Wonkette
Perhaps the only organization more press release-happy than MoveOn.org is the Nader-Gonzalez campaign, and for that reason alone they should be dumped in a pit of half-rotten venomous snakes with Joe Lieberman and set on fire, slowly. But also! They have a new press release with statistics that show, somehow, that Ralph Nader will maybe siphon off McCain voters and give Barack Obama and even bigger lead in the general election. Huh?
Here is what the press release says:
Contrary to conventional wisdom, Ralph Nader’s presence on the ballot in 2008 actually helps Democratic Presidential Candidate Barack Obama, according to at least five national polls conducted over the past three months, as well as a Florida poll conducted last week and a Virginia poll this week.
In each of the national polls, Obama’s spread over Republican candidate John McCain widened by an average of more than 3 percent when Nader and Libertarian presidential candidate Bob Barr were included on the menu of choices.
Nader appears to be more of a factor than Barr. Nader was ahead of Barr in four of the polls and tied in the other. On average, Nader polled 2 percent higher than Barr.
Hmm, well, whatever! You know who’s singlehandedly responsible for the Iraq War AND the waning of American significance in the world AND our enormous debt burden AND also now the biggest financial crisis in the history of ever, which will put the final nail in the coffin of America’s status as a reputable first-world nation? Ralph Nader, that’s who.
Nader Effect Update [Nader Gonzalez '08]
In other words, if America dies, it isn’t our fault this time!
(Also, in b4 Nadertards)
“Those two little shits are in the tank. Tell that fraud Ralph Nader and his shortstop Gonzalez to get lost!”
Regards,
The Republican Party
Ahh, why the hell not, especially if I get to see more of that 60s video of him hauling ass through a feild in that Corvair.
Would someone please invent a time machine so I can go back and give that pretentious moron a Corvair for his 16th birthday?
But also!!!
Where’s Vigilante and his “Nader shits out puppies and pisses perfume” rants?
I’m not even going to pretend to know why it works out that way, but Nader could erase a lot of bad karma by handing this election to Barry. Maybe spend his next life as a parrot… maybe a panda.
Countdown to vigilante in 5,4,3,2…
Right after Nader wrote Unsafe at Any Speed, GM sent bimbos to…well, who knows what?, with Nader. However Nader resisted their allures. I’m not sure what he gets off on (unless it’s wrecking the country), but I don’t think it’s the ladies.
Nader was great when no one thought Al Gore and Donna B were incompetent enough to actually blow it that profoundly in 2000. Alas and alack, they really were that incompetent. Lieberman was part of the problem then.
Gore had a Nader problem because Gore was a problematic candidate with a dumbshit campaign. Clinton could have helped him some but he was busy orchestrating his wife’s Senate run. &c &c.
Nader just needs to publish that sex tape that he and Walnuts! made back in the late seventies.
I think this must be true. There are lots of racist and sexist voters out there who can’t trust a black man running for president, or a woman for vice president.
Thank goodness we have a Lebanese Man and a Mexican as an alternative choice.
grendel: That would help McCain actually.
Nader D0ES shit puppies!… at least the remains of them.
We don’t need Nader this time — everybody who wants a bloated, inefficient government that harms more people than it helps can just vote Republican.
I’m sure that if one looked hard enough at the numbers, a vote for Nader also produces an increased chance of unicorns, longer erections, and the ability to sweat gold coins. All awesome side-effects that only exist in my fever dreams.
Barr, on the other hand, will help Barry pull in NH.
Thanks for the seatbelts, Ralph. Now fuck off.
http://officialnaderstore.com/eshop/10Expand.asp?ProductCode=NG08TS-LND2
If you see somebody wearing this t-shit, then you’ll know you took some bad acid.
ColdCupofHope: Don’t give the TermiNader an actual platform to run on! Promises of gold coins will swing Italian plumber bloc to his side, and an increased chance of unicorns will sew up the 8-year-old girl vote completely!
Ralph Nader’s presence on the ballot in 2008 actually ensures that he will be remembered as a complete attention whore instead of just a flaming bag of dog shit on Murka’s doorstep…
Thanks for the past 8 years, but let’s keep you out of the picture this time.
Ralph Nader, enema of the people.
Delicious: Someone needs to inform the Nadertards that they only let real politicians debate. If we let Nader debate we’re going to have let Sammy Sosa and the guy who works my local 7-11 in on it too.
Yeah, whatever, Butterstick.
Strictly for the Tardcore:
I was lately calling all of his supporters “Retards”,
but it seems that name’s already been taken.
if we ever — by some accident of zeus — find osama bin laden, i would be willing to grant him an hour alone in a room with that egotistical fucktard ralph nader! no wonder the word “ralph” is a synonym for puke!!!
fuzznuts:
How about Nadlickers?
I saw Darth Nader on the news this morning before work. The CNN guy asked him if he would be a liability to Obama’s campaign in the same way people said he was a liability to Gore’s. “Well, Gore did win,” was his response. I shrieked so loud laughing I scared my cats.
grendel: Please! Some of us haven’t had our coffee hit yet. Have pity on us. I can’t handle that image this early in the day.
Can we get a priest to banish ZombieNader back to the 6th level of Hell please? Every time he appears on my teevee, I am compelled to return to that Catholic Church I was casted out of back in the day, and ask Father Boy Fucker for a few vials of Holy Water to wash my eyes out with.
Everyone is so damned tired of seeing Ralph Nader’s necrotic face that the only people who will vote for him are hippies and dead people, neither of which are likely to be sentient enough to register to vote.
Ralphie, I’d like to see you look straight in my eyes and say this is true. Can’t do it, huh?
Monkey: Don’t discount the zombie vote. It’ll probably allow Walnuts to win Florida.
Borat: WIN
Monkey: the dead ones are registered in Chicago, so he might do well there.
Push poll: is Nader a virgin?
Harvey Birdman: Only if you don’t count dogs.
Ahmadinejad: From many different groups and parties. Even independents. Free assorted [indecipherable] campaigns. The national TV actually gave time to all of them equally. I was an independent candidate, without any party affiliations. Only the academics supported me. And I was voted into office. And now I’m the president. I ask you, can anyone in fact become a president without the support of either of the two parties here in the United States?
NPR: Anyone may put his name on the ballot in the United States.
NPR Fucker forgot to mention that you have to have petitions signed and fight with Dems and Repugs in each state to get your name on the ballot if you’re not a Dem or a Repug. And forget about debates! Equal time to all those running? In this country? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AHHhhhhgrumph! I hate dumb dumb politx. But don’t y’all worry!! My vote for Obama in GA is gonna help get 15 people up to Atlanta (?) to vote for him. God Damn Baby Jesus Doo Doo Balls!!!!
Harvey Birdman: For his sake, I hope not. That face is getting so withered and creepy he may have missed any chance he had.
whatever_dc: Under the administration of Hawaiian Luo Shark God Muslim Barry O, the type of obscene, inhumane torture you advocate would not be visited EVEN on Osama Bin Laden.
4everjung: Ralph Nader cannot do this because it is a little-known fact that Ralph Nader is a sock puppet. And they have googly, unfocused eyes.
Who gave Nadir the money to run this time? Rick Davis?
Nader’s just trying to horn in on the sexy activist groupie action that so benefited his soulmate Kucinich.
2goats: even if it did happen, Nader would probably start lecturing Bin Laden on the dangerous condition of his cave, and everyone within earshot would have dozed off in minutes.
This is, actually, probably true - if you’re a Bitter who can’t make yourself vote for Barry because he’s black, but don’t really like McCain, a white-looking non-Republican option is probably pretty attractive.
Not that I don’t still hate the guy a little for 2000 and that “no difference between the two parties” bullshit, but he probably does have a point about this.
Ralph Nader = LOSER!! If you really want the reason we’re in all the shit we’re in now it’s because of Ralph Nader. Yes, that’s right it’s his fault cause if his stupid ass wouldn’t have fucked up the numbers back in 2000 those were votes that would’ve went to Gore and thus we wouldn’t have had to put up with the devil (Dick Cheney) and his imp (George W. Bush) at all.
whore!
Don’t worry, Nader will still find a way to make sure Al Gore loses this election also, just for good measure.
What a bunch of idiots. That is the worst math since Bush’s last finance class at HBS.
Cape Clod: Won’t work; Ralphie doesn’t drive. Good try, though.
Strictly for the Tardcore: I believe the logic is that there is higher party identification for Dems than Repubs, so for McCain to win he has to win the independents by a large enough margin to make up the difference. By Nader siphoning off some of the independents, McCain would need to win a much higher percentage of the smaller pool of remaining independents to beat Barry.
There is of course the idea like in 2000 that a person who would vote for Nader would have been more likely to vote Dem than Repub if forced to choose between the two. However this ignores an important part of the equation: when two choices appeal to the same demographic, the more popular one is the one that steals votes. In 2000, Nader really was more popular than Gore to a lot of people. This was partially because Nader seemed like more of the “cool, rebellious” pick to some, and partially because nobody really cared about Gore at all. But in 2008, Nader’s popularity has dropped a lot due to “handing the election to Bush” and he is nowhere near his 2000 levels, and even 2000 Nader couldn’t do anything against 2008 Barry. He has nothing to worry about from 2008 Nader.
Are there really Nader supporters who would otherwise vote for Barry if Nader wasn’t on the ticket? I just can’t imagine people saying to themselves in November, “Well, I *would’ve* voted for Obama, but since Nader’s name is on that there ballot all pretty-lookin, I’ll vote for him.” I’d guess that if Nader’s on the ballot, they’ll vote for Nader … and if he’s not on the ballot, they’ll vote for McKinney or just not vote. I really don’t see him having any effect … which, for an attention whore, is even worse than just going away.
Godot: I appreciate the attempt, but it’s only 9:30 in the morning here and the morning caffeine ain’t doin’ it’s job. All I see are words… dozens and dozens of angry words…
Strictly for the Tardcore: What amazes me is that most of what I said was based on the theory used on another site I frequent for predicting the outcomes of popularity contests between videogame characters.
Why is anyone even still talking to this guy? http://tinyurl.com/3e8ypm
ManchuCandidate: No, that name is reserved for University of Georgia football fans.
Fight Nader! Fight McCain!
http://www.democratbydesign.typepad.com
Doesn’t Nader say this every four years? “No, no, no. It’s Republicans who are turned on by my radically left wing ideas about governance, not Democrats.” before he yells “Look over there!” and dives out a window.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
WadISay: None the less I can’t help but wish some lovely British intern/super model would stumble into his office and take him away…does Elizabeth Kucinich have a sister?
Someone needs to explain to me why Nader runs each election year and what he does in between. Because I’d be more inspired by a 3rd party candidate who actually did something to change the political system he rails against.
populucious:
Hey Liz K’s sister is mine!
TJ/ Ron Paul’s supporting the Constitution Party!
Sweetfoot: For everlasting peace?
This election is all about raising the Barr.
Nader vs. Triumph The Insult Comic Dog:
Best interview of Nader’s entire career… if you really fucking hate Nader.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXn0rU19Apk
Ralph Nader: “Unsafe In Any Election.”
Why is Bill Maher having this loser on his show this week? Why give him any sort of forum to promote his messianic view of himself as the toxic corp avenger? As Mr T would say: I pity the fool(s), except the fools are liberals who will once again “vote on principle” and thereby hand the country to the republicans.
raider12: i suspect lord bill will tear ralph a new one! let’s hope so anyway!
PoliTacky: that was rare! “you’re blowing the roof off of puppetry!” bwahahahahahaha!!!