin' Brian Mulroney got $300k in..ahem... CASH] in Canuckistan via one little weasel named Karlheinz Schrieber. We have an ongoing scandal as a result, but one of the things that came out in Parliamentary hearings earlier this year was that Airbus was particularly anxious to secure a contract with Air Canada for a very basic reason: once Airbus had been introduced into North America, they could use that as a promo opportunity in dealing with other airlines.
Funny thing about the Parliamentary investigation was that while Schrieber is clearly a very crooked individual, he came across as the smartest and most honest man in the room.
If your Airbus experience is anything like ours was, millions passed into pols’ pockets with no paper trail. The only reason it came to light here was that the Tories tried to extradite Schrieber back to Germany, where his corrupting influence already led to the resignation in disgrace of Helmut Kohl, so he started bleating about what he’d paid to Lyin’ Brian Mulroney, Ronald Reagan’s BFF back in the day. He’s been allowed to stay until our Airbus investigation concludes, which means he’ll die on Canuckistani soil, a very old and happy man.
Back to the topic at hand…. Hillary who now?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE KEEP BELITTERING HILLARY LIKE THIS SHE HAD A GREAT RUN BUT THE GLASS CEILING IS BULLETPROOF AND YOU ALL KNOW THAT SHE SHOULD HAVE CLINCHED IT BUT MEN ARE SECKSISTS AND THAT IS WHY WE SHOULD HAVE VOTED FOR HILLARY AND JUST YOU WAIT UNTIL YOO HAVE A MOOSLIM PRESIDENT AND ARE PRAYING FIVE TIMES A DAY TOWARDS MECCA SUICIDE BOMBINGS KORAN JIHAD STUFF YOU WILL BE SORRY FOR THIS.
If Hillary was really supporting Obama, she would break down and cry.
I went to the HRC rally in Grand Ledge, Mich. (her second stop of the day before Grand Rapids). There were about 1,500 people there. 1,503 if you count the segmented aborted fetuses on the signs held by the prolifetards.
SayItWithWookies: How is McCain being a hypocritical lier ever off topic?
And their are topics here?
Canuckledragger: That’s why I’m so glad Moosilini is so close, keeping an eye on your corrupt country from her corrupt state.
That’s the same sign Bill Clinton had in their honeymoon suite 30 years ago to try to get some.
The sad thing is, in Grand Rapids, 200 people at a dem rally equals 10,000 in the rest of the country.
How did you blig out that photo? Blingee?
Hillz is so much better than Moosilini. But any randomly selected woman off the street is much better than her. You then have pretty even odds the woman will have an IQ of at least 100.
shortsshortsshorts: Shorts, get off your mom’s computer. She needs to use the phone. It’s pizza night and Domino’s can’t read her mind.
There is so much liquor left over from last night…we could win this thing yet.
Dag, Huckleberry Hound has a show on Fox right now with a stew-dee-oo audience.
How was I not made of aware of this?
Oh shit, he’s telling jokes!
Canuckledragger: Dude, do they not have Papa John’s in your foreign nation?
Delicious:is he is vetting Elizabeth Hasselbeck?
He’ll be vetting her after the show.
This is some craptacular teevee.
Imagine if the aircraft companies put all the bribe money into product development. We’d all be zoomin’ round like the Jetsons.
Hasselbeck’s outfit is horrific. Huck’s show is like 80’s cable access.
Huckabee/Hasselbeck 08
all of the repub ladies outfits make me miss monochromatic pantsuits
it’slike an infomercial. I’m waiting to see what they are selling.
Hey, for what’s it worth, we got a passing mention over at the AV Club:
http://www.avclub.com/content/hater/mccain_believes_in_the_secret
Geeks reading geeks.
lilblackcorvette: A sham-wow?
Canuckledragger: If Clinton won, Dominos very well could have. But all you sexists VOTED AGAINST MIND
CONTROLREADING!lilblackcorvette: Kevin Trudeau’s ” _________ They Don’t Want You To Know About”. This is some real bad TV, but I can’t turn it off until I see Huck’s band.
Only in America….can we suck so hard…yeaaaah!!!
kWAME’: OK TURN IT OFF NOW!!!
I bet Old Spice wouldn’t have missed this show to save the economy
Wow.
Wonkette gets 1,970,000 hits on google.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%2Bwonkette
“Drudge Report” (in quotes) gets 2,300,000 hits on google.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22drudge+report%22
Either Wonkette is hot shit, or Drudge is cold poo.
facehead: WONKETTE IS HOT SHIT
tunamelt: Steamy pile of…
so, off-topic, kind of:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/26/AR2008092603957_pf.html
1) mccain’s presence, not his actions, derail the bailout
2) democrats then outflank him politically and essentially leave him humiliated
facehead: Now would be a good time to congratulate Wonkette on its record circa 7 million page views for September 3008.
apocalypsethen: HOW DARE YOU GO OFF TOPIC!!! CLEARLY YOU’VE INTERRUPTED A VERY IMPORTANT DISCUSSION BETWEEN TUNA AND MYSELF ABOUT FECAL TEMPERATURE!!!
DROP AND GIVE ME FIVE AND A HALF!!!!
facehead: ok, twist my arm.*
*horribly inappropriate torture joke
wheelie: That’s 2008, um, not 3008. So I get confused about which millennium I’m in. Who doesn’t get that wrong all the time? Hmmm?
Oh, man. My first Blingee is so blingtastic, I feel like I am committing some kind of crime against humanity!
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/71596457-IN-HIS-DREAMS-McCAIN-IZ-PREZ4EVAR
Too. Much. Bling!
Imagine 3008…mankind is long dead, though the ruins of our buildings remain (including the pyramids - score another for the Pharaohs, booyah!), our digital remnants are no longer accessible, so caches of protected books are all that are left (and time capsules with baseball cards - apparently Nolan Ryan was a great figure during these times)…America is gone, Russia and China are gone, and Steve Jobs forgot to put his name in stone so he is forgotten.
PoliTacky: Nicely played. My first Blingee today was way too conservative. I shall learn from your example.
Hey Layne, I had a pretty good day today. Aside from the departure of the late, uber great, Paul Newman, all went very well. Then I come to Wonkette, and see the picture you chose to post, and it improved my day. Thanks ever so…
You know, would you be in Grand Rapids, Michigan, to promote a potential President the morning after a debate that (almost) all are unclear who won? Very doubtful - you’re probably just sitting back eating Cheerios doused with chocolate milk and staring at your Apple. Just STFU about Hilary, take your tired-ass VW Jetta and drive to some Swing States - then register some damn voters. The Obamaliberaltards are just so clueless that it could cause the Democrats to lose this thing, and there is no reason for that to happen. We Hillarytards did our part. It’s on your shoulders now immature children. (This is like some AOL Ken Layne Rant, only it sucks much worse - later).
Delicious: Hey, I like yours! Be Pimpin’ wit Joey G-DAWG Motherfuckin’ Robinette Biden, Yo!
(You know, I somehow missed until right now looking on Wikipedia that Biden’s middle name is Robinette. That’s some pimp shit right thar’… I think this officially makes Obama = Batman somehow.)
apocalypsethen: Obama sez: what do you think of the plan John?
McCain sez: D’oh!
http://www.googlefight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=wonkette&word2=%22drudge+report%22
http://www.googlefight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=wonkette&word2=drudgere=112786facehead/re:
Isn’t that the same tractor that the “mourners” were using to go to the combination riot/Wog-O-Rama/BBQ/nuclear meltdown/Taliban-ban-ban thingie for Benazir Bhutto?
Who, by the way, is still dead?
listen while failed candidate Hilary Clinton was out begging for change in someone’s backyard in Michigan, future veep success Sarah Palin has been busy drowning her fears of Tuesday night’s debate in a bar in Philly with the most hilariously apt address ever:
“Palin appeared at the bar on 20th and Walnut streets last night to shake hands with her fans for about an hour before the first presidential debate.”
also:
“While the crowd inside was friendly, hundreds of people lined the street outside in protest with signs that read things like “Palin is Santorum With Lipstick.”
Santorum with Lipstick! what does this silly protester propose? imbibing a “frothy mixture of anal lube and fecal matter” WITHOUT a fresh coat of lipstick?
whoops forgot the link to that story. here ya go:
http://www.philly.com/philly/hp/news_update/20080927_Palin_grabs_a_seat_at_the_bar.html
OhFuckThis: ha ha, Googlefight! I had totally forgotten about that:
http://www.googlefight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=John+McCain+Diapers&word2=Barack+Obama+Muslim
Barry WINS!
http://www.googlefight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=John+McCain+Old&word2=Barack+Obama+Hot
McNasty WINS!
http://www.googlefight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=John+McCain+Keating+5&word2=Barack+Obama+Sex+Tape
Hopey WINS AGAIN! Our New President, Ladies & Gentlemen.
Another WIN for Tina Fey:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/27/tina-fey-as-sarah-palin-k_n_129956.html
2druk2phluq: “Southern Cow Belle”……excellent. laughed so hard I cried
facehead: Not straying too far from the actual interview transcript, I see. Also, Tina Fey is hot.
Delicious: Damn….I tuned in to FOX News tonight to catch the new Huckaberry show - thanks, Delicious! - but I missed Miz Hasselblad and just barely caught the tail end of David Hunkelhoff’s strip tease to “Caribou over Broward County”
http://www.tatdatfoo.com/wp-images/hasselhoff01.jpg
2druk2phluq: He’s got a fever and the only prescription is…more Cow Belle!
Sometimes a man comes home from a late night of whatever it is and thinx ya’all are seckists. True Americans like expatinOz: MOORE COW BELLLL
Delicious: OK, I don’t know if I can do many more of these, my eyes are rolling back in my head and somebody just put a wallet in my mouth so I wouldn’t swallow my tongue:
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/71616021-OBAMA-HAS-A-BRACELET-TOO
I have a friend who’s voice also dives three octaves with the name “Barack Obama”, but she has the different kind of naughtiness in mind.
American citizens have chosen to keep electing the same government controlled by one party disguised as if it is two parties named Republicans & Democrats.
American society has been conditioned to believe dogmatically what they are told by authorities who have been bribed by corporate executives to institutionalize a program that capitalizes on slavery by the governments of certain countries most importantly China.
PoliTacky: I know what you mean. I’m going into reverse peristalsis. http://blingee.com/blingee/view/71647563
vigilante: Dogmatically style will cost you an extra 50 big guy.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
MrAgro: I think “Palin is Santorum With Lipstick” is a bit more coherent than anything we’ve heard out of Snowbilly probably ever. Good going Philly.
MrAgro: So what kind of little outfit is Snowbilly wearing in that Philly Photo? All her minders are suited up. Was she competiting in some kind of marching band tournament earlier? Or does Caribou Ken like costume foreplay?
Naah, its not a marching band outfit. Its a bowling league outfit. Maybe Moosilini believes all the bitterz are in Philly. So now all we need to know if she had a Crown Royal followed by a beer. (Unless they go for cocktails with paper umbrellas in Wasilla, but I suspect that would get in the way of the meth)
Borat: More importantly, could that Comcast guy’s face BE any sharper? He looks like he’s ready to burrow a nest out of a maple.
Weeping Jesus: Nice one!
The coach of an NFL football team got fired after he lost the first 3 games of the season but citizens keep electing the same gov’t that squanders their money for years. Keep borrowing trillions of dollars because it never matters until the dollar collapses.
Being brainwashed keeps you Wonkettes clueless and happy complaining and whining.
Being brainwashed is exactly the same as being an alcoholic in denial. They are drunk daily and believe they have no problem even when they keep getting fired, keep being broke, keep being arrested for smashing up cars and beating their wives.
vigilante: Brilliant! You’re saying we should hire the NFL to replace our federal government? As long as we’re paying for the cheerleaders, we get to use ‘em any way we see fit, right? You’ve got my vote and my sweet, sweet whore diamonds.
Exactly. Bill Belichick would be the greatest President of all time.
Progressives are as brainwashed as Red Neck, ignorant, conservative, right wing assholes.
Having cheerleaders at the White House to welcome foreign dignitaries would eliminate terrorism immediately.
Vigilante is a real vigilante. He rises above the fray to take the contemporary political theory into his own hands. They can take his badge, but they can’t take his iron will.
Hey, Editors, normally i am not one to suggest banning folk, as someday i, too, the mild-mannered Guru Kalehuru, could be on the receiving end of the ban-hammer.
So, it is with due reticence and consideration that I do hereby state: this Vigilante asshole’s gotta go.
posts about the Montauk Monster are SOOOO two months ago
gurukalehuru: awww, I disagree. Although people can get banned for not being funny enough, and there you might have a point. Why can’t we keep him? He’s so cute!!! He can be our very own Wonkette mascot, one of the rare Nader trolls in captivity.
I’m impressed with vigilante, persistance is impressive. Don’t like his insults (again, not funny), but he’s gotta do something to get people’s attention.
Is Nader even on the Green Party ticket?
vigilante: You really should try to be funnier (or at least less boring), or you probably will get banned. BTW, Yes I’m a moron, blah blah blah (Keep in mind we are TRYING to be goofballs here).
Banning me to protect the Republican/Democrat stooge society will make me cry you fucking stooge.
If you knew anything about this selection fraud you’d know Cynthia McKinney is the Green nominee.
Why would anybody with a brain vote for the guy who’s entire campaign is “change”.
What the fuck is change?
You’ll be begging for change with a cup, keeping the Republican/Democrats in power.
gurukalehuru: I think your jumping the gun a bit on this request for banning. We live in a free-market democracy. This requires the free exchange of ideas. At least for the next 24 hours or less.
Tomorrow when our dear Socialist Overlord Paulson takes over with uber control, then we can worry about banning. Vigilant’s upset that his Socialist Overlord Nadir isn’t at the helm.
I for one welcome our new overlord and his ability to wave my sub-prime mortgages.
vigilante: And voting for someone who’s entire campaign is “I’m so lonely, only my bird will talk to me (and even he’s taking calls for better offers)” is a better choice? I didn’t see him as having a chance in hell, what with showing some integrity and all, but I would’ve voted for Kucinich. Nader? Not so much. The seatbelts were great, but he really hasn’t done much for me of late.
Yay, pizza! I like stuffed crust.
Words: There roles will be campaigning for the 2012 election.