Michelle Obama To Ladies: I’m Hot, Sarah Palin Is A Fat Pig

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No one likes Michelle Obama because she went to Princeton and then glibly took her degree “on the road,” back to Chicago, where she lived off of welfare, like a slob, up to and including this day. And she hates America! Well, Smartypants gave her “critics” — basically, Michelle Malkin and a few other losers — more reason to attack her today when she asked voters not to decide their vote based on, “she’s cute.” And as the AP tells us in an objective news report, those words were part of an evil guerilla conspiracy against Sarah Palin. MMHMM.

Here’s how it went down, when Michelle Obama dissed the nice white gal running with John McCain:

CHARLOTTE, N.C. (AP) – Michelle Obama asked voters Thursday to make their choice on the issues, not because, “I like that guy” or, “she’s cute.”

Might she be talking about Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin?

“I’m talking about me,” she said with a smile.

Any number of interpretations are possible, such as the one the AP offered in the second sentence of its objective news report. On the other hand, we’re hearing from Chicago that internal polling suggests a Cynthia McKinney surge is on the way, and she is one. hot. piece.

But the New Associated Press, which now operates under the rule of “objective assumptions,” tells us what’s really happening here:

Michelle Obama is part of a concerted effort involving her husband, his running mate, Sen. Joe Biden, and Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton to neutralize the appeal that Palin has brought to John McCain’s ticket for some female voters. They are doing so unmistakably but gingerly, so as to not appear sexist or invite another lipstick-on-a-pig tempest.

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But, perhaps, not gingerly enough.

Jesus! There’s some “truth” in here, insofar as that can be defined without actually talking to someone inside the Obama campaign, but: the word choices. “Concerted effort,” “unmistakably,” “sexist.” Would be nice to see the evidence that went into this objective news — for example, on what day did strategists for Obama discuss her role and the words she’d use as a pawn in this unmistakably concerted effort to target white female voters? Also: is Michelle Obama worried about carrying out her unmistakably concerted tasks “gingerly, so as not to appear sexist,” when she is also a woman? Ah, right, we forgot — there’s no such thing as black women.

But that doesn’t excuse Michelle Obama for calling Sarah Palin a pig, or whatever the hell happened.

Michelle Obama: Don’t vote because ‘she’s cute’ [AP]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


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  • SuperRounder

    If I thought Sarah had a chance to survive, I’d suggest mud wrestling.

  • Neilist

    That pushy black bitch can’t hold an intellectual candle to The Godlike Intellect That IS Michelle Malkin.

    Or maybe it’s that Ms. Obama can’t shoot flaming, rum-soaked ping pong balls out of her vagina as can Our Malkin, “The Pride of The Po River.”

    Same thing, really.

    At least, according to FOX!

  • facehead

    There’s no reference to bears or lipstick, I don’t know wtf is going on with this story.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Michelle Vs. Sarah? No contest in any arena (boxing, IQ, eyebrow wrinkling, synchronized swimming, spear fishing, etc.). Sarah would be squealing like a pig (with lipstick) in under 5 seconds. She would no longer be the ‘Great White Hope’….

  • StrangelyBrown

    If she’s talking about herself, then we can dig it.

  • savage

    “neutralize the appeal that Palin has brought to John McCain’s ticket for some female voters”

    Once again, us femailes have no brainz and will vote for sweet sarah becuz she’s a gurl like us.

  • TGY

    Hm. Whose daughter is officially a baby-mama?

  • Serolf Divad

    Speaking of Sarah Palin… let’s start an internet rumor that she clubs baby seals.

  • Carrie_Okie

    I’d hit it. 3 Times. And come back for more.

  • Baconcat

    Go ahead and make a stick out of this one like that lipstick on a pig one. We all see how well that worked for McCain. Liberals have learned the nation hates Whiners. McCain hasn’t quite figured that one out yet.

  • Elliot

    Gingerly so that the moose hunting, wolf blood drinking governor of a seven person state doesn’t paratroop off of an Apache helicopter and shoot her with an illegally purchased assault rifle.

  • Neilist

    [re=100781]Serolf Divad[/re]: “Clubs gay baby seals,” you mean.

  • Radioactive Horror Snake

    To be fair, Bill Clinton probably would have given a similar speech stumping for Hillary.

  • Neilist

    Anyone who saw Michelle O dancing on Ellen could have only one reaction:

    “Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

  • JadedDIssonance

    [re=100774]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I agree. Palin’s PTA style wouldn’t last 10 seconds in an angry room full of Chicago Hospital Trustees.

  • Kev-O-Tron

    [re=100770]Neilist[/re]: Jesus you have no idea…

    Malkin’s been flipping her shit over this Palin email affair. Reading her blog you’d think that nothing is happening in the world aside from the whole hacker thing which is all Obama’s fault by the way.

    Oh yeah, the ping pong ball joke? She addresses those head on when bitching about Gawker’s role in publishing the emails. Man she hates Gawker and Wonkette. It’s fucking hysterical.

    Editors? I can haz new Malkin thread soon? They are my favorites and they sometimes attract her stoopid followers and they’re fun to play with.

  • MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend

    Malkin has every right to attack her! What you’re all forgetting is that Michelle is totally and completely un-Amurikan with her high fallutin’ degrees, and brain, and well paying job and ability to pronounce both nuclear and verbiage. If she were a real Amurikan she’d have gone to 5 colleges, shoot moose (meese?) and have a slutty drunken knocked-up unwed daughter, and people could spell shit for her phonetically.

    WTF is wrong with you people? Commie Libruls! All of you!

  • DoctorCulturae

    pssst! …. hey!…. I know…. I know it is illegal to think…. that the thought police will get me…. but…. I hear Palin may be unqualified…

  • NoWireHangers

    God, I’d love to see Michelle knock the shit out of Palin. Her guns are her biceps. Take that Caribou Bitch.

  • V572625694

    [re=100781]Serolf Divad[/re]: I have no evidence that Sarah Palin does not club baby seals. After all…it’s out there.

  • plastic_jesus

    remember the Obama campaign chooses their words carefully, so what i get out of this is that a Sarah/Michelle sandwich would be hot!

  • JadedDIssonance

    [re=100793]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: I second the motion! Bring us the Fattened Malkin…that we may sacrifice and Eat!!

  • BobLoblawLawBlog

    Shit, sorry, Michelle. I’m totes voting for you cuz yer cute.

  • MoodProcessor

    [re=100788]Neilist[/re]: Goes to gay clubs with baby seals.

  • Neilist

    [re=100800]plastic_jesus[/re]: The White She Devil vs. Sister Girl!!!!

    In the shower!

    Pull up a couch, pass the popcorn, and don’t hog the binoculars!

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    Aww, man! Michelle Obama was here in Charlottesville, just yesterday. We didn’t get any newsy swipes at Barbie! On the other hand, we did get a blatant offer of group sex:

    Virginia is critical,” Obama said. “It’s what they call a swing state. And we want it swinging this way.”

  • OzoneTom

    [re=100795]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Palin unqualified? What do the elite PBS viewers think? PBS Palin poll

  • irisheyes

    MargeSImpsonsBlackFriend- Are you only saying that ’cause you’re black? or ’cause you’re a woman? or ’cause you hat Sarah Palin for being so pretty? Ya know she can see Russia from her house, right?

  • vicuna

    Michelle could make me switch teams. Palin, not so much. I’d have to be on mescaline.

  • 4tehlulz

    [re=100808]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: So how was it?

  • irisheyes

    And hey, not for nothin’, but I wasn’t able to log on at work today, so coming home to see all the polls swinging back for Barry was sweet!!!

  • grendel

    This is absolutely the funniest thing I’ve heard in a LONG time…. A must listen:

  • 2druk2phluq

    [re=100800]plastic_jesus[/re]: Beat me to it.
    [re=100806]Neilist[/re]: I wish I could say you beat me to it, but I hadn’t even thought of it that way yet.

    Still and all, Denise Richards outweighs Palin in the beauty department, unless you are an aging political analyst, in which case all women younger than 50 are equally hot, even if they have facial hair.

  • grevillea

    Oh Michelle. “I’m talking about me”? That’s just lame. You shoulda been all “Well how many SHE-candidates are there, brainiac reporter?” Also told the story about how this one time you let the girls get Happy Meals with ‘cute’ plastic toys — which shattered into sharp bits of lead-covered garbage 2 secs after purchase.

  • grendel

    [re=100777]savage[/re]: Unfortunately for your sex, the polls say it’s true.

  • facehead

    [re=100811]irisheyes[/re]: Sorry to be slow. To answer your question from yesterday:

  • spontaneousabortion

    [re=100786]Elliot[/re]: Oh my. Is Palin the chupacabra?

  • Vanity Smurf

    [re=100806]Neilist[/re]: You str8 boys are so tacky.

  • Serolf Divad


    I have no evidence that this image of Sara Palin clubbing a baby seal is real… I’m just sharing what I came across.

  • checkonechecktwo

    I’m only voting for Obama because I’m a size queen.

    Oh, don’t be mad, Michy- you know you love that snake.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=100809]OzoneTom[/re]: It’s pretty pathetic that 45% think she is qualified for Veep. I thought PBS viewers/listeners were snooty, elite, funny lettuce eating types? I wouldn’t think any Republicans even knew where PBS was on their TV or radio. Ahhhh….TGI(almost)F.

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=100814]4tehlulz[/re]: Had to take a number.

  • liberaltruthsayer

    Just wait, once we get Palin and McCain in office we will have some REAL oversight over banking and business, no more of this pussy footing around, we will be doing it “Watch-doggy Style.” Woof.

  • Vanity Smurf

    [re=100828]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: If Friday is too far away you can always GTE – Get Trashed Early. It’s what Thursday night is for.

  • shoeho

    [re=100777]savage[/re]: I really wish this would stop being reported this way. It makes women sound like idiots. I don’t know anyone (slightly older than Bar, younger than Hillz) who supported Hillz who is not going to vote for Bar.

    I mean, yeah, we liked Hillz. We were totally jazzed about a woman president. But not because Hillz was a woman–BECAUSE SHE WAS A WOMAN AND SHE WAS FUCKING SMART ENOUGH FOR THE JOB–SMARTER THAN MOST/ALL THE BOYS!

    Anyone who supported Hillz and is now going for McWalnuts because of the GILF is a nutjob. Or stupid, or basically, too dumb to vote.

    For right now, we’ll take Nancy in the #3 spot, and hope for a great Dem woman to come along after Bar’s eight years.

  • The Neoskeptic

    i am *loving* this unveiled hatred for the New Associated Press.

  • shoeho

    [re=100828]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Hey, they re-run old Lawerence Welk shows on PBS here. I’ve pretty much switched to Discovery/NGC.

  • Hart88

    Malkin’s losing her shit (again)? Oh good, time to post that cheerleading video and tell her to STFU.

  • magic titty

    [re=100828]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I think it keeps coming up 45% to throw the Repubs a bone. Cuz if not, then…what? Seriously?

  • liberaltruthsayer

    Vanity Smurf:

    Be careful advising getting trashed on a weekday. I am sitting in my ofice with a fan blowing directly on me as I absorb every bit of moisture I can thanks to some really nice Sicilian wine last night. I wish I was in bed.

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=100816]grendel[/re]: OMG, that’s hysterical! He’s got the voice down perfectly.

  • plastic_jesus

    [re=100823]Vanity Smurf[/re]: we’re tacky?! whaaaa! on the wonkette? please, str8 white males can be liberal too. we just need to break the tension with some milf on vilf fantasy.

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    But, perhaps, not gingerly enough.


  • grendel

    [re=100844]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: I had to take a break in the middle and take a walk so I didn’t bust out laughing at work ;)

  • llyn

    [re=100809]OzoneTom[/re]: OMG! As many as 45% of PBS viewers think SP is qualified to be VP? We are doomed.

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=100854]grendel[/re]: We have a “no happiness” rule here, too. Luckily, I have an office with a real door! I’m going to miss that when they “right-source” my job to India.

  • MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend

    [re=100811]irisheyes[/re]: m[/re]: Eh, maybe 1 and 2. I am *totally* jealous that she can see Russia from her house though. I mean, that’s the dream, right? She probably invites Putin over for vodka and blowjobs every night.

  • Serolf Divad


    Compare that to the 98% of Fox viewers who think Obama is a Mulsim.

  • greatgooglymoogly

    Other, slightly modified “dubious job recommendations,” which the Obama cabal might use to further destroy America:

    “If John McCain wins this election, in my opinion you will be very fortunate to get him to work for you.”

    “Despite all the criticism, I can honestly say that Sarah Palin is a fine VP candidate with no qualifications whatsoever.”

    “Win or lose, once this election is over I will be pleased to say that John McCain is a former colleague of mine.”

  • Vanity Smurf

    [re=100846]plastic_jesus[/re]: I don’t care about your MILF or VPILF fantasy — just pick a better object of pornographic speculation than that Gov. Snowbilly. Michelle is hot, splooge all you want, but have some self-respect, nobody would hit Palin sober. Nobody likes sloppy even if they say they do.

  • gurukalehuru

    [re=100815]irisheyes[/re]: I must apologize. A couple days ago I mistook you for a troll and said some nasty things. My bad.

  • plastic_jesus

    [re=100879]Vanity Smurf[/re]: sorry man, i just have a thing for white trash-Tonya Harding, Britney spears, Anne Coulter.

  • greatgooglymoogly

    [re=100879]Vanity Smurf[/re]: I was going to type a long, eminently censorable scenario in which Palin COULD be made … well, hit-able. But my fingers refused. Good decision, fingers. *shudder*

  • spontaneousabortion

    [re=100860]llyn[/re]: i think it’s due to emails like this one (and i’m guessing one can vote multiple times?):

    *Let’s turn this around!!!*
    > Friends,
    > PBS has a short video on Sarah Palin on their website.
    > Also included is a poll that asks: Is Sarah Palin
    > qualified to be VP?
    > I logged on a few minutes ago and 33% percent had
    > voted YES, 67% NO.
    > Let’s turn this around….. You don’t have to give
    > your name or email address in order to vote. It’s very
    > simple.
    > Here’s the link:

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Obama is way cuter than Palin. Either Obama, actually.

  • facehead

    [re=100816]grendel[/re]: A must listen indeed. “What good is a presidential library when everyone is eating each other and having sex with woodland creatures?”

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Besides, I heard that Palin clubs baby seals, and I can’t abide by that. Baby seals are so soft and warm inside.

  • greatgooglymoogly

    [re=100902]spontaneousabortion[/re]: Done. Score is now 54 to 45% against. 0% undecided as of my vote. Interesting.

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Did I say “inside”? Shit…

  • S.Luggo

    [re=100781]Serolf Divad[/re]: Better: Palin makes baby seals fight pit bulls.

  • sati demise

    [re=100854]grendel[/re]: Polls taken on a week-end DO NOT COUNT.

    Only the oldsters want to waste their week end free time talking to an anonymous phone caller.
    Keep this rule in mind, Monday and Tuesday emerging polls taken over the week-end are skewed to teh old.

  • sarcasticusername

    i’d vote for both michelle & barack because they’re hot. but screw them, i totally think malia & sasha should be the ones on the ticket and their parents would just get to come along for the ride, nobody could vote against that level of adorableness.
    speaking of…when is barry going to whore those kids out again?

  • irisheyes

    [re=100887]gurukalehuru[/re]: No sweat, sweetie. It’s all good.

  • Canuckledragger

    Yeah, ok. But what if “she’s cute” AND can field dress a moose?

    Hello? Anybody?

    Is this thing ON???

  • Neilist

    [re=100817]2druk2phluq[/re]: “unless you are an aging political analyst . . . ”

    Dammnit, 2D2P, that STUNG.

    (Because it’s true. :::Sob:::)

  • sezme

    [re=100781]Serolf Divad[/re]: Well shit, she shoots wolves from a helicopter. How much more evil does she have to be?

  • pinko-commie


  • space stout

    “lipstick on a pig tempest” was the original title of the shakespeare work.

    furthermore, All Hail FLILF MIchelle O’bama. I do love Irish lasses…

  • Mr. Herpes

    [re=101018]space stout[/re]: You sure the original wasn’t “Much Ado About Nothing”? ….nah, that was McCain’s bio.

  • Uncle Wobbly

    when Michelle says she’s cute she is being self denigrating. As a bonafide white guy I would know how to act and know what to do in the unlikely event that Sarah Palin and I chose to be intimate with one another. In the more desirable and even more unlikely event that Michelle Obama and I found ourselves in agreement about physical intimacy I would be really scared of being inadequate because…you know…look at her.

  • PoliTacky

    [re=100793]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Re: Malkin: Man she hates Gawker and Wonkette.

    You mean, all I have to do is keep coming here, post some stupid bullshit every so often and she produces more hate like an Arrakis sandworm creates the spice Melange? That’s magical.

  • highway234

    dude, i’d totally tap cynthia mckinney.

  • ApostolicIlx

    So the intellectual group here reaches way up and around do they? Nice…At least you are a consistent group. Love to see you in 2 years if Obama wins. I’m guessing there are no history majors here. Sherman, set the way back machine to 1976. Jimmy Carter with a Democratic House and Senate. Two years without getting a budget passed on time. Shutting the government down. Then follow-up with deregulation, and America turning into some seriously Evangelical Christian, right wingers. And that’s where you are today. 28 years to recover from not providing a balance of power between the Legislative, Executive, and Judicial Branches. I’ll be 77 by the time we recover again. How about you?

  • debby

    no, mrs. obama you are not cute. palin is cute, you are ugly. not to mention have a big fat butt and thunder thighs! and palin is smarter than you.