A long time ago right before this current presidential campaign began, in 2006, there was a charming middle-aged Florida bachelor congressman named Mark Foley who loved to masturbate while typing dirty messages to the boy-children who served as Congressional pages. Occasionally, he would show up drunk at the boy-page barn and demand some action. There is nothing wrong with this, and Congressmen wouldn’t have those young supple pages supplied by the government if not to fuck those kids, right?
After an exhaustive two-year investigation, former U.S. Rep. Mark Foley isn’t expected to face charges for sending salacious messages to underage pages, two federal law enforcement officials have told The Associated Press.
Hooray! Here’s a picture of Foley with another back-from-2006 political hero, George “Macaca” Allen. (And some other old GOP dude, probably the Pope?)
Federal officials: No charges likely against Foley [AP]