Gay Old PartyNow that American Capitalism has completely failed and the U.S. currency is even more worthless, the folks at the U.S. Mint are having some fun by releasing this new Lincoln Penny, which reminds us that all Republicans are terrible closet-case homosexuals having grim bathroom encounters in these Log Cabins on the edge of town, by the interstate rest stop.

Abraham Lincoln was our first gay president. As a social liberal, he thought slavery was “wrong,” so he freed the slaves and attempted to kill all the Southern whites, so America could heal. But many white Southerners survived, including Jesse Helms and George Allen, and that’s why we still have all these problems today, as Trent Lott famously noted.

Lincoln was enjoying his favorite pastime — seeing RENT at a Washington theater — when a wingnut blogger killed him.

2009 Lincoln Bicentennial One Cent Program [U.S. Mint]

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  1. my friends, we must open up the U.S. Mint to the competition of the free market. which is why I authorized the Franklin Mint to create a stunning coin commemorating my Five and a Half Years.

  2. When Republicans are finally ready to admit lesbians into their little club, there’ll be a well just outside that “log” cabin made up of “donuts.”

  3. i went to see sandra bernhard the other night and she asked if there were any log cabin republicans in the house and one (idiot) answered yes and she proceeded to rip him several new ones! it was hysterical!!! but how stupid do you have to be to answer yes to that question from a leftwing liberal lesbian crazy-ass commedienne???

  4. [re=103422]HedonismBot[/re]: Yes, and there’s something so satisfying about flogging a Log Cabin Republican on a St. Andrews cross. Though it’d be more fun if they didn’t get off on it.

  5. Jesus, I’m offended. This constant reference to Lincoln’s “log cabin” is so completely wrong. It wasn’t a literal house, you Repub morons.

    Lincoln’s wang was the log. Josh Fry Speed’s ass was the cabin.

    Get it right, righties!

  6. log cabins arent so bad. ive banged and been banged by a couple of them. one of them was pretty good and didnt even pretend he was married or ask me to take off my gun holster.

  7. [re=103428]whatever_dc[/re]: It’s like that dude from “Grizzly Man”, but with fewer bears and Sandra Bernhard.

    Same ending, though.

  8. After I become a famous historian I’m going to write a biography of Abe Lincoln and say that he was shot during a performance of RENT*. Because it’ll be in the future and no one fact checks in the future.

    *Also, I wouldn’t mind all that much being shot in the head while watching RENT. I wanted to be shot in the head when I watched RENT.*

    **Also also, “Our American Cousin”? WTF?

  9. The Log Cabins always make me smile. No matter that their chosen party gives space (on national tickets)to whackjobs that think they can be cured of their sexuality. Sure, that “small government” thing is so much more important.

    You know, come to think of it, this might have been a good subject for my thesis…..I could have called it, “Self-Loathing in Politics.”

  10. [re=103685]Maj. Major Major Major[/re]: From Wiki, “His [Bucko Buchanan’s] inability to avert the Civil War has subsequently been assessed as the worst single failure by a United States President.” Wiki spoke too soon.

  11. Fuck the new penny. Log Cabinmites are waiting for the new Lincoln cock ring, to be issued in denominations of $20 (aka the “Bob Allen”], $50 [the “Larry”] and $100 [the “Cheney”].

  12. sandra bernhard really made an effort to understand the log cabin thing. but then she asked him if he really wanted to hang out with people who wanted to fuck him up the ass without lube or condoms and he said yes and she sort of shrugged and moved on.

  13. The penny. What a frekin joke. That’s gotta be worth only like 100 million Zimbabwe dollars. People would care about the penny if you didn’t need a carload of them to buy half an ounce.

  14. [re=103396]Cape Clod[/re]: I’m pretty sure Washington was the first of teh gayez to be president. I mean, the wigs, and the wooden false teeth. Pull those out and you know he is manning the glory hole all night long.

  15. I hate these new pennies!

    Why get rid of the Memorial, site of Marian Anderson’s performance and King’s “I Have a Dream” speech?

    Plus I liked that if you looked real close, you could see tee-tiny Lincoln in there.

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