stupid muppet stunts

John McCain ‘Suspending’ Campaign by Campaigning More

No fuckin' honor at all.It really depends on what you mean by “suspend,” doesn’t it? John McCain’s maverick move to suspend his campaign so he can grandstand on something he knows literally nothing about — the American Economy — isn’t actually a suspension of anything. It’s a stupid stunt to get more campaign press coverage. And nothing is suspended at all. Go to McCain’s website, and you’ll see he’s still collecting campaign contributions and still running his trashy anti-Obama video spots. He’s still doing interviews (just not Letterman!) and he’ll almost certainly still do the debate on Friday. Also, he pulls this crap all the time.

The old gimmick McCain loves is to run standard dirty hyper-partisan campaigns, funded completely by lobbyists (who also literally manage his campaigns). Then, every few weeks, he does some showboat bullshit about being “above politics” or whatever, and an ever-decreasing number of political reporters briefly note this stunt, and then it’s all totally forgotten again.

Try to remember an example from, say, three weeks ago. Right, the GOP convention. Hurricane Gustav looked like it might pound New Orleans and the Republicans sure didn’t want to share prime time with the poor black people drowning, again, so McCain’s campaign decided it was all about “country first” and just canceled the first night of the convention and most of the second night.

It was cheap and cynical and of course it intentionally kept the hated monsters Dick Cheney and George W. Bush back in Washington, and by waiting out the hurricane the campaign also managed to bridge the gap between the exciting stunt of announcing Sarah Palin as the running mate on Friday — the morning after Obama’s epic nomination speech/spectacle at the Denver football stadium — and Palin’s carefully scripted “hockey mom” bitchfest/acceptance speech about how black people and their “communities” are really just ghettos of black people.

McCain also “suspended campaigning” when he ran for president eight years ago. After telling the press (his base) that he was going to announce his run in March 1999, he melodramatically “postponed” the announcement because of the U.S. bombing of the Serbs in Kosovo (and the rest of Serbia).

On a single day during this brave non-postponement, McCain appeared on Fox News, MSNBC, Larry King, Charlie Rose and the business channels to talk about Kosovo and his suspended campaign.

But nobody’s falling for that trick anymore.

Stop Me if You Think That You’ve Heard This One Before [Reason Hit & Run]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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113 comments

  1. Condiments-Only Diet

    No, seriously, if he doesn’t show up at the debates, are they going to cut between shots of Obama and the empty halls of Congress where McCain is imaginarily (yeah, I said it) fixing our economy?

  2. hockeymom

    Britt Hume had Kondrake, Krauthammer and some tool from the Washington Times on after the big “suspension” announcement.

    Their reaction?

    Meh. McCain’s a drama queen.

  3. SayItWithWookies

    Okay, I’m going with John McCancel for a while. And I promise I’ll try to ride it into the dirt — however, I get the feeling he’ll do something horrifically stupid before that happens and we can move on to a new moniker.

  4. The Lucky Republican

    McCain is a sad old man. He and his antics make me sad. I don’t like feeling sad. Maybe next time America will do the right thing and nominate Willard “Mitt” Romney, aka Mittens. He and his antics make me smile. I like to smile.

  5. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=107356]Terry[/re]: Don’t get too optimistic. I suspect Walnuts will have Dubya bomb Pakistan, Spain or Canada or bring bin Laden out of cryogenic freeze around Oct. 20. Yeah, I’m that cynical.

  6. Blue Line

    Gee, after watching the Couric interview, I can’t imagine why the McCain camp would ever want to delay the VP debate.

  7. StrangelyBrown

    McCain is just hoping that we are all stupid enough to confuse proximity to an economic plan with actually having an economic plan.

    But won’t this ploy backfire now that Bush has summoned both of them to the White House, giving Barry an excuse for coming back to Washington without appearing to be following McCain’s lead?

  8. Norbert

    [re=107353]ihatepolls[/re]: i read that Walnuts would move this friday’s debate to the time slot of the next one and the VP debate would be cancelled altogether. this means then he will win the election, die, and then Alpine Trash will be President and start shakin’ up and fixin’ the economy.

  9. Johnny Zhivago

    I’m concerned about that Palin debate – I’ve heard that if cringing symptoms last longer than 60 minutes they can lead to permanent brain damage.

  10. Dreamer

    I know a way they can win the VP debate, Mother-Moos Killer-whatever, should bring that poor child to the debate and constantly refer to him. That will fool at least 20% of Americans. Wanna bet her husband or daughter will be sitting in the audience with that poor child. BTW, was he spotted awake at all.

    See, I am not making sense at all, please someone end this campaign. I cannot take anymore drama from this crazy little man. It is making me crazy.

  11. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    You all are jealous. It takes a true hero like McCain to not let his campaigning get in the way of his campaigning.

    Of course, when McCain’s full plan is revealed, you will no longer question his awesomeness. You see, first we bomb the hell out of Wall St. Then we will be greeted as liberators, and Wall St. will pay for everything themselves.

    It has to work this time!

  12. SPlaTz

    Oh puh-LEEEEEEZ.
    He’s buying time for Palin cram school. (evade, repeat simplistic talking points, wonder why I’m under such scrutiny, wave the Scarlet O’Hara fan……(VICTIM,SEXISIM!!!!)
    Of course Palin needs to sound like the view of Russia equates heaps of knowledge. …….when it comes to talking about the ……things….um……. Yeah,…..other countries……yeah….(watch the Katie Couric interview and you will shudder.)

    I used to have so much respect for McCain. That has evaporated! He is either drunk, um… or has drunk the Republic-cant kool-aid or has just plain gone WACKY. WTF?

    So sad.

    Wonder how the Neo-cons are going to rig this election.

    Its so painfully obvious which direction it should go. OBAMA!

    But pro-life is so much more important than if the money from my ex’s garnished wages, from his off shored job can buy me a pack of Parliaments. I’m pregnant again, but GOD IS LOVE.

    SHEESH! No wonder they dont want to teach Darwinism, heaven forbid they kills a life. Or ignore another opportunity to talk about how LIBERALS are just plain EVIL.

    We deserve what we get.

  13. Serolf Divad

    Seriously folks, this is not a time for partisan rancor. These are exceptional times, and we find ourselves in unprecedented circumstances as a people and as a nation. We are currently witnessing events that a few months ago we’d never dreamed possible. So I submit that we set aside our differences, just for the next few days and all come together by finding common ground on something we can all agree upon, and that something is this: John McCain is a world class wanker, his campaign managers crybabies and his VP choice is not fit to preside over a PTA meeting.

  14. D'

    As an Oregon Duck, I’d like to say that I’m sorry for Tucker Bounds. Really, I am. The trustifarians on campus make even the most even-headed of us hate the “libruhls” on campus. Seriously. Doesn’t excuse that asshat, though…

  15. btwbfdimho

    So now, Barack & Roll Obama’s basically running against Nader and who else? Alan Keyes?
    The Banana Republicans should claim “Hey, We are all Keyesians now”. Hohohohohohoho! I’m laughing thru my tears.

  16. jfruh

    I’m actually kind of cheered up by that Kosovo-era story — not because I need some proof that McCain’s a hack, but because it shows that campaigning for president 20 months before the actual election is a tradition that’s at least close to a decade old. Apparently I was blissfully unaware of the run-up to the election in early ’99 because I had better things to do and didn’t work in front of an always-on Internet connection. Plus there was no Wonkette!

  17. doodle

    So … the problem is/was: McChicken, during debate rehearsals, kept saying, “Who am I? And why am I here?”

  18. facehead

    [re=107387]Serolf Divad[/re]: True dat.

    [re=107388]NotLaughing[/re]: How on God’s poo-stained earth did you manage that?

  19. springfield_meltdown

    There are two things I’ve been planning my October around. One is the Project Runway finale and the other the VP debates. In fact I am more excited for the VP debate and had elaborate plans involving popcorn and reindeer sausage. I’m been almost interested in the presidential debates just to see old Walnuts fumble around and yell five and a half years. McCain better not screw up my entertainment schedule, not in these “extraordinary times” when I could use a laugh.

  20. RubberSoul

    I’m a little late, so forgive me if someone’s already said this:

    Walnuts must have misunderstood when someone asked him to come up with a bailout plan.

  21. mattbolt

    Hey, I’ve got a great joke for you. “American politics”.

    And here’s the punchline: “This is how the most powerful nation on Earth actually elects a government.”

  22. S.Luggo

    “It’s a stupid stunt to get more campaign press coverage.”
    So truly cold. The campaign suspension is an admission that Aricept no longer works. Unlike you, I feel.

  23. BillyT

    If McCain is going to be busy saving the world economy and can’t attend….

    PALIN SHOULD STEP IN FOR THE DEBATE!! Isn’t that what a VP should do??

    is she too scared? Or is McCain too scared to send her?

    If she is mocking the community organizer from Chicago, maybe she would like to face Obama in a no-holds-barred match of wits and substance on the topic of….

    FOREIGN POLICY.

    Or is she bidding on Ebay for a Cliff’s Note version of “Foreign Policy for Dummies??”

  24. contentsunderpressure

    I remember my great grandfather when he was McCain’s age. Grandma would not let him use the stove or any other appliance so the thought of a batshit crazy Sara Palin having the codes is only slightly worse than McGrumpy lashing out randomly due to the discomfort of terminal constipation.

    How much longer can the Palin/McCain ’08 ticket continue to capture such high ratings? As entertainment it’s wickedly written, but come on, it is insane! Would McCain smearing his feces on the podium as Palin stood beside him grinning manically cause a dip? Wtf is going on?

  25. jimh

    New McCain branded adult diapers: “Suspends”

    Now really, the economy is tanking, so we should put off the debate and it should take place when the VP debate was scheduled, and that one should just… uh… go way. Because all painlin can say is that the John S. McCain economically solutions are, like, multi-faceted? This is completely transparent right? Tell me nobody’s falling for this. We need debates, we need meltdown.

  26. shortsshortsshorts

    Remember: this is a maverick here. Experienced in fine trades. Useful. Dignified. All that shit.
    Poor ’96 Walnuts. WHY DID BARRY GOLDWATER NEVER LOVE YOU?

  27. sarcasticusername

    walnuts is a grade A dumbass, this country can’t possibly be unhinged enough to elect him right? or can it? ugh the thought is the shit of nightmares.

  28. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=107444]S.Luggo[/re]: Bullshit you very nice person you. Absolutely beyond the replication of acceptable ork human blood. Therefore unsanitary.

  29. Words

    [re=107385]SPlaTz[/re]:
    Re: how Neo Cons are going to throw the election: they are busy even as we blog making lists of people who’ve had their home mortgages foreclosed on so they can disenfranchise them on voting in Nov. Seriously. They be busy as little elves..

  30. Roschelle

    After the Palin/Katie Couric interview…he should suspend Governor Palin…not his campaign. This poor woman is soooo not ready. It’s almost sad.

  31. Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=107444]S.Luggo[/re]: 缶詰の中からどんどん飛び出すキャラたちと一 I’m way ahead of ya..

  32. S.Luggo

    [re=107448]Roschelle[/re]: You ask, even at the cusp of these non-regulatory days — whop whop whop —, why McNuggets can’t do a Paulson and suspend Mother Goose from the ticket? [But why would he? To quote from the Rod Stewart, "She wears it well ..."]

    Answer: She’s from Alaska after all. Bullwinkle must agree.

  33. Special Agent Jack Mehoff

    In Honor of John McCain suspending his campaign in this time of great turmoil in (his image) the financial sector, I will suspend masturbation effective immediately till this whole mess (from , you know, last time) with the bankers is cleaned up. Okay, got meh porn site set up, and I’m suspending, suspending, suspending, oh god, still suspending. Don’t look, I can’t do it when you look. Suspending, and I,m suspending just a sec- OH YEAH! WHOO!! Suspending masturbation makes me sleepy.

  34. Landstander

    Don’t you people get it!?!?
    Suspended campaigning? Pulled ads? Canceled debate?
    John McCain has conceded! The race is over! And just before we got to the juicy Rev Wright, full-on racism phase!

    How ever will we start another national conversation on race? We can only hope some white cop kills some black guy in a particularly heinous fashion.

  35. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    So, can we all agree that by next week, the the economy will be sound enough for McCain to campaign, but not sound enough for Palin to debate?

  36. Smoke Filled Roommate

    I’m one of the weird people buying my first house in this mess. My boyfriend and I are completely solid.. For a mere $500 of our downpayment which was (gasp!) taken out of a bank credit card, the mortgage company wanted us to prove it was “paid back”. They actually asked us to ‘document’ paying $500 back to a credit card(?!) Because of the ridiculousness, the builder agreed to ‘gift’ us that money… Really a bizarre time to be buying a house.

  37. Felicia

    [re=107380]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: I remember visiting my grandma in WV and what passed for the alt weekly had some hyperventilating article in it about some pending breast-feeding legislation, totally making fun of it, like, “Oh no now people are gonna think we’re hicks if we allow breast feeding in public! This cannot stand, etc.!”

    I don’t agree with her ideology, I’m outraged at the way she’s being sheiled from the press, and she doesn’t seem qualified for the VP nomination, but maybe the McCain camp was counting on us making breastfeeding jokes, jokes about her baby, her kids’ funny names, her love of guns, and all of that, because it is so easy and too hard to resist for so many people.

  38. S.Luggo

    [re=107466]Landstander[/re]:
    “Don’t you people get it!?!?
    Suspended campaigning? Pulled ads? Canceled debate?”
    Yes. Got it. It’s the nappy-nap time. You have a problem with that, demrat? Why do you hate these our United States of America and experience?

    Go back to listening to the hep-cat jive music, you hemp smoking beatnik.
    Country … what was I saying? … first! Cool.

  39. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Like most great thoughts, this has come late at night:

    I have finally figured out Republican Code.

    “Maverick” = “Bat Shit Crazy”

    That or “Blatantly Political.”

    Can you imagine four years of the country being run like this? Schizophrenically jumping around in policy positions until you get so desperate that you just blindly leap in some direction and call that leadership? It would make people remember the good times that came from Bush’s Cowboy Diplomacy.

  40. njdon

    must be his second childhood:
    i’m not camaigning today or;
    i’m not going to be president today or;
    i think i’ll be napoleon today or;
    i’m just going to play with my race cars, zooommmm……….

  41. Hunter Gathers

    An open letter to Senator Walnuts

    It’s time someone called you what you really are.
    A pussy. That’s right. You are a giant pussy, Senator. You are fucking weak. We all know why you have tried to postpone Friday’s debate. It has nothing to do with the bailout. Or your hair on fire assesment of the country’s financial situation. It’s because you know you’re going to get clobbered. Obama’s going to clean your fucking clock. Barry is going to be the first person ever to stand up to you in a debate and call you out on your bullshit. And you’re scared. You could stand up to your torturers, but you refuse to stand up to Obama. You’re a gutless, yellow turd. Go ahead, bail on the debate. And talk Caribou Barbie into bailing on her debate while you’re at it. Anyone who watched the interview with Couric can see her for the class 5 moron that she is. And don’t give me that ‘country first’ shit anymore. I wipe my ass with your stupid slogans. Go ask Cindy for your cock and balls back (hint-they’re in her Prada bag) and go fuck yourself, Senator.

  42. njdon

    nader, barr, paul: this is the opening you’ve been waiting for. here’s the ball. run with it. run, run, run.
    let them fill the vacant debater spots.

    of course,they’re losers but we need window dressing.

  43. Giant Robot

    [re=107482]Hunter Gathers[/re]: I agree with you on McCain but I don’t think that Cindy has him by the balls. When I see her I think, “there’s a woman who long ago took to booze and pills to deal with the emotional and physical abuse and the general horribleness of living with JMC.” He makes sure that she stays on her meds and parades her around doing humanitarian crap and everyone stays happy. An abusive idiot + junkie trophy wife + 100 million dollars = The McCains…

  44. pattonbt

    What I cant wait for is the reinstatement of the campaign! It will be a big party. There will be a rally and balloons and fair rides and apple pie. It will just be like a big old block party – the july 4th on steriods. We’ll get to hear about what McCain’s platform is, who he is, what he stands for.

    Barry screwed up here. He only has one coming out party, WALNUTS will have 2. Maybe MTV will do a sweet sixteen birthday party special on it! WALNUTS is a genius.

  45. Hunter Gathers

    If Walnuts and Caribou Barbie somehow pull off this fucking stunt, I going to go to work on an interstellar communications device and try to get someone to transport me off this rock. I am beyond pissed off. Everyone that I run into who is a Walnuts supporter will be verbally destroyed from now until election day. One of the stupid crackers that I work with tried the ‘Country First’ shit and I got him so worked up he almost took a swing at me. Dumb fucker. He’s just as big a pussy as Walnuts is. Fuck him. Fuck all of these ‘conservative’ ass clowns. They can all choke on my dick.

  46. BobLoblawLawBlog

    [re=107379]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Yer back! I was afraid Chicago’d eaten you alive! I’ve seen what those rabid, corrupt little sheisters can do…running a black man for president of Amurka…honestly.

    Back to the subject at hand:
    Hahhahahaha McCain is such a tool.

  47. Anarchangel

    It’s time for John McCainiacs
    And they’re crazy to the max
    So just sit back and relax
    Let the economy collapse
    They’re John McCainiacs!

    Come join the P.O.W.
    and the mayor of Big Lots
    Just like we did some years ago
    When we thought Bush was hot
    They say the more we backed them
    The safer we have got
    Now hell breaks loose
    In the voting booths
    And moose are getting shot

    For John McCainiacs
    One is cute, one coughs and hacks,
    But both of them wear church slacks
    While they get corporate paybacks
    Jo-ohn McCainiacs

    Meet Palin and the child
    some once thought was never hers
    Her schedule going wild
    On the verge of giving birth
    But no labor pains here sir,
    Contractions didn’t hurt
    He’s got Down Syndrome and named Trig
    Feel sorry for the squirt

    But John McCainiacs
    They will vote based on attacks
    They’re crazy to the max
    With an innate fear of blacks
    They’re John McCain-y’s
    Totally insaney
    (Divorce and Teenage Babies!)

    John McCainiacs!
    “Screw all the facts!”

  48. Doglessliberal

    [re=107424]contentsunderpressure[/re]: I am seeing more and more McCain/Palin signs and bumper stickers around Northern VA, so I am still very worried.

  49. Deepthroat

    I have such a searing hatred for all things McCain right now that as soon as you dropped the word Depends in there I thought of nothing except WALNUTS starring in that “Oops, I Crapped My Pants” SNL commercial. Except in my version, he gets hit by a Mac truck. And dies. Covered in his own feces.

  50. tiger

    Leave it to Sister Palin of The Immaculate Snowmobile to make Couric look like Chomsky for chrissakes.
    ” we are gettin’in crisis mode…”!!
    And her accent makes me shudder.

  51. OzoneTom

    [re=107463]Special Agent Jack Mehoff[/re]: “Oh! Oh! I can’t stop! It feels sooo good!” — Mel Gibson in “Grandma’s Boy”…

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