Liveblogging John McCain's First Press Conference of the 21st Century

Remember when John McCain's favorite activity was getting a sponge bath from his adoring media followers? Well, now he is just a wretched angry old man with no honor and no supporters, because the media has turned on him! All because he lies about everything, and is senile! UNFAIR YOU ARE ALL IN THE TANK. Let's watch his thing, together, and see how he finally reminds everyone that he was, of course, tortured, in the war, and it was painful.

4: 28 PM -- And the Dow closes down another 161 points, or another one-and-a-half percent.

4: 29 PM -- It's starting! "... potential collapse of our financial system." Ha, that is his intro, on MSNBC.

4: 30 PM -- Already stuttering.

4: 30 PM -- He was against the bailout before he was for it!

4: 30 PM -- "A great burden is on the American people."

4: 31 PM -- Uhh, is he proposing that $700 billion be instead used to rebuild America's infrastructure?

4: 31 PM -- No, apparently not. Just a pointless comparison.

4: 32 PM -- Is he aware the Senate sort of met today and had hearings about this bailout?

4: 33 PM -- No, apparently not.

4: 34 PM -- "The helicopters of Wall Street tycoons" are bad. Cindy McCain's private jet is good!

4: 34 PM -- Earmarks!

4: 35 PM -- So, if there's any relief for actual working people getting crushed by the housing collapse, it will be called "earmarks" by McCain, and then he'll vote for it.

4: 35 PM -- Questions!

4: 35 PM -- McCain will not say whether he'll vote for the bailout bill or not, because .... it's a great financial crisis, "the biggest financial crisis since World War II." The hell is he talking about? He must be watching experimental TVs and wondering what happened to President Hoover. 

4: 37 PM -- McCain is very proud of Carly Fiorina because she was once a secretary! He won't answer any questions at all.

4: 38 PM -- Q: Which of those five things you just listed would be a dealbreaker if it's not in the bailout bill? McCAIN: "I can't answer that. Blah blah the American people."

4: 39 PM -- Would McCain support another economic stimulus plan?

4: 40 PM -- No.

4: 40 PM -- Cut taxes, etc., incentives ... oh shit he is talking about Ireland again. All of America's businesses are going to Ireland.

4: 40 PM -- OH DEAR GOD HE IS COMPLETELY SENILE.

4: 41 PM -- "We need to grow this government, ha ha, I mean, uh, we need to not grow this economy, uh, ha, thank you very much."

4: 46 PM -- Now this pinhead Ron Christie is trying to defend what was probably the lamest press conference ever given by a major party candidate.

4: 47 PM -- See, Barack Obama isbadfor not naming whatever thing will be a dealbreaker for his support of the bailout plan. But McCain isgoodfor not naming whatever thing will be a dealbreaker for his support of the bailout plan. He's a maverick!

4: 50 PM -- Okay, back to your regularly scheduled daytime cable bullshit. We will hide this remote again, in the special Desk Drawer of Sorrows, until Friday night when we have to watch the first debate.