Wonkette
Yikes! The markets are closed and so are you. The Dow ended down 373 — more than 3% — and the S&P 500 dropped nearly 4%. But there’s good news if you are, say, a Saudi Prince: Oil shot the hell up by $16 a barrel, the biggest single-day climb since the Van Halen album 1984. Why do investors hate Hank Paulson’s plan to nationalize the collapsing U.S. economy while destroying capitalism and providing crucial help to the nation’s starving hedge-fund managers? [Marketwatch/Bloomberg]
I for one welcome our new Treasury Secretary and President for Life overlord:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/22/dirty-secret-of-the-bailo_n_128294.html
Today, we are all bindlestiffs.
Meanwhile GOP douchebags are vying to see if they can use the disaster the created for political gain. Here’s the idea: vote “no” on Paulson’s bailout plan, knowing that the Dems will vote “yes” (because the alternative is a devastating global depression) then play the populist card when average folks start screaming bloody murder at the 700 billion we handed over to Wall Street fat cats.
Unbelievably Cynical Bullshit Ploy
So it isn’t the economy that’s broke, the economic model is broke. Ok, good to know. Now that the currency’s worthless, do I still owe the bank anything for my house?
Who cares about the Dow and oil? We need important information! What’s the market price on 9mm rounds and potassium Iodide tablets?
Oh, look. I do still have some whiskey in my desk drawer.
I, for one, welcome the oncoming of our completely poor and stupid overlords.
Serolf Divad: In that case the Dems should all just vote for Dodd’s plan and tell Paulson to go fuck himself
Wait — you mean a bailout plan concocted by five guys over a weekend isn’t going to solve all our problems? But that’s all the attention span we have! Okay then, we’re just gonna have to buckle down and consider everybody’s views and — oh look — there’s something shiny over there.
Osama is all “home mortgages to Black people - why didn’t I think of that!?”
Is Ken Layne the Ha-ha-Humor-What’s-That-I-Just-Want-to-Further-Scare-You-Shitless-About-the-Economy editor at large, or what?
So, when we’re talking the inevitable catfood diet, where do you get your best gourmet bang for the buck? And don’t tell me Friskies. Even my cat won’t eat that.
And the GSE Head (HED) is attempting an acquisition of Ass (ASS), in which Head’s liabilities are currently sheltered.
Condiments-Only Diet: You should be scared… or medicated… or both
And yet what are MaGoo & his crew talking about: Rezko, bitching about how the NYTimes is actually doing some real reporting (that Rick Davis has collected over $2M for lobbying for Fannie & Freddie) & Walnuts is gong to give 50,000 undocumented Irish men & women a path to citizenship. I kid you not. Bet those Mexicans would like to hear that–ooops, they’re brown. They don’t get pathy to citizenship like the white folks.
http://yglesias.thinkprogress.org/archives/2008/09/the_luck_of_the_irish.php
grendel:
Yeah, I have to believe that Republican reps aren’t as dumb as that blogger… actually scratch that… maybe they are that stupid. I guess we’ll see when it’s time to start voting.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: You have to hunt the rodents yourself for the freshest meat
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Try Fancy Feast; although they’re a little pricey. You might not be able to afford it by the time the Dow quits tanking.
Well, I buy my oil by the drum, not the barrel, so … no worries.
and now we have to get ready for Van Hagar? …ish.
My neighbors and I have a pact with our local tavern. When the shit gets real heavy bartenders will receive free board in our complex and we get use of the bar for community meetings/stray-cat-BBQs until the booze runs out.
This is THE ONE TIME since renting that I’m thrilled my landlord is a Paultard/Truther/conspiracy nut who is armed and ready for the police state.
It’s not too late to get out. There are lots of lonely women in Russia.
Condiments-Only Diet: Oh come on, I loaded this post with jokes! You are just too busy crying about the apocalypse to laugh.
SayItWithWookies: I thought it was red. Primary colors do it for me.
I’m still looking at it.
Imagine all the angry elders roaming the streets with pitchforks and torches signs if the Republicans had been allowed to dump Social Security into the market like they wanted…
Oh, hey! Sullivan is holstering his bareback notions to write something that is at once intelligent and worrying…
http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2008/09/how-democracies.html#more
AnnieGetYourFun: Lucky you. I appear to be fresh the fuck out.
Oh, right, I forgot, I don’t drink. Until now.
Serolf Divad: Seriously, is Tardcore gonna have to shoot a bitch!?!?
Anyone catch the NY times business section on sunday? They had this nice bunch of photos of CEO’s with the amount of money they had lost (in stock), two of them actually lost about 950 million.
Click here for pretty pictures with funny numbers: http://www.nytimes.com/imagepages/2008/09/21/business/21ceoCA01ready.html
There, don’t we all feel better?
The List of Things Republicans are Good at
1
War2
Running Government3
Fiscal Responsibility4
Business5
Science6
Culture7 Gay Sex scandals
8 Fucking kids
9 Losing Money
Kev-O-Tron: Police state… as if we’re going to be able to afford police wages in two years.
grendel: Damn. I wanted to be one of the lazy poor! I sort of don’t see the point if you have to work for it.
Texan Bulldoggette: I’ll tuck that one away for future use. At least the cans are smaller. Easier to shoplift.
Adolphus: They are only wanting for mens with rubles. Poor schmuck-skis can stay home with Moose and Squirrel.
facehead: Only vaguely. I’d be laughing my ass of if they weren’t taking down the entire fucking economy along with them.
A financial disaster in what respect, Charlie?
Ah, fuck it. I’m not even going to try.
Good thing I bought a used copy of Abbie Hoffman’s Steal This Book! That partnered with How to Win Friends and Influence People will cement my rising star firmly in the annals of the Un-Homed.
facehead:
I didn’t think that graph makes me feel better, but in a shallow way it does. HEH.
Strictly for the Tardcore: So the future is all Mad Max and Thunderdome-ish? Sweet. My car would look rad, all tricked out for combat.
If the budget deficit were converted into dollar bills, and those dollar bills were laid end to end, we could fashion a nice ribbon to wrap around the three or four states we end up selling to the Chinese to get out of this mess.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Dibs on the chaingun!
facehead: Wait! James Dimon’s salary actually went up!
Uh, I meant net worth or whatever.
facehead: No.
I’m waiting to see ads for baked beans and camping equipment during the sunday morning political “news” shows. Hmmm…has anyone thought about the environmental repercussions if we are all bean-eating hobos? I should buy stock in Beano.
Hamster: In the land of beans, the man with the lighter is king.
Instead of picking on Saudi Princes any time oil prices go up, can we from now on reserve our collective scorn for the Oil Baroness of the North, Sarah Palin.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Thunderdome in Seattle. awesome.
Too bad I don’t have an old muscle car I can make all bad ass. I do have a bicycle. I’d look pretty tough on my mountain bike all decked out in armor. yea…
We definitely need more Van Halen references in relation to financial events.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Kev-O-Tron: Sweet. When I get home, I’m taking down my neighbor’s chain link fence and fashioning me one serious badass outfit a la Tina Turner.
sanantonerose:
Running with the Devil?
Since oil is performing so well I think there’s only one solution for wall Street: oil backed securities! Smell the money. Oil will always increase in price, just like the housing market. Cha-ching. Economic crisis over.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Hamster: I want beans with ketchup.
Ken Layne: It was more about me just being straight-up blinded by tears. But now that I’ve wiped my face, I see that there was some comedy there after the headline. Kindly forgive, me, sir. And tell me it’s going to be all right!
ManchuCandidate: Exactly. It’s the first thing to bring a smile to my face today.
sanantonerose: ManchuCandidate: This is a Teachable Moment, and what this Moment teaches us is that the only thing the international markets hate more than Paulson-style demi-communism is Eddie Van Halen noodling around with his synths on “Jump”. Personally, I think they might be right.
Perhaps all the new gay pennies will save us? Mint some more of those bad boys!
I was SO glad my son recommended I see “Cloverfield.” All this free floating anxiety about the economy. It least I had a monster to attach it to. Very catharic! So I called my congressman and he said, “no, I’d like to help you son but you’re too young to vote.” No, no. I called, and inspired by “Cloverfield,” said, “There’s no monster attaching New York. Take your time. Put in some, like, checks and balances.”
magic titty: Ha! ha! Joke’s on you, Magic, and on Sullivan! Athens didn’t become an oligarchy because like it’s all ‘Easy for a democracy to become an oligarchy’. It was
really because they fought and lost an incredibly expensive foreign war. See? Um. Oh, wait.
Texan Bulldoggette: That is just amazing. No wonder the television and movie industry can’t keep our attention. Nothing that they could come up with could rival the “reality” of John “Old Spice” McCain when he hits his stride.
Maybe a trillion to quiet down helicopter Ben and emperor Paulson , then another trillion or so for the soon coming Medicare entitlement meltdown, then another trillion or more for Iraq/Afganistan clean up, then another couple of trillion for the coming Social Security entitlement meltdown, then a trillion or so each year just to pay interest only on the national debt. Hey Hu Jintao, how about a payday loan?