Hoorah the first debate is Friday, in Confederate Mississippi! Will the plantation owners even let Barack Obama onto the debate stage, or will he have to shout his answers from the balcony? That would be sure to spark a national conversation about race, between no one. But! We’ll see. This week, however, each campaign has assembled a team of debating “vets” for rigorous preparatory regimens. John McCain, for example, will practice-debate with the one black Republican, so as to learn all of “their” tricks. Watch the eyes, Walnuts! THEY SHIFT. And Barack Obama will be debating some old coot he kidnapped at Costco.
And to prepare, Sen. McCain will spar this week in mock debates with Michael Steele. Mr. Steele, the former lieutenant governor of Maryland and a prominent black Republican, will play Sen. Obama and use many of his speaking patterns, tactics and body language. Sen. Obama will practice with Greg Craig, a Washington lawyer and former official in the Clinton administration who is one of his few gray-haired advisers.
Tee hee. Walnuts has to learn how to talk to a black fella! It’s worth noting that, despite their shared swarthiness, Michael Steele and Barack Obama have polar opposite personalities. But it’s not like the Republicans had any other black mime to stand in.
…Oh God this is terrible, we were just trying to think of another black Republican who could stand in. Complete mental blank. J.C. WATTS! There.