log cabin republicans

New Lincoln Penny Honors Republican Homosexuals

Gay Old PartyNow that American Capitalism has completely failed and the U.S. currency is even more worthless, the folks at the U.S. Mint are having some fun by releasing this new Lincoln Penny, which reminds us that all Republicans are terrible closet-case homosexuals having grim bathroom encounters in these Log Cabins on the edge of town, by the interstate rest stop.

Abraham Lincoln was our first gay president. As a social liberal, he thought slavery was “wrong,” so he freed the slaves and attempted to kill all the Southern whites, so America could heal. But many white Southerners survived, including Jesse Helms and George Allen, and that’s why we still have all these problems today, as Trent Lott famously noted.

Lincoln was enjoying his favorite pastime — seeing RENT at a Washington theater — when a wingnut blogger killed him.

2009 Lincoln Bicentennial One Cent Program [U.S. Mint]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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  1. Cape Clod

    No, Buchanon was our first gay president. Everybody knows that. (I know, there were whispers about James Monroe because he was fond of show tunes but nothing was ever proven.)

  2. Norbert

    my friends, we must open up the U.S. Mint to the competition of the free market. which is why I authorized the Franklin Mint to create a stunning coin commemorating my Five and a Half Years.

  3. Smoke Filled Roommate

    Yes, but will the penny buy a gay Repubican a blow job? A sign that our economy is truly failing.

  4. Vanity Smurf

    Up next, a special series of state flower obverse designs for the nickel.

    Why the fuck can’t the mint just leave perfectly good coins alone?

  5. Serolf Divad

    When Republicans are finally ready to admit lesbians into their little club, there’ll be a well just outside that “log” cabin made up of “donuts.”

  6. Vanity Smurf

    [re=103408]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: No, they pay you to suck your dick. See Allen, Bob of Florida.

  7. whatever_dc

    i went to see sandra bernhard the other night and she asked if there were any log cabin republicans in the house and one (idiot) answered yes and she proceeded to rip him several new ones! it was hysterical!!! but how stupid do you have to be to answer yes to that question from a leftwing liberal lesbian crazy-ass commedienne???

  8. Vanity Smurf

    [re=103422]HedonismBot[/re]: Yes, and there’s something so satisfying about flogging a Log Cabin Republican on a St. Andrews cross. Though it’d be more fun if they didn’t get off on it.

  9. Strictly for the Tardcore

    Jesus, I’m offended. This constant reference to Lincoln’s “log cabin” is so completely wrong. It wasn’t a literal house, you Repub morons.

    Lincoln’s wang was the log. Josh Fry Speed’s ass was the cabin.

    Get it right, righties!

  10. blackdontcrack

    log cabins arent so bad. ive banged and been banged by a couple of them. one of them was pretty good and didnt even pretend he was married or ask me to take off my gun holster.

  11. Strictly for the Tardcore

    [re=103428]whatever_dc[/re]: It’s like that dude from “Grizzly Man”, but with fewer bears and Sandra Bernhard.

    Same ending, though.

  12. Hamster

    McCain just saw that penny and said: “That’s not what Lincoln’s house looked like, he took me there once.”

  13. gjdodger

    [re=103484]Hamster[/re]: I figured McAncient saw the penny and said, “That’s not change we can believe in.”

  14. BobLoblawLawBlog

    So I called Larry Craig a 3-cent truck stop whore, and he hit me with a sock full of Log Cabin pennies.

  15. HollowBrain

    After I become a famous historian I’m going to write a biography of Abe Lincoln and say that he was shot during a performance of RENT*. Because it’ll be in the future and no one fact checks in the future.

    *Also, I wouldn’t mind all that much being shot in the head while watching RENT. I wanted to be shot in the head when I watched RENT.*

    **Also also, “Our American Cousin”? WTF?

  16. shoeho

    The Log Cabins always make me smile. No matter that their chosen party gives space (on national tickets)to whackjobs that think they can be cured of their sexuality. Sure, that “small government” thing is so much more important.

    You know, come to think of it, this might have been a good subject for my thesis…..I could have called it, “Self-Loathing in Politics.”

  17. Yaybuls

    [re=103419]FMA[/re]:[re=103420]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]:

    You’re obviously not familiar with the word-smitheree’s of Christian Soriano.

  18. Maj. Major Major Major

    Sorry but James Buchanan beat Lincoln to teh gay presidency by an entire term. Of course, he was a Democrat and they hate America…

  19. S.Luggo

    [re=103685]Maj. Major Major Major[/re]: From Wiki, “His [Bucko Buchanan’s] inability to avert the Civil War has subsequently been assessed as the worst single failure by a United States President.” Wiki spoke too soon.

  20. S.Luggo

    Fuck the new penny. Log Cabinmites are waiting for the new Lincoln cock ring, to be issued in denominations of $20 (aka the “Bob Allen”], $50 [the “Larry”] and $100 [the “Cheney”].

  21. whatever_dc

    sandra bernhard really made an effort to understand the log cabin thing. but then she asked him if he really wanted to hang out with people who wanted to fuck him up the ass without lube or condoms and he said yes and she sort of shrugged and moved on.

  22. Borat

    The penny. What a frekin joke. That’s gotta be worth only like 100 million Zimbabwe dollars. People would care about the penny if you didn’t need a carload of them to buy half an ounce.

  23. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=103396]Cape Clod[/re]: I’m pretty sure Washington was the first of teh gayez to be president. I mean, the wigs, and the wooden false teeth. Pull those out and you know he is manning the glory hole all night long.

  24. Special Agent Jack Mehoff

    Ah finally, something nice for the gays. Hey! Now they’ll stop trying to get married and just play with they’re new pennies!

  25. hamletta

    I hate these new pennies!

    Why get rid of the Memorial, site of Marian Anderson’s performance and King’s “I Have a Dream” speech?

    Plus I liked that if you looked real close, you could see tee-tiny Lincoln in there.

  26. tiger

    honey, hold onto those pennies the bitch is TANKING girl! I vote George Washington-c’mon kids, a POWDERED WIG???

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