Sarah Palin’s Alleged Lover’s Estranged Wife’s Brother’s Former Brother-In-Law Speaks!

  affairs

'I did not have sex with that woman'Well, if the National Enquirer’s latest story isn’t entirely factual we will just eat our hats. Once upon a time Sarah Palin’s husband Todd had a business partner — no, not that one — some snowmobile dealer named Brad Hanson, and Sarah Palin allegedly had an affair with this fellow. You see, Todd was always away on business, but Todd’s business partner stayed home, for the purposes of fucking Todd’s wife, apparently! So says the former brother-in-law of the brother of Hanson’s wife.

He took a lie detector test and everything, so it must be true! He is backed up by an anonymous source who says “Brad was a good listener,” which is Alaskan code for “he was a furry.”

SARAH PALIN LOVER REVEALED! [National Enquirer]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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118 comments

  1. El Bombastico

    In Alaska, how do you tell the Furries apart from just regular folks wearing heavy animal coats because of the cold? Quandry.

  2. LittlePig

    Good thing she has the gargantuan lipstick phallus to take care of her now. Those Florida folks were just trying to keep her from straying.

  3. Outstando

    If I use the term ‘potlatch’ loosely, will I get banned?

    I bet they listened to Michael Murphey while they did it on a polar bear rug.

    She ran calling ‘Wildfire’….

  4. nyhfrog

    [re=105913]grendel[/re]: This is absolutely vital to my final opinion as well. If one doesn’t exist then,perhaps, one of the impersonators on youtube could make one. A reenactment would help me better understand what went on.

  5. Texan Bulldoggette

    Hee Hee & this is all the low-info bitters (who Walnuts thinks will vote for any vagina) will see about this woman. Walnuts’s campaign will threaten to sue (again) & give this story more legs. I love me a good Republican sex scandal.

  6. greg

    Damn, but that is a fantastic headline. Anyone who can keep that family tree in line can have my $700 billion any day.

  7. shortsshortsshorts

    Fucktober approaches quickly. This story, if it goes anywhere, will probably go in the trash. Whether legitimate or not, Republican women are immune to sex scandals because they are not totes gay, but appeal to the evangelical/polygamist crowd.

  8. StrangelyBrown

    Yes, but what does Sarah’s father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate have to say?

  9. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    “Todd found out about the affair and was so mad he broke up their partnership at the snowmobile dealership,” Burdett claimed.

    Todd was doing him, too? Sorry. The story needed a little gay, to get the right traction.

  10. azw88

    Well, looking at the picture in the Enquirer, she seems to be justifying her affair by showing us that Todd has a very small dick!(what was it that george Carlin said about guys named Todd?? oh yeah…. guys named vinnie and Joe could KICK THEIR ASS!)

  11. Vanity Smurf

    [re=105913]grendel[/re]: I second your demand. There has got to be a sex tape feature at least one of these Snowbillies. I don’t really care which one, I just want a sex tape scandal so Paris Hilton can go on Hardball and tell Tweety about how one should deal with a sex tape.

  12. toastandlove

    [re=105914]El Bombastico[/re]: You don’t, all Alaskans are furries.

    That fellow’s fur-sona must have been a polar bear, which explains why Glasses! wants them all to die.

  13. RogueDC

    [re=105924]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: “The first night I was in bed with Todd sober, I looked down at his manhood and said, ‘thanks, but no thanks.’ “

  14. Chicken Smack

    [re=105924]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: “Can you turn John’s mike down a little more? He’s hurting my fucking ears.”

  15. ManchuCandidate

    Sarah Barracuda?

    So this ain’t the end -
    I saw you again today
    I had to turn my TV off
    Lied like the sun -
    Doctrines of Bush?
    And tales – it never fails!

    You flying so low for the wolves
    I bet you wanna jump on me
    You’d rather have me down down on my knees
    Now wouldn’t you, Barracuda?

    Back over time we were all
    Rugged and free
    I met the First Dude and you
    No right no wrong, porking for fun-
    A dark, sexy game.

    If the lying don’t do the trick
    You better make up something quick
    You say I’m gonna burn burn over this affair
    Ooooooh, barracuda?

    Ride me Ride me your hoohah said
    Lie lie lie to save your career
    You…i think you gave me crabs too.

    All that night and all the next
    Screw without looking back
    No payback for lusty folks? – silly fools!

    If the lying don’t do the trick
    You better make up something quick
    You say I’m gonna burn burn over this affair
    Ooooooh, barracuda?

    Ohhhhhhhhhhhh.

  16. shoeho

    [re=105924]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: And Todd said “Nine inches,” and I said, “Honey, that’s about this much, right?,” when we were discussing how much tape he needed to hang up that poster in Willow’s room.

  17. azw88

    from the article: “Sarah was elected mayor of Wasilla, Brad became a city council member in the nearby town of Palmer, and they started an affair.”

    It wasn’t an affair, it was inter-governmental cooperation. Which proves that She is ready to be Veep. She is will to fuck people (and fuck them over) in order to get the job done! That’s why she didn’t want the cameas there the other day… she was going to give Karzai a ‘hummer’ and not the H1 either!

  18. UnindictedCo-conspirator

    I think they should just admit to being the swingers they obviously are, and then all these “cheating” rumors can be laid to rest.

  19. FlakJack

    I thought ‘he was a good listener’ was Alaskan for ‘he has an 11-incher.’ Who among us doesn’t think Sarah is, among her many narcissistic endeavors, a total size queen?

  20. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=105951]RogueDC[/re]: “The first night I was in bed with Todd sober, I looked down at his manhood and said, ‘thanks, but no thanks.’”

    “I put it on eBay.”

  21. PoliTacky

    Aaaaw…. It seems like just yesterday that National Enquirer/American Media, Inc. was getting anthrax in the mail! To be fair, NEnq did “break” the amazing story about Bristol Palin’s pregnancy with the groundbreaking journalistic technique of taking a picture of her huge pregnant belly.

    Anyway, another Palin tabloid distraction? McCain must need people to not pay attention to something else.

  22. simetrias

    Did anyone notice the cute captions when you mouse over the pix on this site? Sarah Palin: “I did not have sex with that woman!” Speaking of which, can you believe Bill said this?? If this is supposed to be helping Obama….

    “Are you kind of feeling Jewish that you’re waiting until after the Jewish holidays?” King asked, according to a CNN transcript.

    “No. But I think it would be — if we’re trying to win in Florida, it may be that,” Clinton began, before discussing his real Florida target: “You know, they think that because of who I am and where my politic[al] base has traditionally been, they may want me to go sort of hustle up what Lawton Chiles used to call the ‘cracker vote’ there.”

  23. azw88

    [re=105924]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: Caption contest entry:

    “We weren’t trying to get preggers, Todd was supposeed to fuck me in the ass, but he missed it by THAT much”

  24. Viva la Cynthia

    With every scandal, she becomes more relatable. Who hasn’t used their power to try and fire some asshole who was bugging their sister? And how many of our kids get pregnant every day–and why wouldn’t we force them into a doomed teenage marriage because of it? Name just one of our husband’s business partners we DIDN’T sleep with? Sarah Palin is just like us!

  25. ReelectTilden

    [re=105938]irisheyes[/re]: I hear that rumor every election. I hope it’s true this time; all the finance stuff is hella boring.

  26. Mumble Softly

    Well, the National Enquirer was dead on about the John Edwards affair so I think that this story has a 98% probability of being true.

    I too demand a sex tape of a lesbian gangbang of Sarah Palin, Bristol, and those two slutty motel chicks from the Fargo movie.

  27. magic titty

    [re=105960]FlakJack[/re]: Agreeing with you, but i’m not sure why. Maybe the term is hung like a moose out there?

  28. AngryBlakGuy

    …if this true, Todd is such a pussy! I mean who stays with someone after they “slap nasties” with their friend/business partner? He probably cried!!!

  29. magic titty

    [re=105964]simetrias[/re]: Wow – did he really say that?

    ‘Hustlin’ up the cracker vote’ – my new catchphrase!

  30. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=105971]Terry[/re]: A very good point. I hope Larry is still putting up money for whomever can land the goods on people in power. Hell, even a very boring political writeup in Hustler would probably scare away some of the fundies. “Did you hear? There’s a story about Palin in Hustler! Of course I didn’t read it. It’s Hustler! Has to be teeeeerrible.”

  31. Accordion-o-rama

    [re=105951]RogueDC[/re]: [re=105953]Chicken Smack[/re]: [re=105956]shoeho[/re]: [re=105959]magic titty[/re]: [re=105970]azw88[/re]: [re=105975]SayItWithWookies[/re]: You’re all winners!

  32. Sheepeater

    IMO, based on wide and varied knowledge, all couples who started out in high school have affairs.

    Interestingly, since half the nation casts their vote based on deeply important issues like how much they would like to drink a beer with the candidate, this just makes her more like ‘one of us’ and hence highly electable.

    If the RNC just smear Todd and make her out to be hard-done-by-lady, they might as well hand over the White House keys today.

  33. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=105980]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: First Dude Todd is riding the money gravy train. (He probably also didn’t want to pay child support for the apple dumpling gang he may or may not have fathered.)

  34. Terry

    [re=105989]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]:

    I was thinking the same thing. There’s some rich ground for Larry to work in this election just wiht the Alaska Disasta and her whole family. McCain’s days of producing these kind of scandals are long behind him. Besides, he’s busy with deregulating the banking and health industries and all. Obama has given no indication of stepping out of line in his marriage, nor has Biden to the best of my knowledge. Yep, old Larry needs to put up some reward money for Sarah dirt.

  35. shoeho

    I’m with Tina, on November 5, can we pleeeze have heard the last of this woman? I have now actually bookmarked the NE website. I feel my IQ dropping by the day.

  36. legglaw

    In the photo accompanying the story, Ms. Palin seems to be explaining herself:
    “You see, Todd’s dick is only this big. I mean, what would you do?”

  37. AngryBlakGuy

    [re=105994]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: …nah, I think the first dude is riding the wuss train. This all happened in ’96 when she was mayor. And you bring up a good point, does anyone know if any of children were born in lets say early ’97? If I was him, I would be calling “Maury” ASAP!

  38. WIDTAP

    …and that Alleged Lover’s Estranged Wife’s Brother’s Former Brother-In-Law’s name: Larry Sinclair!

  39. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=106001]Terry[/re]: You would think that he’d have at least been able to dig up the swimsuit photos from the Miss Alaska contest. Come on, Larry! Get it in gear!

  40. AngryBlakGuy

    [re=105999]Vanity Smurf[/re]: …poor Todd has to climb in there like a sleeping bag just get a twitch out of her.

  41. PoliTacky

    [re=105990]shoeho[/re]: My Friends, I do not wipe my ass with $100-dollar bills, My Friends. For that, I use $50′s. HEH HEH HEH HEH. Oh, looky over there! My VP Sarah Palin just stepped in a pile of shit: HEH HEH HEH HEH. That is what you should be looking at My Friends! Not at my staff of EconoTards, looky at the funny shitheel lady! HEH HEH HEH HEH.

  42. Kingbee

    Sarah Palin’s Alleged Lover’s Estranged Wife’s Brother’s Former Brother-In-Law — In E. Tennesee, that would mean “cousin”.

  43. Chandira

    Ugh.. The thought that republicans fuck is almost as repulsive than thinking about your own parents… Somehow it’s just wrong. I can’t picture Palin on the job, I can’t. Wrong wrong wrong..

  44. slavojzizek

    The only thing I don’t believe is the part about him being a snow mobile dealer. He had to be her personal Christian advisor. The only men Republican women will do besides their husbands.

  45. friendlyskies

    Pravda (Russian for “FOX News”) wrote an obscenely sexist op-ed about Palin after she threatened to go to war with them, ending with the cryptic little tidbit, “Do you think the US press won’t find the skeletons in your closet? We have.” This was after Troopergate and Bristol’s pregnancy were already uncovered, btw. Anyway, I’ve been waiting to see what they meant, maybe this is it?

  46. Viva la Cynthia

    [re=106037]Chandira[/re]: It’s even worse when you think about the Republicans who apparently will fuck anything they aren’t married to, which is definitely a worse mental image than your own parents (unless your own parents also had fidelity problems).

  47. sati demise

    [re=106004]shoeho[/re]: Considering there is now a brigade of soldiers training for exercises inside the US for the first time since the Civil War, there may be a November surprise. Welcome Evita!

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/naomi-wolf/the-battle-plan-ii-sarah_b_128393.html

    MAKE SURE you all have the proper ID to VOTE. My drivers license does not have my middle name, for example, so I have to take my passport to match my Voter ID card. YOU ALL NEED TO CHECK YOUR ID TO VOTE THIS YEAR.

    This has been a public service announcement

  48. WadISay

    So this is why Sarah Palin went to the UN: to learn about international relations (which she thought meant, fucking a Russian).

  49. WadISay

    Another difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull: pit bulls don’t usually fuck their husband’s business partners.

  50. S.Luggo

    As much as I would like Sarah to have a vaginal swab with a roll of Bounty so that we can finally resolve this Brad rumor, what happens in Palin, stays in Palin.

  51. Hamster

    What? You’ve never had a Wasilla Steamer? That’s where Sarah Palin takes a shit on your chest while applying lipstick and then tells you it was God’s Will.

  52. V572625694

    [re=105940]Uncle Al[/re]: That facial hair is more like topiary than sculpture. Why do these snowbillies all want to look like Satan?

  53. OzoneTom

    “former brother-in-law of the brother of Hanson’s wife”
    My head hurtz.
    Does this mean that the doctor is the patient’s mother?

  54. Komando

    Listen, I wish this were true as much as the next eastern-elite libtard, but it just ain’t.

    How do I know? Everyone is still alive. If this thing actually happened, and Todd “I am a fucking Alaskan secessionist gun-crazy psycho” Palin actually knew about it, the pure Alaskan snow would have been stained with more than moose guts and amniotic fluid. Somebody would have shot somebody. I’m just sayin’.

  55. Serolf Divad

    Why do all the good stories break when I’m in class teaching my students about tortured gay artists?

  56. The Station Manager

    Damn that Liberal Media.

    And I am so pleased to learn that this election is back up to snuff; at least one candidate is gettin’ dick on the side.

  57. Oshkosh John

    This whole thing reads like a plot device in “The Beans of Egypt, Maine,” a novel about Northeastern White Trash, set in the 1970′s. Are there step-aunts or step-uncles in the Paling tree? I am also waiting to hear about uncle step-daddy Leotis from Anchorage.

  58. GDTRFB

    clearly the NY Times ghost-wrote this story because they are one million and fifty percent in the can for the Enquirer and Obama.

  59. lordshiva

    Dam’n, this is so much fun. Walnuts fucks Cindy while still married to his first wife and his “soulmate” Sarah gets fucked by Brad while married to Todd. I wonder what’s next. Finally, “sex we can believe in”.

  60. scarface1950

    Hickory Dickory Dock,
    The mouse ran up the clock.
    The clock struck one,
    The mouse ran down!
    YEAH I FUCKED HER!!!!

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