Wonkette
Now that the legislative and executive branches of our government have negotiated a bailout compromise without John McCain flying in to spit and throw chairs and poop at people for 20 minutes, uh, what’s a Walnut to do hmm? He’ll probably fly down to Oxford town for the debate and look like a temperamental anger demon whose bullshit stunts have failed for the 400th time. But! He could also maybe light the current bipartisan compromise on fire and order everyone to draft a new one, so he’d miss the debate. In that case, Obama has a plan, because who cares whether or not this old douchecock shows up?
First of all, Obama communications dude Robert Gibbs continued to use this line on a conference call today: “I think he will decide that a president is capable of doing more than one thing at a time.” That’s a rich, catty line, and he should continue to use it. Robert Gibbs is a bitch! But in a good way.
Anyway, what do you have to add, Sam Stein of the Huffington Post?
Barack Obama is committed to hosting a public, televised event Friday night in Mississippi even if John McCain does not show up, an official close to the Obama campaign tells the Huffington Post.
In McCain’s absence, the Senator is willing to make the scheduled debate a townhall meeting, a one-on-one interview with NewsHour’s Jim Lehrer, or the combination of the two, the official said.
Oh man, can you even imagine? One shows up for the debate and takes audience questions about policy for a couple of hours — without a cranky old Republican coot challenging his answers — and the other sits at an Arlington hotel bar, pouting into his gin tumbler about how he showed up to work on the bailout deal, but it was already finished. John McCain would lose by so much! Because even though they’re both technically Senators still, screw that — it is both of their JOBS, full-time jobs right now, to be presidential candidates. Not to run into Capitol Hill like bulls in china shops for stuff that doesn’t require their idiot opinions.
Obama Will Make Debate A Townhall If McCain Doesn’t Show [HuffPo]
I heard Abe Vigoda will sub for McCain.
McCain is about 2 seconds from calling someone a cunt
I’m pretty sure this horrible, mangled stunt couldn’t have backfired more unless John McCain had somehow managed to commit a genocide and be outed as a furry in the past week.
John McCain, Seagull President.
The fact that this race is a dead heat makes me fear for America.
Get that lame-ass with the old man puppet from comedy central to stand in for McCodger. That would be sort of fucking funny.
Let it be noted that this event, whatever its ultimate nature, is occurring in the home town of America’s greatest ever writer, William Faulkner. If he wrote the questions, there’d be no time for the answers. And we’d be happy, because they’d be beautiful. Slightly racist too, but still….
Obama’s just trolling WALNUTS now, and I love every second of it.
McCain should schedule an interview Friday night with Larry King, and then we can have another Blingee contest.
The Gordo: since when is it a dead heat? Not since the Palin bump started to wilt like an 89 year old erection
facehead: Go Fish!
The Gordo: except that it’s been trending away from mccain for about a month now
i wish they’d stop using that line before team walnuts makes some stupid point about how certain exigencies demand all of an executive’s attention and multi-tasking is fine for the “low-level management” but it’s different at the top, etc, etc, and then the dulleyed undecided votors say, “well, that seems like it might as well be a Good Point” and cast their ballot for 4 years of sturgis
Monkey: We live in HOPE.
Monkey: John McCain and Larry King in an interview would be more like an episode of Survivor.
I think Obama should lean back agains the podium, all Cary Grant like, and say “Hi John, nice to see you.” Then light up a cig and blow a smoke ring at him.
Is McCain even in DC yet? Has he had his picture taken with Bush yet? Did he smile? Palin’s at Ground Zero now ain’t she? Has she had her picture taken with Bush yet? Did she smile? Inquiring Minds Want to KNOW!
V572625694: Andrea Mitchell said this morning she was going to Oxford, whether or not there was a debate and that she’d just visit the Faulkner museum if it turned out to be a bust.
Walnuts! just looks so batshit crazy. Last week, he’s all “Fundementals are sound, whatever they are.” Two days ago, he hadn’t even read the Paulson Manifesto. Then yesterday, he’s running around all “Suspend the campaign! Cancel the debate! The world is gonna end! I gotta get back to DC!” Only to return just in time to find out, well, no. This thing was calmly decided without your being at all necessary, Grampster. Don’t you have a debate to prep for, hmmm?
You know, I understand why McCain doesn’t want to appear… it’s like propping a used Q-Tip against the wall next to a bronze statue of Adonis.
Wait, somebody call Damien Hirst, I think I’ve got a way for him to make another 200 million!
Monkey: I still think having a Blingee the Palin family portrait contest would make all of our lives infinitely better and probably solve the economy melt down, and then China would see how awesome it is and decide we are still their supreme masters.
hockeymom: Fabulous imagery. Thank you!
John, dude, a few years ago, you used to be a respected senator. Now, you just look like an angry old fool.
I’ll bet Mike Gravel’s free. They could dress him up as McCain, and Michelle Bachman could fill in as Palin. That would be a good time.
I picture the Obama solo, townhall act going down like a middle school pajama party…
“So, Barry… Do you just like Michelle? Or do you like, LIKE Michelle?!? tee hee hee! giggle!”
“Question Barry… Do you get like, TOTES angry when John is all like ‘he’s not ready to lead’ and then like, picks that tacky chick from Alaska to be his BFF?”
mattbolt: That’s next week. They’re going to need something to distract from Palin shooting herself in the face at the VP debate.
worrytron: I know it feels like a month, but it’s really only been 10 days (since 9/15)
hockeymom: Win! Total, complete win! If he did that, I could die a happy man.
I wish B.Hussein would whisper into Jammakain’s ear: “Pussy”.
Please, please, Jammakain would at least drink at the Capital Hilton bar or something. Or a Motel 6 in Anacostia. We can hope.
What are the odds that McCain is positioned in the debate so we can’t see his ‘jowly’ side? You just know that was written into his debate conditions along with a box to stand on.
Can baby Trig just end this charade and pop out of McPain’s chest a la Kuato in Total Recall? Otherwise, this shit is just getting too absurd to take.
hockeymom: “So Johnny… we’d like to have a little chat about foreign policy. Sounds koo koo, but the kids dig it–hear?” Then Obama slugs a finger of scotch and details a plan for Pakistan’s boarder problems.
Robert Gibbs is a bitch! But in a good way.
I once bought a crackhead a deli dinner and gave him the change (a total outlay of about $10). He looked at me in the eyes and said, “You dirty bitch! I love ya . . . you know what I mean.”
I still think of him as my fairy crackhead. I met the cutest boy that night, and five a five dollar bill on the street. Good times. Sometimes my dad still calls me a “dirty bitch” when he’s trying to make a haha. Not such good times.
The Gordo: It’s partly ignorance-induced brand loyalty; a lot of lifetime repubs (*ahem* I’m talking to you, mom) don’t even want to know what evil cretins their candidates are. Its fingers in the ears and “NA NA NA NA NA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” until you give up.
Then when you leave, its turn on the radio for soothing, calm reassurance of Rush Limbaugh, who’s the the only one, it seems, who knows what a dirty filthy ni… uh, community organizer that ol’ Obama is.
*sigh* Oh, mother… at least you’re old an won’t be voting much longer.
Dientes: That doesn’t need to be Bligee’d. That shit speaks for itself.
sanantonerose: I KNOW! In a skinny suit, he’s 007 hot.
Kev-O-Tron:
Oooh, good analogy there.
Personally, though, I think a solo appearance by Barry would look more like when an Olympic runner takes a victory lap around the track with the flag draped around him after winning a race.
Hairy Reed: True, but sad.
The Gordo: It isn’t a dead heat, not anymore anyway. It is close, but Obama’s lead is clear. http://www.electoral-vote.com/ (check other sites too).
Maybe Barack and Biden should show BOTH up and tell everyone that Jammakain is a wayward, bitter, and droopy-eyed vagina.
Don’t forget Barack is half black half white, so he could easily debate with himself.
OuterBoroughPrincess: “Sometimes my dad still calls me a “dirty bitch” when he’s trying to make a haha. Not such good times.”
Megan, is that you?
CivicHoliday: Gallup is polling this thing at 46% to 46% and Rasmussen has it 49% for Obama and 46% for McCain.
http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/politics/election_20082/2008_presidential_election/daily_presidential_tracking_poll
http://www.gallup.com/poll/election2008.aspx
Ok. Let me restate that: The fact that Obama isn’t ahead by 25 points makes me fear for America.
Better?
4tehlulz: Hmm… shooting herself in the face… shooting herself in the face? … hmm.
I think you’ve come up with the perfect excuse for the McNuggets campaign to keep Palin under wraps until the time for debates is past. One gun-cleaning accident coming up! What could be more American, I ask you, than maiming yourself accidentally with your own favorite large-caliber firearm? One gun-cleaning accident coming up!
She’s just like Us.
Halfway through Barry’s townhall, the door bursts open and McCain runs in, flustered and out of breath. “Sorry I’m late–I can only stay a minute, gotta go see about a hurricane in the Carolinas, ta-ta!”
CivicHoliday: http://www.gallup.com/poll/110668/Gallup-Daily-Race-Back-Tie-46-Each.aspx
From Real Clear Politics:
Election 2008 National Head-to-Head Polls
General Election: McCain vs. Obama
Poll Date Sample Obama (D) McCain (R) Spread
RCP Average 09/18 - 09/24 — 47.8 44.6 Obama +3.2
Gallup Tracking 09/22 - 09/24 2731 RV 46 46 Tie
Rasmussen Tracking 09/22 - 09/24 3000 LV 49 46 Obama +3
Hotline/FD Tracking 09/22 - 09/24 912 RV 47 43 Obama +4
Battleground Tracking 09/18 - 09/24 1000 LV 47 48 McCain +1
FOX News 09/22 - 09/23 900 RV 45 39 Obama +6
NBC News/Wall St. Jrnl 09/19 - 09/22 1085 RV 48 46 Obama +2
ABC News/Wash Post 09/19 - 09/22 780 LV 52 43 Obama +9
LA Times/Bloomberg 09/19 - 09/22 838 LV 49 45 Obama +4
Ipsos-McClatchy 09/18 - 09/22 923 RV 44 43 Obama +1
CNN/Opinion Research 09/19 - 09/21 697 LV 51 47 Obama +4
The Gordo: check out pollster.com or fivethirtyeight.com
They use a combination of all the polls available to come up with a realistic projection. Looking at JUST Rasmussen or Gallup will not give you as clear a picture.
(insert obligatory buttsecks joke here)
facehead: I check http://www.electoral-vote.com/ every day. Downloaded an app for my iPhone (Yes, I am a douchebag. Why do you ask?) that pulls data from there and shows the individual state polling. The scary part there is that the current electorial vote estimate depends on Obama carrying Michigan. You really think the Republican Party is going to let enough poor black people vote in Michigan to let Obama carry Michigan?
It’d be cooler if Barack would debate John McClane.
Don’t get me wrong, I think Barry should be up by 25 points too, but I still think that overall the polls are on our side and that we should be ok come November.
Can Hopey and Michelle debate each other?
Grampy can’t debate right now. Not until he finishes “My Pet Goat”‘.
I’d personally like to see Hopey debate an empty casket. Paint “Straight Talk Express” on it if you wish, or maybe “Original Maverick”. The McCain campaign is done. BTW, has everyone noticed that over the last few days Grampy’s eyes don’t match anymore? There’s sumpin weird going on in that head of his, and it ain’t good. Medical charts, STAT!!
CivicHoliday: CivicHoliday: I would like a bigger Diebold-proof margin here.
CivicHoliday: From your lips to gods ears my friend.
WHO HERE HAS NEVER BEEN POLLED?
I want to prove a point that us snarky, youthful, idiot, hipsters are really the silent majority.
This just in: Obama will be debating the ghost of William Faulkner.
I’m fairly certain McCain is going to claim his guidance and leadership and mavericketyness closed the deal. I mean where would the bailout have been if McCain wasn’t talking shop with Bono or dicking around in NY for two days?
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
american mutt: I only got polled during the primaries, AND I got a call from Scarlett Johansson, who sounded like Harvey Fierstein doing a Lucille Ball-in-her-80’s impression: I’M CAWLLIN’ TA ASK YOUSE TA VOTE FAWR BAWACK OBAAAAAMA. It was fucking awesome!
But nothing since then.
Scooter: Walnut’s eyes have been increasingly Googly the last few…Ricky Davis needs to shake him up a little better in the morning after nappy-time.
The Gordo: wait one.
nietzscheprojectile: another Barney Frank reference. Pour salt my wounds.
This truly is backfiring for McCain. I paid a visit to my local Tires Plus yesterday and the guy at the desk wouldn’t STFU with his deep political wisdom (”Obama wants to sit down with terrorists!”) and he asked if I was watching the debate on Friday, and I said McCain had postponed it, and he said, “That sounds like an Obama move.” Well, um, actually, sir, it’s a McCain move.
My theory:
McCain had a mini-stroke this week. It explains everything.
american mutt: i’ll tell you this: Things are a-changing wiht the hard working- blue -collar*white* guys on my job. The reddest of rednecks are at least listening.
John McCain - Jammacain - Jamaican John McCain
V572625694: no way is Faulkner the greatest American writer
WadISay: Don’t be silly. WALNUTS! can’t run!
Sarah wants to know why they’re having the debate in England.
CivicHoliday: you scares me so… “we should be ok”? mama mia, what if we’re not? i mean really, my fellow wonketties, what do we if the obameister loses? what do we? it’s a fuck-farce that there’s any race left to run, with the party o’bizness fielding chicken mcnuggets and bible spice… but… but… what if? what kind of meltdown then?
McCain heard “bailout” and he thought that meant “bail out.” Can’t believe we’re 30 hours away and the debate is up in the air. Dumbass.
heronimule: Do elaborate.
hockeymom: I think you are all confusing Cary Grant with Dean Martin, which is not a horrible mistake to make of course, but I think Obama Dean Martin style would be sublime, especially when he responds to McCain’s economic plan with a rousing rendition of “Ain’t That A Kick In the Head?”
Decoitous: I think you are vastly overestimating Palin’s understanding of geography, and the existance of “towns” in other “countries”.
McCain may not have the guts to debate, but Barr and Nader certainly do. This is a perfect time for the CPD to actually live up to its stated mission to “provide the best possible information to viewers and listeners” and bring (at least) Nader and Barr on board. Otherwise, they’ll expose themselves for the Republicrat shills that they are.
If Obama doesn’t have the balls to face Nader and Barr, how in the hell is he going to stand up to Putin and Ahmedinejad?
heronimule: Oh right, forgot about Rod McKuen.