Remember hilarious football-holding horse-riding racist dildo George Allen? He was supposed to be the “new Ronald Reagan,” but the Daily Kos or whatever videotaped him calling a fellow of Indian ancestry some kind of African monkey. Next thing you know, people found out George Allen was ashamed to be a secret Jew, and he maybe stuffed the heads of deer into black people’s mailboxes (?), and it was all hilarious and wonderful. Anyway, George Allen’s back! And he will convince, er, black people to vote for the Republicans!
Ah, 2006! America was a simpler place, back then. We still had our own hopes and dreams and didn’t need some fancy smart dude for all that. And we had marvelous lunatics running for office, or re-election. George Allen was running to keep his Senate seat. And then he lost, to an equally psychotic character named Jim Webb — but Jim Webb had become a Democrat, so it was change we could believe in.
Anyway, now George Allen and his prop football have been dragged out of the self-storage place near Mount Vernon, with a new and glorious mission: Convince black folks to vote Republican! He will be perfect in this new role … the role of a lifetime.