Barack Obama is a space monster sent to kill us allEvery white male in politics over the age of 50 has some awful illness, according to various rumors on the Internet. Joe Biden had two aneurysms operated on 20 years ago, so obviously he is due for another so that he can step down and Hillary Clinton can be Barack Obama’s vice president. Meanwhile, Bill Clinton’s thumb was shaking on various evening talk shows this week, so he’s about dead. Probably Parkinson’s.

And then John McCain…well, we all know he’s just a reanimated corpse anyhow, and his left eye is falling out of his face or something, which is why he had to hire that $5,000 makeup artist, to keep pasting bits of skin back onto his skull.

The lesson: Barack Obama is poisoning all of these fuckers. George Bush, you’re on notice.

Biden Dropping Out? Rumor Thrives on Internet [FOX News]
Bill Clinton and the shaky thumb [Pop Culture Junkette]
Anybody else notice anything weird with McCain’s left eye recently? [AMERICAblog]

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  • InsidiousTuna

    Ugh, fuck, it’s too early and bright outside for that sort of picture. Where’s my Advil?

  • Terry

    Are you sure its not Hilz that’s behind this? She may be giving Bill something to assure he doesn’t stray again.

  • ihasasad

    Where’s me fava beans?

  • PoliticalGraffiti

    i cant say im complaining. the last thing we need is a country with old white men

  • PoliticalGraffiti

    no country for old men.

  • Inadequate Blackmail

    Oh, Bill’s got a case of the Shakey Thumbs. Better cut down on the Mario Kart.

  • Godless Liberal

    Bill caught his Parkinson’s as an STD from Janet Reno.

  • Hamster

    They’re all going to look like Yushchenko by the end of this thing. McCain is the only one looking forward to it.

  • Dientes

    Dude, it is not Parkinsons. It is just the DTs, Bills been hitting the bottle pretty hard since the end of the primaries.

  • facehead

    Obama is in the tank for big funeral.

  • Hamster

    [re=107567]Inadequate Blackmail[/re]: Win! Mario Kart: Only reason to own an SNES.

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    I saw that thumb shake thing on The Daily Show. If I noticed it, it was pretty pronounced. But puh-lease. Too much caffeine will give you the shakes. So will knowing that as soon as you leave, you have to go home to the Hillster and a life of empty misery.

  • Serolf Divad
  • Therapy New York

    I heard the rumor of VP nominee Joe Biden is sick and he will step down for Hillary Clinton. Can they really make those changes? I don’t really believe the rumors. I notice I hear stories about the guys in politics being sick. VP Cheney was sick when he first came in office but he made a healthy recovery.

  • Hairy Reed

    [re=107574]Serolf Divad[/re]: He looks so young!

  • shoeho

    Hey, it could just be bailoutitis. Or whatever. You got to figure these guys are all beat.
    I’m not even as old as Barry (close, but not there yet) and I get way more tired than I did when I was younger.

    Contrary to what y’all may believe now, your years of going to work, partying all night, and getting up to do it again the next day are limited. It gets a lot harder after 30, and if you have a “responsible” job is virtually impossible past 35.

    So, do those late nights while you can, youth is wasted on the young, gather ye rosebuds, and all that crap.

  • jodyleek

    I think Walnuts has Myasthenia Gravis. Does he also have the accompanying thymus gland tumor?
    He’s had cancer before, so quite likely.

  • shoeho

    [re=107575]Therapy New York[/re]: Not if they want to win the election. No matter what the reason (with the possible exception of him being hit by a truck) it looks like weakness (should have known about XYZ) to the electorate.

  • 2druk2phluq

    [re=107574]Serolf Divad[/re]: I put that photo up at my website/blog, but I took it down immediately. It’s hard to make any money if visitors puke as soon as they hit the site. Also, even my iron stomach almost heaved when I loaded the post.

  • Terry

    [re=107574]Serolf Divad[/re]:

    There’s been some talk on the internet, I can’t recall the website now, that one of his surgeries on his face would have affected the way lymph fluid drains from that area. Apparently this is common in some kinds of cancers and that the affected area needs to be massaged frequently to push the accumulating fluid out.

  • magic titty

    Well, Bill and WALNUTS! both hace some variance of the clap.
    As for Senator Joe, I can’t tell. I just think they all look like a pile of wrinkled shirts and dog shit next to Barack.

  • jodyleek

    [re=107582]Terry[/re]: “needs to be massaged frequently to push the accumulating fluid out”?
    That’s what he said.

  • Special Agent Jack Mehoff

    “The lesson: Barack Obama is poisoning all of these fuckers. George Bush, you’re on notice.”

    So, Hope is poisonous to politicians? But Barack is immune? like the rattlesnake is imune to it’s own venom? So, Barack is a snake? A shifty eyed poisonous killer of rich whites?

  • Canmon (the Inadequate)

    I think at this point Obama could replace Biden with Terri Schaivo and still win the election.

  • Jon in Austin

    Bill only gets that thumb thing when Palin is mentioned. Probably fantasizing about dressing that moose.

  • El Bombastico

    Pfft. A zombie administration would have a better economic platform that either of the two current parties. Consuming the rotted brains of bailed-out CEO’s would prevent moral hazard more than curtailing golden parachutes. Aren’t Paulson and Chertoff the reanimated remains of dessicated corpses anyway?

  • jbd

    [re=107557]InsidiousTuna[/re]: Pussy. Put more gin in your coffee. It works for me, and goddamn it, this site was founded on gin. (And assfucking.) Never forget.

  • Undeterredbyreality

    I noticed the McCain eye thing yesterday–it’s just a subconscious reaction whenever he lies, like a “tell” in poker. He can’t stop winking as if we’re all in on the joke. Either that or he sprained it squinting at Glasses’ ass.

  • DoctorCulturae

    A lot of this hair on fire-ness could be attributed to teh nervousness. They’re all gambling right now. The coolest head at the table is His Hopeyness.

    Maverick=Desperate nervousness

    Drugs of choice:
    Dubya: Jack
    McCain:numerous prescriptive meds
    Biden: Jameson
    Hopey:Marboro Lights

  • grendel

    [re=107573]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Good reason to go back out on the campaign trail for Hopey… go score some of that young fired up Obamatard tail, Mr. Preznit.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Hot off the presses! McCain without makeup!

  • facehead

    [re=107574]Serolf Divad[/re]: I noticed it too, thought maybe McCain was cockeyed and I never noticed it before (Palin, on the other hand, is completely cockfaced, but she wears it well). Could McCain have a touch of Bell’s Palsy? A minor stroke might cause it too, methinks.

    BTW, if you don’t think this rocks: , then you shouldn’t be voting.

  • stew

    The rumor I like most is McCain is suspending his campaign so Mittens can take over and sack Palin (I mean fire) and go on to lose by slightly less embarrasing numbers.

  • irisheyes

    fuckers- we all knew it was headed to this:

    i hope the MSM calls bullshit

  • jodyleek

    [re=107597]facehead[/re]: Billy Squire with a gigantic moose knuckle and looking so homo gay…That does rock! Hey, is this subliminal Palin propaganda? Can someone please, purty please, photo shop Mooselini’s face on Billy’s junk?

  • mookworthjwilson

    the comment section on is ike some sort of bizarro world where up is down and left is right…hahahah…

  • StripesAndPlaids

    [re=107582]Terry[/re]: NOt enough mental bleach in the world to get that image out of my head.

  • grendel

    [re=107602]irisheyes[/re]: I think they’ll dump that plan when they see the response to McCain’s “suspending” his campaign:

  • StripesAndPlaids

    [re=107602]irisheyes[/re]: I think MSM will. The question is whether or not anybody cares.

  • freakishlystrong

    Sara, the snark is strong with you my young padawan!

  • Quacker

    [re=107577]shoeho[/re]: If I were 29, I’d say you just harshed my buzz, but I’m way older so I’ll just say, “speak up, son. I can’t hear you!” “What? Party? No, it’s just diabetes….”

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=107602]irisheyes[/re]: Lindsey Graham is heading the RNC blackmail committee. This is perfect.

  • mookworthjwilson

    [re=107568]Godless Liberal[/re]: Well you know according to WALNUTS! Reno is Chelsey’s real father…

  • DoctorCulturae

    [re=107602]irisheyes[/re]: I hate to say it, but the fix seems to be on: MSM made the bad guys (if you’re not with us you’re ‘in the tank’) , markets “inexplicably” go south, and McChameleon “stands up as reformer to the ‘bad’ Bushies” saying country first before democracy and teh constitution.

    If the MSM calls bs they are “in the tank.”

    …meanwhile VP Darth is communicating his successes to his Crypthwan V42iR overlords.

  • StripesAndPlaids

    [re=107614]DoctorCulturae[/re]: the Crypthwan V42iR overlords are in the tank.

  • DoctorCulturae

    stripesandplaids: The Crypthwan V42iR overlords invented and own the patent for the tank. VP Darth is payments on the rental.

    Perhaps it should be renamed: ” In the Git’ “

  • DoctorCulturae

    [re=107625]DoctorCulturae[/re]: VP Darth is making payments on the rental. …(note to self: make eye appointment before costs skyrocket)

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    McCain’s left eye thing isn’t that unusual. You see that in a lot of porn stars from to many “shots” in the face.

    [re=107587]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: Great idea, the right would love her, and she is more qualified than Sarah Palin.

  • njdon

    [re=107575]Therapy New York[/re]: and peggy noonan will replace palin.

  • njdon

    ok, terri schaivo is good (as said above).

  • lilblackcorvette

    [re=107574]Serolf Divad[/re]: i finallt got up the nerve to click on that link. Frightening!

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=107619]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: [re=107614]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Reality is in the tank.

  • sezme

    [re=107574]Serolf Divad[/re]: That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

    Oh terrible picture meme: I just can’t quit you.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=107573]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: At least this confirms that he has time to pull it out of his ass.

  • d4g33z

    Botox reaction.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=107573]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: I noticed it, too, but it seemed more than caffeine shakes to me. And I’m a doctor.

    Of love.

  • teebob2000

    “Ladies and gentlemen, the next president of the United States!!”

  • Miller

    Please people, they have airborne AIDSbola. You all have it now too. We’re all going to die, except for the 1% that will go to either Vegas or Boulder to fight out the final battle of good vs. evil.

  • John McClain

    Ugh, these Biden rumors. I think it’s the Hilltards just fantasizing her ripping out Palin’s pea brain and wolfing it down on live tv, and little skeeny Barry O being so shocked and intimidated he gives her the nomination right then and runs back to Kenya with his tail (the Blacks have tails! OMG) between his long, spindly legs.

    HILLTARDS— I’m looking at you Rothschild— just admit you’re racist dried up cougars who’d rather vote for Armageddon than a colored and move on.

  • markostyle

    Urgent! McCain has just confirmed health problems. But he did not specify whether or not to continue the fight for the presidency.
    What would the Republicans??

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