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METRO SECTION

Soviet Lifeguards Are More Bitter Than Ever!

  • Look, it’s the Metro police watching Family Guy from their patrol car teevees because, hey, obligatory Wire reference. [DCist]
  • More Devastating Economic Tragedy, as the job security of hot Eastern Bloc lifeguards is threatened!  [Washington Post]
  • Some DC magazines use innuendo to complain about each other’s maritime parties. [Fishbowl DC]
  • The Nats still haven’t paid off their subprime mortgage on their new stadium mansion. [WTOP]
  • Loser germophobes are trying to ruin free samples for everyone, just when food is back up to $100 a barrel. [DC Examiner]


4:08 PM on Fri September 19 2008
By Juli Weiner
743 Views

  1. mookworthjwilson says at 4:10 pm, September 19th, 2008

    That’s Metro PD…not Maryland…

  2. Serolf Divad says at 4:15 pm, September 19th, 2008

    That’s “McStadium” not “stadium mansion.”

  3. Swingvoter says at 4:17 pm, September 19th, 2008

    Loser Germophobes are an important Swing Voter Demographic in the 2008 Presidential Election. But will Loser Germophobes make the Top 50?

    With only 46 days left until November 4th, do you know the Top 50 Swing Voter Demographics in 2008?

    #50 - Hockey Moms

    #49 - Godless Hollywood Liberals

    #48 - Baristas
    
#47 - People with STDs

    #46 - ???

    Check out http://swingvoters.wordpress.com

  4. magic titty says at 4:18 pm, September 19th, 2008

    Just tell the lifeguards Mark Foley needs pool boys and the hiring freeze is over.

  5. Doglessliberal says at 4:19 pm, September 19th, 2008

    totally unrelated, but for those in DC area, this might be a good way to end this hellish week:

    http://voices.washingtonpost.com/goingoutgurus/2008/09/happy_hour_of_the_day.html#comments

  6. “They pushed all summer long for us to work like crazy and they promised us that they will pay us,” he said. But the last two paychecks never arrived. He said those who did get checks tried to cash them and found that they were worthless.

    “We did good jobs,” said Pejcic’s friend Alksandar Milojkovic, 26, “and we expect someone to pay us for that.”

    Ha! Socialist nonsense.

  7. Cogito Ergo Bibo says at 4:21 pm, September 19th, 2008

    Hundreds of young, hot, stranded Soviet bloc life guards with no money and nowhere to go? Quick! Call Mark Foley. He needs to just get back up on that horse or page or teen hottie of some sort.

  8. Doglessliberal says at 4:24 pm, September 19th, 2008

    facehead: given the spelling of their names, you would think they could be paid in spare vowels.

  9. Swingvoter: Swingvoter, you’re a one trick pony — you posted the same exact thing earlier. Wonkette isn’t your little free community billboard for your Communist Gay Nazi agenda.

    This is America, you gotta pay if you want to advertise. I suck cock for meth, but do you hear me pushing my payworthy skills here? Has anyone ever heard me ask shortsshortsshorts if I could blow him for krunk? No.

  10. mookworthjwilson says at 4:30 pm, September 19th, 2008

    mookworthjwilson: Damn I’m a nerd…

  11. facehead: Not in so many words.

  12. SayItWithWookies says at 4:32 pm, September 19th, 2008

    I’m looking forward to the glut of hot eastern bloc stranded lifeguard porn this fall — it’s the silver lining to this economic collapse.

  13. In Eastern Europe, guard lifes you! Yeah, yeah, something like that. Poor bastards, stranded in America without Croats to feud with or whatever. Bummers.

  14. Excellent! I came here to ask a question, and the “metro” section is just the right place.

    OK, it’s 5PM Friday, and my neighbors around the corner have cranked out these songs at top volume in the last 10-15 minutes: C-N-C Music factory(the only song by them anyone knows), Black-eyed Peas (Retarded), and then Michael Jackson (Beat It.)

    So, do I live around the corner from America’s greatest living undiscovered ironist, or is it just a metrosexual meth party? It’s hard to tell from over here.

  15. And if the answer is meth party, then NO, facehead can not come by to borrow a cup of sugar, get a drink out of the garden hose, or fix the cable.

  16. Cogito Ergo Bibo says at 5:12 pm, September 19th, 2008

    trondant: If the next song involves any references to numbers or arithmatic (obviously that would be a reference to Trig), I’d say they are to be considered our kind of people. You’re approved to bum the occasional beer from them.

  17. i’m totally lost, come back to me in 30 min after i’ve read all those boring articles.

  18. Cogito Ergo Bibo: Weird, the music just stopped.
    I think someone must be date-raping the cd player.

  19. Are those the lifegaurds that Palin can see from her island in alaska?

  20. Swingvoter: Hi Swingvoter, so are you really a swinger? Tell me more about yourself. I’m shaved, every day. And you?

  21. Cogito Ergo Bibo says at 5:20 pm, September 19th, 2008

    trondant: I hope it knows that Barbie won’t pay for that rape kit.

  22. trondant: Probably a former Lehman brothers worker, drowning the pain. Let him be. Let him be.

  23. Re: germophobes: who benefits from harassing farmers’ markets? Supermarkets: Safeway, Kroger, Walmart, et al. Supermarkets all over the US hand out campaign bucks to local political machines and have the competition zoned nearly out of existence.

    Will the same food police arrest you if you raise a garden, eat your own tomatoes?

    Zhu Bajie

  24. Cogito Ergo Bibo: Probably they’ll end up in the US Army, getting killed in Iraq or wherever we invade next.

    Zhu Bajie

  25. Oscar Folsom Cleveland says at 12:13 pm, September 22nd, 2008

    Somehow, inexplicably, Congersman Mark Foley snuck into the bowels of the capitol over the weekend and introduced a bill to bail out Soviet lifeguards and put them on the Congerssional payroll….yes, as hunky speedo-clad pages on call 24/7!! Only he doesn’t want Jimmy Buffet or young “Trigger” Romney to oversee the program: he’s offered to do it himself, for free! from his bachelor pad in the Watergate building, where there’s pools and saunas and free massage oil and plenty of towels and alcohol and spliff.

    What a nice person that Foley person is.

    http://thejefffisherfiles.blogspot.com/

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