FAIL  11:32 pm September 23, 2008

by Ken Layne

McCAIN’S KLEPTOCRACY: Freddie Mac insiders tell invisible pretend newspaper that McCain campaign manager Rick Davis was actually taking $15,000 a month from the ruined mortgage giant until last month. [New York Times]

 
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{ 79 comments }

InsidiousTuna September 23, 2008 at 11:35 pm

Ha ha, “kleptocracy”.

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star September 23, 2008 at 11:39 pm

I believe this calls for a forehead slap and a very emphatic “D’oh!”

MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend September 23, 2008 at 11:40 pm

You know, it’s a good thing Paulson is on the job and has no conflicts!

WestEdEd September 23, 2008 at 11:41 pm

It’s not much of a suprise, look what story the tankers are breaking

snig September 23, 2008 at 11:42 pm

That’s the thing, when people making under 5 million is what you call the middle class, nobody blinks over the matter of only $180,000 a year. They think of that as a small token.

John McClain September 23, 2008 at 11:43 pm

I wouldn’t be surprised if “Slick” Rick had a finger in Fannie as well.

Ooh boy that sounds dirty…

meister September 23, 2008 at 11:47 pm

Freddie just ran out of money.

Dientes September 23, 2008 at 11:49 pm

So, if we make Rick give back all the money Fannie gave him, do we get to pay less in the bailout? Every additional can of beans we can afford counts in the coming apocalypse.

ManchuCandidate September 23, 2008 at 11:50 pm

This is the lobbying equivalent of putting a pubic hair onto the asshole-who-yelled-at-you-about how you-don’t-know-how-to-make-a-proper-medium-rare-steak’s steak then watching with glee as said asshole pulls out the half chewed pube from his mouth.

EnBuenOra September 23, 2008 at 11:51 pm

This is totally unfair. This happened, like, forever ago — a month! A month? A month is like an eternity in campaign time. The John McCain campaign of today should in no way, shape, or form be held accountable for what it was doing an entire 30 days ago.

What we really need to focus on are the ongoing investigations of exactly when Barack Obama might have stood near to William Ayers, which would totally prove that Barack Obama wants to be President so that he can help 1960s radicals blow up the Pentagon to stop the Vietnam War.

Dientes September 23, 2008 at 11:52 pm

[re=105428]Dientes[/re]: Freddie not Fannie. Learn to read dummy!

eatsshootsleaves September 23, 2008 at 11:54 pm

I am really looking forward to the inevitable McCain conference call tomorrow. They completely freaked the fuck up the LAST time this happened and that was a lot less damaging than this is, considering Davis was caught in a two-days-old lie.

tunamelt September 23, 2008 at 11:56 pm

ror roh

eatsshootsleaves September 23, 2008 at 11:56 pm

[re=105432]eatsshootsleaves[/re]: Wow, this comment was worded confusingly. Let me put it more succinctly: they’re screwed.

donner_froh September 23, 2008 at 11:58 pm

Once the Palin/McCain ticket sweeps to victory order will be restored in the universe and Rick Davis will be able to get his snout back into the trough.

SayItWithWookies September 23, 2008 at 11:59 pm

“Senator McCain’s positions on policy matters are based upon what he believes to be in the public interest,” Ms. Hazelbaker said in a written statement.

Wow. That is the lamest non-denial denial since “we do not torture.” At least McCain can take comfort in knowing that the fundamentals of his integrity are strong.

ifthethunderdontgetya September 24, 2008 at 12:01 am

There goes your chance at riding the tire swing, Ken.

I hope your proud of yourself!
~

phillyhope September 24, 2008 at 12:03 am

but obama talked to franklin raines on the phone once and franklin raines is BLACK

GivingForehead September 24, 2008 at 12:06 am

[re=105436]eatsshootsleaves[/re]: They are never screwed. McCain merely has to produce FIVE AND A HALF YEARS and he shall be secure from those mean old reporters, demanding access to McCain for QUESTIONS and other horrible things. Obviously those are not necessary, as McCain would never eat arugula or teach constitutional law or anything like that.

njdon September 24, 2008 at 12:09 am

pay us $700 billion by friday midnight or die.
signed: wallstreet.

sarcasticusername September 24, 2008 at 12:12 am

walnuts told me this is not a reputable journalistic enterprise, this story must be a lie, it just has to be. that negro barry probably secretly stole the money with the help of one of his shifty crack headed mob friends.

facehead September 24, 2008 at 12:13 am

All this shows is that McCain either lied or was strangely wrong. No?

I read most of the article, but the light in the tank went out.

facehead September 24, 2008 at 12:15 am

[re=105443]GivingForehead[/re]: This is irrelevant but I just gotta say,
I didn’t even know wtf arugula was before this election, and ARUGULA IS FUCKING AWESOME!!!

btwbfdimho September 24, 2008 at 12:18 am

Ok, they’ve lost the election.
Tomorrow Ms. Palin goes back to the UN, meet dignitaries and ask them for letters of recommendation.
Meanwhile, Sen. McCain makes a great speech about his experience with parachutes in Vietnam and how happy he’d be to get a silver parachute on Nov. 4.
The end but not the end.

tunamelt September 24, 2008 at 12:19 am

[re=105448]facehead[/re]: It’s peppery.

Gopherit v2.0 September 24, 2008 at 12:20 am

Is there anything McCain can say that won’t come back to bite him on the ass? It’s like Jon Stewart is writing his material.

Scooter September 24, 2008 at 12:21 am

Rick Davis has the type of personality where he has to pay alot of people everyday NOT to punch him in the face. Could easily eat up $15 large every month.

Johnny Zhivago September 24, 2008 at 12:22 am

I don’t know, if Davis ran his lobbying firm the way he runs the McCain campaign the $15k/mo sounds more like theft than conflict of interest.

Johnny Zhivago September 24, 2008 at 12:24 am

(Can’t find where I found this!)

Your Urgent Help Needed
Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a
transfer of funds of great magnitude.
I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had
crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion
dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most
profitable to you.
I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my
replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may
know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the
1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.
This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds
as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names
of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family
lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person
who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.
Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account
numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to
wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for
this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with
detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the
funds.
Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson

grendel September 24, 2008 at 12:34 am

[re=105448]facehead[/re]: Elitist! You probably read the New Yorker and skip the cartoons.

kudzu September 24, 2008 at 12:37 am

The NYT hates Jesus. That’s why the report such sexist and elitist stories.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 24, 2008 at 12:41 am

When the bailout passes, does that mean I can add ‘underwriter’ to my resume?

Special Agent Jack Mehoff September 24, 2008 at 12:42 am

To Whom It May Confound: We don’t have the money anymore. Can we have s’more please?

Special Agent Jack Mehoff September 24, 2008 at 12:46 am

Now we all know what an episode of Family Guy would look like if Seth McFarlane decided to do a bit where Peter Griffin and Glenn Quagmire ran the country. This is it folks.

schvitzatura September 24, 2008 at 12:46 am

[re=105455]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Spam Nigerian ISP domains…I’m sure one of their princes have recovered most, in not all, of their filthy lucre to be able to lend us a hand in our hour of greatest need.

jimh September 24, 2008 at 12:47 am

[re=105451]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: I know, right? Why is this even close?
Oh yes, I remember: “OBAMA HALF-BREED MUSLIN”.

SayItWithWookies September 24, 2008 at 1:16 am

Oh by the way — the foxes called, and asked if we could please replenish the henhouse, as its population seems to be depleted. Like right now.

capitol-hillbilly September 24, 2008 at 1:30 am

he can’t help it, he was programmed to lie by his oriental masters.

njdon September 24, 2008 at 1:32 am

1. i saw this whole thing in a batman movie. y’see the joker was going to shut down the whole country unless he was paid $700 billion but batman saved us.

2. tony soprano will visit you if you don’t pay us $700 billion dollars by friday.

3. sadam’s wmd are on wall st. pay up,or else.

4. we’re holding our breath….. we’re turning blue. pay, pay, pay.

5. where is, barry freakin goldwater, when we need him.?

sati demise September 24, 2008 at 1:44 am

[re=105448]facehead[/re]: And it has a very pretty flower. It grows like a weed in my garden, delicious.

Say they paid Davis, and he did not do any actual ‘work’ for them, but they gave him 15 grand a month anyway, is that not a conflict of ‘interest’ in itself? Did he give them some sort of voodoo?

[re=105441]phillyhope[/re]: Now that is damning evidence right there. Obama only needs to stand next to people, get a text, a voice mail, or have his secretary take a message and it means he is totally in the tank with those people.

graceless September 24, 2008 at 2:20 am

Thanks… up and running again.

WadISay September 24, 2008 at 2:29 am

[re=105432]eatsshootsleaves[/re]: The call will probably include an angry denunciation of Wonkette as “no longer a reliable news source.”

lumpenprole September 24, 2008 at 2:41 am

This is his opportunity to say “thanks, but no thanks” and denounce the mortgage giant for being such a bunch of wretched crooks.

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 24, 2008 at 3:12 am

Please, this was a month ago. McCain was still pro-deregulation a month ago.

[re=105430]EnBuenOra[/re]: What is a month to a person that spent 5 1/2 years in prison!

dilhavarti September 24, 2008 at 3:14 am

If there’s no money left, then, why can’t people buy their mortgages at auction directly? I don’t get it.

SayItWithWookies September 24, 2008 at 3:45 am

[re=105486]dilhavarti[/re]: See, that’s what the bailout is attempting to prevent. If your mortgage is worthless then you should be able to buy it for $26 worth of trinkets and beads. But then the people who wanted to make shitloads of money off of everybody’s completely unaffordable mortgages would have to pay the price for their crappy, crappy gamble. So Hank Paulson, who left Goldman Sachs with something like a half a billion dollars, is trying to shake down everybody (probably several times over) to pay for the bad gambles of a bunch of greedheads he happens to know. Don’t worry — the people who are defaulting on crap mortgages now will never get a chance to buy them back at their real shitty value.

John McClain September 24, 2008 at 4:34 am

[re=105431]Dientes[/re]: Blame my cheeky punning!

Ooh, that sounded dirty too.

Hutch September 24, 2008 at 6:42 am

[re=105455]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Excellent! This should be the letter that accompanies the 50 percent income tax levied on everyone making more than $3 million a year. It’s the only way the country can pay for the PB (peanutbutter? paulsonbernanke?) bailout. Either that or take a month of oil company profits.

Hunter Gathers September 24, 2008 at 6:42 am

I don’t know which is worse – the fact that Ricky D’s firm was still getting cash from Freddie up until last month, or the fact that he was getting paid to do nothing (except toss Walnuts salad). Hey, that sounds like my boss!!

Hunter Gathers September 24, 2008 at 6:45 am

[re=105494]Hutch[/re]: I say we just take all the money out of Crazy Eyes’s vast booze empire to help pay for the bailout (translation-taxpayer assfucking).

gurukalehuru September 24, 2008 at 7:33 am

Yeah, I know all this economy stuff is important, but I want to hear more about Cap’n Crunch calling womenfolk cunts and trollops and selling them to sex-starved biker gangs, more about Ricky D’s secret gay lover (I’m just guessing there but, you know…)and Caribou Barbie’s super vagina. Stuff like that.

cheeto_jeebus September 24, 2008 at 8:18 am

I say we make em fight for it. get Tina Turner to stage one of her big mad max style cage fights. They get like a million bucks for every thirty seconds they’re alive in there with a hungry polar bear. that should churn through those ceos pretty quick AND it would save the polar bears. + think of the revenue it would generate.
problem solved. now i can get back to alternatively weeping and laughing like a mad man.

ForTheTurnstiles September 24, 2008 at 8:19 am

Now what’s this about the FBI investigating AIG and friends for fraud pre-bailout?

Can we send Paulson to jail por favor?

Texan Bulldoggette September 24, 2008 at 8:21 am

Walnuts’ response: Rick Davis, really? Do you know how many Rick Davises there are in the United States? There must be at least a couple thousand. The fact that you immediately assume it’s my Rick Davis shows how much in the tank you are for Obama.

bitchincamaro September 24, 2008 at 8:24 am

[re=105455]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Brilliant!

bitchincamaro September 24, 2008 at 8:26 am

[re=105501]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: What are the odds that anybody will do time for any of this shit?

Hunter Gathers September 24, 2008 at 8:27 am

[re=105502]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I’m torn over what McCain should do with Ricky D. If he stays, it’s bad. If he goes, it’s bad. I hope he stays. The media shitstorm would be relentless. If the MSM grows a pair (they could always borrow Campbell Brown’s).
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/23/campbell-brown-rips-mccai_n_128782.html

Terry September 24, 2008 at 8:31 am

[re=105488]SayItWithWookies[/re]:
“Hank Paulson, who left Goldman Sachs with something like a half a billion dollars, is trying to shake down everybody (probably several times over) to pay for the bad gambles of a bunch of greedheads he happens to know.”

This is one of the many things that is annoying the heck out of me right now.

Paulson is telling us to trust him, don’t read that legislation too closely since there isn’t time, and let me fix this mess that arguably he and his buddies helped to recreate. Well, actually Phil Graham, John McCain, and the rest of the deregulation lovin’ pols functionally created this mess, like linemen opening a hole in the defense for a runningback. Paulson and his gang grabbed the ball and plowed through that hole like John Riggins with his eye on the endzone.

Yeah, Hank, I trust you to sort this one out, bucko.

Canuckledragger September 24, 2008 at 8:49 am

But gee, Ricky D. USED to pull down $35 large a month and now it’s down to only $15k? I guess he’s just not very good at what he does.

Good. ‘Coz he sure ain’t helping the McCaca campaign at this point. Particularly the part where McCaca says Davis “has had nothing to do with it since [2005], and I’ll be glad to have his record examined by anybody who wants to look at it.” Thanks for that Juan; we’d love to look at it.

So, did Davis lie to McCaca? Or did McCaca lie to us? How dare some fuckin’ lobbyist foul Juan’s presidential nest this way? Remember how well it turned out for Howie Wolfson when it emerged he was being paid by Colombia to lobby for something his candydate Hillz expressly militated against? Is this not a re-run of that prior episode?

Tell us again how you’d hogtie lobbyists and kill ‘em, Juan. And when you’re done that, tell us where to find Vicki Iseman’s body parts, because SOME of us don’t have the MTV attention span of a hummingbird on methamphetamines.

[re=105475]capitol-hillbilly[/re]: Baby, I’m SO thrilled to see the return of your way-cool avatar. You do it Arthurly.

loquaciousmusic September 24, 2008 at 8:51 am

I guess McCain’s been “Rickrolled.”

DangerousLiberal September 24, 2008 at 8:52 am

[re=105421]InsidiousTuna[/re]: Yes, kleptocracy. Should be in everyone’s vocabulary since about November 2000. Will remain there if John Herbert McHoover gets elected. The kleptocratic party has already made its historic alliance with the plutocratic party, leading to the inevitable kakistocracy.

stew September 24, 2008 at 8:59 am

Obama now up nine points in ABC/WaPo poll. This may finally push McAngry over the edge.

Serolf Divad September 24, 2008 at 9:00 am

Please, guys, Rick Davis was merely trying to keep Fanny solvent long enough for President McCain to reform and rescue it along with the entire financial services industry. And he would have succeeded, too, if Barack Obama hadn’t precipitated the entire housing crisis by buying a house in a respectable, white Chicago suburb, thus bringing down property values there and setting off a house value plunge domino effect that spread throughout the nation.

Carrie_Okie September 24, 2008 at 9:00 am

DoucheMacCain’d! The BBC reports the FBI is investigating FlunkyMac. Get under the @#$%^@^& bus, Rick!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/7632790.stm
I prefer ChiliMac. Best while hungover.

lilblackcorvette September 24, 2008 at 9:01 am

[re=105513]stew[/re]: read the fivethirtyeight.com article. spooky

Carrie_Okie September 24, 2008 at 9:03 am

[re=105513]stew[/re]: We are seconds away from McCrime screaming at the Snowbilly, “Tits or GTFO!”

Terry September 24, 2008 at 9:04 am

[re=105514]Serolf Divad[/re]:

Watch, these exact words will start to appear in letters to the editor around the country.

Conspicuous Bulge September 24, 2008 at 9:15 am

Ricky D, I give you 4 1/2 Whore Diamonds.

Giant Robot September 24, 2008 at 9:15 am

I think I read a comic book once about a soldier who’s captured by commies and brainwashed. They send him back home with a mission to fuck things up as thoroughly as possible. That could never really happen, right?

Ilikepigeons September 24, 2008 at 9:18 am

Did you ever notice that republicans are very ugly?

What is going on at fivethirtyeight.com? Where did those points go?

MoodProcessor September 24, 2008 at 9:21 am

[re=105471]SayItWithWookies[/re]:
That’s funny, cuz I just saw an ad for day care center run exclusively by dingoes.

wildeoats September 24, 2008 at 9:23 am

[re=105508]Canuckledragger[/re]: That Walnuts just loves his high school cheerleaders.

lilblackcorvette September 24, 2008 at 9:41 am

[re=105523]Ilikepigeons[/re]: they are implying someone is out to get our Barry!

sati demise September 24, 2008 at 10:57 am

[re=105519]Terry[/re]: [re=105514]Serolf Divad[/re]: Yea, this is the McCain campaigns next ‘advertisement’.

You should be in ‘marketing’.

Doglessliberal September 24, 2008 at 11:00 am

[re=105451]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: But it doesn’t! I have heard several moron voters say recently (on the news) “Obama says what people want to hear. McCain is straight with us and tells the truth.” WTF? A lot more people have had McCain Kool-Aid (TM) than Hopey Hope Juice.

Doglessliberal September 24, 2008 at 11:02 am

[re=105513]stew[/re]: nah, because ads like this run and then I hear guys on NPR saying “hell, Obama wants to take mah gun away”, and “why don’t the Democrats ever support sportsmen?”

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/fact-checker/2008/09/nra_misfires_against_obama.html

This poll is not the last up or down we are going to see, I am afraid.

Miller September 24, 2008 at 12:11 pm

When McCain said you all were free to look at Rick Davis’ record, he didn’t actually mean it. Will no one ascribe to McCain’s opposite day campaign?

http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

DangerousLiberal September 24, 2008 at 1:44 pm

[re=105514]Serolf Divad[/re]: “And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids. Oh, and the meddling ‘free’ market. And those meddling bondholders.”

“Ruh roh, John.”

capitol hillbilly September 24, 2008 at 1:45 pm

thanks Canuckledragger but how the hell can you read that thing? Must be that darn Socialized Medicine …

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