Wonkette
America’s president, George W. Bush, was supposed to go to a fundraiser today but he had to stay home and send Dick Cheney in his stead to stand around the buffet table and shovel shrimp cocktail into his pockets. Why? Because of the economy, which George Bush is “concerned” about! He even talked about it, on the teevee.
We missed his 30-second television address because we were too busy typing about kangaroo rats on the moon, but apparently he stood outside the Oval Office and said “Yeah America we are fucked, I do not know what to do, but we are working hard to wreck the economy!” Here are some actual quotes from his very informative address:
- “The American people are concerned about the situation in our financial markets and our economy. And I share their concerns.”
- “The markets are adjusting.”
- “I can’t tell you where this ends. I wish that I could.”
At which point everyone in America who bothered to watch this tragedy collectively shat their pants, and then the president disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving behind a basket of kittens for everyone to look at.
Well and God forbid Bush appear in public at all, since this happened on his watch. He might actually be blamed for his part in this mess.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Io0BqClHuPE
Oh great, the ‘decider’ has come out of his hidey hole to proclaim…….that he knows nothing. Thanks Dubya!!! We now return you to our program already in progress, ‘John McCain is a clueless fucktard’.
Thank baby Jeebus he finally addressed this, I feel so relieved now. Gone Shoppin’!!
“I’m off to Paraguay, you fuckers!” Muahahahahaha!
Honestly this country would be more reassured if they were told Bush was hiding in his special hiding bunker and in no way was trying to help formulate any type of response to the crisis. That he claims to be working hard just gives me the thought of an exhausted hamster struggling to get that wheel to go around one more time. The effort isn’t worth it.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
George Bush has redefined the term “lame duck” for a whole new generation.
Looks like Tweety smoked him out.
[H]e has spurned every attempt by reporters to ask questions about the developments, including again on Thursday. As he finished his very brief statement and turned to walk back into the Oval Office, a reporter asked if he believed the economy was still sound. The president kept walking.
Hands of those who want him to just keep on walking? That’s what I thought. Motion carried. Meeting adjourned.
But, but, what about Sarah?!?!?!?!?!? Isn’t that more important?
Ooh! You should have used a picture of Dan Aykroyd stuffing a piece of roast beast into his Santa suit for this one.
When I first read that I thought it said “a casket of kittens.”
I think my breakdown in the rat thread was accurate:
We bought Fannie, Freddie & some insurance.
I’m the decider
Bye.
That I shat my pants is of little importance right now.
Remember the last time we had a Great Depression? (obligatory: “Walnuts! knows” - geez, even my snark is getting Jaded) Anyway, there was this amazing wheel-chair guy who said lots of inspirational things and made vast-sweeping changes in how America was run…and we get stuck with this shit. I have to stop being so surprised by this cretin.
He sounds just like my pointy haired dean.
How many times I gotta tell ya? I. DON’T. KNOW. Y’all act like I’m charge or something!
The markets are adjusting
I like how we’ve turned the markets into God. Aren’t we supposed to take charge of our future?
I’m sure trying Bush & Co. for their crimes and then having them hanged would help something. Let’s do that. Maybe we can sell their body parts to help pay down the deficit.
When do we get to punch his face parts?
What? He’ll always get Secret Service detail?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
columnv: That’s very astute. I suppose once those neural pathways are set, they are difficult paradigms to break.
columnv: Pfffft, talk to the invisible hand, buddy.
I am sure Cheney appreciates the chance to pocket the money he collects at the fundraiser and send it to some right wing death squad somewhere in South America.
Personally, I want to hear what the First-Dood has to say about all this.
So it’s open-ended. Which means indeterminacy and confusion. On the other hand…surprises for everyone!
The markets are adjusting their way up America’s ass.
NoWireHangers: Liver and kidneys are shot, no heart to speak of… not much there to harvest.
W on the case …
http://www.moviesoundscentral.com/sounds/pulp_fiction/wolf.wav
Work, work, work, work. http://www.morethings.com/fan/blazing_saddles/blazing_saddles_hello.jpg Bush workin’ so hard on the problem.
Poor Dubya. He almost made it to a new administration before it all went to shit. I fully expect to see a dozen or so pretzel-choking incidences over the next 4 months as Bush ends his term with an epic bender.
InsidiousTuna: Helped out with a little D’O'Treasury Lube.
Vanity Smurf: You neglected their big ass brains…
Ooooh, is he going to chalk it up to the MBAs getting crappy educations and open “The George W. Bush Sentir for Kids Who Want to Add Gud (and do other stuff gud to)”
I just got off a conference call with our senior leadershit this morning.
Same happy talk. Same empty words.
All I could think about was “Holy shit! I’m led by an ignorant lying dumbfuck!”
“Bush says he’s working hard on economic turmoil” No shit he is… like for eight years now. This stuff just writes itself, doesn’t it?
Apologies, as i’m piss-poor with the html stuffs. But this should sum up that press conference.
http://blogs.indiewire.com/jamesisrael/archives/Knight%20Rider%20and%20Arnold%20Jackson-785551-thumb.jpg
WadISay: Spain?
Ok. So maybe he messed up Mesopotania. And maybe he didn’t actually do anything for black people in New Orleans post Katrina. And maybe, just maybe, he couldn’t tell an economic indicator from an incubator. And maybe he is really, really stupid and can’t pronounce common English words. But I don’t know what it is about the man that just makes me want to have a beer with him. And in the end, isn’t that enough?
Gopherit v2.0: He tried, remember the Olympics?
The market is now falling again after George II’s fine inspirational comments. Would be better if he just stayed home and stared into space, or drank, or masterbated, or whatever he does these days. As whats-his-name said in Glengarry Glen Ross: “You never open your mouth until you know what the shot is.”
facehead: I agree with your analysis completely.
Oh, come on. This isn’t fair. Dubya didn’t know shit about the “economy” or “how it works” for the last eight years, and now we’re all surprised that he comes out and pulls an epic flopsweat?
Proof positive that he didn’t know shit about how the economy works: he subscribed to the trickle-down theory and wanted to “let the markets decide” all issues.
InsidiousTuna: Win.
StripesAndPlaids: Only if you really, really like Chinese beers.
agentstinky: All national failures will not be compared to this.
THE FUTURE!:
You let a major city drown due to an incompetent national response? Well at least you didn’t re-institute torture, lead us into economic failure AND let a major city drown. I mean, you’re no George W. Bush.
agentstinky: “Duck” isn’t the word I was looking for, but it rhymes, so it’ll do for now.
Roger Mexico, Actuary: I like surprises.
S.Luggo: Paddle balls for everyone! (In lieu of sound economic policies…)
BobLoblawLawBlog: Well, there was a half-hearted attempt to blame it all on poor people wanting homes on Morning Joe. The nerve of some people, needing houses like that!
“The Markets are adjusting”
To the fact that our entire economy was based on cheesy speculative nonsense and wishful thinking?
I had to take the bus yesterday. My car is still ‘adjusting’ to the fucking blown engine it has but I’m sure that in a few days it will make the corrections on its own.
I’m surprised he didn’t just come out and blame the whole thing on our lazy, stupid President.
Strictly for the Tardcore: I welcome our new Chinese bartenders.
Meanwhile, on another station, Sarah Palin says the “Palin/McCain Administration” will know what to do.
OT: So, like, what exactly is a “constitution voter”?
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Those irresponsible poor people borrowin’ money by foolin’ innocent bankers.
I would have been more comforted if he repeated his assurance that “We are ready for any unforeseen event which may or may not happen.”
greatgooglymoogly: *sigh* … “masturbated” not “masterbated”; “never open your FUCKING mouth,” not just plain old mouth. Idiot. Go back to bed.
Cape Clod: Do you have one of those free-market car engines?
greatgooglymoogly: Aww…don’t be so hard on yerself, it’s hard to type when you’re enraged, fed up, drunk or hungover, frustrated, broke and hurling things at your PC/TV all the time…
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
facehead: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
I have to go take a walk.
In the interim, enjoy a recording of this pre-ticketed snowball lob that bible spice totally whiffs.
via Crooks & Liars.
Bush has been drunkenly slurring his words for years. He’s either blasted or hung over as hell 24-7. It’s only a matter of time before he drinks himself to death ala “Leaving Las Vegas”. I’m sure they already have his South American redoubt stocked floor to ceiling with cases of whiskey so that when he escapes on January 20, 2009 he’ll be all set. Good riddance jackass!
nietzscheprojectile:
No, that would be Cheney’s trick.
SkimLatteModerate: The link at the bottom of the placard in all the photos goes to the ACLU’s website. I’ll extrapolate from there and just presume that fundies everywhere don’t want you to find out.
Perhaps he should give up golf, again. I’m sure sparing all those tees would benefit the economy somehow.
WadISay: The Bush Twins?
facehead: Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!! That was worse than watching him try to do Shakespeare with a British accent in “As You Like It.”
Great, Bush is fixin’ the ‘conomy. In unrelated news, New Yorkers should watch out for traders and investment bankers dropping from the sky, especially in the lower half of Manhattan, for the next few days.
It must be really nice for Dubya… With all the attention on Walnuts! and the Eskimo Governor he gets to sit around in his underoos playing Nintendo and eating Cocopuffs while the adults talk about serious stuff.
Well, I for one feel better that Lamey the Lame Duck bestirred himself to go face a microphone. It was nice of him. His foot hurts, he has a king-sized hangover and (this is the happy part) he probably lost an assload of money this week too. I still hope he gets et by the army ants down there in Paraguay, though.
I think this whole economic mess is going to prove to be George W. Bush’s Hurricane Katrina… or maybe even his Iraq.
Just a moment folks. Our glorious President continues his consistent record. He’s ruined every business he’s ever had a hand in. Now he’s bankrupted the good old U.S. of A. I guess we better start learning to speak Chinese. Aaarrrghhh!
Serolf Divad: These things collectively make up America’s George Bush. I predict a new phrase in American English “to be Bushed” as in “We’ve been Bushed, again!”
Given that the sum total of his economic education can be summed up in his tirelessly-repeated “We support a strong dollar,” he seems to be doing OK. Of course, he’s pissed that his staff keeps interrupting Inspector Gadget cartoons to tell him what’s going on in the world
Did you see that picture of Bush? He has totally morphed into a chimp. He doesn’t just look like a chimp: he has actually become a chimp.
CrunchyKnee: cuz the face ain’t listenin’
He was going to send Laura out to face the cameras, but she’d just found his stash of Black Booty porn. Yep, it was in the nuclear briefcase.
Is there anything I can do with my democratic share of the awesome power of the consumer?
leaving behind a basket of kittens
Cheney’s gonna be mad. That was his lunch.
George W. Bush can make kittens appear? Thank God! We’re going to be okay!
Truculent: wow, maybe ‘W’ should stop ’supporting’ this strong dollar?
Because whatever he is doing it is not working.
Awww look, the kittens are chasing a beetle!
Cheney agreed to talk to the little people?!!
Who awoke him from his crypt - that nasty new tattler book what claims Dick was an uppity Veep?
Why does Shrub hate his darling doughboy sooo much?!
“the economy if fine, just go about doing your everyday bizness, shop, spend, spend. Take a long drive and buy lots of gasoline or the Democra/.. I mean terroists win!”
Alright now…everybody stop panicking! I’m sure good ole ‘Dubya has at least one more wish left on his tattered monkey’s paw that he can use to get us outta this mess.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Yeah, poor people suck. Speaking as one, I can vouch for us being worthless garbage.
I don’t know why you are so harsh, or as you say “Bitter” about the doings of “W”.
After all, as clearly seen in the photo, he thinks you’re “Number 1″ in his book.
I’d be worried if he also said “with a bullet”, but he didn’t, so there!
Instead of speaking at us next time, I wish he would just put a box of kittens on the podium and then walk back inside. I could seriously watch some kittens right about now.
JadedDIssonance: Bible Spice! Love it.
Gomez Adams:
She said that?! It’s her first Freudian Palindrome, or is her first Freudian Palinsyndrome? Whatever but not whatever.
It’s three a.m. Bush wandering the halls of the White House talking to paintings. A grizzled beard. Condi won’t give him any more handjobs. Running low on Pop Tarts. Tries to marry Eva Braun.
Boom.
As Dubya goes on TV to demonstrate that he knows just as much as John McCain doesn’t know about the economy, if not more, Sarah the Celebrity Moose slides even further into the background of frozen tundra. “Hey, you meanies in the press! I’m over here throwing kittens off the bridge to nowhere. Take my picture!”
Too bad the dePresident did not seize this opportunity to campaign for privatizing Social Security by tying it to the stock market and let the bankers run it. Everybody would cheer such a program.
Tawmn: I think what he said was the emotional turmoil gives him a hard on. At least there’s some sense in that.
Why kittens? Why not puppies or, better yet, baby Pandas!
regisgoat: Paraguay? Not too likely that Bushit or Cheezy
will be anywhere that an angry mob of torch and pitchfork wielding townfolk
could get in their Chevy and drive to. If they could afford the gas, that is.
To shorten the list of likely hideouts, google and find which countries
are not partners with the U.S. in extradition policy.
Here’s a hint or two. One starts with Saudi and the other starts with Abu.
Results can be found on http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com if you search around.
Good hunting
Could someone explain what economists mean by ‘getting the stinky finger?’
This is a good time to put a moose in the White House! Bullwinkle for president with Rocky as VP!
“Hey, Rocky, watch me pull an economic miracle outta my hat!”
natteringnaybob: Who’s going to be the one to break the
news to Laura about Condi’s baby bump? And who will decide what to do
about it, the decider? Crap, I’d give my left nut to be the fly on the wall
when that goes down.
Well, I would if I didn’t take a deposit on it from the government of China
in the form of a loan to pay for next months food and gas bill.
My right nut? Sold it last month, same situation. Next month? I guess we
start with the kids, I hear white babies bring top dollar in Hong Kong.
Oh bush! I think at this point he doesn’t feel he needs to attempt to prove anything anymore. He is just buying his time.
Is he still here? Jesus, can’t he just STFU for the next two months.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Nb3lx1ltSnU
I have an idea Lassie! Let’s privatize Social Security!