Wonkette
“With a large mainstream budget and dazzling special effects, ‘Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge’ is both an epic blockbuster for the ages, and a sexy, erotic adult film that consumers and distributors are fervent to get a hold of. ‘Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge’ is the most pre-ordered film in adult history and Digital Playground is easily maneuvering through the recession unscathed.” DIVERSIFY DIVERSIFY!! Here’s your vaguely-NSFW link. It looks so-so! [Pirate Porno Economy-Saver Movie]
“immediate release” huh huh huh
Once again, Who pays for porn in the age of the internet?
Booty pirates.
Wait - the industry needed even MORE dazzling special effects?
Are they hiring? Please tell me they are hiring…
Diversify? So, interracial porn?
Nobody can afford whore diamonds anymore, so they have to settle for porn.
“Fire in the hole!” is a line not used enough in pornos.
Not many Republicans will buy this movie. Too many adult women in it.
I had no idea even the world of porn had imploded this week. Does that even qualify as porn? Worst. Porn. Site. Ever. Will not save any economy. Certainly not one with republicans in it.
magic titty: man, I wonder what those special effects are. I’m kind of curious. Slow mo/fast mo?, cipatoning? inverting colors? special appearance by snowbilly and mcnuggets?
DrTobiasFunke: Well, if you squeeze whore coal in your butt cheeks with enough pressure, it becomes a whore diamond. Porn helps you train for that.
Porn with special effects and Pirates! I must watch the entire cannon.
I volunteer to help the Unisex Pinpoint Oxford Shirt girl through the coming hard times.
Gopherit v2.0: Because it makes people think you have the clap?
And can I say that production standards and big budgets really should not be priorities in porn?
Who gets to star as the wooden leg? Har.
Borat: Yeah, when is the Palin porn special getting made?
magic titty: I hear that they’re even working with typed scripts.
tunamelt: Lohanic porn.
SayItWithWookies: All we can promise is the “I’m a Constitution Voter” woman.
The difference between porn and art is lighting.
Gopherit v2.0: Disagreed. Titanic would have been a helluvalot better that way. Shit even Pearl Harbor. Gits mee sum ‘o dat.
And this just HAPPENS to show up right when McCain wants to postpone everything…
columnv: They’re laminated, also–for obvious reasons.
Well, the trailer makes it looks like there might be too much actual plot to the thing so I doubt I’d get through it. But the production values and talent looks pretty first rate, considering.
It’s not even so-so. It’s ho-hum. You’d think it would at least be yo ho.
* Really though, it is super boring. All the standard shit, with horrible acting, and I mean the sexual performances, not the dialogue.
El Bombastico: I don’t like those odds.
shortsshortsshorts: Seeing Ben Affleck or Leo DiCaprio fuck? That would actually make those movies even more unbearable for me, but whatever, ahem, floats your boat.
“Screw Gold Or T-Notes, PUT YOUR MONEY IN PORNO!”
Shit, why do I have to be the first to say: “Dammit, Jim, we already do!”
I can’t find the Investor Relations link! How can I invest in this?
SayItWithWookies: Could be worse. It could be one of Bill Maher’s chimps. The cute one.
The first Pirates is honestly the Hamlet of the porn genre. Even a ton of girls have seen it. Bring up the movie Pirates (specify the porn movie, not the Disney movie) in a conversation, and people will admit to having seen it and appreciated the production values on a non-wanking level.
Gopherit v2.0: You mean you didn’t see the Hannity tonguing session–that was pretty f’in obscene.
“Screw Gold Or T-Notes, PUT YOUR MONEY IN PORNO”
Been there, done that. Didn’t work. I’d buy oil companies or small arms manufacturers, but I’m having a bit of a cynical turn these days.
serj!: Yeah, but that was all dry-humping and USFB. I want flesh. Well, not Hannity’s. That would probably make me go blind.
All that plot and dialog is sure to endanger my erection.
Gopherit v2.0: EEEEwwwwwww…..
I suffered from Stagnetti’s Revenge once on a road trip through Italy. Never again. I was a human espresso machine.
The best special effects you’ll ever fast-forward through…
It makes sense. All those Wall Street types are out of work with nothing to do but sit at home and jack it to BBW lesbians. Is there any way I can also invest in daytime TV and not taking showers?
Well, DUH.
Everyone knows that in a volatile market, the only stable investment is porn.
FreshCliches:
Hey–that line is from Trekkie Monster in Avenue Q says.
After all, The Internet is for porn. How can potty-mouthed puppets possibly be wrong? Esp. when they slip the Tony right out from under the over-produced Wicked.