JOHN MCCAIN HAS NO FRIENDS  9:15 am September 23, 2008

Now Even George Will Hates John McCain

by Sara K. Smith

He likes big bunts and he cannot lie!Jesus, a weekend or two ago George Will was on one of them Sunday talk shows defending McCain’s “Obama wants to teach your babies how to have sex” ad. He was possibly the one American pundit who actually thought it was a good, true ad. And now even that guy wonders if John McCain is fit for office, because of his “temperament.”

It seems that the last week of utter financial fuckery has really brought out the worst in McCain. Why is this? Because he finds the economy endlessly dull, so he throws a tantrum every couple of days just to look like he’s sort of interested. This novel approach to domestic policy has, to his credit, gotten him through 26 years in the Senate or whatever! But what’s our point? Oh yes GEORGE WILL SAID THESE NASTY THINGS ABOUT JOHN McCAIN:

Under the pressure of the financial crisis, one presidential candidate is behaving like a flustered rookie playing in a league too high. It is not Barack Obama.

Channeling his inner Queen of Hearts, John McCain furiously, and apparently without even looking around at facts, said Chris Cox, chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission, should be decapitated.

[...] Conservatives who insist that electing McCain is crucial usually start, and increasingly end, by saying he would make excellent judicial selections. But the more one sees of his impulsive, intensely personal reactions to people and events, the less confidence one has that he would select judges by calm reflection and clear principles, having neither patience nor aptitude for either.

It is arguable that, because of his inexperience, Obama is not ready for the presidency. It is arguable that McCain, because of his boiling moralism and bottomless reservoir of certitudes, is not suited to the presidency. Unreadiness can be corrected, although perhaps at great cost, by experience. Can a dismaying temperament be fixed?

Now John McCain will call an angry press conference and demand that George Will be replaced by, let’s see, Andrew Cuomo or whoever.

McCain Loses His Head [Washington Post]

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qwerty42 September 23, 2008 at 9:21 am

why does George Will hate America?

Godless Liberal September 23, 2008 at 9:23 am

This is the most half-assed endorsement for Bob Barr I have seen yet.

Botswana Meat Commission FC September 23, 2008 at 9:26 am

I actually agree 100% with George Will on this.

Baseball still blows, though.

Special Agent Jack Mehoff September 23, 2008 at 9:26 am

Sara why do you write alone evey morning? Are you so dedicated? Are you so committed? Are you the Wonketeer least in the grip of substance abuse? Why do the other Wonketeers hate America and LOL cats?

rambone September 23, 2008 at 9:26 am

Looks like George Will is in the tank for Obama.

Why does George Will hate America?

melvin September 23, 2008 at 9:27 am

Will is endorsing Obama, Holy Shit!

4tehlulz September 23, 2008 at 9:27 am

Man, this tank getting mightly full in here.

Yaybuls September 23, 2008 at 9:28 am

Have you guys heard Boiling Moralism’s new album “Bottomless Reservoir of Certitudes”? Its good, but it gets a little wordy with the lyrics.

Serolf Divad September 23, 2008 at 9:30 am

John McCain’s been relief pitcher for a long, long, time, and now that he’s starting you can see why. Put him under the slightest bit of pressure and the guy’s pitches are all over the place. That may be fine for training camp when you’ve got hitters you want to train to recognize a good pitch and let the wild ones by, but once you’re in the regular season you just can’t afford to have a guy who’s going to start walking hitters with bases loaded because he can’t take the heat. Worst of all is a guy with a mean streak who’ll start nailing the opposing team’s batters on purpose just because he can’t keep his cool throw enough strikes to close the inning. I mean, what’s McCain going to do when Putin’s up at bat and he’s staring down the Russian president with Kim Jong Il on first, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on second, and Hugo Chavez on third? Do we really want a wild eyed, walking temper tantrum on the mound pitching for Team USA? Fuck no! We want a pitcher who’s cool as ice, calm and collected, who doesn’t get flustered, who knows how to read the catcher’s signs and bring down a triple play. The man we need if Barack Obama.

So what do you think, Wonketters? Was that inane baseball speak shallow and cliched enough to bring a few of the bitters on board?

bitchincamaro September 23, 2008 at 9:30 am

Which nitwit’s ass did McCain pull out Andrew Cuomo? He should go with Spitzer.

ManchuCandidate September 23, 2008 at 9:31 am

Oh poor George. One less mancrush. Oh well, there’s always Tony LaRussa.

BillyClubb September 23, 2008 at 9:31 am

Obama does want to teach your babies how to have sex. Of that I’m certitude.

ManchuCandidate September 23, 2008 at 9:32 am

[re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]:
Armando Benitez?

bitchincamaro September 23, 2008 at 9:33 am

[re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]: Ready for publishin in “Bunts and Cunts”!

Serolf Divad September 23, 2008 at 9:33 am

[re=104305]Special Agent Jack Mehoff[/re]:

’cause when Sarah blogs alone, she likes to be by herself (insert George Thorogood guitar riff here).

BillyClubb September 23, 2008 at 9:33 am

[re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]: Urk, I hate baseball…

ForTheTurnstiles September 23, 2008 at 9:37 am

Wake me when we get some hockey metaphors.

Cape Clod September 23, 2008 at 9:37 am

How come he didn’t come up with some dumb assed baseball analogy? Like ‘McCain is the grizzeled old vet, yearning for one last shot at glory while impulsively shaking off his catcher’s signals to toss a change up so he can throw a fastball that doesn’t have the same heat he had in his youth. While Obama is the exuberant Dominican/Muslim shortstop who ignores the signals of his third base coach but is loved by the fans anyway because he plays the game with so much joy.’

user-of-owls September 23, 2008 at 9:37 am

[re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]: I’d say Mariano Rivera, but he’s a beaner (heh heh), so guess we gotta go with Papelbon.

Cape Clod September 23, 2008 at 9:38 am

[re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]: Hats off to the master.

loquaciousmusic September 23, 2008 at 9:40 am

The other day, I plugged in my electric teakettle to boil water for some tea. Instead, I found myself boiling some moralism.

It was tasty.

mookworthjwilson September 23, 2008 at 9:41 am

[re=104314]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Do not ever mention that horrible man’s name…

ManchuCandidate September 23, 2008 at 9:42 am

Papelbon and Rivera are Ice Men on the mound. Not a good example

As I said earlier. Serolf is refering to the Armando “McCain” Benitezs of the world who have a habit of blowing up in clutch situations (fans of the Orioles, Mets, Marlins and Giants know that pain all too well.)

SwanSwanH September 23, 2008 at 9:42 am

[re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]: “Why’s he calling me meat? I’m the one driving 13 cars.”

ManchuCandidate September 23, 2008 at 9:42 am

Met fan?

Special Agent Jack Mehoff September 23, 2008 at 9:43 am

[re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]: You will need to name the catcher to bring on the hardcore idiots. They MUST be able to visualize the man as he catches the ball or else they will assume the man doing it is their preacher, and he already told them to vote for McCain, so this would just explode the head of the average “undecided”.

Monkey September 23, 2008 at 9:44 am

In fact this has been entirely expected. Remember Bob Dole’s ignominious meltdown during the ’96 elections! Bob Dole, the senate sweetheart, whom everyone thought of as a cordial and genial fellow, disintegrated under the spotlight into a curt, short-tempered, curmudgeon. So goes McCain as we all knew he would. Can’t handle the heat, the old Maverick!

bryan j September 23, 2008 at 9:44 am

Now I remember why I hate America.
Wonkette chicks are hot.

user-of-owls September 23, 2008 at 9:45 am

[re=104329]ManchuCandidate[/re]: No, I meant those are the guys we WANT to call up from the great electoral bullpen.

SwanSwanH September 23, 2008 at 9:46 am

[re=104321]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: Like what? “You gotta put the puck in the net to score goals, eh?”

Botswana Meat Commission FC September 23, 2008 at 9:46 am

[re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]:

McCain = Mitch Williams

user-of-owls September 23, 2008 at 9:47 am

[re=104333]Monkey[/re]: a curt, short-tempered, curmudgeon…who was prone to taking face dives into the crowd.

SwanSwanH September 23, 2008 at 9:48 am

ForTheTurnstiles = Hockey Mom

SlouchingTowardsWasilla September 23, 2008 at 9:49 am

This changes nothing. Will is just another elitist for Obama.

Delicious September 23, 2008 at 9:50 am

More laughs than usual in this thread.


ManchuCandidate September 23, 2008 at 9:52 am

[re=104337]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]:
Mitch was likeable. I’d say Walnuts = Armando (sorry, Mookie) because:
1) Lost his shit quick
2) Streak of hatred towards women (like Walnuts)
3) Pisses off folks where ever he’s gone

Carrie_Okie September 23, 2008 at 9:53 am

I’m confused. Baseball is the one with the big orange rubber ball?

grendel September 23, 2008 at 9:55 am

[re=104299]qwerty42[/re]: Because we don’t watch enough baseball

PeteJayhawk v2.0 September 23, 2008 at 9:56 am

Sorry, the answer is “the tension between being and becoming. Being, and becoming.”

user-of-owls September 23, 2008 at 9:57 am

[re=104343]Carrie_Okie[/re]: No, that’s bocce. Baseball is the one with naptimes built into the game.

Monkey September 23, 2008 at 9:57 am

[re=104338]user-of-owls[/re]: Ha ha ha! I forgot about that. Old Moshpit McDole!

Canuckledragger September 23, 2008 at 9:59 am

Remember back in ’80, when ‘impartial and objective journalist’ George Will stole Jimmy Carter’s debate briefing book and gave it to the Reagan campaign so they could cheat their way into the Oval Office. Oh that prankster, George Will. The japes and shenanigans he once got up to… ha ha…. good times.

I disliked that pompous waste of skin before that foul deed, but I’ve loathed the obsequious toady with a purple passion ever since. I will offer Will an opportunity to redeem himself. If he will take a baseball bat and kneecap McCain so that his legs work as well as his arms, I am prepared to offer Will absolution. And grant him first draft pick from Geddy Lee in rotisserie league.

In the meantime, let us remember that no matter how loathesome Will may be, he knows on which side his 401k is buttered. Even Will knows that if McCain becomes Prexy, Will’s just another hobo with an Underwood, sleeping under the only bridge that hasn’t yet collapsed. Will works from self-interest, and this is just one more example of his moral and ideological elasticity.

Ames September 23, 2008 at 10:02 am

In what regard Charlie?

StripesAndPlaids September 23, 2008 at 10:02 am

[re=104307]melvin[/re]: Well, it is not a deep throated, I mean full throated, endorsement.

Servo September 23, 2008 at 10:02 am

[re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]:
Well, at least you had the good sense to leave out the ball-scratching. I’m quite sure Kim Jong Il would be gobblin’ down some coneys and nachos, while his people are eating bags of Quik-Crete.

accidental_tourist September 23, 2008 at 10:04 am

I’ve never asked anything of any of you. But please, if you care about your fellow woman, talk me down.

I knew better than to get suckered in, but when somebody on another board said she hates McCain but will vote for him because Obama is a Muslim (because you see, she read Obama’s books and she knows that the Muslim school is now imprinted on his soul forever)……well, I lost it. The anger got me and the vein started sticking out in my neck, my jaws are clenched, and I’m dropping F bombs like a sailor. That’s not me. Help a nice lady off the ledge?

mookworthjwilson September 23, 2008 at 10:05 am

[re=104331]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Yes. Not happy right now.

Monkey September 23, 2008 at 10:05 am

[re=104350]Canuckledragger[/re]: In short, George Will = Duplicitous Turd

King of Pants September 23, 2008 at 10:06 am

[re=104337]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: I’d say McCain = Eric Gagne.

WadISay September 23, 2008 at 10:08 am

If George Will and Peggy Noonan were–in some scenario too horrible to contemplate–mate, maybe one of their offspring could just say that the Repubs have neither the record nor the candidates to deserve election this year, go Barry. Maybe one of their kids would be black, too.

Ames September 23, 2008 at 10:10 am

Does anyone know for sure that McCain isn’t suffering from the early signs of Alzheimer’s?
He seems so confused. All the time now.

Did he release his medical records?

Naked Bunny with a Whip September 23, 2008 at 10:11 am

George Will just now noticed that McCain is clueless and prone to tantrums? No wonder he likes baseball…he just can’t keep up with anything that doesn’t have a glacial pace.

Delicious September 23, 2008 at 10:11 am

[re=104355]accidental_tourist[/re]: This “talk me down” thing… was it a hot saying before Rachel Maddow started using it as a feature, or is she making it hot.

Or are you just the second person I’ve seen use it?

I Am Not Your Gary Busey September 23, 2008 at 10:12 am

Now is the time my republican minions to rise! Rise up against your term limited lame-duck overlords in the Shrub Administration and throw them out after years of abuse and misuse! Now that they can’t do anything to you besides bad mouth you on O’RLY & Hannity tell them what you’ve been keeping back since 09.10.2001!
Rise up and welcome your new softer and cuddlier Progressive baby eating overlords! Tell us how much you really hate pre-emptive strikes and privatization! Tell us that the Shrub Administration’s environmental and reproductive rights policies made you feel as dirty as you did when you were a congressional paige!
Now on your knees bitches.
Mwuh ha ha ha ha hAAAAh!!!!

Serolf Divad September 23, 2008 at 10:13 am


McCain can’t scratch his balls because of wht the North Vietnamese did to him over 5 1/2 years in captivity. He can’t lower his arms below his belt line… so he rubs his belly instead.

Dreamer September 23, 2008 at 10:15 am

Isn’t it amazing that George Will is more critical of McCain than Bill Clinton. Bill all of a sudden is acting as though he is McCain’s BFF – never mind the impeachment thing.

capitol hillbilly September 23, 2008 at 10:16 am

baseball is too complicated. the new american pasttime is cornholing.

ForTheTurnstiles September 23, 2008 at 10:18 am

[re=104355]accidental_tourist[/re]: Relax. It’s just the word “fuck.” It’s not a ledge. You are not in danger. You are just speaking like a grownup. Fuck is not a crisis.

magic titty September 23, 2008 at 10:19 am

[re=104304]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: except for the part where Barack isn’t experienced. This is the biggest crock going. Someone find me an instance where GWB’s so-called experience helped anyone do anything in the last 4 years.

And it’s not like Will won’t vote for McCain anyway. He’s just kicking out the jams early so he can support him late.

ForTheTurnstiles September 23, 2008 at 10:20 am

[re=104339]SwanSwanH[/re]: Not exactly. ForTheTurnstiles = angry redneck with advanced degrees in the humanities who happens to like ice hockey.

Sussemilch September 23, 2008 at 10:25 am

Any real fan of baseball can’t be all that disapproving of tantrums.

The ghost of Billy Martin spits on you.

BillyClubb September 23, 2008 at 10:26 am

[re=104355]accidental_tourist[/re]: As Ron White says, “You can’t fix stupid”. Keep that in mind when you hear the talk of “Obama is a mooslim”.

OhWhyOhio September 23, 2008 at 10:29 am

[re=104330]SwanSwanH[/re]: WIN.

accidental_tourist September 23, 2008 at 10:30 am

Delicious: It’s always seemed like the thing to say when you’re on the ledge, so to speak. But you’re right, Rachel says it too and since she’s not only famous, but the only person I can stand on TV, I will never say it again.

Besides, I talked myself down. Took the dog for a short walk, stopped to chat with some happy people, and suddenly realized the irony of having a near-apoplectic fit while trying to explain to some knotheaded McCain supporter why McCain’s temper is disasterous.

His bile is contagious. Stock up an antidotes – dogs, sunshine, long walks, lawyers, money, canned goods.

grendel September 23, 2008 at 10:36 am

[re=104355]accidental_tourist[/re]: Here, look at this, it will calm your ovarian rage :

accidental_tourist September 23, 2008 at 10:39 am

ForTheTurnstiles: I know. It’s just that I taught my children manners, and that only ignorant people cuss because their vocabulary is so limited and they are unimaginative. Well, the kids are grown and gone, and now I’m telling complete strangers to fuck off. Not only that, I’m drinking milk straight from the jug and jumping on the couch.

Thanks BillyClubb, all better now!

accidental_tourist September 23, 2008 at 10:42 am

ahhhhhhhhhh………thanks Grendel. Reminds me of my son, except he’s a man now, a Navy officer who’s voting for Obama.

Servo September 23, 2008 at 10:43 am

[re=104370]Serolf Divad[/re]:
The GOP is on the buddy system. A tap of the foot will get you all the ball scratching you could ever want…for a price, of course.

JamesMichaelCurley September 23, 2008 at 10:45 am

“Channeling his inner Queen of Hearts, John McCain …”

After months of ‘can’t criticise McCain for his POW activities,’ George Will – I said GEORGE WILL is the first to play the “Manchurian Candidate” card?

natteringnaybob September 23, 2008 at 10:46 am

[re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]: My guess is Walnuts would go with the high heat — 20 megatons or so.

spewcap September 23, 2008 at 10:51 am

I stopped reading after the part about furiously decapitated Cox. Ouch.

Big Al1317 September 23, 2008 at 10:54 am

[re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]: But Mariano Rivera was not born in the USA, so he can’t be president.

Strappo September 23, 2008 at 10:55 am

This is funny. I’m reading this shit from deep in the heart of Bumfuck Italy, a place where EVERYONE* wants Obama to inaugurate a bright new day in America, and I can hardly believe my eyes. George Will has always been my favorite intolerable blowhard. Now he’s my favorite hemi-semi-demi-tolerable blowhard. But in this I really do take heart. The McCain candidacy seems to be dematerializing before my long-distant eyes.

If you’ve been on the fence about Barack before, it seems you’d be persuaded to tumble for him now. Or have I been around too many Italians?

*Even the dumbshits who voted for Berlusconi yet again!

I’m still fucking depressed for the old US of A:

Your intrepid correspondent in Venticano, Avellino, Campania, Italia

nietzscheprojectile September 23, 2008 at 10:56 am

[re=104407]JamesMichaelCurley[/re]: Actually, I think it’s more of a Juice Newton card.

KatieHomeslice September 23, 2008 at 11:00 am

Torn between two lovers, that Will: the Republican party and integrity.

SayItWithWookies September 23, 2008 at 11:07 am

[re=104310]Serolf Divad[/re]: Okay, I’ve arrived in the eighth inning, but I’m thinking Mark Wohlers — maybe because I saw him throw relief for my now-departed Richmond Braves, where he blew a five-run lead because after his arm injury he couldn’t toss an apple into a milk crate if he was standing over it.

And now that I’m thinking about it, the Atlanta Braves can, as usual, go screw themselves — and they can take Gwinnett or Alpharetta or whatever insipid and odious suburb of theirs that’s the Richmond Braves’ new home with them.

Oh, and I wouldn’t put too much store in Will’s declamations against McCain — in the final analysis, he’ll go with the Queen of Hearts he knows over the quantity he doesn’t know. He just likes these little feints to show he’s independent-minded.

AxmxZ September 23, 2008 at 11:13 am

“Channeling his inner Queen of Hearts, John McCain furiously, and apparently without even looking around at facts…”

Did he just call McCain a fag?

slithytoves September 23, 2008 at 11:14 am

McCain isn’t just talking nonsense all the time – if you watch, his left eye is kind of droopy and his forehead over his right eye is puckered in contrast – good be a bunch of small strokes – symptoms of which are:
-confusion and problems with recent memory
-wandering or getting lost in familiar places
-moving with rapid, shuffling steps
-loss of bladder or bowel control
-laughing or crying inappropriately
-difficulty following instructions
-problems handling money

Yep. That’s it.

stolichnayaaa September 23, 2008 at 11:18 am

I can’t tell if this was a full swing by Will. I’m appealing to the field ump. Did he go?

Check swing. He didn’t break his wrists.

user-of-owls September 23, 2008 at 11:26 am

[re=104399]accidental_tourist[/re]: Who says there’s no good news these days!

“CEO bludgeoned to death by mob of sacked workers…”

kudzu September 23, 2008 at 11:34 am

George Will is a Muslim. That’s what this means.

Servo September 23, 2008 at 11:37 am

I liked Italy, particularly Piancavallo.

HuddledMass September 23, 2008 at 11:46 am

[re=104398]accidental_tourist[/re]: Yeah, it’s great to not have to be “setting a good example for the kids.” I’ve started toking again and everything…

qwerty42 September 23, 2008 at 11:49 am

[re=104420]SayItWithWookies[/re]: FWIW, the new stadium is going over budget (by about $20mil). This is an ideal time for that to happen.

KatieHomeslice September 23, 2008 at 11:50 am

Ah, poor George–torn between two loves: the Republican party and integrity.

nutshell king September 23, 2008 at 11:53 am

[re=104371]Dreamer[/re]: Never mind impeachment. Old man McCain called his daughter ugly and all Bill can do is chuckle respectfully. No wonder no one likes him.

Cape Clod September 23, 2008 at 12:02 pm

Wh[re=104337]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: No, I would say that McCain is becoming the John Rocker of American politics.

dmac September 23, 2008 at 12:28 pm

I love how Will’s column references specific dates and page numbers of stories, and nobody at the Post thought to maybe link them, since not all of us have a giant Scrooge McDuck-esque vault of back issues of the WSJ and NYT like George Will.

SayItWithWookies September 23, 2008 at 12:31 pm

[re=104486]qwerty42[/re]: Yay, and thank you. That’s like whipped cream on my bitter little heart.

WIDTAP September 23, 2008 at 1:02 pm

Wait – Georgie is concerned that the next President might be impulsive, have intense personal reactions to people and events, and less reflective than needed for the job.

George Will where have you been?

Miller September 23, 2008 at 1:07 pm

George Will judging temperament, that’s good. Anything above ‘coma’ is excessively emotional to Will.

CrabtreesBludgeon September 23, 2008 at 1:49 pm

[re=104362]Ames[/re]: I’ve been thinking WALNUTS is Reagan Redux for a while now.

crunchymunchy September 23, 2008 at 3:17 pm

George Will is kind of off his rocker. He can’t really support Obama but he has a tough time respecting McCain anymore. So next week he’ll be right back on Obama’s case.

I want Ron Paul:

Aurelio September 23, 2008 at 4:53 pm

You know what pissed Will off? He is an old friend of Chris Cox. Jesus, how our national discourse has been polluted with personal vendettas, etc.

OzoneTom September 23, 2008 at 6:08 pm

[re=104375]magic titty[/re]: Dubya had plenty of experience running businesses into the ground. Who says that experience doesn’t matter?

We need a bigger tank.

jibreelriley September 23, 2008 at 9:02 pm

I wonder has any liberals question Obama?

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