Jim Lehrer, you garish little Skittle whore! What kind of jacket is THAT? Slut slut slut Jim Lehrer is a slut. Oh god this debate is boring, we realized during our last moment of clarity. Time to open the Schlitz! Huh? Who are you people anyway. (Pre-blog & Part 1).
9:30 — “I saved the taxpayers 6 million dollars on a contract between Boeing and…” Oh right, you mean that fight you picked up because your favorite lobbyist friends asked for it. But oh! What do we know. We were in high school or whatever. John McCain was still in Vietnam when he did this.
9:31 — Obama: “Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh insurance $15 billion dollars, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, George W. Bush is, uhhhhhhhhhhhhh, $20 billion dollars and a fried Scottish terrier.”
9:32 — Lehrer: “One of you all will be president in January.” Candidates: “MMHMM MMHMM.”
9:33 — OH MY GOD JOHN MCCAIN IS OFF HIS METAMUCIL AIDS PILLS AGAIN: He wants to have a “spending freeze,” um, “temporarily,” for all items that aren’t defense or veterans’ care. WHAA? Obama lists two of the 8,000 million trillion reasons why this is not actual a policy at all ever. “Medicare,” for example.
9:34 — Ha ha, fuckin’ Lehrer is condescending to these two so much. Every question has been, “please answer the first question I asked in this debate?”
9:37 — **DING DING DING DRUDGE SIREN DING** Barack Obama says the word “orgy.” Orgy of “spending.”
9:38 — **DING DING DING DRUDGE SIREN DING DING PART II: Barack Obama follows his orgy statement with “you swallow it.” Jesus fuck. He is going to teach sex-ed to at least uh 100 million kindergartners (Caucasian) in one hour.
9:39 — Oh look, they are going to talk about foreign policy now, 40 minutes into the foreign policy debate. Whazza we got goin’ over there, in the foreign countries? Iraq? That still going on? Meh. Tell me about Chris Dodd microprovisions a little more.
9:39 — How do you feel about the lessons of Iraq, John McCain?
9:40 — “Someone else who agreed with everything I said fucked up. I, uh, passed difficult legislation. Know?
9:41 — How do you feel about the lessons of Iraq, John McCain?
9:42 — “Nah nah, man, Lehrer, Iraq. Iraq! Iraq. Nah nah, Lehrer. I’ve been called worse things on the basketball court. Wait, what?”
9:43 — Obama’s faces are priceless whenever McCain starts throwing out bullshit. It’s a tight, lip-sucking sarcasm smile, a la “Jim” from the Office. Stare into the camera with a “WHAAA?”
9:44 — McCain’s face, meanwhile, says, “I WANT TO SUCKLE THE FLESH OF A VIRGIN PUPPY.”
9:45 — Obama lists a number of things John McCain got wrong in 2002-03 about war in Iraq war Congress blah… who remembers back then? I got a new iPod last week though!
9:47 — McCain: Barack Obama visited Iraq -40 times and literally ate three Marines through his anus. And then he voted against the moneys.
9:49 — OH MY GOD ROB. My fucking roommate, “Rob,” just dropped a 40 of Schlitz on the kitchen floor and it broke. SMASHED. Everyone say, “die Rob,” right now. DIE ROB! And now we have to split this Steel Reserve.
9:50 — Gawd. Can someone tell a joke? Isn’t McCain known for that, his “funnies”? Tell one of those things about bestiality rape. Oh god Rob is still cleaning up the glass. Barack Obama is such a downer about Iraq! What did Iraq ever do to him.
9:51 — THIS IS SO BOOOOORIRIRNGNGNGNGNG. Perhaps Barry just wants a stalemate. That would make sense. Stalemate. I hope Rob gets glass in his feet.
9:53 — Poppy fields are growing in Afghanistan, Barry says. Silly Barry. Doesn’t he know that most people don’t make the connection between poppy and terrible drugs? Poppy is a nice salad dressing seed!
9:54 — Walnuts: “we need to rebuild the Marriott in Islamabad.” We need to *help* the bad Islam town?
9:55 — Obama says, if them Pakistani bitchcunts be actin up, we gots to “TAKE ‘EM OUT.” Whoa hey what who are you whoa hey.
9:56 — Oh god Ken needs to take over REALLY SOON.
9:57 — HAHAHAHA, Obama brings up “Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran.” First time ever! What?
9:58 — McCain: when I came to the Congresses in 1983, I had no pants. Now I haz pants. Now I bomb Kosovo. Now I have a record. Pakistan. Barack Obama knows none of these things. I now have pants. I just pooped all over them.
9:59 — McCain: “I knew some guy who died last year.” Oh is he crying? Oh god he’s crying.
10:00 — HAHAHA Obama: “I knew some guy who died last year too.” But he doesn’t cry because he’s an adult.
10:00 — Alright, Ken’s turn, thank God! Ken is the president of Mojave Desertz tee hee. GO HERE.