For the win!Here, on this Wall Street Journal web page featuring this op-ed by Henry Paulson’s wife “John Paulson,” a curious advertisement appeared. It was this one, captured by Wonkette Operative “Evan W.,” so now you know! McCain Wins Debate! He wins by … uh, refusing to even say if he’ll show up! Maverick! And look how he suspended the campaign and all! Jesus christ …. [WSJ]

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  1. Did Grampy hire the people who told Dubya to proclaim “mission accomplished”? I’m thinking it’s considered polite to actually hold a debate, prior to declaring a winner. But I’m just crazy that way.

  2. I wish sports worked this way.
    “So coach, ready for the big game against the Yankees tomorrow?”
    “Nah. We already won. We bought an ad that says so and everything. The score was 5-3 and it was a great game.”

  3. “I won the debate,” exclaimed the crazy old man before he slipped back into the rip in the space-time continuum and returned to his parallel world where everything is much, much different than here.

  4. [re=109433]tunamelt[/re]: Ahhh. Another gin-lover. Vodka just ain’t right in a true martini.

    [re=109434]charrington[/re]: Wow. If I didn’t feel as if I need a shower, every time I leave that place, I’d look into it. Our Walmart is just icky. Tar-jay rulez.

  5. There’s three kinds of martini drinkers. The Martini Moron thinks that any delicious mixed drinks served in triangular glasses that end in “tini” are martinis, with examples including the Chocotini, Appletini and Crantini (note: the Martini Traditionalist wants this person murdered.) The Martini Average Joe thinks martinis can have either vodka or gin mixed with a varying amount of dry vermouth and an olive if desired. The Martini Traditionalist is a huge asshole who won’t shut up about the proper way to make a martini and gets irrationally angry over how people make a dumb mixed drink, and does cutesy gimmicks to prove how dry they like their martinis like “pouring the vermouth in a glass and then dumping it out” or “5 parts gin and nodding at a bottle of vermouth” or anything not to admit that they’re just assholes who want a cold glass of straight gin.

  6. Damn libruls. The ad is clearly referencing a debate he had in 1984 against a seven year old regarding the age-old question of How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? At the end of which, the seven year old was never heard from again and John McCain had a delicious piece of candy. Tonight’s scheduled debate is in no way mentioned in that ad. Libruls.

  7. [re=109445]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Hendrick’s martini, up, with two olives. Yes, I know, I know, am an elitist. At least I don’t ask for it with arugula.

  8. Okay, I have a serious debate question that I need an answer for. Please forgive the momentary lapse of snark.

    If Walnuts doesn’t show, what happens? Can the moderator just interview Obama? First Read said something about the debate not happening if McCain doesn’t show because it would be an illegal contribution, but I couldn’t look at the story they linked to at work because it is a video.

  9. I have one Tylenol-3 that I’ve been saving…

    And Offtherecord, I’ve heard that, too, but if it were a legitimate argument, I think it would have surfaced by now — I’ve been listening to BBC/NPR for hours and haven’t heard a whiff of it.

  10. [re=109466]Doglessliberal[/re]: I’m a Sapphire girl. Definitely olives. Often dirrrty-style. With martini’s too.

    [re=109470]Walter Sobchak[/re]: I want your job.

  11. [re=109445]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Plymouth or Juniper Green; Noilly-Prat or Vya; straight up, 6/1, an olive or a twist depending whether I’m feeling Glad (twist) or Grim (Olive.)

  12. [re=109489]thejames[/re]: So you’re stocking up on olives these days, I presume. I know I am.

    Great find: it may seem weird, but I really like the jalapeno stuffed olives in my elitest gin martini. Gives it a nice dangerous kick.

  13. [re=109421]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]:
    Gin. Bombay or Tanquary
    I like a dash of vermouth and a lemon twist.

    But at this moment, I think I’ll just drink out of the bottle.

  14. Yeah, but…don’t you know that a candidates qualifications and readiness to lead and manage the country as President are INVERSELY PROPORTIONAL to his or her ability to run a coherent campaign like getting the right slide for your nationally televised powerpoint or having an ad placed in a major news outlet on the right day or frantically change course constantly.

    That kind of incompetence merely proves he is focused on getting the REAL job done.

    ANYbody can like, do everything well in their campaign. It doesn’t indicate anything about management skills. Isn’t that obvious?

  15. The debate was: hogging the spotlight vs. political opportunism.
    McNuggests won both sides of the debate.

    Next debate: When Metamucil stops working, should it be bran, stewed prunes, or both?

  16. loquaciousmusic: if you say “masterdebater” 10 times fast, it sounds like another word altogether. I want Barack Obama to call McCain a “masterdebater” a bunch of times tonight, pausing to chuckle each time he says it.

  17. [re=109485]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: I know by “Sapphire” you meant gin, but it reminded me of that no-nonsense African American character on t.v. many, many years ago who would have said, “John McCain’t, you’re shiftless, two-faced, fascist, scheming, immoral and pompous — and those are your good points!”

  18. Someone at Obama’s office needs to capture that ad. Blow it up onto a full size poster. Have Obama bring it to the debate. Have Obama answer the first question (what ever it is) by whipping it out (the poster I mean) and asking “Haven’t we already had a President who declares ‘Mission Accomplished’ before the job is done?”

    Double points if McNutz doesn’t even show up.

  19. [re=109461]mattbolt[/re]: Which kind drinks Wonkettinis?

    [re=109489]thejames[/re]: Vya? That hand-made stuff is pretty elitist! Which is a good thing.

    Me? T-10, Junipero, or original Bombay, Noilly-Prat (Yeah! it’s French!), three pimento olives. Stirred.

    No vodka. Ciroc makes a nice Gibson though.

  20. [re=109718]z7q2[/re]: McCain looks like that because he is a SPASE MAN FROM THE FUTOR!!!!

    If your precious Hopey Unicorn had a time machine, maybe he could win the debate too — haha, suckas!

  21. I changed my mind on how to handles this. No full size poster.

    Instead in answer to the first question Obama should say:

    “Thanks Robert. First, I am very happy to be here tonight. I must confess, however to be a little nervous about this debate, since I read in the advertisement of the Wall Street Journal that my distinguished colleague has already won. That’s quite an underdog position to be in, but I will still try to do my best tonight.

    Now in answer to your question….

  22. I’m finding it somewhat refreshing this election season to see that SNL no longer needs writers. Walnuts and Mooseburgers are doing it for free.

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