Wonkette
Goddammit we have been trying to maintain a tone of respectful civility here, issuing all sorts of grim edicts about how nobody is allowed to say things about the orifices of a certain candidate for high public office because it is just gross and wrong, and then MARK MURRAY writes this thing about a frigging PROBE and what are we supposed to do, ignore it? First Read is in the tank for the sex toy industry. [First Read]
Anal? Gotta be anal.
When was Caribou Barbie abducted by aliens?
What’s got two thumbs and is the probe Palin prefers?
THIS GUY!
…relax guys! They are just talking about Bristol.
For the first time in months, I might actually read Chucky Todd’s political rag, which does nothing but spew conventional wisdom. Which pisses me off, because Chucky is much smarter than that, but I’m sure his NBC fucktard overlords demand that he dumb it down, or they’ll make him shave his goatee.
Hey, did you hear about the goldfish who voted Obama? I hear it’s because he was IN THE TANK.
Can’t do it — butterevil.
No comment.
InsidiousTuna: WIN
InsidiousTuna: That giant lipstick dildo she was threatened with in Florida the other day? Actually she took it home and named it ‘Edwardo’.
I got her probe right here.
I wanna know what kind of probe the scruffy, wingnut hobos in the CONSTITUTION VOTERS banner ad series prefer. Alien probes?
From the article: Palin is so needed on the trail that they don’t have her raising money anymore?
Is this how the McCain camp was raising money?
I’ll donate.
It’s no fun when the door is WIDE open!
She just wants to get Peglered. Again.
Nobody fucks like a fascist.
Sounds like an ad tagline. What was their altnerate title, “ribbed for her pleasure”?
The Personnel Board probe is ribbed for her pleasure.
Every time a Wonkette reader makes a sexist remark, they can absolve their sins towards feminism by performing a good deed for womankind, or watching an hour of The View.
I don’t think she’s been subject to enough probes to make an informed decision. Probe, baby, probe!!!
She finally gets the ‘Bush Doctrine.’
It goes something like this: Steady. Stay the course. Don’t flinch as I insert this stimulus package.
The heading here is “Space Dildoes” — how sexually sophisticated can you be to pluralize dildo with “dildoes” ?? Is this British or something? Anyhoo, Wikipedia has a pretty hilarious entry on the dildo: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dildo
You can learn:
“The word “dildo” originally referred to the phallus-shaped peg used to lock an oar in position on a dory (small boat). It would be inserted into a hole on the side of the boat, and is very similar in shape to the modern toy. It is highly likely the toy takes its name from this sailing tool, which also lends its name to the town of Dildo and the nearby Dildo Island in Newfoundland, Canada. ”
And you don’t want to miss this historical gem:
“The world’s oldest known dildo is a siltstone 20-centimeter phallus from the Upper Palaeolithic period 30,000 years ago that was found in Hohle Fels Cave near Ulm Germany.”
Finally, some poetry:
“John Wilmot, the 17th century English libertine, published his poem Signior Dildo in 1673.
…
You ladies all of merry England
Who have been to kiss the Duchess’s hand,
Pray, did you not lately observe in the show
A noble Italian called Signor Dildo? …
A rabble of pricks who were welcomed before,
Now finding the porter denied them the door,
Maliciously waited his coming below
And inhumanly fell on Signor Dildo … ”
Class dismissed.
mattbolt: You’re right; this conversation has gotten too sexist. To rectify this, I am calling for a probe into Johnny WALNUTS!’s, ah, personal history. Any takers?
Anonymous Office Zombie: Either that or “Palin: How much girth is too much?”
Get your 1970’s-era big black probes here.
http://www.nasm.si.edu/exhibitions/StarWars/images/BookImages/probe.jpg
ManchuCandidate: butt plugs, indeed.
Jeebus. Those kinds of remarks are occasionally deemed ‘ban worthy’ by our own Overlords. When Shorts gets back from vacation he may have a comment or two about this.
You’re all looking at this backwards. The probe she prefers is the one she straps on and makes Todd do his goatse impression. “Bellow like a moose”!
Yeah, I know, but it’s almost funny and definitely less disturbing than the rape kit joke I almost made. I work a steady midnight shift and I’m very tired. Goodnight.
Yeah, First Read and I both are in the tank for the sex toy industry. We are taking a new populist tack inline with the Presidential candidates. A chicken in every pot and a Fleshlight/wiggling-dolphin-thingy in every nightstand!
I’m thinking it’s got to be one of the deep space probes, Voyager I or II.
InsidiousTuna: The probe Snowbilly prefers is two thumbs?
magic titty: They should use that one in the porn remake of the Gibson/Palin interview. The Gibson actor will be like, “How much girth is too much,” and the Palin actress will be like, “Girth in what respect, Charlie?,” and then things get freaky.
Ain’t no probe like an Alaskan Legislature probe! Hey-O!
wait, i’ve been missing out on some Wonk stuff recently. What exactly is it that we are allowed and not allowed to say on a progressive, snarky blog specifically meant for smart ass comments?
Deepthroat:
Anything except:
shit, piss, cunt, fuck, cock-sucker, mother-fucker and tits.
G. Carlin
Deepthroat: Political speculation regarding Palin’s vagina, especially the size of it, or what you can put in it, are off limits (not really because it is offensive, but because her Vagina has become boring).
Deepthroat: Here’s a rundown:
“I hope John McCain is violated by a husky in his puckered old-man sphincter with no lube. After being filled with canine love juice I hope his wrinkly balls get cancer and are eaten by kangaroo rats from space.” This is OK.
“Sarah Palin lacks experience”. This is sexist.
First Read is in the pocket of Big Dildo. [/fixed]
sezme: A big dildo is in the pocket of First Read. [/doublefixed]
mattbolt: Win!
facehead: So, some folks here are especially touchy about the size
of said orifice. Ummm, ok.
mattbolt: I don’t see the problem.
Hedley Lamar: Orifices. Plural.
Deepthroat: No hot dog throwing.
none. nadda. zip.
Keep your hot dog in the bun, buddy.
Deepthroat: The new rule is that every male poster must use the four letter Anglo-Saxon word for a lady’s nether regions in every post and must combine that word with an adjective which means “of less than average intelligence”.
BTW: I have a dispensation from the Pope for having to follow that rule.
so can i call her a dumb fucking cunt if i’m the proud owner of a vajayjay?
Deepthroat: The opposite!!! Read the rule again, you dumb… Ooopsey.
sanantonerose: Wouldn’t it be “orifi?”
Does this have anything to do with “injecting liquidity”?