The Couric/Palin Sexterview: It Just Gets Worse

  complete agony

OK Sarah LOOK: no one has any fun mocking you anymore. Just please go back to Alaska and continue firing your ex-brother’s sister’s aunt’s abusive husband’s police dog’s baby’s commissioner again, as you were until this dumb butt, McCain, put you on his ticket. Go back to being a GILF. You were so lovely, then. [Gawker]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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138 comments

  1. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    “But when I wave, Putin can see me as he flies over Alaska!” Case closed. This woman is qualified to run a country. Next!

  2. spontaneousabortion

    By dealing in trade with the Russians, does she mean drinking certain vodkas? Because I’ve got that one down.

  3. ManchuCandidate

    It’s one thing to be an unknown, but you decided you wanted to be a big shot and wade into this mess bragging about your brain/abilities/gonna crack the glass ceiling then prove time and time again that you is dumb. Well, we can’t help but make fun of you.

    Welcome to the big leagues, dummy.

  4. Kwame'

    Speaking In Tongues should be considered a foreign language, so she will show her skills when she negotiates the Rapture next Thursday night.

  5. AngryBlakGuy

    …$5 bucks says she loses her renomination bid for governor after this failed abortion of a campaign is finally euthanized! Any takers?!

  6. 4tehlulz

    Seppuku, Gov. Palin. You may want to consider participating in this ritual to gain international experience.

  7. Mara47

    Was this woman even qualified to be second runner-up in the Miss Alaska pageant all those many years ago? She’s an even more absurd embarrassment than W, which I didn’t think was possible.

  8. Monkey

    “ex-brother’s sister’s aunt’s abusive husband’s police dog’s retard baby’s…”

    Loosely translated as “Your uncle’s retarded puppy”

  9. slithytoves

    here’s from a question she was aksed at ground zero today. Honestly, she makes me wonder how she communicates anything at all, like even, what she wants for lunch. Maybe she has aphasia..
    POLITICO: Do you think our presence in Iraq and afghan and our continued presence there is inflaming islamic extremists?

    A: I think our presence in Iraq and Afghanistan will lead to further security of our nation, again, because the mission is to take the fight over there. do not let them come over here and attempt again what they accomplished here, and that was some destruction. terrible destruction on that day. but since September 11, Americans uniting and rebuilding and committing to never letting that happen again.

  10. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=108243]4tehlulz[/re]: Ritual? Sounds like witchcraft. Bible Spice is against that. Her pastor told her so.

  11. Texan Bulldoggette

    I suspect if Bible Spice does anymore interviews, Walnuts will break a hip on live teevee or go on Dancing with the Stars to distract from it.

  12. NoWireHangers

    It’s like she’s mad that people think she’s stupid because she knows she’s stupid but is used to getting away with it because she’s hot.

  13. columnv

    [re=108242]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I’d take that bet. The fucktards in Alaska (the sovereign nation of, where she rules by decree and negotiates with her evil-doing tundra neighbors) will vote her in again. Christ, they all get allowances, it’s dark like 99% of the time and they kept old coot Stevens in office for the last bazillion years.

    Hand over your 5$ Angry Black!

  14. Johnny Zhivago

    US America borders on FOREIGN COUNTRIES????

    Like other languages and customs and stuff like that??? Get out of here!

  15. Giant Robot

    Pop Quiz #1: Name one person who served as Canadian PM at any point in the 6000 year history of the world.
    (Hint – Canada is the country that has a non-maritime border with the state that you are the -hahahaha – chief executive of…)

  16. wtf_files

    This is the third time I’ve watched this clip, and literally not one sentence that comes out of her mouth parses into anything comprehensible. Good lord, was W. coaching her all this time…? FAIL!

  17. The Jackson Five

    She should just give it up and and answer questions in jpeg cat-speak:
    IZ C’Z U POOTAIN IN DA PLANE!
    It would make more sense.

  18. Vanity Smurf

    [re=108244]Mara47[/re]: The only thing that W has ever really had going for him is that he wasn’t the product of a trailer park. Bible Spice is W without Andover.

  19. Monkey

    [re=108242]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Sarah Palin is the trailer-trash governor of a trailer-trash, gas-huffing, moose-fucking, polar bear-killing, orphaned state. Hence, she will be re-elected.

  20. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=108246]slithytoves[/re]: I feel soooo sorry for the transcribers, trying to get some sort of readable sentences out of what she says.

  21. StripesAndPlaids

    It is like watching a train wreck in slow motion. You know it is going to be bad; but you can’t stop watching it. Painful. Just palinful.

  22. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=108242]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: If I were an Alaskan, I’d be pissed. She’s making the whole state look like a bunch of damn fools. If I were an Alaskan, I’d rather be seen as corrupt than stupid.

  23. springfield_meltdown

    I didn’t think a single human being could be intimidated by Katie Couric but I was wrong. I bet kitties scare her too but that might having something to do with that witchcraft preacher of hers so she thinks they are demons. Watching Palin is like watching a local news’ man on the street interviews about important topics other than the local sports team, but only more awkward and ill informed.

  24. Advocatus_Diaboli

    Jeebus, this is easier than a fish, a barrel and two smoking guns, but still, the fucking idiots will vote for her.

    I’ll be in the garage, sucking carbon monoxide if anyone needs me.

  25. bitchincamaro

    “How DARE the media MOCK my pedestrian view of foreign affairs. Look, there’s borders; ergo there’s foreigners on the other side. Double ergo, I am qualified to start WWIII with whichever alien border peoples, whenever. Next sexist question.”

  26. Terry

    Honestly, you’d think that her handlers would have given her a snappy answer to any follow ups on that “you can see Russian from Alaska” comment, wouldn’t you?

  27. StripesAndPlaids

    Maybe it will be like when Madonna suggests that her bosoms could accidently get exposed in “A League of their own.” Maybe that will be the next distraction. You know, she is debating Joe Biden and then all of a sudden, whoops, her bosoms get exposed.

  28. Vanity Smurf

    We should call Putin and see if he’d like to buy Alaska. Large, frozen petro-state with small, welfare-dependent population given to authoritarian rule. Motivated Seller. $700 billion.

  29. obfuscator

    [re=108246]slithytoves[/re]:

    Jeeeeezus, that’s not even english. It’s like she’s the backwards talking midget from Twin Peaks.

  30. JeffGoldblum

    [re=108246]slithytoves[/re]: What is wrong with that answer?

    I agree with everything she said. Although, if it were me, I would have added that “These Colors Don’t Run,” and that-in fact-These Colors Will Go To Your Country For No Reason and Kill All Your Children Because Fuck You.

  31. Murph

    Trade missions held out as experience? The local Chamber of Commerce good ole boys take a tax deductible trip to drink some vodka and meet some nice eastern European ladies. That’s her foreign policy credentials, for sure.

  32. Tawmn

    I actually CAN see Mexico from my bedroom window. I am an expert in donkey show foreign policy. This is recockulous.

  33. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=108271]Giant Robot[/re]: Someone on Matt Yglesias put it thusly:

    Palin was referring to the fact that Soviet and then Russian military aircraft have periodically probed into the fringes of U.S. airspace up by Alaska, and that the U.S. Air Force has had responsibility for sending out interceptor aircraft to politely push them back. All true. We’ve done it to them, too — each side checking the other’s detection capabilities and reaction times. Just one catch as far as Palin is concerned: the Governor of Alaska has absolutely nothing to do with any of that. Her national security experience still amounts to zero, and that is well matched by her understanding of what constitutes such experience. Her attempts to claim national security credibility based on examples like this, or because she is nominally the commander of the Alaska National Guard, or has been on one dog-and pony-show trip to a few military bases overseas are beyond silly. They are insulting. God, to think I used to respect the man who selected her — of all the people in this country! — to be his running mate…

  34. Giant Robot

    “Negotiating with the Russians… well I did get drunk in a sauna with a couple of Russian guys who came over on a trade mission and I sold them back the north slope for three cases of vodka and a little can of smelly fish eggs – sorry about that”

  35. jodyleek

    Sarah Palin is insane and I mean that sincerely. She is describing her paranoid delusions to Katie Couric. It’s really rather sad and frightening. Is there a doctor in the house?

  36. paolaccio

    WTF is she chewing on at the beginning of the video?

    Please don’t tell me she was dipping during this…

  37. slithytoves

    [re=108266]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: I think that’s why they’re not even bothering with using proper grammar. It would be like putting lipstick on a pig. Oh geez, my bad.

  38. teebob2000

    This is really worse than I thought.

    She’s not playing dumb (well,…), she literally doesn’t have a clue why this is something to be mocked.

  39. whore4hope

    Like the USA is going to be worried if Putin is flying around over a frozen wasteland. I’m not getting into any bomb shelters until he’s at least reached Tacoma.

  40. Canuck13652

    I’m sure she couldn’t even name who the Premier of Yukon is (and I’m sure she say it preimere, anyway), trade missions notwithstanding. And asking her who Canada’s head of state is would surely flummox her (no, not Prime Minister Poutine (Dubya), but, in face, HM Elizabeth II).

    But Canadian planes probably don’t fly much over Alaska, so she’s kinda forgiven, I guess.

  41. facehead

    [re=108260]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Thanks.

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Pardon me.

    I’ve just got to say this, for myself.

    Couric asks what she mean when she said that the proximity of Alaska to Russia is part of her foreign policy experience. She answers Couric as if Couric doesn’t understand english .. “they share a maritime border” … Then she does it again… and then says that his plane flies over Alaska…

    This just isn’t funny anymore. I think the Wonkette ban on her vagina needs to extend to the rest of her entire person. How can PETA let this happen?

  42. obfuscator

    [re=108237]ManchuCandidate[/re]: It’s one thing to be an unknown, but you decided you wanted to be a big shot and wade into this mess…

    She had to have the white hot spotlight. She had to be a big shot last night.

    Well, it’s no big sin to stick your two cents in if you know when to leave it alone.
    But you went over the line. You couldn’t see it was time to go home.

  43. bitchincamaro

    [re=108279]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: What you said makes no sense at all, but I must be there when this doesn’t happen.

  44. JeffGoldblum

    [re=108304]paolaccio[/re]: Hey at least she didn’t break out her broken lightbulb to get a taste of that sweet Wasilla Ice

  45. randomsausage

    Did the Republicans just take over the Intertubes and delete this video?

    Still, high comedy value when I saw it earlier: if you think a car crash accompanied by a sound-track of nails screeching down a blackboard is comedy…

  46. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=108325]facehead[/re]: That’s what kills. Couric is clearly giving her a chance to explain that there is more to sharing a border with Russia than being able to see the coastline. And yet, Barbie just decides to define what sharing a border means, again; not to explain the diplomatic relations (if any) they have with Russia.

    Since she’s already on the record with never having met a world leader until Take Your Daughter to the UN Day, obviously, the “we meet trade commissions” answer is still worthless.

  47. sezme

    Since I can’t understand a word she says, I’m reduced to commenting on her hair: it is just me or is she working on a mullet?

  48. Giant Robot

    [re=108295]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Thank you for the explanation. All these years I thought that Top Gun was just Hollywood fantasy bullshit. If I were Gov of AK I would always be calling up the Air National Guard to go flip off the Russian MIGs. That would be some fun!

  49. Cape Clod

    ‘COURIC: Have you ever been involved with any negotiations, for example, with the Russians?

    PALIN: We have trade missions back and forth. We– we do– it’s very important when you consider even national security issues with Russia as Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It’s Alaska. It’s just right over the border. It is– from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there. They are right next to– to our state.’

    McCain’s behavior over the last few days, desperately trying to get the first debate changed to the VP’s time slot, makes a lot of sense now.

  50. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=108355]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: I hate to be a rube, but what kind of ‘trade missions’ do we have back & forth with Russia? Whale blubber, baby Harp seal pelts, mooose (or meese)??

  51. sezme

    Also, I like how Couric has to ask every question twice, because obviously she hasn’t got a fucking clue what Palin’s talking about either.

  52. j6n

    Those borders are narrow. I am looking at a map, and the border between Alaska and Russia is like, the thickness of a fingernail, max.

  53. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=108379]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Vodka. A lot of it. If she was your Governor, you’d need it, too.

  54. madtowngooner

    As a former long time resident of the Great State of Alaska, I take umbrage at the demeaning terms you people have used to describe my former state. How dare you say that it is a moose-fucking, trailer park living, teenage girl knocked up, redneck, bad beer swilling, outpost of frozen half wits that elect people just like them. you know, retards like Caribou Barbie and Ted “Intertube” Stevens.

    Oh yeah, that’s why I left. Christ, they were assholes up there.

  55. Hairy Reed

    [re=108334]nietzscheprojectile[/re]: Doesn’t fall from the tree, as is becoming rapidly apparent. some destruction. terrible destruction.

  56. nietzscheprojectile

    [re=108237]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Billy Joel is a prophet:

    You had to be a big shot,
    didn’t you?
    You had to open up your mouth..

    You had to have the
    white hot spotlight
    you had to prove it
    to the crowd…

  57. Hairy Reed

    [re=108376]Cape Clod[/re]: He should keep it as scheduled. I mean, who knows, Joe Biden may end up losing simply because he’s laughing his ass off the whole time.

  58. sati demise

    [re=108295]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Palin disses Laura Bush by continuing this line of bull.
    At least Laura can tell the truth when asked a direct question.

    On McNuggets; I live in Arizona, so have never had any respect for Johnny boy. Dont know what the hell you are talking about…hahah

  59. CrabtreesBludgeon

    [re=108286]JeffGoldblum[/re]: And also “John McCain was a Mavericky lipsticked POW FOR FIVE AND A HALF YEARS ALAN!!!!!!!!!”

  60. sati demise

    [re=108376]Cape Clod[/re]: Want, did Bible Spice just ‘out’ a secret government program to do flyovers in Russia?

    Cant tell by that blizzard of words. Is there a translator in the house?

  61. The Neoskeptic

    she had a disturbingly difficult time coming up with the name of that big country Alaska shares a..uhm…ehh…land border with!

  62. ColdCupofHope

    [re=108332]obfuscator[/re]: That is the first time Billy Joel lyrics have ever meant anything to me. That is brilliant. You are–not to sure about Billy.

  63. Serolf Divad

    You guys all need to brush up on your Bitterbonics. To a bitter everything she just said made perfect sense.

  64. facehead

    [re=108447]longjohnson[/re]: Oh dear, it is like a Coen movie.

    It is like (in “Burn after Reading”) when the female protagonist goes to the Russian embassy (with the “secret shit”). Or (worse), in Fargo when the pregnant cop is interviewing the two girls in the bar who slept with the bad guys.

  65. ColdCupofHope

    I’ve seen people with brain injuries make more sense than this woman. This has tipped beyond farce at this point. She really doesn’t have a clue what the f she’s talking about. That bit about Putin flying over Russia is incoherent. It’s like she just talks, but never listens to what words are falling out of her mouth.

    Alaska may not be the more continental of locales, but people still listen to the individuals running for office up there, right? I mean, has she always been such a horrible communicator? Why has no one prepped this lady to answer questions EVERYONE knows she’s going to be asked?

    Is it normal to bleed from your eyeballs? Why is my room spinning? Why do you lose socks when you wash them? Who were the ad geniuses who thought this up!?

  66. mowgliwest

    Favorite moment: When Palin, pressed for the second time to name anything McCain has ever done to reign in Wall street, promises “find some things and bring them to ya!”
    I would definitely vote for her. To be the local PTA vice president. Not the president, mind you…

  67. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=108404]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Oh yes, I forgot. I’m a Silver Bullet imbiber myself–I always forget about the hard liquor drinkers. But, yeah, if I lived anywhere near Bible Spice, I’d be drinking moose urine or whatever it took to drown out the sorrows.

  68. BobLoblawLawBlog

    Things Trig could beat his mom at:

    1. Scrabble
    2. Chinese Checkers (soon-to-be-called “Glorious Overlord Nation Checkers”)
    3. Rubik’s cube
    4. Foreign policy (I’m relatively sure he probably doesn’t think he knows all about bears just cause there’s one he can see on his shirt)
    5. How to diagram a sentence

  69. AnnieGetYourFun

    OMFG, I really didn’t think that that would be as bad as it was. I wonder if Chris Gregoire cites Seattle’s proximity to Canada as one of her foreign policy credentials? Then again, Gregoire actually GOES to Canada and deals with them quite a bit. It’s all good assuming Palin has had some sort of CONTACT with Russia, but I’m sensing… no?

    [re=108499]Mr.BorgtoYou[/re]: Go to Gawker to see it.

  70. facehead

    [re=108291]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: “Alaskans For Truth”

    The very idea is cracking me up, not sure why.

    “Are you pro-truth?”

    “Get out of my face you librul commie!”

  71. j6n

    This is the CBS teaser for the interview, which begs the question: Is this like a movie trailer where all the best jokes are ruined for you, or does this get even better?

  72. mowgliwest

    facehead: can we make it a minnesota community? that accent is like nails on a chalkboard, and it must be confined.

  73. j6n

    [re=108515]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: What about Charlie Crist? His state is 90 miles from Cuba and is routinely invaded.

  74. PrairiePossum

    The space shuttle once flew over my house, so I’m qualified to be an astronaut. I’m sending my resume to NASA.

  75. bago

    Ah, the cold war days. They’d send out a Tupelov and Edwards would scramble some F-15′s to go guide the wayward bomber back to its home country.

  76. Godot

    This clip has robbed me of my snark. I have only these two interesting factoids to offer.

    1) The three towns in the area of Russia near Alaska that I could find named on a map of Russia — Pevek, Anadyr, and Provideniya — have a combined population of 18,967 according to the 2002 cencus. Russia’s total population in that census was 145,166,731. In other words, the combined population of those towns is less than two tenths of one percent of Russia’s population.

    2) The distance between Anchorage and Moscow (approx. 4341 miles) is less than the distance between Chicago and London (approx. 3963 miles).

    Clearly, Putin and Palin are “next-door neighbors”.

  77. SkimLatteModerate

    Now I just feel bad. That entire clip, I just felt like slipping her a piece of paper with an actual argument. Because even though that statement was dumb, there are ways to associate Alaska’s location to foreign policy. I’m pretty sure her ‘people’ even told her how to respond. But that dumb broad just couldn’t put it together. Fuck me.

  78. SkimLatteModerate

    Also any other Canuckistanians cringe as she was preparing (yes, she took at least a half second to remember the name probably) to say Kyeeeeeenada. It’s like a car wreck. I knew she was going to bastardize it, but I just had to hear her say it.

  79. Mr.BorgtoYou

    [re=108515]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I did! and I went to Youtube to see some others; all I can say is Beauty may be skin deep but Stupid goes all the way to the bone. She is a dumb c***.

  80. Urbanachiever

    [re=108529]j6n[/re]: Heck, Kwame Kilpatrick actually WENT to Canada and met with the Mayor of Windsro–even HE is more qualified to be VP!!!

  81. Outstando

    Yuck. She really produces some nasty facial expressions and hand gestures when she’s cramming her dim view of the world upstream through those high-pressure facts.

  82. DangerousLiberal

    Keep up the good work Ken….but

    /snark

    It’s pretty distasteful to call her Down Syndrome kid a retard–it’s not the kid’s fault, and sorta bums me out, dig? Stick to what you do best: quoting Levi about his being a “fuckin’ redneck,” or showing more photos of Bristol preggers and stoned.

    snark

    We now return to the previously scheduled snark. Jeezus, that Governor of Alaska is as dumb as a sack of oosicks (look it up).

  83. azw88

    Trade missions…. so she advocates the MISSIONARY position. Having a SAC base in your state makes you qualified… my fuckin word, EVERY state has a military base!!!

    Seriously, though. Couric should have said this to her:

    “Governor Palin, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

    Fuck, Billy Madison’s penguin hallucination was brighter than this bimbo.

  84. natoslug

    Please don’t hate on her. I want Sarah Palin interviews every day, all day up until the election. Sure, I will probably end up shooting myself by Nov. 5, but at some point even the most die-hard Republicans will have to realize what a complete idiot she is. Keep on talking, Sarah! Shine that little (dim) light of yours!!!

  85. Mista Eko

    “Our next door neighbors are foreign countries; they’re in the state that I am the executive of”

    Foreign countries are in her state. Why oh why did we not give the US Americans enough maps?

  86. serj!

    [re=108285]obfuscator[/re]: Oh shit a Twin Peaks reference! Oh wait, I watched that with my Pa–I was like 8, no wonder I’m so f’ed up!–and I scored a complete dvd set–including the killer pilot–on ebay last year for like 60 bucks and I’ve watched every episode like 100 times! Oh, the relevance, when I first saw Palin, i said good god it’s Maddie palmer, remember Laura’s cousin with the glasses who was from Missoula, Montana, and got brutally murdered by Leland, who was of course possessed by “Bob”–you had to be there–and now I think Maddie Palmer–or Bob for that matter–woulda been a better VP candidate than this crosseyed mannequin they shoved in our faces (oh hell the bitterz juice is welling up again!)

  87. RobPetrified

    Arrgh! Is she pleaning to atteack Russia or wheat?
    If I have to listen to SIXTEEN YEARS of her whing Fargo- esque aeaksent I’ll haeve to move to Ceanada eand slit my feucking wrists.
    Then I cean weatch mei bloed sloely dreip inteo the sneow.
    Won’t soemboedy please maik hear stoap?

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