Add to Flipboard Magazine.

For further proof of just how bumblefuck a state Alaska is, look no further than the ease with which a couple of lawyers for the McCain campaign have destroyed the Troopergate investigation — which was a legitimate issue in Alaska for a while! — after half-assedly skimming off a few handy topic sentences from the Alaskan law code. Todd Palin and several other witnesses were subpoenaed to testify this morning, but no one bothered to show up, and the investigators don’t give a shit. And now the Alaskan legislator in charge of the investigation has announced that the probe will end, as originally scheduled, on October 10, without these key witness reports, cuz whatcha gonna do?

Shortly after Sarah Palin joined the ticket, the McCain campaign made some phone calls to New York to find a fancy lawyer they could schlep out to Alaska for a few weeks, or however long it would take him to end this silly, state-level corruption investigation that Sarah Palin asked for herself. So they get this lawyer, Ed O’Callaghan, to replace the Palins’ supposedly retarded mom-and-pop local lawyer, which led to yesterday’s news:

Palin had been subpoenaed to appear Friday before Alaska lawmakers to testify as to whether Public Safety Commissioner Walt Monegan was fired because he refused to dismiss a state trooper who had gone through a bitter divorce with Sarah Palin’s sister.

McCain-Palin spokesman Ed O’Callaghan said Thursday that Todd Palin no longer believes the Legislature’s investigation is legitimate. [Emphasis ours]

It’s not legitimate… sure, why not? See, all this crooked New York lawyer had to tell the investigators in Alaska is that his client thinks the case is now stupid and lame, so he’s just not going to show up, DEAL WITH IT.

And this works, because:

State law says if a witness refuses to obey a subpoena, the full state Senate or House may “commit the witness for contempt” and take “such action as may be considered necessary.” That could lead to physically hauling the witness in, or imposing fines and jail time. But the Legislature won’t be in session again until January.

So this legislature probably meets for a couple months out of the year, and during those months you’re kind of on the hook, but otherwise people can ignore subpoena dates and get high and go snowmobiling instead. Surely this is not the case in civilized, “contiguous” states? It would be nice to know if we can sleep in tomorrow morning.


And now the investigation will end October 10, without any real information, because of the way it’s been “politicized.” And indeed, that sometimes happens when you launch a state investigation into the top state official. But you’ve gotta… work through it? You know?

Investigator: Palin probe to end before election [AP]
Lawyer: Todd Palin won’t testify in ‘Troopergate’ [AP]
Todd Palin ignores call to testify [Anchorage Daily News]

Previous articleSoviet Lifeguards Are More Bitter Than Ever!
Next articleStocks Basically Flat After MASSIVE GOV'T TAKEOVER OF EVERYTHING