COWARDS  3:01 pm September 24, 2008

BREAKING: Ha Ha, McCain Wants To Postpone Debate Because He’s Losing Because He’s So Worried About Economy

by Ken Layne

OH NOES!Here’s your Associated Press bulletin:

AP NewsAlert
Sep 24 02:51 PM US/Eastern
NEW YORK (AP) – John McCain wants to delay debate with Obama to focus on economic crisis.

Has there ever been another presidential campaign that consisted solely of dumb muppet stunts? [The Trail]

 
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{ 192 comments }

worrytron September 24, 2008 at 3:03 pm

the facts are biased

catsquatch September 24, 2008 at 3:03 pm

He clearly needs time to consult with Caribou Slut Barbie for tips on foreign policy.

Blue Line September 24, 2008 at 3:04 pm

What a vote of confidence!

AngryBlakGuy September 24, 2008 at 3:04 pm

…WoW, he just pulled a Palin! Well maybe not, she wanted to send her second in command in her place and there is no way WALNUTS! is that senile!

WIDTAP September 24, 2008 at 3:04 pm

Couter-propose that Biden and Palin schedule a replacement debate on Friday, in addition to the currently scheduled VP debate. That will allow McCain and Obama to focus on the economy as McCain suggests.

Win-win.

CornFedIABoy September 24, 2008 at 3:05 pm

Time for McCain to get back to Washington and make sure there’s none of that pesky regulation getting added into his bailout.

Terry September 24, 2008 at 3:05 pm

McCain’s pretty much in complete free fall now, isn’t he? His staff must be afraid that he’d go off on a rant during the debate and let folks see the real him.

shortsshortsshorts September 24, 2008 at 3:05 pm

Handcuff him to a chair, and make him participate.
No wait don’t do that he likes being tied down…

Borat September 24, 2008 at 3:05 pm

I thought it is because walnuts thinks he lost his keys and can’t find his way home.

(Memo to Walnuts – the keys are in your shoes)

PoliTacky September 24, 2008 at 3:05 pm

YES! COMEDY SOLUTION: Obama should TOTALLY HOLD THE DEBATE ANYWAY, fuck McCain if he doesn’t show up!

Canmon (the Inadequate) September 24, 2008 at 3:05 pm

Shouldn’t a President be able to do both?

Lascauxcaveman September 24, 2008 at 3:06 pm

I hear Meatballs-era Bill Murray shouting in the background; “It just doesn’t matter! It just doesn’t matter!”

rambone September 24, 2008 at 3:06 pm

What exactly does John McCain plan on doing when he returns to DC?

We all know that his injuries derived from five and one-half years of receiving sexual favors from his Asian sex slaves will prevent him from using his abacus.

lilblackcorvette September 24, 2008 at 3:06 pm

i think he thinks this looks presidential. How arrogant.

The Cold Sea September 24, 2008 at 3:06 pm

What did Roberto Duran say when Sugar Ray was whupping his ass? ¡no más!

NewSpence September 24, 2008 at 3:06 pm

Maybe he just can’t find his keys.

CornFedIABoy September 24, 2008 at 3:06 pm

Best part is there isn’t going to be any vote on Friday. There’s no way Pelosi or Reid let this thing hit the floor on Friday now.

mr.november September 24, 2008 at 3:06 pm

Sounds like he jumped the shark in the tank.

PoliticalGraffiti September 24, 2008 at 3:06 pm

what crisis? man, these politicians come up with the most ridiculous excuses

rambone September 24, 2008 at 3:06 pm

[re=106168]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Better that than Palin pulling a McCain! Wokka Wokka!

worrytron September 24, 2008 at 3:06 pm

[re=106168]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: i’ll go in mccain’s place. i’m a real jerk, nobody will know the difference.

ManchuCandidate September 24, 2008 at 3:07 pm

Oh come on people, he’s only going to delay the debate for 5 and a half days.

carerer September 24, 2008 at 3:07 pm

You do know that you just quoted the ENTIRE article. And subject of the debate is on foreign policy. However, I really, really hope it’s true.

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 24, 2008 at 3:07 pm

Barry? Here’s what you say: “I’m not cancelling. I, unlike my opponent, can both govern and communicate at the same time. And at times like these, the electorate needs to know where their leaders stand.”

That. Would. Be. AWESOME.

onosideboard September 24, 2008 at 3:08 pm

I genuinely don’t understand this… the economic crisis isn’t like a hurricane, there’s no end in sight to “resume” the campaign. What exactly does McCain suggest? Postponing the elections, too, until we’re out of a recession?

Viva la Cynthia September 24, 2008 at 3:08 pm

[re=106176]PoliTacky[/re]: That’s an SNL skit you can believe in.

southernbitch September 24, 2008 at 3:08 pm

[re=106180]lilblackcorvette[/re]: well, if he’s modeling himself after a certain recent president who also believes that discussion and debate on issues are a bad thing, and that all decisions should be made behind closed doors, then yes, yes it DOES look presidential.

Komando September 24, 2008 at 3:08 pm

He I usually try to stick solely to snark … but … like … I’m really, really serial this time … this race is now over.

Borat September 24, 2008 at 3:08 pm

Seriously, how long is the debate? 90 minutes? 2 hours? Can’t this cut into nap time?

SayItWithWookies September 24, 2008 at 3:08 pm

Hasn’t McCain missed just about every Senate vote this year? Why’s he so excited about this one? Oh right — it’s Lobbyist Christmas.

4tehlulz September 24, 2008 at 3:08 pm

[re=106176]PoliTacky[/re]: <—THIS HOPEY. ARE YOU FUCKING PAYING ATTENTION?

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 24, 2008 at 3:09 pm

[re=106177]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: Agreed. Why can’t McCain do both?

Or can’t he at least send Palin in his place? Isn’t she ready to step in from day one?

Johnny Zhivago September 24, 2008 at 3:09 pm

Send Sarah in his place!!!

What a fucking asshole!

Godot September 24, 2008 at 3:09 pm

Yeah let’s postpone the debate until this economic crisis sorts itself out. Surely it’ll all wind down in a few weeks with plenty of time left before the election. I mean the Great Depression only lasted what, 7, 8 days? We’re in the home stretch!

Kev-O-Tron September 24, 2008 at 3:09 pm

I hope Barry puts the screws to McCain on this. I’m getting to a very aggressive place about this election. I’m now fantasizing about Walnuts! taking a Ford slip down a flight of stairs and breaking a hip or something.

BTW, I had extreme difficulty sleeping last night and several Wonkette comments from yesterdays threads were scrolling through my mind in the dark AM hours while I shivered in bed. Fuck you slacker comedians for invading my sleepy time. Get out of my head!

vigilante September 24, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Gopherit v2.0 September 24, 2008 at 3:09 pm

As we all know, McCain is key to this bailout. Key, I tell you. If he wasn’t in DC, nothing would get done in congress. Given the number of times he as actually gone and voted in DC this year, that would explain a lot.

dilhavarti September 24, 2008 at 3:10 pm

Straight Talk: His buddy’s Mom’s Neighbor’s Friend’s cat has diarrhea.

Serolf Divad September 24, 2008 at 3:10 pm

I can certainly understand why McCain doesn’t want to have his “ha, ha, ha, the surge worked, suckers!” National Security debate in the midst of a U.S. Economic meltdown. After all: “ha, ha, ha, the surge worked, suckers!” is McCain’s only trump card, and if he tries to play it now the rest of the country’s going to be like: “WTF! I’m about to lose my job, my house, my boat, my car and my dog… and will probably have to sell my daughter to a wealthy Chinese financier so as not to have to pawn my guns, and McCain’s going on about Iraq? WTF!? WTF!?”

obfuscator September 24, 2008 at 3:10 pm

Obama should just get Peter Boyle to stand in for Jammakain.

Blue Line September 24, 2008 at 3:10 pm

Just like questions are sexist, debates are totally ageist.

stew September 24, 2008 at 3:10 pm

Holy Dogshit! What will that crazy old fuck do next…call for a third Bush term? Oh yeah……

jinmoom September 24, 2008 at 3:11 pm

To be fair for a minute, McCain did propose town hall style debates earlier and Obama had refused, so I’m going to call the “who hates debating more” contest even for now.

Miller September 24, 2008 at 3:11 pm

Postpone it because it will be intensely debilitating to the McCain campaign to be shown as so dramatically out of touch for a period of three hours during prime time.

I mean postpone it because of the financial something something. John’s too busy burning the midnight oil in his office coming up with a solution to debate.

http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

Borat September 24, 2008 at 3:12 pm

Obama should say: well I’m gonna be there, where the fo’ is my opponent? Oh, hiding out in washington. 2 hours FREE airtime!

Outstando September 24, 2008 at 3:13 pm

Obama should go to a retirement home in Florida and spend half the time listening to concerns from the American people, and the other half talking about his ideas for fixing the economy.

facehead September 24, 2008 at 3:13 pm

Debating about debates is like cleaning the icicles of my TruckNutz.

Word to your mother.

shortsshortsshorts September 24, 2008 at 3:13 pm

I’m sure he will be hard at work Friday night single handedly saving the economy, so he surely should back out of the debate

Gopherit v2.0 September 24, 2008 at 3:13 pm

He should pull a Palin and ask for a substitute. I know….Karl Rove!

Kev-O-Tron September 24, 2008 at 3:13 pm

[re=106210]obfuscator[/re]: I think Boyle’s dead. But…meh…same difference. Weekend at Bernies with Peter Boyle would be far more intelligent than Jammakain.

PoliTacky September 24, 2008 at 3:13 pm

[re=106195]Viva la Cynthia[/re]: Hmmm, wonder if I can get some kind of referral fee.
[re=106201]4tehlulz[/re]: Say what, now?

magic titty September 24, 2008 at 3:13 pm

Haha – Barack should convert it to a town hall to talk to the peeps about why John McCain is a fucking dick.

eatsshootsleaves September 24, 2008 at 3:14 pm

No, Obama can’t just be like, “Fuck that,” because then McCain will be like “HE IS PUTTING POLITICS OVER COUNTRY” even though this entire move on McCain’s part is basically putting politics over country considering the debate is all of a few hours. I have no idea how Obama is going to respond to this, but I really don’t think it makes McCain look anything other than desperate.

whatever_dc September 24, 2008 at 3:14 pm

is this not the lamest stunt EVER???? what is he going to do? roll pennies at the mint? hopey should say — nice try sport and continue kicking his ass!!!

lilblackcorvette September 24, 2008 at 3:14 pm

way to break Barry’s momentum.

obfuscator September 24, 2008 at 3:14 pm

[re=106208]dilhavarti[/re]: Straight Talk: He completely forgot that he promised to help Lindsey Graham’s best friend’s cousin move into a new apartment Saturday morning, so he needs to get to bed by 7:00 Friday evening. Totes sorry, America.

Gopherit v2.0 September 24, 2008 at 3:14 pm

[re=106213]jinmoom[/re]: Yeah, cuz that wouldn’t make him look like a petulant, senile dickhead at all.

facehead September 24, 2008 at 3:15 pm

EVERYBODY!!!! [re=106206]vigilante[/re] is back!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!! THE PARTY CAN START!!!!!!

AngryBlakGuy September 24, 2008 at 3:15 pm

…he could always get Ted Stevens to stand in for WALNUTS!

Borat September 24, 2008 at 3:15 pm

[re=106179]rambone[/re]: By receiving sexual favors, I assume you ONLY mean he was takin’ it. There is no other suggestion possible. God, what I’d do to him for 5 1/2 years as a young enemy pilot you don’t even want to imagine. Or, maybe you do?

wtf_files September 24, 2008 at 3:16 pm

I think the nation can spare him for a couple hours during prime time to get his ass eaten alive, er — to participate.

shortsshortsshorts September 24, 2008 at 3:17 pm

[re=106235]facehead[/re]: WOOO!!! Will Palin pop out of a birthday cake?

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 24, 2008 at 3:17 pm

[re=106214]Miller[/re]: See, that’s part of what makes this so rich. A week ago, McCain was all, “the fundementals of the economy are strong.” And then, at snail increments, he started realizing, oopsy, this is a big ol’ shitstorm. So then he tried to become The Regulator! And no one bought it. So then he’s talking about firing the head of the SEC (or the FEC, depending upon which speech you’re listening to), even though neither of them seem to be to blame. And everyone is just laughing and laughing at him.

This basically boils down to him saying, “Stop laughing at me! I’m taking this seriously!” And if he can skip talking to anyone until the election, he’d basically rather, anyway.

magic titty September 24, 2008 at 3:17 pm

[re=106163]worrytron[/re]: Yes, it seems they are in the tank.

Komando September 24, 2008 at 3:18 pm

No wait, I’m totally serial. What the hell is this? Is this a stunt? Is it crying uncle? I’m scared!

NoWireHangers September 24, 2008 at 3:18 pm

Time out! That one was practice. I called dibs before. No slap backs. Punch buggy blue! Look over there. Oops! I crapped my pants…

But seriously, what could WALNUTS! of all people possibly do to help the current economic situation? I wouldn’t trust him to balance my checkbook.

lilblackcorvette September 24, 2008 at 3:18 pm

did you read the entire article? Obama called him this morning to issue a joint statement. Now McCAin is acting all like I was thinkging about this all the while. Barry, Just get up and call BULLSHIT!

Outstando September 24, 2008 at 3:18 pm

Invite McCain to the town hall, and then stick an empty podium up there.

Sussemilch September 24, 2008 at 3:19 pm

Yep, Obama should show up anyway and answer all the questions, and we can get nice wide shots of the empty podium, perfectly illustrating the McCain stragety.

AngryBlakGuy September 24, 2008 at 3:19 pm

…ironically this fukk up of a President can find 30 minutes during this economic cluster fukk to talk on TV tonight! So why the hell cant WALNUTS! find 90 minutes to debate Barry?!?!?!?!?!

JadedDIssonance September 24, 2008 at 3:19 pm

har har. this trick only works for hurricanes.

magic titty September 24, 2008 at 3:19 pm

[re=106193]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: They’d trash him as a sassy Negro.

Borat September 24, 2008 at 3:19 pm

[re=106180]lilblackcorvette[/re]: To look presidential, you need to think about what other presidents would do. Bush for example. What would he do?

Read some goat book to 2nd graders I think. Hey, why doesn’t he do a video call in to the debate and read the same book?

The Neoskeptic September 24, 2008 at 3:19 pm

Tomorrow morning, I will suspend my campaign and return to Washington after speaking at the Clinton Global Initiative. I have spoken to Senator Obama and informed him of my decision and have asked him to join me.

It’s a setup. Rove is going to hide a gun in the bathroom and Michael Corleone is going to shoot Obama!

bitchincamaro September 24, 2008 at 3:19 pm

[re=106176]PoliTacky[/re]: Totally hold the debate anyway, with an empty wheel-chair and dangling I-V rack standing by.

[re=106170]WIDTAP[/re]: Did you mean “cooter proposal”?

graceless September 24, 2008 at 3:20 pm

I’m hearing that he’s suspending his campaign. I wonder if he means it the same way Hillary meant it.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122228304121472135.html?mod=googlenews_wsj

King of Pants September 24, 2008 at 3:20 pm

[re=106213]jinmoom[/re]: To be also fair, if Obama had agreed to a series of town hall style debates, which supposedly favor McCain, Obama would be a fool. “What a generous offer!”

The Neoskeptic September 24, 2008 at 3:20 pm

this is now officially a trillion-whore diamond circus

kellygrrrl September 24, 2008 at 3:21 pm

Ultimate Hail Mary Pass!!!

Gopherit v2.0 September 24, 2008 at 3:21 pm

[re=106206]vigilante[/re]: Um, no.

JeffGoldblum September 24, 2008 at 3:22 pm

[re=106227]magic titty[/re]: That would be the greatest thing ever. Then for the rest of the campaign Barry can bitch about how that prick McCain refused to go to his Town Hall Meeting and THATS why the race got negative.

PoliTacky September 24, 2008 at 3:22 pm

wait wait wait… he’s ‘suspending’ his campaign and not debating!

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122228304121472135.html?mod=googlenews_wsj

Nobody likes a QUITTER, WALNUTS! That’s so not Amurikanz.

stew September 24, 2008 at 3:22 pm

[re=106213]jinmoom[/re]: McNasty is doing this because even Fox has Obama up by six today. He’s a scared, rattled and desperate.

Texan Bulldoggette September 24, 2008 at 3:22 pm

Well crap, I go to make cupcakes with my little boy & meanwhile, Walnuts is admitting he can’t walk & chew gum at the same time. BTW, did anyone inform Walnuts this is a foreign policy debate???

Now Barry can totally say that Walnuts fornicates with squirrels, slaps around autistic children & pees on his shoes because Walnuts wouldn’t debate him in uhmmm…an officially sanctioned presidential debate.

(Also, thanks for the Drudge-esque flashing siren–I almost started convulsing!)

Outstando September 24, 2008 at 3:23 pm

Um, a president needs to be able to walk and chew gum at the same time.

4tehlulz September 24, 2008 at 3:23 pm

Apparently, WALNUTS has not been probably introduced to speakerphone, which could allow him to attend and speak at meetings from exotic, faraway places like Mississippi.

magic titty September 24, 2008 at 3:23 pm

Anyone know what happened to ‘Jeff Goldblum’? Did the SKS disappear him or some shit?

OuterBoroughPrincess September 24, 2008 at 3:23 pm

The response to this is going to be bananas. I’m predicting a blame-it-on-an-intern-mistakenly-sending-a-press-release retraction.

AngryBlakGuy September 24, 2008 at 3:23 pm

[re=106261]bitchincamaro[/re]: +1!

Texan Bulldoggette September 24, 2008 at 3:24 pm

[re=106210]obfuscator[/re]: Peter Boyle is dead. Sorry….would have been funny to hear him say “Holy Crap!”

S.Luggo September 24, 2008 at 3:24 pm

[re=106210]obfuscator[/re]:
Peter’s:
A. A Democrat.
B. Dead.

While McCain will be one of those eventually, he’ll never be the other.

Delicious September 24, 2008 at 3:24 pm

Time for a quote from “Top Gun,” the hit movie about John McCain’s training as a jet pilot:

Obama: You’re everyone’s problem. That’s because every time you go up in the air, you’re unsafe. I don’t like you because you’re dangerous.

McCain: That’s right! Ice… man. I am dangerous.

PoliTacky September 24, 2008 at 3:25 pm

[re=106261]bitchincamaro[/re]: Or, a single walnut with googly eyes glued to it. Maybe they can get Robert Smigel to do McCain’s voice and nudge it around like its’ moving.

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 24, 2008 at 3:25 pm

The Arizona senator compared the situation to that facing the nation following the 2001 terrorist attacks, saying politics must be put aside for the moment. “We must show that kind of patriotism now,” he said. “Americans across our country lament the fact that partisan divisions in Washington have prevented us from addressing our national challenges. Now is our chance to come together to prove that Washington is once again capable of leading this country,” he added.

WHAT a LOAD of bullshit. It’s patriotic to avoid the electorate? Pussy.

lilblackcorvette September 24, 2008 at 3:25 pm

[re=106268]PoliTacky[/re]: Heeeer’s MITTENS!!

ihasasad September 24, 2008 at 3:26 pm

MURDER YELLOW TEETH!

Gomez Adams September 24, 2008 at 3:26 pm

Wait a minute. McCain doesn’t work on weekends, so… If you’re scared, say you’re scared.

sati demise September 24, 2008 at 3:26 pm

[re=106196]southernbitch[/re]: Damn straight talk there.

McCain does not want to talk to Hopey about foreign policy now.
Because they will have to talk about the huge bomb in Pakistan, and McCain knows nothing about the region or current events without Lieberman standing next to him. So, it would be a double shot, looking dumb on the economic crisis and dumb on foreign policy. Voting has begun after all! So, could get even more Independents over to the smart guy Hopester.

Or McCain is scheming with the GOP about how to throw this vote on the bail out.

[re=106234]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Would have stopped the McNasty campaign from lying their asses off, too, I suppose.

ManchuCandidate September 24, 2008 at 3:26 pm

[re=106280]Delicious[/re]:
McCain’s gay, too?

Rush September 24, 2008 at 3:27 pm

Is McCain even on the Committee that is reviewing the bailout proposal and giving Bush’s financial team the proctology exam of their lifetime?

4tehlulz September 24, 2008 at 3:28 pm

WALNUTS is teh suck:

At 8:30 this morning, Senator Obama called Senator McCain to ask him if he would join in issuing a joint statement outlining their shared principles and conditions for the Treasury proposal and urging Congress and the White House to act in a bipartisan manner to pass such a proposal. At 2:30 this afternoon, Senator McCain returned Senator Obama’s call and agreed to join him in issuing such a statement.

timeoutofmind September 24, 2008 at 3:28 pm

does walnuts realize that she hasn’t been elected yet, and there are duly-elected idiots still holding office that are capable of robbing, stealing and (heh) solving the crisis ?

i think the economy is quite capable of sailing off the end of the earth without the help of walnuts and peggy hill focusing their brain-powers on it.

Borat September 24, 2008 at 3:29 pm

[re=106200]SayItWithWookies[/re]: There’s a lot that can fall from the trees with $700b. Enough to make Cindy Brady look poor. Then he can kiss that cunt goodbye and go after Snowbilly or those Brazillian models he has wet dreams over

Rush September 24, 2008 at 3:29 pm

By the way Wonkette, very Drudgelike with your neon siren. What time is the circle jerk and who is bringing the rye bread?

Baconcat September 24, 2008 at 3:29 pm

[re=106181]The Cold Sea[/re]: You on wonkette now? Awesome! Welcome to the party!

HollowBrain September 24, 2008 at 3:29 pm

WTF_Files:I think the nation can spare him for a couple hours during prime time to get his [i]ass eaten[/i] alive, er — to participate.

He’s not in Nam anymore.

Gopherit v2.0 September 24, 2008 at 3:29 pm

[re=106268]PoliTacky[/re]: Hey now, John McCain IS the economy. He learned all he needed to know in his FIVE AND A HALF YEARS in a cage. Without him, this country would grind to a halt. Or something.

Does he realize that more than half of Americans hate the idea of a bailout? They’d rather lose their jobs and live in tent cities than to make sure the cocksuckers on Wall Street can still afford their Country Club dues.

ms_mcgee September 24, 2008 at 3:29 pm

Is it sad that this totally fucks up my plans for Friday night? Wait, don’t answer that…

JeffGoldblum September 24, 2008 at 3:29 pm

McCain needs to call up Mr. Wilson from Dennis The Menace to fill in for him. Their positions on the issues are pretty much exactly the same.

OuterBoroughPrincess September 24, 2008 at 3:30 pm

From the AP:

The Obama campaign said Obama had called McCain around 8:30 a.m. Wednesday to propose that they issue a joint statement in support of a package to help fix the economy as soon as possible. McCain called back six hours later and agreed to the idea of the statement, the Obama campaign said. McCain’s statement was issued to the media a few minutes later.

Wow. What a dick.

btwbfdimho September 24, 2008 at 3:30 pm

[re=106268]PoliTacky[/re]:
McCain’t: “I suspend the campaign so I can spend more time counting my houses”.

evolutionista September 24, 2008 at 3:31 pm

well, we all know he doesn’t like torture, so…

The Neoskeptic September 24, 2008 at 3:31 pm

this is a perfect picture of the difference between the candidates. Obama: willing to talk about ideas and demonstrate his preparedness for office. McCain: resorting to political stunts and Patriotic anxiety-attacks.

Gopherit v2.0 September 24, 2008 at 3:31 pm

[re=106293]4tehlulz[/re]: Aww…Obama stole his thunder, so he has to one up him by going to DC? I guess if you can use teh Tubez, you have to be where the paper and pencils are.

PoliTacky September 24, 2008 at 3:31 pm

[re=106284]lilblackcorvette[/re]: Mittens: “The GOP has made a terrible mistake, and I, Mitt Romney, will now be running for president! I will be replacing Sarah Palin with this facsimile woman-shaped Rice-Krispy Treat. Thank you, and may the Mormon Space Jesus bless America!”

bitchincamaro September 24, 2008 at 3:31 pm

[re=106180]lilblackcorvette[/re]: You’re right. The more I think about it, the more I realize this is the height of arrogance. Like we need the motherfucker to drop everything and suddenly get interested in the welfare of the country. “McHoover First!”

Sussemilch September 24, 2008 at 3:31 pm

“It is time for both parties to come together to solve this problem,” he said. “We must meet as Americans, not as Democrats or Republicans, and we must meet until this crisis is resolved.”

“Hey, if I had a magic wand I could wave to use – say, computers – to send messages instantly to each other, we would be able to do both the debates and the crisis management. But this isn’t fantasy land, this is 2008 and I have a prostate the size of New Zealand,” McCain added, then grew seven new tumors on his face.

AnnieGetYourFun September 24, 2008 at 3:32 pm

[re=106176]PoliTacky[/re]: He can question himself sternly, and then answer calmly in that melodious voice of his. Sigh… I think I just creamed myself.

WagTehGod September 24, 2008 at 3:32 pm

I’m totally disoriented here. It’s a total hack stunt on McCain’s part, but I have enough independents in my family to know they’ll fall for this. All it does is reinforce this Country First bullshit that everyone with a brain knows isn’t true.

Borat September 24, 2008 at 3:32 pm

[re=106209]Serolf Divad[/re]: Hey the SURGE only cost like $500 billion. Chump change (or <1000 bridges to nowhere)

magic titty September 24, 2008 at 3:32 pm

[re=106283]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: He is so fucking desperate. Palin will soon be sent out to SHOW YOUR TITS! SHOW YOUR TITS! SHOW YOUR TITS! at the next “rally” in Daytona Beach.

Schadenfried September 24, 2008 at 3:33 pm

Maybe he needs more time to practice with that nice Negro man from Maryland.

Varchar September 24, 2008 at 3:33 pm

[re=106280]Delicious[/re]: Obama should just start refering to McCain as “Maverick” in his best Val Kilmer voice. Actually, that’s probably a bad idea. People think Top Gun is the best war documentary ever made. (USA!)

jncox September 24, 2008 at 3:35 pm

I go to Ole Miss and have been highly inconvenienced this entire semester while the university and community prepares for the debate.
Robert Khayat is going to kick someone’s ass.

ms_mcgee September 24, 2008 at 3:35 pm

[re=106304]OuterBoroughPrincess[/re]: Air sucked out of my chest. I hate them, I hate them, I hate them. Fucking bastards. Very bipartisan move, jackass.

stew September 24, 2008 at 3:35 pm

If it’s a joint statement, why is McCain’s wrinkled face the only one I see on the news networks grandstanding his ass off.

StrangelyBrown September 24, 2008 at 3:36 pm

Here’s a question: so what’s Governor Sarah going to be doing while the McCain campaign is “suspended”? Tanning? Finally finding the time to testify before that panel in Alaska? Campaigning anyway? ‘Cause she sure isn’t going to be on the Hill with Walnuts, unless Friday is also “bring your daughter to work day”.

JeffGoldblum September 24, 2008 at 3:37 pm

[re=106275]magic titty[/re]: I know what happened to me, if that’s what you mean.

HuskyMescan September 24, 2008 at 3:37 pm

McCain will do anything for attention. This means more face time on teevee.
It’s that simple.

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 24, 2008 at 3:37 pm

[re=106304]OuterBoroughPrincess[/re]: Oh, that is just too much. KO and Rachel Maddow are going to be a rare delight tonight. I’ll be needing boxed wine and Cheetohs for this.

[re=106318]magic titty[/re]: Unfortunately, no one will have the money or the gas to get there. Poor Barbie. All tarted up and no where to go.

Sussemilch September 24, 2008 at 3:37 pm

oh, snap. “Following September 11th, our national leaders came together at a time of crisis…”

Don’t you pull that “I’m feeling all bipartisanny” bullshit with me.

HomoPolitico September 24, 2008 at 3:38 pm

I don’t know what everyone is freaking out about. He only wants to delay the debate for FIVE AND HALF YEARS, ALAN!

facehead September 24, 2008 at 3:38 pm

[re=106252]Sussemilch[/re]: Ah, the Beckett strategy.

magic titty September 24, 2008 at 3:38 pm

[re=106267]JeffGoldblum[/re]: Indeed. Glad you’re back, btw.

They better not postpone with sumbitch. I want to hear McCain say the words ‘malarkey’ and ‘H-bomb’ this week, goddamit. I’m tired of waiting.

jasonelias September 24, 2008 at 3:38 pm

Wimp! Coward and or loser. Who is going to suspend their campaign over this. The debate should not be postponed and should go on as planned.

capt. tim September 24, 2008 at 3:39 pm

Obama just needs to tell the old man that he is prepared to debate AND deal with the economy NOW, and he doesn’t need to take time off because he is competent enough to divide his attentions. A skill that will be necessary to lead the nation. Then Biden can say “OH SNAP!”

S.Luggo September 24, 2008 at 3:39 pm

Phase two:
A. Barry will not respond immediately to McAged’s cry-nouncement.
B. Walnut’s hitman and chief pedophile Schmidt will then draft a PR declaring that, just to further his chance to become the first darky president, elist Barry is willing to sacrifice the economy and the ability of the Bitters to buy afford preemo crystal.

Remember, dear readers, you heard it here first. Off the record, on the QT, and very hush-hush.

PoliTacky September 24, 2008 at 3:39 pm

[re=106301]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: “You know who I was debating for 5 and a half years? MY VIET CONG CAPTORS WHO TORTURED ME, My Friends!!” lolz

[re=106305]btwbfdimho[/re]: “I’m suspending my campaign because I already paid a bunch of Rove’s hacks for a risky game plan of juvenile name-calling and mindless tabloid smears, and now that I’m out of money, I can’t afford a new game plan.”

Clyde Midia September 24, 2008 at 3:40 pm

Tuned in to FOX to see their take on this……….anyone else think that Shepard Smith has a huge cock????
Just askin’

Borat September 24, 2008 at 3:41 pm

[re=106206]vigilante[/re]: I’m not going to waste my time. Let me guess its some crap about how great nadir is and how he should be our god and he is the best, and eveyrone else is losers

OuterBoroughPrincess September 24, 2008 at 3:41 pm

[re=106323]ms_mcgee[/re]: [re=106328]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Dick move, thy name is Walnuts!

capt. tim September 24, 2008 at 3:41 pm

plus you know he’s only suspending the campaign because they don’t have bob evans restaurants nation wide. and with woolworths being regional where is he supposed to buy his jowl toning elixr?

HuskyMescan September 24, 2008 at 3:41 pm

Or he could be delaying because of this:
http://www.americablog.com/2008/09/this-one-is-for-john-edwards-and-jonah.html – Sarah Palin Lover Revealed.

I’ll go pentecostal and pray to god for this to be true.

ThePuckStopsHere September 24, 2008 at 3:42 pm

Why didn’t he say it’s “time to put on our ‘American’ hats”, again? What an asshat.

Vewol Mevemont September 24, 2008 at 3:42 pm

Not enough town hall debates!

Wait, too many town hall debates!

WTF.

Gopherit v2.0 September 24, 2008 at 3:42 pm

[re=106302]ms_mcgee[/re]: Mine too.

HuskyMescan September 24, 2008 at 3:43 pm

[re=106338]Clyde Midia[/re]: Yeah , an inverted huge cock which is just a real deep vagina.

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 24, 2008 at 3:43 pm

[re=106329]Sussemilch[/re]: I just love how he seems to think that this is equivalent to 9/11 in severity. PEOPLE DIED IN 2001 YOU MORON!!!

bitchincamaro September 24, 2008 at 3:43 pm

[re=106282]PoliTacky[/re]: Hahahaha. Anything with that Smeigal fellow makes me pee my pants!

Rush September 24, 2008 at 3:43 pm

Anyone getting a Ross Perot flashback who left the ’92 race because of aliens at his daughters wedding and then re-entered the race to get under the hood and solve problems.

MplsMama September 24, 2008 at 3:45 pm

This vote is important because it actually affects him and his family, unlike the healthcare crisis, the war, foreclosures, the cost of fuel… Way to go Walnuts!

OffTheRecord September 24, 2008 at 3:46 pm

Holy crap. I walk away from the internet for an hour and jamaccain goes completely batshit insane…in public.

MplsMama September 24, 2008 at 3:46 pm

[re=106193]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Agreed. What kind of leader can’t handle more than one thing at a time?

V572625694 September 24, 2008 at 3:47 pm

[re=106261]bitchincamaro[/re]: Gov Palin handles all the cooter proposals.

columnv September 24, 2008 at 3:48 pm

[re=106189]ManchuCandidate[/re]: you mean FIVE AND A HALF DAYS!!!!!1!!

PoliTacky September 24, 2008 at 3:49 pm

[re=106313]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Since McCain won’t be there, they should have Barack discussing his policies while shooting hoops without a shirt on… :) hahaha

[re=106318]magic titty[/re]: I still think they should have picked Republican porn star Mary Carey.

Gopherit v2.0 September 24, 2008 at 3:50 pm

[re=106193]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Yeah, we’ve already had 8 years of “can’t watch t.v. and eat pretzels at the same time.”

JeffGoldblum September 24, 2008 at 3:51 pm

[re=106338]Clyde Midia[/re]: Most Wonketty comment of the day. Well done.

magic titty September 24, 2008 at 3:53 pm

[re=106386]PoliTacky[/re]: She’s too classy.

naveed September 24, 2008 at 3:54 pm

What a fucking retard. His campaign is over. You can’t call a time out during crises in the real world.

Godot September 24, 2008 at 3:55 pm

[re=106278]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I don’t see how that makes him any less qualified as a McCain stand-in.

S.Luggo September 24, 2008 at 3:55 pm

[re=106331]facehead[/re]: No Absurdist references allowed. Where do think you are? Wasilla city council?

JadedDIssonance September 24, 2008 at 3:58 pm

this is huge this is huge this is huge. Muahahahaha!!

Miss Pop Tart September 24, 2008 at 4:01 pm

OH HELL NO! He’s SO full of crap…what happened to the “strong fundamentals of the economy?”

Harold Yicches September 24, 2008 at 4:05 pm

Well, Sarah Quaylin needs to demonstrate that she’s ready to step up in a heartbeat, right? So now’s her chance. Let her take over for her boss on Friday and debate Obama in his place. *That* should be mightily entertaining.

Chumley September 24, 2008 at 4:07 pm

If McCain is comparing this to 9/11, does that make Phil Gramm the new Khalid Shaikh Mohammed?

What we need here is a tasteful painting of Jesus weeping over Wall St.

DieOnTheTurnpike September 24, 2008 at 4:09 pm

Did McCain lose his own mock debates with Black Republican, and is now using this crisis as an excuse to get out of the real ones?

4tehlulz September 24, 2008 at 4:10 pm

[re=106446]Miss Pop Tart[/re]: The fundamentals still are strong; his wife still has money.

magic titty September 24, 2008 at 4:12 pm

[re=106488]DieOnTheTurnpike[/re]: WIN. WIN. WIN.

Golitely September 24, 2008 at 4:12 pm

Is it really necessary to insult the Muppets, here?

Also, give me a fucking break, “McCain”.

lazynamepicker September 24, 2008 at 4:14 pm

I guess the dog ate his debate notes. Or his printer isn’t working. Oh, wait, he doesn’t know how to use a computer. Must stick with dog excuse.

PoliTacky September 24, 2008 at 4:14 pm

[re=106407]magic titty[/re]: Agreed! Maybe Palin can borrow some of Carey’s fingerless white lace gloves for her next fake foreign photo-op meeting with Kim Jong-Il.

Golitely September 24, 2008 at 4:15 pm

[re=106180]lilblackcorvette[/re]: This is the exactly the kind of abrupt pointless shit we can look forward to if he’s President. This man has no place holding executive power. I say his suspended campaign means Obama wins automatically. By forfeit. No timesies-outsies. Jeeeebuz.

magic titty September 24, 2008 at 4:24 pm

[re=106514]PoliTacky[/re]: When is her chat with Anwar Sadat and Ichiro anyway? Next Monday?

Sussemilch September 24, 2008 at 4:26 pm

[re=106355]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: no shit boss. you said it!

DangerousLiberal September 24, 2008 at 4:27 pm

[re=106228]eatsshootsleaves[/re]: He’s gonna call bullshit on McCain, just like about 70 percent of Americans are going to. Whatta pussy.

Johnetic September 24, 2008 at 4:34 pm

The thing that personally sucks for me is that i now have no excuse for getting blind drunk on Friday night. Except for the pending financial meltdown and mobs of homeless khaki wearing bankers roaming the streets of Charlotte as if they were waiting for David Carridine to mow their asses down (bankers points just went up from 75 to 150).

Blind drunkness, here I come.

Roll Fish September 24, 2008 at 4:38 pm

old man McCain stop shouting just sit down we’ll take care of everything.

PoliTacky September 24, 2008 at 4:41 pm

[re=106555]magic titty[/re]: I don’t know, do they owe the GOP any favors like Kissinger obviously did? Maybe she’ll start setting up meeting in iHops to ‘share our Americun kulchure with them foreigns.’

jodyleek September 24, 2008 at 4:46 pm

[re=106185]mr.november[/re]: Comedy gold!

seriesoftubescleaner September 24, 2008 at 4:48 pm

Fedex couldn’t deliver his special order thin form-factor Depends until Saturday Morning. Damn it!

Clyde Midia September 24, 2008 at 4:52 pm

CINDY, you cunt…..bring me a new Depends!

CrabtreesBludgeon September 24, 2008 at 5:27 pm

[re=106473]Chumley[/re]: “what we need here is a tasteful painting of jesus weeping over Wall St.” done in Day-Glo paint on black velvet

huffybike September 24, 2008 at 5:40 pm

http://tinyurl.com/3gg4p9

You guys, he just can’t stay up until 11.

Texas2Step September 24, 2008 at 7:16 pm

[re=106189]ManchuCandidate[/re]: No, FIVE AND A HALF YEARS!!!!!

Can anybody catch the smell of desperation? Eau de la Flop Sweat?

AutomaticPilot September 24, 2008 at 7:20 pm

[re=106182]NewSpence[/re]: which is scary because he’s currently at the wheel and his left blinker has been on for the last fifty miles.

AutomaticPilot September 24, 2008 at 7:28 pm

[re=106202]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Isn’t she ready to step in from day one?

In what respect, Charlie?

mcfrady September 24, 2008 at 7:37 pm

when Fix News has obama up by SIX points, you know its over!

PublicPretender September 24, 2008 at 7:58 pm

This problem is easily solved. Obama debates himself, much like Woody Allen in “Bananas”. Check out the 3:57 mark where Woody calls himself as a witness.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8a3mk9sp0oE

scarface1950 September 24, 2008 at 8:22 pm

walnuts….go back to dc and stick your dick in a garbage disposal you fucking piece of shit!!!

tocute2btrue September 24, 2008 at 9:42 pm

With the people that I have on my side I probably can’t get Dog Cather.

ghardcastle September 24, 2008 at 10:25 pm

Oh thank God John McCain will save us all! Phew that was close. Now I can sleep at night knowing Ol’ Maverick’s on the case.

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