TRAITORS  3:54 pm September 18, 2008

Michelle Obama To Ladies: I’m Hot, Sarah Palin Is A Fat Pig

by Jim Newell

No one likes Michelle Obama because she went to Princeton and then glibly took her degree “on the road,” back to Chicago, where she lived off of welfare, like a slob, up to and including this day. And she hates America! Well, Smartypants gave her “critics” — basically, Michelle Malkin and a few other losers — more reason to attack her today when she asked voters not to decide their vote based on, “she’s cute.” And as the AP tells us in an objective news report, those words were part of an evil guerilla conspiracy against Sarah Palin. MMHMM.

Here’s how it went down, when Michelle Obama dissed the nice white gal running with John McCain:

CHARLOTTE, N.C. (AP) – Michelle Obama asked voters Thursday to make their choice on the issues, not because, “I like that guy” or, “she’s cute.”

Might she be talking about Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin?

“I’m talking about me,” she said with a smile.

Any number of interpretations are possible, such as the one the AP offered in the second sentence of its objective news report. On the other hand, we’re hearing from Chicago that internal polling suggests a Cynthia McKinney surge is on the way, and she is one. hot. piece.

But the New Associated Press, which now operates under the rule of “objective assumptions,” tells us what’s really happening here:

Michelle Obama is part of a concerted effort involving her husband, his running mate, Sen. Joe Biden, and Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton to neutralize the appeal that Palin has brought to John McCain’s ticket for some female voters. They are doing so unmistakably but gingerly, so as to not appear sexist or invite another lipstick-on-a-pig tempest.

But, perhaps, not gingerly enough.

Jesus! There’s some “truth” in here, insofar as that can be defined without actually talking to someone inside the Obama campaign, but: the word choices. “Concerted effort,” “unmistakably,” “sexist.” Would be nice to see the evidence that went into this objective news — for example, on what day did strategists for Obama discuss her role and the words she’d use as a pawn in this unmistakably concerted effort to target white female voters? Also: is Michelle Obama worried about carrying out her unmistakably concerted tasks “gingerly, so as not to appear sexist,” when she is also a woman? Ah, right, we forgot — there’s no such thing as black women.

But that doesn’t excuse Michelle Obama for calling Sarah Palin a pig, or whatever the hell happened.

Michelle Obama: Don’t vote because ‘she’s cute’ [AP]

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SuperRounder September 18, 2008 at 3:57 pm

If I thought Sarah had a chance to survive, I’d suggest mud wrestling.

Neilist September 18, 2008 at 3:58 pm

That pushy black bitch can’t hold an intellectual candle to The Godlike Intellect That IS Michelle Malkin.

Or maybe it’s that Ms. Obama can’t shoot flaming, rum-soaked ping pong balls out of her vagina as can Our Malkin, “The Pride of The Po River.”

Same thing, really.

At least, according to FOX!

facehead September 18, 2008 at 4:00 pm

There’s no reference to bears or lipstick, I don’t know wtf is going on with this story.

Texan Bulldoggette September 18, 2008 at 4:00 pm

Michelle Vs. Sarah? No contest in any arena (boxing, IQ, eyebrow wrinkling, synchronized swimming, spear fishing, etc.). Sarah would be squealing like a pig (with lipstick) in under 5 seconds. She would no longer be the ‘Great White Hope’….

StrangelyBrown September 18, 2008 at 4:01 pm

If she’s talking about herself, then we can dig it.

savage September 18, 2008 at 4:01 pm

“neutralize the appeal that Palin has brought to John McCain’s ticket for some female voters”

Once again, us femailes have no brainz and will vote for sweet sarah becuz she’s a gurl like us.

TGY September 18, 2008 at 4:02 pm

Hm. Whose daughter is officially a baby-mama?

Serolf Divad September 18, 2008 at 4:02 pm

Speaking of Sarah Palin… let’s start an internet rumor that she clubs baby seals.

Carrie_Okie September 18, 2008 at 4:02 pm

I’d hit it. 3 Times. And come back for more.

Baconcat September 18, 2008 at 4:02 pm

Go ahead and make a stick out of this one like that lipstick on a pig one. We all see how well that worked for McCain. Liberals have learned the nation hates Whiners. McCain hasn’t quite figured that one out yet.

Elliot September 18, 2008 at 4:04 pm

Gingerly so that the moose hunting, wolf blood drinking governor of a seven person state doesn’t paratroop off of an Apache helicopter and shoot her with an illegally purchased assault rifle.

Neilist September 18, 2008 at 4:04 pm

[re=100781]Serolf Divad[/re]: “Clubs gay baby seals,” you mean.

Radioactive Horror Snake September 18, 2008 at 4:06 pm

To be fair, Bill Clinton probably would have given a similar speech stumping for Hillary.

Neilist September 18, 2008 at 4:06 pm

Anyone who saw Michelle O dancing on Ellen could have only one reaction:

“Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

JadedDIssonance September 18, 2008 at 4:06 pm

[re=100774]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I agree. Palin’s PTA style wouldn’t last 10 seconds in an angry room full of Chicago Hospital Trustees.

Kev-O-Tron September 18, 2008 at 4:06 pm

[re=100770]Neilist[/re]: Jesus you have no idea…

Malkin’s been flipping her shit over this Palin email affair. Reading her blog you’d think that nothing is happening in the world aside from the whole hacker thing which is all Obama’s fault by the way.

Oh yeah, the ping pong ball joke? She addresses those head on when bitching about Gawker’s role in publishing the emails. Man she hates Gawker and Wonkette. It’s fucking hysterical.

Editors? I can haz new Malkin thread soon? They are my favorites and they sometimes attract her stoopid followers and they’re fun to play with.

MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend September 18, 2008 at 4:06 pm

Malkin has every right to attack her! What you’re all forgetting is that Michelle is totally and completely un-Amurikan with her high fallutin’ degrees, and brain, and well paying job and ability to pronounce both nuclear and verbiage. If she were a real Amurikan she’d have gone to 5 colleges, shoot moose (meese?) and have a slutty drunken knocked-up unwed daughter, and people could spell shit for her phonetically.

WTF is wrong with you people? Commie Libruls! All of you!

DoctorCulturae September 18, 2008 at 4:07 pm

pssst! …. hey!…. I know…. I know it is illegal to think…. that the thought police will get me…. but…. I hear Palin may be unqualified…

NoWireHangers September 18, 2008 at 4:07 pm

God, I’d love to see Michelle knock the shit out of Palin. Her guns are her biceps. Take that Caribou Bitch.

V572625694 September 18, 2008 at 4:08 pm

[re=100781]Serolf Divad[/re]: I have no evidence that Sarah Palin does not club baby seals. After all…it’s out there.

plastic_jesus September 18, 2008 at 4:09 pm

remember the Obama campaign chooses their words carefully, so what i get out of this is that a Sarah/Michelle sandwich would be hot!

JadedDIssonance September 18, 2008 at 4:09 pm

[re=100793]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: I second the motion! Bring us the Fattened Malkin…that we may sacrifice and Eat!!

BobLoblawLawBlog September 18, 2008 at 4:09 pm

Shit, sorry, Michelle. I’m totes voting for you cuz yer cute.

MoodProcessor September 18, 2008 at 4:11 pm

[re=100788]Neilist[/re]: Goes to gay clubs with baby seals.

Neilist September 18, 2008 at 4:12 pm

[re=100800]plastic_jesus[/re]: The White She Devil vs. Sister Girl!!!!

In the shower!

Pull up a couch, pass the popcorn, and don’t hog the binoculars!

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 18, 2008 at 4:15 pm

Aww, man! Michelle Obama was here in Charlottesville, just yesterday. We didn’t get any newsy swipes at Barbie! On the other hand, we did get a blatant offer of group sex:

Virginia is critical,” Obama said. “It’s what they call a swing state. And we want it swinging this way.”

OzoneTom September 18, 2008 at 4:16 pm

[re=100795]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Palin unqualified? What do the elite PBS viewers think? PBS Palin poll

irisheyes September 18, 2008 at 4:17 pm

MargeSImpsonsBlackFriend- Are you only saying that ’cause you’re black? or ’cause you’re a woman? or ’cause you hat Sarah Palin for being so pretty? Ya know she can see Russia from her house, right?

vicuna September 18, 2008 at 4:18 pm

Michelle could make me switch teams. Palin, not so much. I’d have to be on mescaline.

4tehlulz September 18, 2008 at 4:18 pm

[re=100808]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: So how was it?

irisheyes September 18, 2008 at 4:18 pm

And hey, not for nothin’, but I wasn’t able to log on at work today, so coming home to see all the polls swinging back for Barry was sweet!!!

grendel September 18, 2008 at 4:19 pm

This is absolutely the funniest thing I’ve heard in a LONG time…. A must listen:

2druk2phluq September 18, 2008 at 4:19 pm

[re=100800]plastic_jesus[/re]: Beat me to it.
[re=100806]Neilist[/re]: I wish I could say you beat me to it, but I hadn’t even thought of it that way yet.

Still and all, Denise Richards outweighs Palin in the beauty department, unless you are an aging political analyst, in which case all women younger than 50 are equally hot, even if they have facial hair.

grevillea September 18, 2008 at 4:20 pm

Oh Michelle. “I’m talking about me”? That’s just lame. You shoulda been all “Well how many SHE-candidates are there, brainiac reporter?” Also told the story about how this one time you let the girls get Happy Meals with ‘cute’ plastic toys — which shattered into sharp bits of lead-covered garbage 2 secs after purchase.

grendel September 18, 2008 at 4:21 pm

[re=100777]savage[/re]: Unfortunately for your sex, the polls say it’s true.

facehead September 18, 2008 at 4:21 pm

[re=100811]irisheyes[/re]: Sorry to be slow. To answer your question from yesterday:

spontaneousabortion September 18, 2008 at 4:21 pm

[re=100786]Elliot[/re]: Oh my. Is Palin the chupacabra?

Vanity Smurf September 18, 2008 at 4:21 pm

[re=100806]Neilist[/re]: You str8 boys are so tacky.

Serolf Divad September 18, 2008 at 4:22 pm


I have no evidence that this image of Sara Palin clubbing a baby seal is real… I’m just sharing what I came across.

checkonechecktwo September 18, 2008 at 4:22 pm

I’m only voting for Obama because I’m a size queen.

Oh, don’t be mad, Michy- you know you love that snake.

Texan Bulldoggette September 18, 2008 at 4:24 pm

[re=100809]OzoneTom[/re]: It’s pretty pathetic that 45% think she is qualified for Veep. I thought PBS viewers/listeners were snooty, elite, funny lettuce eating types? I wouldn’t think any Republicans even knew where PBS was on their TV or radio. Ahhhh….TGI(almost)F.

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 18, 2008 at 4:24 pm

[re=100814]4tehlulz[/re]: Had to take a number.

liberaltruthsayer September 18, 2008 at 4:25 pm

Just wait, once we get Palin and McCain in office we will have some REAL oversight over banking and business, no more of this pussy footing around, we will be doing it “Watch-doggy Style.” Woof.

Vanity Smurf September 18, 2008 at 4:27 pm

[re=100828]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: If Friday is too far away you can always GTE – Get Trashed Early. It’s what Thursday night is for.

shoeho September 18, 2008 at 4:28 pm

[re=100777]savage[/re]: I really wish this would stop being reported this way. It makes women sound like idiots. I don’t know anyone (slightly older than Bar, younger than Hillz) who supported Hillz who is not going to vote for Bar.

I mean, yeah, we liked Hillz. We were totally jazzed about a woman president. But not because Hillz was a woman–BECAUSE SHE WAS A WOMAN AND SHE WAS FUCKING SMART ENOUGH FOR THE JOB–SMARTER THAN MOST/ALL THE BOYS!

Anyone who supported Hillz and is now going for McWalnuts because of the GILF is a nutjob. Or stupid, or basically, too dumb to vote.

For right now, we’ll take Nancy in the #3 spot, and hope for a great Dem woman to come along after Bar’s eight years.

The Neoskeptic September 18, 2008 at 4:29 pm

i am *loving* this unveiled hatred for the New Associated Press.

shoeho September 18, 2008 at 4:30 pm

[re=100828]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Hey, they re-run old Lawerence Welk shows on PBS here. I’ve pretty much switched to Discovery/NGC.

Hart88 September 18, 2008 at 4:30 pm

Malkin’s losing her shit (again)? Oh good, time to post that cheerleading video and tell her to STFU.

magic titty September 18, 2008 at 4:31 pm

[re=100828]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I think it keeps coming up 45% to throw the Repubs a bone. Cuz if not, then…what? Seriously?

liberaltruthsayer September 18, 2008 at 4:33 pm

Vanity Smurf:

Be careful advising getting trashed on a weekday. I am sitting in my ofice with a fan blowing directly on me as I absorb every bit of moisture I can thanks to some really nice Sicilian wine last night. I wish I was in bed.

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 18, 2008 at 4:33 pm

[re=100816]grendel[/re]: OMG, that’s hysterical! He’s got the voice down perfectly.

plastic_jesus September 18, 2008 at 4:33 pm

[re=100823]Vanity Smurf[/re]: we’re tacky?! whaaaa! on the wonkette? please, str8 white males can be liberal too. we just need to break the tension with some milf on vilf fantasy.

Botswana Meat Commission FC September 18, 2008 at 4:34 pm

But, perhaps, not gingerly enough.


grendel September 18, 2008 at 4:37 pm

[re=100844]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: I had to take a break in the middle and take a walk so I didn’t bust out laughing at work ;)

llyn September 18, 2008 at 4:38 pm

[re=100809]OzoneTom[/re]: OMG! As many as 45% of PBS viewers think SP is qualified to be VP? We are doomed.

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 18, 2008 at 4:41 pm

[re=100854]grendel[/re]: We have a “no happiness” rule here, too. Luckily, I have an office with a real door! I’m going to miss that when they “right-source” my job to India.

MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend September 18, 2008 at 4:41 pm

[re=100811]irisheyes[/re]: m[/re]: Eh, maybe 1 and 2. I am *totally* jealous that she can see Russia from her house though. I mean, that’s the dream, right? She probably invites Putin over for vodka and blowjobs every night.

Serolf Divad September 18, 2008 at 4:41 pm


Compare that to the 98% of Fox viewers who think Obama is a Mulsim.

greatgooglymoogly September 18, 2008 at 4:43 pm

Other, slightly modified “dubious job recommendations,” which the Obama cabal might use to further destroy America:

“If John McCain wins this election, in my opinion you will be very fortunate to get him to work for you.”

“Despite all the criticism, I can honestly say that Sarah Palin is a fine VP candidate with no qualifications whatsoever.”

“Win or lose, once this election is over I will be pleased to say that John McCain is a former colleague of mine.”

Vanity Smurf September 18, 2008 at 4:44 pm

[re=100846]plastic_jesus[/re]: I don’t care about your MILF or VPILF fantasy — just pick a better object of pornographic speculation than that Gov. Snowbilly. Michelle is hot, splooge all you want, but have some self-respect, nobody would hit Palin sober. Nobody likes sloppy even if they say they do.

gurukalehuru September 18, 2008 at 4:47 pm

[re=100815]irisheyes[/re]: I must apologize. A couple days ago I mistook you for a troll and said some nasty things. My bad.

plastic_jesus September 18, 2008 at 4:50 pm

[re=100879]Vanity Smurf[/re]: sorry man, i just have a thing for white trash-Tonya Harding, Britney spears, Anne Coulter.

greatgooglymoogly September 18, 2008 at 4:51 pm

[re=100879]Vanity Smurf[/re]: I was going to type a long, eminently censorable scenario in which Palin COULD be made … well, hit-able. But my fingers refused. Good decision, fingers. *shudder*

spontaneousabortion September 18, 2008 at 4:53 pm

[re=100860]llyn[/re]: i think it’s due to emails like this one (and i’m guessing one can vote multiple times?):

*Let’s turn this around!!!*
> Friends,
> PBS has a short video on Sarah Palin on their website.
> Also included is a poll that asks: Is Sarah Palin
> qualified to be VP?
> I logged on a few minutes ago and 33% percent had
> voted YES, 67% NO.
> Let’s turn this around….. You don’t have to give
> your name or email address in order to vote. It’s very
> simple.
> Here’s the link:

Naked Bunny with a Whip September 18, 2008 at 4:53 pm

Obama is way cuter than Palin. Either Obama, actually.

facehead September 18, 2008 at 4:57 pm

[re=100816]grendel[/re]: A must listen indeed. “What good is a presidential library when everyone is eating each other and having sex with woodland creatures?”

Naked Bunny with a Whip September 18, 2008 at 4:58 pm

Besides, I heard that Palin clubs baby seals, and I can’t abide by that. Baby seals are so soft and warm inside.

greatgooglymoogly September 18, 2008 at 4:59 pm

[re=100902]spontaneousabortion[/re]: Done. Score is now 54 to 45% against. 0% undecided as of my vote. Interesting.

Naked Bunny with a Whip September 18, 2008 at 4:59 pm

Did I say “inside”? Shit…

S.Luggo September 18, 2008 at 5:00 pm

[re=100781]Serolf Divad[/re]: Better: Palin makes baby seals fight pit bulls.

sati demise September 18, 2008 at 5:03 pm

[re=100854]grendel[/re]: Polls taken on a week-end DO NOT COUNT.

Only the oldsters want to waste their week end free time talking to an anonymous phone caller.
Keep this rule in mind, Monday and Tuesday emerging polls taken over the week-end are skewed to teh old.

sarcasticusername September 18, 2008 at 5:07 pm

i’d vote for both michelle & barack because they’re hot. but screw them, i totally think malia & sasha should be the ones on the ticket and their parents would just get to come along for the ride, nobody could vote against that level of adorableness.
speaking of…when is barry going to whore those kids out again?

irisheyes September 18, 2008 at 5:08 pm

[re=100887]gurukalehuru[/re]: No sweat, sweetie. It’s all good.

Canuckledragger September 18, 2008 at 5:11 pm

Yeah, ok. But what if “she’s cute” AND can field dress a moose?

Hello? Anybody?

Is this thing ON???

Neilist September 18, 2008 at 5:11 pm

[re=100817]2druk2phluq[/re]: “unless you are an aging political analyst . . . ”

Dammnit, 2D2P, that STUNG.

(Because it’s true. :::Sob:::)

sezme September 18, 2008 at 5:12 pm

[re=100781]Serolf Divad[/re]: Well shit, she shoots wolves from a helicopter. How much more evil does she have to be?

pinko-commie September 18, 2008 at 5:35 pm


space stout September 18, 2008 at 5:39 pm

“lipstick on a pig tempest” was the original title of the shakespeare work.

furthermore, All Hail FLILF MIchelle O’bama. I do love Irish lasses…

Mr. Herpes September 18, 2008 at 5:56 pm

[re=101018]space stout[/re]: You sure the original wasn’t “Much Ado About Nothing”? ….nah, that was McCain’s bio.

Uncle Wobbly September 18, 2008 at 9:17 pm

when Michelle says she’s cute she is being self denigrating. As a bonafide white guy I would know how to act and know what to do in the unlikely event that Sarah Palin and I chose to be intimate with one another. In the more desirable and even more unlikely event that Michelle Obama and I found ourselves in agreement about physical intimacy I would be really scared of being inadequate because…you know…look at her.

PoliTacky September 18, 2008 at 10:16 pm

[re=100793]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Re: Malkin: Man she hates Gawker and Wonkette.

You mean, all I have to do is keep coming here, post some stupid bullshit every so often and she produces more hate like an Arrakis sandworm creates the spice Melange? That’s magical.

highway234 September 19, 2008 at 9:40 am

dude, i’d totally tap cynthia mckinney.

ApostolicIlx October 24, 2008 at 1:46 am

So the intellectual group here reaches way up and around do they? Nice…At least you are a consistent group. Love to see you in 2 years if Obama wins. I’m guessing there are no history majors here. Sherman, set the way back machine to 1976. Jimmy Carter with a Democratic House and Senate. Two years without getting a budget passed on time. Shutting the government down. Then follow-up with deregulation, and America turning into some seriously Evangelical Christian, right wingers. And that’s where you are today. 28 years to recover from not providing a balance of power between the Legislative, Executive, and Judicial Branches. I’ll be 77 by the time we recover again. How about you?

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