john mccain has no friends

Now Even George Will Hates John McCain

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He likes big bunts and he cannot lie!Jesus, a weekend or two ago George Will was on one of them Sunday talk shows defending McCain’s “Obama wants to teach your babies how to have sex” ad. He was possibly the one American pundit who actually thought it was a good, true ad. And now even that guy wonders if John McCain is fit for office, because of his “temperament.”

It seems that the last week of utter financial fuckery has really brought out the worst in McCain. Why is this? Because he finds the economy endlessly dull, so he throws a tantrum every couple of days just to look like he’s sort of interested. This novel approach to domestic policy has, to his credit, gotten him through 26 years in the Senate or whatever! But what’s our point? Oh yes GEORGE WILL SAID THESE NASTY THINGS ABOUT JOHN McCAIN:

Under the pressure of the financial crisis, one presidential candidate is behaving like a flustered rookie playing in a league too high. It is not Barack Obama.

Channeling his inner Queen of Hearts, John McCain furiously, and apparently without even looking around at facts, said Chris Cox, chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission, should be decapitated.

[…] Conservatives who insist that electing McCain is crucial usually start, and increasingly end, by saying he would make excellent judicial selections. But the more one sees of his impulsive, intensely personal reactions to people and events, the less confidence one has that he would select judges by calm reflection and clear principles, having neither patience nor aptitude for either.

It is arguable that, because of his inexperience, Obama is not ready for the presidency. It is arguable that McCain, because of his boiling moralism and bottomless reservoir of certitudes, is not suited to the presidency. Unreadiness can be corrected, although perhaps at great cost, by experience. Can a dismaying temperament be fixed?

Now John McCain will call an angry press conference and demand that George Will be replaced by, let’s see, Andrew Cuomo or whoever.

McCain Loses His Head [Washington Post]

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • qwerty42

    why does George Will hate America?

  • Godless Liberal

    This is the most half-assed endorsement for Bob Barr I have seen yet.

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    I actually agree 100% with George Will on this.

    Baseball still blows, though.

  • Special Agent Jack Mehoff

    Sara why do you write alone evey morning? Are you so dedicated? Are you so committed? Are you the Wonketeer least in the grip of substance abuse? Why do the other Wonketeers hate America and LOL cats?

  • rambone

    Looks like George Will is in the tank for Obama.

    Why does George Will hate America?

  • melvin

    Will is endorsing Obama, Holy Shit!

  • 4tehlulz

    Man, this tank getting mightly full in here.

  • Yaybuls

    Have you guys heard Boiling Moralism’s new album “Bottomless Reservoir of Certitudes”? Its good, but it gets a little wordy with the lyrics.

  • Serolf Divad

    John McCain’s been relief pitcher for a long, long, time, and now that he’s starting you can see why. Put him under the slightest bit of pressure and the guy’s pitches are all over the place. That may be fine for training camp when you’ve got hitters you want to train to recognize a good pitch and let the wild ones by, but once you’re in the regular season you just can’t afford to have a guy who’s going to start walking hitters with bases loaded because he can’t take the heat. Worst of all is a guy with a mean streak who’ll start nailing the opposing team’s batters on purpose just because he can’t keep his cool throw enough strikes to close the inning. I mean, what’s McCain going to do when Putin’s up at bat and he’s staring down the Russian president with Kim Jong Il on first, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on second, and Hugo Chavez on third? Do we really want a wild eyed, walking temper tantrum on the mound pitching for Team USA? Fuck no! We want a pitcher who’s cool as ice, calm and collected, who doesn’t get flustered, who knows how to read the catcher’s signs and bring down a triple play. The man we need if Barack Obama.

    So what do you think, Wonketters? Was that inane baseball speak shallow and cliched enough to bring a few of the bitters on board?

  • bitchincamaro

    Which nitwit’s ass did McCain pull out Andrew Cuomo? He should go with Spitzer.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Oh poor George. One less mancrush. Oh well, there’s always Tony LaRussa.

  • BillyClubb

    Obama does want to teach your babies how to have sex. Of that I’m certitude.

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]:
    Armando Benitez?

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]: Ready for publishin in “Bunts and Cunts”!

  • Serolf Divad

    [re=104305]Special Agent Jack Mehoff[/re]:

    ’cause when Sarah blogs alone, she likes to be by herself (insert George Thorogood guitar riff here).

  • BillyClubb

    [re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]: Urk, I hate baseball…

  • ForTheTurnstiles

    Wake me when we get some hockey metaphors.

  • Cape Clod

    How come he didn’t come up with some dumb assed baseball analogy? Like ‘McCain is the grizzeled old vet, yearning for one last shot at glory while impulsively shaking off his catcher’s signals to toss a change up so he can throw a fastball that doesn’t have the same heat he had in his youth. While Obama is the exuberant Dominican/Muslim shortstop who ignores the signals of his third base coach but is loved by the fans anyway because he plays the game with so much joy.’

  • user-of-owls

    [re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]: I’d say Mariano Rivera, but he’s a beaner (heh heh), so guess we gotta go with Papelbon.

  • Cape Clod

    [re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]: Hats off to the master.

  • loquaciousmusic

    The other day, I plugged in my electric teakettle to boil water for some tea. Instead, I found myself boiling some moralism.

    It was tasty.

  • mookworthjwilson

    [re=104314]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Do not ever mention that horrible man’s name…

  • ManchuCandidate

    Papelbon and Rivera are Ice Men on the mound. Not a good example

    As I said earlier. Serolf is refering to the Armando “McCain” Benitezs of the world who have a habit of blowing up in clutch situations (fans of the Orioles, Mets, Marlins and Giants know that pain all too well.)

  • SwanSwanH

    [re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]: “Why’s he calling me meat? I’m the one driving 13 cars.”

  • ManchuCandidate

    Met fan?

  • Special Agent Jack Mehoff

    [re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]: You will need to name the catcher to bring on the hardcore idiots. They MUST be able to visualize the man as he catches the ball or else they will assume the man doing it is their preacher, and he already told them to vote for McCain, so this would just explode the head of the average “undecided”.

  • Monkey

    In fact this has been entirely expected. Remember Bob Dole’s ignominious meltdown during the ’96 elections! Bob Dole, the senate sweetheart, whom everyone thought of as a cordial and genial fellow, disintegrated under the spotlight into a curt, short-tempered, curmudgeon. So goes McCain as we all knew he would. Can’t handle the heat, the old Maverick!

  • bryan j

    Now I remember why I hate America.
    Wonkette chicks are hot.

  • user-of-owls

    [re=104329]ManchuCandidate[/re]: No, I meant those are the guys we WANT to call up from the great electoral bullpen.

  • SwanSwanH

    [re=104321]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: Like what? “You gotta put the puck in the net to score goals, eh?”

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    [re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]:

    McCain = Mitch Williams

  • user-of-owls

    [re=104333]Monkey[/re]: a curt, short-tempered, curmudgeon…who was prone to taking face dives into the crowd.

  • SwanSwanH

    ForTheTurnstiles = Hockey Mom

  • SlouchingTowardsWasilla

    This changes nothing. Will is just another elitist for Obama.

  • Delicious

    More laughs than usual in this thread.


  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=104337]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]:
    Mitch was likeable. I’d say Walnuts = Armando (sorry, Mookie) because:
    1) Lost his shit quick
    2) Streak of hatred towards women (like Walnuts)
    3) Pisses off folks where ever he’s gone

  • Carrie_Okie

    I’m confused. Baseball is the one with the big orange rubber ball?

  • grendel

    [re=104299]qwerty42[/re]: Because we don’t watch enough baseball

  • PeteJayhawk v2.0

    Sorry, the answer is “the tension between being and becoming. Being, and becoming.”

  • user-of-owls

    [re=104343]Carrie_Okie[/re]: No, that’s bocce. Baseball is the one with naptimes built into the game.

  • Monkey

    [re=104338]user-of-owls[/re]: Ha ha ha! I forgot about that. Old Moshpit McDole!

  • Canuckledragger

    Remember back in ’80, when ‘impartial and objective journalist’ George Will stole Jimmy Carter’s debate briefing book and gave it to the Reagan campaign so they could cheat their way into the Oval Office. Oh that prankster, George Will. The japes and shenanigans he once got up to… ha ha…. good times.

    I disliked that pompous waste of skin before that foul deed, but I’ve loathed the obsequious toady with a purple passion ever since. I will offer Will an opportunity to redeem himself. If he will take a baseball bat and kneecap McCain so that his legs work as well as his arms, I am prepared to offer Will absolution. And grant him first draft pick from Geddy Lee in rotisserie league.

    In the meantime, let us remember that no matter how loathesome Will may be, he knows on which side his 401k is buttered. Even Will knows that if McCain becomes Prexy, Will’s just another hobo with an Underwood, sleeping under the only bridge that hasn’t yet collapsed. Will works from self-interest, and this is just one more example of his moral and ideological elasticity.

  • Ames

    In what regard Charlie?

  • StripesAndPlaids

    [re=104307]melvin[/re]: Well, it is not a deep throated, I mean full throated, endorsement.

  • Servo

    [re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]:
    Well, at least you had the good sense to leave out the ball-scratching. I’m quite sure Kim Jong Il would be gobblin’ down some coneys and nachos, while his people are eating bags of Quik-Crete.

  • accidental_tourist

    I’ve never asked anything of any of you. But please, if you care about your fellow woman, talk me down.

    I knew better than to get suckered in, but when somebody on another board said she hates McCain but will vote for him because Obama is a Muslim (because you see, she read Obama’s books and she knows that the Muslim school is now imprinted on his soul forever)……well, I lost it. The anger got me and the vein started sticking out in my neck, my jaws are clenched, and I’m dropping F bombs like a sailor. That’s not me. Help a nice lady off the ledge?

  • mookworthjwilson

    [re=104331]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Yes. Not happy right now.

  • Monkey

    [re=104350]Canuckledragger[/re]: In short, George Will = Duplicitous Turd

  • King of Pants

    [re=104337]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: I’d say McCain = Eric Gagne.

  • WadISay

    If George Will and Peggy Noonan were–in some scenario too horrible to contemplate–mate, maybe one of their offspring could just say that the Repubs have neither the record nor the candidates to deserve election this year, go Barry. Maybe one of their kids would be black, too.

  • Ames

    Does anyone know for sure that McCain isn’t suffering from the early signs of Alzheimer’s?
    He seems so confused. All the time now.

    Did he release his medical records?

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    George Will just now noticed that McCain is clueless and prone to tantrums? No wonder he likes baseball…he just can’t keep up with anything that doesn’t have a glacial pace.

  • Delicious

    [re=104355]accidental_tourist[/re]: This “talk me down” thing… was it a hot saying before Rachel Maddow started using it as a feature, or is she making it hot.

    Or are you just the second person I’ve seen use it?

  • I Am Not Your Gary Busey

    Now is the time my republican minions to rise! Rise up against your term limited lame-duck overlords in the Shrub Administration and throw them out after years of abuse and misuse! Now that they can’t do anything to you besides bad mouth you on O’RLY & Hannity tell them what you’ve been keeping back since 09.10.2001!
    Rise up and welcome your new softer and cuddlier Progressive baby eating overlords! Tell us how much you really hate pre-emptive strikes and privatization! Tell us that the Shrub Administration’s environmental and reproductive rights policies made you feel as dirty as you did when you were a congressional paige!
    Now on your knees bitches.
    Mwuh ha ha ha ha hAAAAh!!!!

  • Serolf Divad


    McCain can’t scratch his balls because of wht the North Vietnamese did to him over 5 1/2 years in captivity. He can’t lower his arms below his belt line… so he rubs his belly instead.

  • Dreamer

    Isn’t it amazing that George Will is more critical of McCain than Bill Clinton. Bill all of a sudden is acting as though he is McCain’s BFF – never mind the impeachment thing.

  • capitol hillbilly

    baseball is too complicated. the new american pasttime is cornholing.

  • ForTheTurnstiles

    [re=104355]accidental_tourist[/re]: Relax. It’s just the word “fuck.” It’s not a ledge. You are not in danger. You are just speaking like a grownup. Fuck is not a crisis.

  • magic titty

    [re=104304]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: except for the part where Barack isn’t experienced. This is the biggest crock going. Someone find me an instance where GWB’s so-called experience helped anyone do anything in the last 4 years.

    And it’s not like Will won’t vote for McCain anyway. He’s just kicking out the jams early so he can support him late.

  • ForTheTurnstiles

    [re=104339]SwanSwanH[/re]: Not exactly. ForTheTurnstiles = angry redneck with advanced degrees in the humanities who happens to like ice hockey.

  • Sussemilch

    Any real fan of baseball can’t be all that disapproving of tantrums.

    The ghost of Billy Martin spits on you.

  • BillyClubb

    [re=104355]accidental_tourist[/re]: As Ron White says, “You can’t fix stupid”. Keep that in mind when you hear the talk of “Obama is a mooslim”.

  • OhWhyOhio

    [re=104330]SwanSwanH[/re]: WIN.

  • accidental_tourist

    Delicious: It’s always seemed like the thing to say when you’re on the ledge, so to speak. But you’re right, Rachel says it too and since she’s not only famous, but the only person I can stand on TV, I will never say it again.

    Besides, I talked myself down. Took the dog for a short walk, stopped to chat with some happy people, and suddenly realized the irony of having a near-apoplectic fit while trying to explain to some knotheaded McCain supporter why McCain’s temper is disasterous.

    His bile is contagious. Stock up an antidotes – dogs, sunshine, long walks, lawyers, money, canned goods.

  • grendel

    [re=104355]accidental_tourist[/re]: Here, look at this, it will calm your ovarian rage :

  • accidental_tourist

    ForTheTurnstiles: I know. It’s just that I taught my children manners, and that only ignorant people cuss because their vocabulary is so limited and they are unimaginative. Well, the kids are grown and gone, and now I’m telling complete strangers to fuck off. Not only that, I’m drinking milk straight from the jug and jumping on the couch.

    Thanks BillyClubb, all better now!

  • accidental_tourist

    ahhhhhhhhhh………thanks Grendel. Reminds me of my son, except he’s a man now, a Navy officer who’s voting for Obama.

  • Servo

    [re=104370]Serolf Divad[/re]:
    The GOP is on the buddy system. A tap of the foot will get you all the ball scratching you could ever want…for a price, of course.

  • JamesMichaelCurley

    “Channeling his inner Queen of Hearts, John McCain …”

    After months of ‘can’t criticise McCain for his POW activities,’ George Will – I said GEORGE WILL is the first to play the “Manchurian Candidate” card?

  • natteringnaybob

    [re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]: My guess is Walnuts would go with the high heat — 20 megatons or so.

  • spewcap

    I stopped reading after the part about furiously decapitated Cox. Ouch.

  • Big Al1317

    [re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]: But Mariano Rivera was not born in the USA, so he can’t be president.

  • Strappo

    This is funny. I’m reading this shit from deep in the heart of Bumfuck Italy, a place where EVERYONE* wants Obama to inaugurate a bright new day in America, and I can hardly believe my eyes. George Will has always been my favorite intolerable blowhard. Now he’s my favorite hemi-semi-demi-tolerable blowhard. But in this I really do take heart. The McCain candidacy seems to be dematerializing before my long-distant eyes.

    If you’ve been on the fence about Barack before, it seems you’d be persuaded to tumble for him now. Or have I been around too many Italians?

    *Even the dumbshits who voted for Berlusconi yet again!

    I’m still fucking depressed for the old US of A:

    Your intrepid correspondent in Venticano, Avellino, Campania, Italia

  • nietzscheprojectile

    [re=104407]JamesMichaelCurley[/re]: Actually, I think it’s more of a Juice Newton card.

  • KatieHomeslice

    Torn between two lovers, that Will: the Republican party and integrity.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]: Okay, I’ve arrived in the eighth inning, but I’m thinking Mark Wohlers — maybe because I saw him throw relief for my now-departed Richmond Braves, where he blew a five-run lead because after his arm injury he couldn’t toss an apple into a milk crate if he was standing over it.

    And now that I’m thinking about it, the Atlanta Braves can, as usual, go screw themselves — and they can take Gwinnett or Alpharetta or whatever insipid and odious suburb of theirs that’s the Richmond Braves’ new home with them.

    Oh, and I wouldn’t put too much store in Will’s declamations against McCain — in the final analysis, he’ll go with the Queen of Hearts he knows over the quantity he doesn’t know. He just likes these little feints to show he’s independent-minded.

  • AxmxZ

    “Channeling his inner Queen of Hearts, John McCain furiously, and apparently without even looking around at facts…”

    Did he just call McCain a fag?

  • slithytoves

    McCain isn’t just talking nonsense all the time – if you watch, his left eye is kind of droopy and his forehead over his right eye is puckered in contrast – good be a bunch of small strokes – symptoms of which are:
    -confusion and problems with recent memory
    -wandering or getting lost in familiar places
    -moving with rapid, shuffling steps
    -loss of bladder or bowel control
    -laughing or crying inappropriately
    -difficulty following instructions
    -problems handling money

    Yep. That’s it.

  • stolichnayaaa

    I can’t tell if this was a full swing by Will. I’m appealing to the field ump. Did he go?

    Check swing. He didn’t break his wrists.

  • user-of-owls

    [re=104399]accidental_tourist[/re]: Who says there’s no good news these days!

    “CEO bludgeoned to death by mob of sacked workers…”

  • kudzu

    George Will is a Muslim. That’s what this means.

  • Servo

    I liked Italy, particularly Piancavallo.

  • HuddledMass

    [re=104398]accidental_tourist[/re]: Yeah, it’s great to not have to be “setting a good example for the kids.” I’ve started toking again and everything…

  • qwerty42

    [re=104420]SayItWithWookies[/re]: FWIW, the new stadium is going over budget (by about $20mil). This is an ideal time for that to happen.

  • KatieHomeslice

    Ah, poor George–torn between two loves: the Republican party and integrity.

  • nutshell king

    [re=104371]Dreamer[/re]: Never mind impeachment. Old man McCain called his daughter ugly and all Bill can do is chuckle respectfully. No wonder no one likes him.

  • Cape Clod

    Wh[re=104337]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: No, I would say that McCain is becoming the John Rocker of American politics.

  • dmac

    I love how Will’s column references specific dates and page numbers of stories, and nobody at the Post thought to maybe link them, since not all of us have a giant Scrooge McDuck-esque vault of back issues of the WSJ and NYT like George Will.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=104486]qwerty42[/re]: Yay, and thank you. That’s like whipped cream on my bitter little heart.


    Wait – Georgie is concerned that the next President might be impulsive, have intense personal reactions to people and events, and less reflective than needed for the job.

    George Will where have you been?

  • Miller

    George Will judging temperament, that’s good. Anything above ‘coma’ is excessively emotional to Will.

  • CrabtreesBludgeon

    [re=104362]Ames[/re]: I’ve been thinking WALNUTS is Reagan Redux for a while now.

  • crunchymunchy

    George Will is kind of off his rocker. He can’t really support Obama but he has a tough time respecting McCain anymore. So next week he’ll be right back on Obama’s case.

    I want Ron Paul:

  • Aurelio

    You know what pissed Will off? He is an old friend of Chris Cox. Jesus, how our national discourse has been polluted with personal vendettas, etc.

  • OzoneTom

    [re=104375]magic titty[/re]: Dubya had plenty of experience running businesses into the ground. Who says that experience doesn’t matter?

    We need a bigger tank.

  • jibreelriley

    I wonder has any liberals question Obama?