We have seen this service before, this thingy that counts how many times a person said this word or that word, and it is interesting how John McCain says “love” more than Barack Obama, and Obama says “war” more than McCain. But the real story, as tipster Whitney notes, is that neither of them have ever let the words “truck nutz” escape their lips. They are running for president of America, you know! [Speech Wars]

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  1. Dear lord, please bring us a candidate who will address our debilitating TRUCK NUTZ shortage. I’m afraid that our children will never know the joy of playing with said TRUCK NUTZ. Or writing about them in sarcastic blogs.

  2. You have it all wrong. We shouldn’t be looking at the elitest presidential candidates to say TruckNutz. We have to be looking to our working-class-salt-of-the-earth Veep picks to be saying TruckNutz. Or Nadir – I heard he wrote a book about cars once, so it must be his thing.

  3. Ah, fuck. I can see WcCain not knowing about Truck Nutz, seeing as he no longer has any after FIVE AND A HALF YEARS in Victor Charlie’s basement, but Barry!? I thought he was young, and hip, and understood the issues that are important to US, as AMERICANS.

    Well, I guess I’m voting for Nader. Or vigilante.

  4. I saw my first pair of wild truck nutz just last night… Someone was coming back to Rochester from the Buffalo game in a pickup truck with a Bills’ flag mounted in the bed and a big pair of blue truck nutz swinging on the back… Kind of disturbing, really.

  5. …John McCain has said “Wide” 5 times & “Stance” 0 times and Barack Obama has said “Wide” 10 times and “Stance” 2 times! So the obvious question is: How many times has Barack Obama had anonymous bathroom sex?!

  6. Actually, Obama said “nuts” twice! So apparently, this was an error in transcription, and no fault of St. Hopey. Obama loves Truck Nutz, McCain is a hater! Go B!

  7. [re=103055]Borat[/re]: The only place in Alaska where you can get Truck Nutz (according to the site posted by Facehead) is Wasilla. A town with 6,000 people has two retailers stocking truck nutz. Truly, Caribou Barbie is the candidate that can address our truck nutz crisis having solved it in Wasilla.

  8. All these stats should have the words “in bed” after them (yes, I’m mentally a third-grader). Case in point: McCain said “god” 69 times. In bed. True story.

  9. [re=103108]BobLoblawLawBlog[/re]: Hahahah, that was a good one. We all know WALNUTS! hasn’t slept with a woman since his honeymoon to the trophy trollop.

  10. [re=103139]Miller[/re]: Dude, if someone released one, every redneck male in my hometown (re: every male over the age of 35) would be arrested for fuckin’ his car in broad daylight. Men love their cars more than their women ’round these parts…

  11. [re=103038]Terry[/re]: That’s 52 times more than the total republican party count, They’re busy pretending that the last 8 years never happened, that some un-named democrat must have been the “decider” and that’s why we’re in such deep shit. I think the republicans will be changing their party name to the altzheimers to explain away how so many morons still think Reagan was a clever politician and not some actor reading lines provided to him. On the other hand, the democratic party will henceforth be known as the “avoidists”, in honor of their leadership’s policy of not making waves. Example below:

  12. McCain actually has a truck, though. To tootle around on his 13 acre ranch, clearing brush.
    Hopey only has one of those elitist hybrid cars. Just like Obama, half and half.
    At least WALNUTS! has something to hANG HIS NUTZ ON, you libs!

  13. By the way, assuming U.S. dollars will still be accepted anywhere,
    here’s the financial skinny:
    Truck Nutz are $7.95, Moose nutz are usually under a buck.
    Slightly higher in Alaska.

  14. [re=103107]springfield_meltdown[/re]: Great research about Wasilla being the trucknutz capital of Alaska. I’ve also heard its the church capital and meth capital of Alaska. Go figure! The town must be on an upswing. or at least swingin’ a little to the right

  15. [re=103153]pondscum[/re]: ???? How is it possible to NOT know about trucknutz? Trucknutz are like the hoola hoop of our generation. Ain’t hip to be square, daddy-o.

  16. [re=103058]Strictly for the Tardcore[/re]: It’s a real shame this wasn’t the thread for the weekend. I really don’t see how a Nadirtard would have anything to contribute to our mutual obsession with TruckNutz, the bestest invention on early. Unless there is some kind of child safety or explosion warning that CORPORATE AMERICA IS KEEPING FROM US!!!11!!

  17. Actually it turns out if you type”truck” and “nuts” (instead of “nutz”) McCain still said nuts zero times but Obama said it twice. Also if you do “my” and “friends” you get: McCain said “my” 1005 times and “friends” 191 times. Obama said “my” 1197 times and “friends” 101 times. Looks like Obama says “my friends” almost as much as Walnuts! Who woulda thunk it?

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