Wonkette
- PALIN FOOLISHLY SAYS WORDS AGAIN: We’re getting used to this routine where once a day, usually mid-afternoon, a spasm of death shoots up our right arm after reading the latest Sarah Palin platitude. Is this what cancer feels like, cancer people? Today she pretended to care about Jews, and she went all in: “I will continue to call for sustained action to prevent Iranian President Ahmadinejad from getting these weapons that he wants for a second holocaust.” Good god, she is an actual tumor. Does she know nothing? If she ever *listened* to Ahmadinejad, she’d know that there never was a first holocaust. [ABC News]
Usually single-cell organisms can’t talk, so this kind of a situation doesn’t happen.
Lewis Black just had a conniption.
And hence forth she was known as Saint Palin Protector of Jews.
Like pouring oil on the troubled fires. I mean troubled waters, waters that are, you know, troubled.
“Her attendance was news to us, and this was never billed to us as a partisan political event,” said Clinton spokesman Philippe Reines in a statement to reporters on Wednesday. “Senator Clinton will therefore not be attending.”
However, if you have a tub of Jello, Senator Clinton might change her mind.
Boy, it sure sucked when Hitler had nukes.
Oh, youbetcha yah, a second hallahcahssst ohnly this tiiime, it’ll be with nuklear wehpans dontchaknow, ya.
In light of the small development of global financial Armageddon, Sarah’s audience has dwindled to several paunchy NRA granpas rubbing one out to her mellifluous tones and one old moose. And even he has better things to think about these days, like why he fell 10 points in the polls since Monday.
She just pissy cuz Ahmedinejad would kill them before Jesus does.
Did she open by saying, “Are any of you Jews For Jesus?”
Sarah, Where’s your army now?
Thank Jeebus Sarah Palin is here to make the poe wittul Joozees feew aw bettew…till her church condemns them to burn.
I used to think, “Why do all these aw-shucks flyover hayseed politicians go balls-out in their insane support and violent rhetoric for Israel and Jews, when the votes they’re pandering for are in towns that have never even had a Jewish resident.” Then I figured it out: Something like 1/2 of US Christians believe in the Rapture, that Jesus will suck them up to heaven like a vacuum cleaner of joy while all us Wonkette readers scream and twitch in eternal hellfire. AND, one of the basic prerequisites for the Rapture is that Israel, birthland of Jesus, reclaim the whole Middle East. So, basically a scarily large portion of the population are just starving for Israel to turn their neighbours into glass shards so that Jesus can suck them up.
Holocaust? In what respect, Charlie
Who effin’ cares?!? Today’s Gallup Poll shows McCain in absolute, irreversible freefall! Can you say Landslide? I can. Watch: LandslideLandslideLandslideLandslideLandslideLandslideLandslideLandslideLandslideLandslideLandslide
LandslideLandslideLandslideLandslideLandslideLandslideLandslide
Sarah’s speech writers are brilliant. I am not kidding. They know where all the hot buttons are and how to push them, which is what US politics is about. Say “holocaust” and Americans–especially Jews–salivate. Bill Maher has some innarresting comments on this here.
4tehlulz: Ha!
You realize, of course, that Ahmadinejad was one of the first names Palin learned to pronounce after the handlers started working on shoring up her foreign policy understanding. Now she looks for any opportunity to mention him, no matter how irrelevant or misplaced the context.
Not to worry, Israel. Sarah Palin’s on your side!!
4tehlulz: You gotta have Jews if you want an Armageddon.
You guys are missing the point! Her inability to come across as intelligent or aware of current events makes her so endearing to the numbnuts who ultimately decide the elections. They don’t want them thar eeeleetests, they want someone RETARDED.
She gets it.
Oh, the humanity
http://amdahl.physics.purdue.edu/povray/lake.jpg
(do I get extra credit for a German image?)
I hear there is a large Diamond District in Wasilla.
Fun quote:
“Palin linked electoral success to prayer of Kenyan witchhunter:
“Her June 8 speech was to mark the graduation of students from the Wasilla Assembly of God’s Masters’ Commission, which, as Pastor Ed Kalins explains, believes Alaska will be the refuge for American evangelicals upon the coming “End of Days”.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/uselections/2008/09/palin-linked-el.html
As a Jew, I’ve long known that when you have a christian for a friend,
you don’t need any enemies.
But in the Palin example above, a good enema might just hit the spot.
mattbolt: This is a strange mangling of the rapture, but you’ve got it more or less correct.
There are a bunch of prerequisites for Jesus to come and suck us up to heaven. All Jews have to convert to Christianity — which is why Mormons wait for them to die and then convert them. There are groups that have figured out that if there aren’t any Jews, then this will probably count as well, but they aren’t very large in number.
The third temple has to be built on Temple Mount in jerusalem. Right now there is a mosque there, so some fundies are hoping that a bomb will accidentally fall on it.
And finally, a red cow has to be born.
I’m curious… is the word “holocaust” exclusive for one nation?
We have “hurricanes”, while the Chinese have “typhoons”. We have “tornadoes”, Oz (or Kansas on acid) had “twisters”. We experience “turr”, other countries experience “lib’ration”
she can see iran if she stands on a stepstool.
…everytime this woman goes off script she reverts back to her psycho fundamentalist roots. Five bucks says that she uses the “Rapture” to answers a question during the VP debates!
mattbolt: Actually, there’s an email the evangelicals are throwing around saying that they love Palin precisely because she will bring about the Rapture. So, bully for her. In this way, she’s actually good for the Jews because as a supporter of Jews for Jesus, she’s trying to help us out.
Holocaust 2.0: Extra-Nukey Edition
Who is the poor PR guy who drew duty for today’s whoopsy-daisy? I’m going to lay money on the explanation going something like this (since neither she nor McGrampy are EVER wrong): “She was completely correct. Hitler caused the first holocaust. She knew that nukes weren’t involved. She, like the rest of our poor nuke a-scared citizens, are worried that this time it will be of the nukey nature.”
Grampy, can I haz press job, now?
spencer: i’m sucking on a RED COW as we speak. who knew?
Palin has definitely gone to the Gabriel Schwartz school of foreign policy.
Less Taxes, More War!
http://wonkette.com/402785/gop-delegate-robbed-blind-by-sexy-hero-gal
…what the hell do they call those people that families would hire to “de-brainwash” their kids in the 70’s when they joined a cult? Because she needs one of those, BADLY!
AngryBlakGuy:
Rapture - in what respect Charlie?
AngryBlakGuy:
Hard to unwash what wasn’t there in the first place.
spencer: Depending on your interpretive skills, there’s a dragon in there somewhere, and also an evil world leader who dies and comes back to life and ugh, I hate myself for typing this.
AngryBlakGuy: You think they have a Wicker Man in the yard out there in Juneau or Wasilla or wherever?
AngryBlakGuy: Maybe she just needs someone to hit the reset button. Try smacking her head really, really hard. It may not work, but it’ll be oooooh so satisfying.
All future comments by Caribou Barbie should come with a disclaimer: ‘I’m Sarah Palin, and I have no fucking clue what I’m talking about.’
Rush: nice shot. is that one of those new hydrogen cars?
געהרגעט זאלסטו ווערן דורך א גוטן גוי
and
ליג אין דר’ערד און באק בייגל
AngryBlakGuy: they call dem de programmers…
Sarah, it’s “Shoah” not “Holocaust.” Sheesh.
HomoPolitico: I don’t understand your crazy moon language. Spanglish only, please.
Culty-Detoxing! I grew up in a fundamentalist christian home and joined the whole shebang till I went to college. Now I still follow a few of the ‘ol tenets like Love your neighbor as yourself…but I work in non-profit community development now and these people seem like all-too-vivid childhood nightmares. I think they’ve taken a beautiful idea about treating people with love and respect and twisted it for utter personal gain. Religious nuts suck. (Tim LaHaye is going to die and wake up very surprised some day.)
bmannes: Good God, I can HEAR her!
magic titty: Cogito Ergo Bibo: …its actually not that hard to imagine her living on a compound in the middle Texas somewhere, praying to some guy named Jedidiah who claims to be Jesus.
mattbolt: They also believe in Reaganomics.
This article makes me remember how much I love comments on abcnews.com:
Iran’s government would not give nuclear weapons or other WMDs to terrorist groups. It jsut does not make sense. Terrorist are NOT trustworthy.
freakishlystrong: …yeah, yeah that right! Those electric shock therapy sessions really do a number on the memory don’t they?!
What weapons is she talking about? Stupid Bombs?
Wait, she can say “Ahmadinejad”? Well I’ll be damned.
spencer: Wait, what? Can we put that through an English filter?
Silver Honkey: “…yet still, I approve this message.”
Ahahahaa… McCain picked Palin because he wants to develop a raped based economy:
http://www.236.com/video/2008/get_your_war_on_sarah_palin_an_9028.php
AngryBlakGuy: And all the booze we are awashed in-I wonder if the Rethugs will bail out our livers after all this bullshit?
Hamster: Only when her teleprompter spells it out for her Ah-mah-dee-na-jahd. Also Hoe-lah-cost.
tunamelt: Take a look at this one:
I don’t blame Hilly fromo not oging I would not either all Palin would do is bash the Dem or Obama for not picking her.If Palin, Bush and Rice don’t kkep their mouths shut we will be at war with ever
one in the middle east beofre this election is even over,.She is something else kick her aqq out….She has baggage abd noire baggage and I think she and her hubby should nit be let off the hook for trooper probe.The republicans are trying to hid this mess thinking it willgoaway,she is saying it iwqll be over who has she hired to kill him???????Just her style
Weeping Jesus: She will not meet with the Prime Minister of Spain, Senor Ahmedinajad.
spencer: I’m so impressed these people have internet access/are capable of turning on the computer, discerning the general content of an article and writing utter gibberish beneath it.
On a serious note which, given this topic can’t help but deepen the goofiness, there is wingnut meme in Red states that intimates Hopesman as the antiChrist. I said goofy didn’t I? That’s what all that Hopey-is-the-Messiah stuff was about. For them he’s the FALSE messiah doncha know. Nevertheless keeping this story floating around tends to play into their belief, i.e. the rapture el al… it moves the base. It’s just another version of the southern strategy.
Team Obama best continue to be careful with this. Any condescension in the debates may look logical to us elites, but to swing voters might spell a slip.
I’m really not so concerned about the rapture. Why would I want to get sucked up into the heavenly lobby only to be forced to hang out with these people. I’ll take my chances on planet earth. Also, does she know that there’s a large population of jews living in Iran, peacefully? Oh wait, I’m letting facts get in the way again.
In the most literal, or etymological, sense, the world ‘holocaust’ means to ‘burn whole.’ This ancient meaning was used for those sacrifices to the gods where an entire animal, often a calf, was sacrificed. This explains … OMG!!!! THOSE TITS ARE HYPNOTIC!!!! SPANK ME HOCKEYMOM!!!!!!! LUBE ME UP AND DRILL ME YOU FILTHY HOT BITCH!!!!!
PALIN (mccain) 2008!!!!
I think Jim — or maybe it was Sara — said it best when they described this person as “relentless idiot Sarah Palin.”
The hugest rally in the history of the state was held last weekend AGAINST Sarah! Alaskan Women Reject Palin rally pics here: http://laurainak.blogspot.com
AngryBlakGuy: NO more fucking weirdos in Texas. Pick another State. Please…
Hunter Gathers: I think it’s Jewzraeli for “Our MILF is hotter and more competent than your MILF”.
Why Homopolitico felt compelled to point that out is a mystery.
facehead: “Yeah she might be retarded, but those titties ain’t retarded!!”
- Dave Attell
The first one roughly translates “You should be attacked by a good goy!” (so a jew doesn’t have to do it”
The second one is easier, “You should live underground and bake bagels!”
fuzzy: Yeah, I know, I saw the protest while I was collecting bear dung samples on Kamchatka.
grendel: Jeebus. That’s not even funny. I mean, it sort of is, but it’s soooo not.
There is no way that the Dems conspired to keep her out of that protest. They have been too damned busy in Alaska trying to frame her and her hubby for trooper-gate.
facehead: We’re not all bear dung collectors, I swear!!
HomoPolitico: translate.google.com does not understand Hebrew. Why does google hate our semetic freedomz?
spencer: To be fair, I also bring my baggage noire when I’m oging to kick somebody’s aqq. It makes me seem suave and debonair, just like Hillary.
HomoPolitico: Do all gay people talk like that?
HomoPolitico: א זיסן טויט זאלסטו האבן — א טראק מיט צוקער זאל דיך איבערפארן
HomoPolitico:
Vowels please!
She knows more about Jews and parrots more than anyone in the US.
Why isn’t Florida bright blue yet?! Is everyone in Palm Beach county on vacation?
Meh,she’s just worried that if anything happens to Israel, the Jews will be offered sanctuary in Alaska:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Yiddish_Policemen’s_Union
grevillea: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Yiddish_Policemen%27s_Union
ShamWow:
That is Hebrew for “I can see the Gaza Strip from my kibbutz, but that does not make me a terrorist”
JadedDIssonance:
In Palin’s Future World you will no longer be able to use the words, “non-profit” and “development” in the same sentence. Best you get it out of your system now, so she doesn’t have to rapture your ass preventatively.
wildeoats: I don’t think “In what respect, Charlie?” is ever going to get old.
freakishlystrong: the programmers, you hood rat you (teehee)
My ears are still bleeding after starting a Palin video clip in which she was at her shrillest while the volume was all the way up.
Speaking of YouTube, please use the following search words:
Joe Biden and Wooster Ohio
Joe Biden and Maumee Ohio
Joe Biden and Football Hall of Fame
Watch out Jill Biden, I’m in love.
Ahmedinajad, Bush, and McCain are basically the same smelly turds. They spew their respective fundie bullshit/national security fears because it’s the only way they can get a measurable approval rating.
Is it possible that Palin really doesn’t know what an earmark is? Either that or she is a pathological (and very inept) liar. It just seems that most pathological liars are much better at it than she is, so I’m looking for another possibility, like complete political retardation, to explain this.
http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-bridge19-2008sep19,0,4408299.story
Mickey7:
Considering the latitude, Kooky Moose has received the radiation dose equivalent of approximately 12800 X-ray scans through the course of her life. Therefore, I would say that she and her local supporters have the neural activity of a Philly Cheese-Steak Hot Pocket.
HAHAHHAA! Charlie Rangel called her “disabled!” HAHAHAHAHAHA!
“Disabled in what respect, Charlie?”
“As in not the sharpest knife in the drawer, you dingbat.”
“Stuck his foot in his mouth,” my ass, reporter chick. More like “Preached it to the rafters.” Watch as the GOP douche they interviewed tries to say Hillary’s bestest friend in NY is sexist, and is also insulting Trig. It looks like it physically hurts him.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvovJ1Q-Ogg
Why all the confusion about Palin’s ignorant gibberish?
#1 Watch Jesus Camp - the Movie
#2 Come to a full understanding -the kind that sears into the depths of your pickled brain- that Palins church is a 4th Wave Church that shares leaders- teachers- trainers from this little hotbed of militaristic inbreds.
#3 Come to the horrified conclusion that for these nutjobs the sooner the Apocalypse comes- the sooner they will get to kill non-christians and libruls at will, and the faster they will meet Jesus and be happy.
Now - put the knife (gun, hangman’s noose, gas stove) down - slowly.
facehead wins
HomoPolitico isn’t writing in Hebrew, he’s writing in Juedisch, the old Jewish dialect of German. Its the language that had been spoken by the victims of the Shoah in Eastern Europe, but spoken only by very few people in Israel, and certainly not by anyone in the government there. Most certainly not by the settlers, who viewed it as the language of diaspora, as opposed to Hebrew, the language of Isaiah, and the “reborn Israel”. But, as is clear from his posts, Yiddish is a great language for insults and one liners (Hebrew doesn’t even have swear words! They had to import them from Arabic and English).
More good news: Syrah Plain is meeting with world leaders!! Some old Jewish fart named Heinrich Kissinger; an Irish musician (Donovan?); Exxon CEO and president of Afhanistan, Lee Raymond; the governor of Georgia; and the president of Irak, General Berateus.
I feel sooooo good about this Plain woman ascending to the throne of global American capitalism. It’s too bad that her friend Senator Walnuts! is dying but I can’t think of a more compitent and skiled politishun than Caibou Sally to run the economy and the world.
http://herobuilders.com/images/hb0094-LG.jpg