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Just' cold debatin'Good lord, people, who even knew we would be doing this, tonight?! Just think, drinking and watching some crap on the teevee and maybe just cold layin’ down some blogs. Oh yeah right that is just the normal life in America every single day … or it was, before the Economy Collapsed. Anyway, who knows what Walnuts! will do — not wear pants? Pick his nose and wipe it on Jim Lehrer? A vaudeville softshoe? Everything’s possible when you are an absolutely crazy old idiot.

8:58 PM — It’s on, people … it’s ON THE TEEVEE. Newell’s pre-game post is here, please move your ice chests and handguns to this new thread.
8:59 PM — They should just show cartoons beforehand, like at an old-timey movie. A talkie!
8:59 PM — Ted Kennedy had a seizure. Yeah, McCain is driving us all crazy. But he went to the hospital, is reportedly home again, and is watching the debate. Don’t look into Lehrer’s eyes, Teddy!
9:00 PM — Christine wants you to know that French candidates are super smart and classy and have two-hour boring debates, in French. Come on, lady, this is AMERICA. We finish our debates with trucknutz smackdowns. (Probably this is the next stunt McCain will attempt.)
9:00 PM — Oh dudez if you don’t have cable, you can watch on your computer, CNNPolitics.com.
9:01 PM — “You’re looking at the back of Jim Lehrer ….” Thanks for that, Wolf. Thanks a lot.
9:02 PM — “No cheers, no applause, no noise of any kind.” Just like Lehrer likes it … he’s got lifeless eyes, like a doll’s eyes.
9:03 PM — No midget step for McCain? He must be wearing lifts in his shoes, but is still so leetle.
9:03 PM — Ha ha, so much for foreign policy, and right to the Economic Disaster.
9:04 PM — Obama: “Can’t think of a more important time to talk about the future of the country.”
9:04 PM — Barry drops the “g” on “struggling.” Southern style! (But otherwise sounds normal.)
9:04 PM — Well this is not the most exciting opening answer, but he hits the “helping homeowners” right away, and (zing) “this is a final verdict on eight years of the policies of President Bush, supported by Senator McCain.”
9:06 PM — Ha ha, McCain starts with an “update” about Kennedy in the hospital, even though CNN already said Teddy is home and watching the debate. Still, always a classy move to say howdy to your Senate buddy from the ’70s.
9:07 PM — McCain wants to make sure we don’t lose our credits! Can’t buy new ‘droid parts without credits!
9:07 PM — Oh jeez, McCain looks tired, and we can’t really tell what he’s talking about. “This isn’t the beginning of the end of the crisis, it’s the end of the beginning.” Is he threatening everyone again?
9:08 PM — HA, Lehrer says, “Let’s go back to the question, are you in favor of this plan? We’ve got five minutes, you can make a deal,” etc., Jim Lehrer hates everyone.
9:09 PM — Obama notes that neither of them have seen the plan, as it’s not done or anything.
9:10 PM — Lehrer: “You’re gonna vote for the plan, Senator?”
9:10 PM — McCain: “Yeah, yeah, sure, I guess, I hope.” What?
9:10 PM — But now McCain would like to talk about the stuff he loves, which is doing an invasion. Dwight “I Like Ike” Eisenhower wrote a letter right after the Greatest Invasion. That’s why McCain still wants to fire motherfucking Christopher Cox. Huh?
9:11 PM — Obama gets mildly populist, says incomes are down, etc. Now Lehrer is starting to piss off Barack and Juan, telling them to talk to each other, and maybe they will do a bipartisan action on Lehrer.
9:13 PM — Ha, Lehrer wants McCain to have a conversation. “Do you agree?” No, he says, and then repeats the same goddamned thing Obama said, minus the detail or knowledge, and starts talking about the “American worker.”
9:14 PM — Black-Eyed Jim is still trying to get McCain to say anything. The answer: Ergh, the talking points. Earmarks. Gateway drug. Like Ambien?
9:15 PM — Hey, Fucknuts, don’t be putting down million-dollar studies on Western wildlife ya bag of golf clubs. We will need QUITE A BIT MORE million-dollar studies on Western wildlife to fix the shit Bush and Cheney have pulled out here, in the West, which is basically timber deals. Don’t you fucking fuck with motherfucking Bears, you fuck.
9:17 PM — Obama notes that the Bush/Cheney corporate pals are getting hundreds of millions from earmarks and executive orders, while poor people get nothing, and Mountain Bears only get a million-dollar study after they’re all getting killed.
9:18 PM — Gosh, McCain has learned that corporate money given to government corrupts. Come on Barry, give McCain some Keating Five.
9:19 PM — The light is sort of making Obama’s hair look … green? IS HE THE JOKER?
9:19 PM — Obama just missed a big chance to, again, explain very clearly that his tax plan cuts taxes on NINETY-FIVE PERCENT of Americans. That is kind of an important point, eh?
9:22 PM — Yes, now that is kind of important, too, right? How will you like paying taxes on your crappy healthy insurance?
9:24 PM — John McCain hates Christmas trees that are “festooned with ornaments.”
9:25 PM — Well, here is McCain’s attack. Obama is saying, “It’s not true, it’s not true John.” He is shaking his head with dignity. DRINK!
9:26 PM — Oh Lehrer’s hair looks green, too. Maybe your editor will replace this teevee he bought to cover the 2000 election, for $80, at Circuit City. It has a VHS built-in video tape recorder!
9:27 PM — Newell will soon take over. He will probably get the “good stuff.”
9:28 PM — Ha, Obama just noted how China is having exciting space missions and space walks, while we eat dirt and pay giant car-insurance premiums.
9:29 PM — McCain is chuckling and cackling about being the new Herbert Hoover, or Coolidge, probably. Whichever one he went to Top Hat Prep School with, at the Junior-Scamp War College.
9:30 PM — First-Third Recap: You dudes are boring. Lively it up a bit, while your editor refreshes his wine bottle, and here comes your D.C. No.#01 Pimp, Jim Newell, okay see you soon.

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364 COMMENTS

  1. If I forget how I feel-IN REAL TIME-I’ll just consult cnn’s scrolling graph on the bottom of the screen. I just have to remember what color I am.

    Is there a graph to remember what color I am?

  2. obama is doing well. looking right at the camera, he seems confident and strong. He went right in to numbered points, that is important for the average bear… i thought walnuts was going to say, “well Jim, i haven;t been feeling too well… just yesterday i had a mild stroke” HAHA walnuts, says we all saw this coming…

  3. …am I the only one that thinks Barry is looking kinda mean tonight? Like he released his inner negro, by the end of the night we might have to upgrade him to WAR unicorn.

  4. it is just me or did walnuts just not speak a word regarding the question that ass-clown oil wealth Lehrer simply put down on the SMACKDOWN to his old rival WALNUTS! whom failed to mention a single word regarding the question as barry continues to OWN him. I don’t need no disco this ain’t no party this is a train wreck that is coming out of my screen and into my heart treasure these moments my friends treasure the train wreck!

  5. “Spending in Washington is out of control”, WALNUTS!? YOU REPUBLICANS HAVE BEEN IN CONTROL FOR THE LAST 7 YEARS. Why don’t you ask Sarah Palin and Ted Stevens about Earmarking? You old coot.

  6. I’m just tuning in. I got turned away by the elitist Obamatards who were having a debate watching party at a sports bar in midtown. The bar is too full, they said. Now I’m going to write in Hillary.

  7. The audience reaction makes me realize how dumb people are. All you have to say is “america is great” and things go up.

    No love for the bear line.

  8. [re=110953]Skewgee[/re]: Bush wore a HYPNO TIE like that in 2000 to hypnotize everybody with bullshit:

    HE’S GOT A PEN!
    So did Dole, I’m not impressed

  9. “We need less government”?

    Like, less regulation of financial institutions?

    ::::Shaking head violently until brain ceases functioning, so I can understand this better::::

  10. What the fuck is WALNUTS talking about? “I will veto them. I will make them famous, and you will know their names.” Is he just quoting books he read in college in 1903?

  11. MAIN STREET MAIN STREET MAIN STREET MAIN STREET MAIN STREET MAIN STREET MAIN STREET MAIN STREET MAIN STREET MAIN STREET MAIN STREET MAIN STREET MAIN STREET MAIN STREET MAIN STREET

  12. Fuck, Walnuts mentioned our creepy Dr. Strangelove senator. Maybe he we all visualize together, rather than world peace we can visualize Walnuts stomping across the stage and grabbing Obama by the lapels and yelling “whippersnapper uppity kid.”

    Opening for Obama–he did the earmark bill with Dr. STrangelove.

  13. Barry is so sexy when he’s mad, and this whole staring into the camera thing is really hot. When he walked on stage you knew he just wanted to throttle WALNUTS!

  14. Ooh Obama just said he suspended earmarks for senior centers. That was pretty subtle. Now watch while McCain obliquely tries to point out the fact that Obama is BLACK! HE’S BLACK, PEOPLE! WAKE UP!

  15. Cross of Iron you fucking little goblin–that’s what Ike talked about, Humanity hanging from a cross of iron…and that’s how you like it.

    That is a good makeup job though.

  16. I don’t care if Barry pork-barrelled, why don’t you ASK FUCKING CARIBOU BARBIE ABOUT HER PORK BARRELLING. Her podunk town got MILLIONS of dollars in Federal money. You didnt’ fight against anything.

  17. McCain’s random tossing of a phrase into sentences — blah blah blah I was not elected Miss Congeniality blah blah blah — reminds me of a senile but tenured professor who used to give long lectures interspersed with random tidbits about tweed.

  18. [re=111035]PoliTacky[/re]: Yeah but Dole’s pen is just a prop, now replaced with a viagra bottle, he woulda won if he had the viagra bottle because America wanted to elect a boner and Bill Clinton had it.

  19. Right — everyone knows businesses toil under the onerous yoke of the government here. WTF is McCain talking about that the US has the second highest business tax rate?

  20. Lehrer is like directing them in a high school play tryout… yes, now turn to him John, turn to him and kinda give me a feeling like you’re about a quarter of the way through your box of sun sweet prunes…

  21. First “my friends”… time to do a shot.

    Walnuts!:

    “I personally believe that U.S. Americans should have the tax cuts, so they can buy $5,000 tax credits so they can send their kids to the college, or like such as, for the future of our children.”

  22. So, McCain won his suit against the bear?

    For what it is worth, I think both started out poorly. Obama is getting stronger. I’m amazed that Obama had to be goaded to defend his tax cuts, and did so so poorly.

  23. Aren’t we going to start talking about John McCain at the gates of hell soon? This isn’t fair to Walnutz until we know that Barry is a half breed Muslin.

  24. [re=111167]eekahil[/re]: does anyone in America besides freak wonks even know what the hell McCain is talking about re: festooned Christmas tree?

    I think they’re going to think he’s senile…… (meh.)

  25. barry is waiting for his opponent to fail or “blow up” himself he just needs to keep this guy alive until the election otherwise he’s got no one to roll over the day of the election DON’T WORRY KIDS IT’S GOING to be a LANDSLIDE

    Barry victorious and John McDonalds serving more fat to the pigs as long as he lives or as long as Arizona dies

  26. [re=111182]jagorev[/re]: Yeah, sadly even Obama is looking like he’s losing some of his cool and he NEVER loses his cool. He just has to hold tight until McCain hops over the dias and challenges him to a fistfight

  27. my liveblog is like a transcript of a stoner party, made sense when I wrote it, now wtf did I mean

    also, our drinking game has too many things they are saying
    never gonna make it to the end without falling out of the chair

  28. WALNUTS! blabs about cutting spending. You mean on that TRILLION dollar war? Oh, you want to keep that going, so what would you cut? Education? Well, I didn’t think America could get any dumber, but maybe you’re onto something…

  29. Barry is boring me. He needs to stop laying out his policies in a reasonable, concise manner, and needs to show more contempt and hatred of John McCain.

  30. john is a lying bag of shit with a 5000 dollar make up job who LIVED IN A CAGE FOR FIVE AND HALF YEARS. lord help me. i’m going to pop my brain right out of my head.

  31. I don’t remember McCain doing much about that Boeing tanker contract. Did he lead this? I know he was head of the Senate Finance Committee, but it was a Trent Lott baby, so I think DOJ or DOD had more to do with the prosecutions.

  32. A brave wonkette commenteer once suggested to me that John is made of roaches with a human skin covering. You can really start to see them squirreling around in his neck skin folds when he giggles and teeters and starts to lose it.

  33. WALNUTS! is really resorting to the GOP code words of 10 years ago “liberal” “spending” “taxes” “liberals” BOO! Every other word is “spending.”

    NATIONAL DEFENSE IS ALL THE SPENDING! Stop the war and we’d save TRILLIONS!

  34. Spending freeze on everything but war? First, it’s going to be seen as a crazy idea by most people, but even the “fiscal conservatives” who might be turned on by it will know that he doesn’t mean it for an instant.

    Is McCain even trying to win this thing?

  35. “Spending freeze!” Johnny Walnuts just laid down a talking point that can’t actually be made to work, but sounds GREAT…fairly good recovery by Barry, with the hatchet remark (in someone’s back?)

  36. We can’t turn over the health care system to the federal gov’t. We’re busy turning over Wall Street greedheads to the federal gov’t. Socialized plutocracy–good. Curing your pneumonia with gubmint help–really bad.

  37. McCain said he wasn’t miss congeniality for the SECOND TIME. HE’S A MAVERICK. drink everything in your liquor cabinet until you need your stomach pumped.

  38. Maverick says “You cannot have a failed strategy.” The man is a master of words. I never would have thought of not having a failed strategy. Its genius.

  39. MAVERICK MAVERICK, NO POINTS FOR SECOND PLACE, THE HARD DECK IS SOO TOTALLY DISREGARDED. WHEN I FLY MY CREW AND MY PLANE COME FIRST GENIUS IN YOUR FLYING MAVE

  40. Barry calls WALNUTS! on his shit without resorting to lies. This troop funding thing is good. WALNUTS!, again, you can’t lie when Barry is standing right next to you.

  41. If you don’t talk to Ahmadinejad, he’ll just do it anyways. Whether McCain legitimizes him or not, he’ll still have the capability. Whether he is legitimized by McCain or not, he can still fuck up Israel. Isn’t it better to just talk to them?

    But McCunt can’t understand such recent human developments as diplomacy….

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