America’s Hottest Politician Has Fantastic Website

  sexy politicians

Oh look it’s Carey Torrice, County Commissioner in Macomb County, Michigan! Some e-mail we just got, completely unrelated, tells us that Macomb County is a bellwether for the state. Important! And Carey Torrice, who recently won TMZ’s search for America’s hottest politician, pretty much runs it. And yet, despite having a hot piece of ass as County Commissioner, Macomb residents are complaining about the TMZ article, which “has featured photos taken from Torrice’s own Web site that show her in various sexy costumes.” Well then! Let’s check out Torrice’s website shall we?

So she was in some movie at some point, and it kind of screams “straight-to-video” and probably no one has ever seen it because why? Right. This is kind of awesome though. “Look at me, Carey, with my legs brutally sawed off and pools of blood collecting!” HA HA HA WHEEE!

Ah well there’s a boob.

“Modeling gloves.” Is that what the kids call it these days?

LIEUTENANT DONOVAN!!! He’s so hot she probably does him a lot. Look at him cover his boner with his police helmet. Why even bother?

Re-elect Carey Torrice! She’s a star.

Angry residents jeer ‘Hot Politician’ Torrice at Macomb board meeting [Detroit News]
[CareyTorrice.com]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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104 comments

  1. CollegeStudent

    [re=109875]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Yeah, but can you see Russia from Macomb County? Can you even see Canada?

  2. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=109875]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Agreed. Why couldn’t Wonkette have picked up on this earlier so she could have been considered? Now we are stuck with Palin. :(

  3. edgydrifter

    Sexiest? No. Porniest? Yes.

    Personally, I’ll take that Tymoshenko gal. You know, the Ukranian one with the braid-halo? She’s like an angel–a super hottt XXX angel.

  4. Tommy Says Soooo

    I grew up in Macomb County. Let me assure you she probably moved there especially to win elections. The Macomb County female, akin to the Macomb County male, is not attractive.

    So much so I had to leave.

    I still am not attractive but I am less easily repulsed by my fellow citizens. How they fell, who the hell cares….

  5. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=109887]CollegeStudent[/re]: You can probably see Detroit, which is a helluvawarzone. I think that counts for foreign policy experience.

    [re=109880]ManchuCandidate[/re]: In what respect, Charlie?

  6. loquaciousmusic

    According to her web banner, she is not only Macomb County Commissioner, but she is also Macomb County Army Staff Sgt. HOTTIE and Officer BOOBIES.

  7. Oliver

    Not tryin’ to harsh anyone’s gig, here, but kind of a buttaface, don’tcha think? And those hooters look fake.

  8. Inadequate Blackmail

    I had no idea you could get elected in Michigan if you were also “an official hottie at the Hottiefest.” Shit like that probably flies in California, but in Michigan?

  9. PoliTacky

    She’s like the whole group of idiots, D-list attention whores, porn stars and loser assholes that ran for Governor in the ’03 California recall election, all rolled into one!

  10. slappypaddy

    i wanna be arrested in her county… kin i be busted there? but i’ll never be so busted as she is… who cares she’s a demo, put ‘er on a ticket, any ticket… she’s got a gun, a hat, a badge, and her own shire reeve, an’ udder things… put her on jumpin jack mcnuggets ticket an’ take dat bible spice off, diss is spicier, we can all vote for her an’ den go melt down, iss happenin to me right now where’s my medz…

  11. Inadequate Blackmail

    Oh Lord, here are the names of her cats: Marilyn Meow, Madelin Monroe (Maddie) and Miss Kitty Merlot.

  12. Tommy Says Soooo

    She does kinda look like what would happen if Ann Coulter evolved into a human and had tons of plastic surgery paid for by a foreign businessman who demanded hooters and wasn’t so much worried about the face.

  13. Nizzles!

    [re=109919]Oliver[/re]: Oh, come on now, back off… She’s Real! I’ve heard summering in Macomb County produces that rockin’ tan. Or maybe she got it at her disney destination wedding! Jealous!

  14. donner_froh

    Biggest town in the county is Warren, MI, where they stopped showing the city council meetings on local access cable because the regular shouting matches, threats of violence and shoving matches among the council members combined with hysterical screaming, fist fights and arrests in the audience were so embarrassing.

  15. Hunter Gathers

    Catch Carey Torrice in her new Wicked Pictures feature, “Debaitin’”. Co starring Ron Jeremy and Long Dong Silver. There’s a budget crisis in Macomb County, and it’s up to Carrie to save the day with her special legislative ‘maneuvers’!!! But she only has 2 hours to ‘pull’ it off, or it’s back to the Jiggly Room.

  16. shortsshortsshorts

    Can you still buy rabbits for pets or meat in central Michigan? I haven’t had delicious bunny feet in way too long now.

  17. slappypaddy

    i know i know, i was sexiss a minnit ago, an’ i pologize, didn’t mean to offend if i did, but i’m red-blooded merkun… i like her gun…

  18. greatgooglymoogly

    [re=109952]donner_froh[/re]: They don’t call it a “battleground state” for nothing, you know.

  19. Citizen Kang

    [re=109919]Oliver[/re]:

    How can you tell when the only true way to know is by the time-honored taste test? It’s amazing how little it matters that they are fake. My definition of fake tits are tits which I cannot touch. In that regard all tits are fake. I still love just about every one of them.

  20. donner_froh

    [re=109966]ManchuCandidate[/re]: But unedited so really dull. Fat morons sitting around for an hour, a few of them scream for a couple of minutes, someone throws a punch, then back to the numbing mormality of cutting the budget to eliminate an office that helps returning Iraq war vets figure out VA paperwork and bureaucracy.

  21. donner_froh

    [re=109919]Oliver[/re]: Rock hard silicone (silly cones). Not that there is anything wrong with that (those).

  22. Oxy Moron

    Hot? check. Sexy? check. “Politician”? check. Well, that’s my entire checklist, she’s qualified to be VP. Sign her up!

  23. Tommy Says Soooo

    [re=110014]Monkey[/re]: Bring vittles. It’s a ghost state, baby. You can have, like, Aretha Franklin’s mansion for $37. She’ll leave the chicken bones in the sofa for you.

  24. facehead

    [re=109875]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: You go to the election with the VEEP you have, not the one you don’t have or the one you wish you had with the bigger TITS AND HOLY SHIT I WANNA MAKE POLICY WITH THIS HO!!! I’VE BEEN NAUGHTY PUT THE CUFFS ON MIRANDIZE ME ALL NIGHT LONG!!! I’LL BE HER SPECIAL VICTIM IF SHE’LL BE MY UNIT!!! THROW ME IN HER TANK AND LET ME LICK THE BOTTOMS OF IT!!! SHE WAS A STRIPPER FOR CRAP SAKE GIVE THIS WOMAN MORE POLITICAL POWER!!!

  25. Gopherit v2.0

    [re=109942]NavinJohnson[/re]: You mean VP wet T-Shirt contest…..which would be favorable to the Dems with Biden, too.

  26. Politicalchef

    Noooooo!

    Don’t you realize that this is exactly why we have Sarah Palin?!

    You are worse than Dr. Frankenstein – you create monsters not to love them, but to mock them,

  27. RobPetrified

    Its easy to see that this will be the most popular post of the day.
    Wonkette, we have boobosity, so go ahead and take the afternoon off. You deserve it.
    The Republicans may have glasses and hair helmets, but the Demrats has BOOBIES!
    Hmm, which candidate would I rather have a beer with.
    The blond with bigg titts, or the shrill harpy with the cool glasses?
    I, for one, would have to vote for the Democrat.
    Early and often.

  28. DoctorCulturae

    Our politics have now officially become exactly like Italy’s. And we have our Cicciolina. Hope everyone is enjoying the front row seat to the degeneration of an empire.

  29. Gopherit v2.0

    [re=110090]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Those are called appointments, I think.

    And yes, I think she does.

  30. Chuckie Jesus

    I got stopped by a lady cop
    In my automobile
    She said get out and spead your legs
    And then she tried to cop a feel
    That cop she was all dressed in blue
    Was she pretty? Boy I’m tellin’ you
    She stuck my butt with her big black stick
    I said “what’s up?” now suck my dick
    Like a ram getting ready to jam the lamb
    She whimpered just a little when she felt my hand
    On her crotch so very warm
    I could feel her getting wet through her uniform
    Proppin’ her up on the black and white
    Unzipped and slipped “ooo that’s tight”
    I swatted her like no swat team can
    Turned a cherry pie right into jam

    Sir Psycho, Sir Psycho, yeah!

  31. slavojzizek

    [re=109933]johnbpt[/re]: I want to know more about this private eye business. Is it a Charles Townsend Agency sort of thing, where she and other hot girls get sent out undercover as strippers or whatever every week?

  32. Rusty Shackleford

    [re=109931]PoliTacky[/re]: Seriously, she looks like Mary Carey’s little sister. Smaller boobies, but way cuter and way less mileage.

  33. AnglRdr

    Do you all remember the last time you boys went all fanboy on a lady pol? Something to do with “GILF”?

    Thanks for that.

    Please let’s learn from your mistakes.

  34. seriesoftubescleaner

    Bleach blonde and boney does NOT equal hot. Give Olive Oil a bottle of peroxide and some silicone and America will put her on the cover of Maxim.

  35. Deepthroat

    next friday, can we get a profile and picture of some hot throbbing political cock action to drool over? Any nekid pictures of that San Francisco mayor dude?

  36. 2druk2phluq

    I hope she’s available for out of town “endorsements.” She can finger through my briefs any time. I wonder if she takes issue with subpoenas. She can habeas my corpus. I want Carey Torrice to handle my litigation… hell, none of that is funny.

    Uh. Hmm. Boobies?

    Yeah, I’ve got nothin’.

  37. Tubs McGee

    No! No! No!

    Remember the last time you showcased a hot political lady on this site? She turned out to be a hugely incompetent power-hungry loon.

Comments are closed.