Wonkette
Back in the day before the YouTubes and the cable newses, presidential candidates had to “get the message out” by talking to the reporters who followed them around all the time. But now they don’t have to talk to anybody, they can just go on Hannity or whatever so now the job of the campaign-trail reporter is to sit on the candidate’s plane and bitch about how the candidate never talks to them.
Of course, it’s not like either candidate would have much to say even if they did ever bother to talk to these lowly “reporters” whose job it is to “report things.” Here is a verbatim transcript of an imaginary press conference John McCain would hold in the back of Straight Talk One:
REPORTER: What can you say to reassure the American people you understand the cause of this financial crisis and know how to fix it?
McCAIN: Applesauce applesauce applesauce.
And here is your Obama press conference:
REPORTER: You smell nice.
OBAMA: Thank you. Today I’m wearing [something expensive and delicious].
Of course, if Barack Obama had just agreed to do a million town halls with John McCain, John McCain would not have been forced to do such nasty attack ads and thousands of campaign reporters could have just snuck into these town halls wearing comical hats to disguise themselves as “ordinary folks” and asked their dumb questions that way.
Campaign-trail reporters sidelined [Politico]
Losers.
Is this the political reporters version of going back to a dark room crying and writing a livejournal entry?
It could be worse; they could be following Palin.
Q: “What up with AIG?”
P: “It’s too bad about it, but they do stuff with construction bonds and shit, so we need to socialize them, or something. HOW DARE YOU QUESTION THE QUEEN!?!”
Q: “lolwut?”
CRAAAAAAWLING IIIIIIIIN MY SKIIIIIIIIIN
MCCAAAAAAAAAIN IS SUUUUUUUUCH A HEEEEEEEEL
Memo to the ‘reporters’: cry me a river, bitch.
Of course, if Barack Obama had just agreed to do a million town halls with John McCain, John McCain would not have been forced to do such nasty attack ads…
I really do fail to see the connection there. Obama won’t come out and play with me so I guess I’ll just throw rocks at him? My mom didn’t let me get away with that crap when I was growing up, so Grampy isn’t allowed to either. Sorry, dude. No love.
I heard that McCain does town halls the way Bush did: vetted audience with planted questions. Any truth to that, my fellow Wonketteers?
The problem with reports is they’re too needy. Why don’t they just make shit up like the politicians they’re covering do?
Yeah Sarah Palin is interested in seeing the Republican Party succeed, is being interviewed by Sean Hannity, who is interested in seeing the Republican party succeed, no one puts 2 & 2 together on this one? Should Obama or Biden say anything at least?
Nixon had effectively destroyed the press corps by 1972. His Houdini act on the campaign trail made them what they are today - wincing, bitter, impotent pussies.
Don’t you dare blame the tubes!
4tehlulz: They do. But they aren’t allowed to ask her anything, because as everyone knows by now, she’s a clueless, category 5 moron.
Politico (and campaign reporters in general) need to get their collective heads out of their asses on this one. Barnyard animals and lipstick dominated the campaign headlines for 2 days last week: This was no accident. The campaign reporters, depressed and bitter because Walnuts! (and especially Glasses!) are ignoring their Librul questions, drummed up the supposed story of pigs and lipstick because of the Walnuts’ campaign’s feigned outrage. Even with their whining, campaign reporters are still driving much of the campaigns’ narrative in the press.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Well, the only people I ever see are residents of the Springfield Retirement Castle, who only ask ‘Is it medication time yet? The pink ones keep you from screaming’.
Hm.
Actually investigate things and do legwork, or squat and pee.
Investigate, or squat and pee…
Investigate, or squat and pee…
That’s a stumper, ain’t it?
Cogito Ergo Bibo: That’s how the first scheduled one went, where Obama said “Theenks but no theenks” and McCain did it anyway, turned out to be all McCain supporters. I’m sure all the town halls he does at this stage of the game are like that, too. I went to one here in Buttfuck, Texas in February which was unscripted, but the people turned out to all be McCain supporters anyway.
AmericanValues: I think the lipstick pig vote is an important voting block and if a president is going to win they really do need to court this group.
Kan reporterz haz barbeQ rub now?
agentstinky, 1337b07: Listening to: NIN, Linkin Park Mood: Depressed
Hey everybody i just got back from campane trail. Johnny didnt talk to me i’m so bummed. doesnt he see how much he hurts me when he doesnt return my affectation???? i’ve been cutting myself again, to see if i still feel. i don’t, its only emtyness
Also, cnn is running my interview w/ Johnny tonight. i’ll be the one in the fishnet shirt with the choker
the bush/marx doctrine is a perfect example of why marxism doesn’t work:
he gives according to his ability - nothing, and takes according to his requirements - everything.
jjgittes: How dare you show contempt for our 4th estate? Keeping a 24 hour circle jerk going is the hardest job in the world.
What’s even more pathetic is that Palin didn’t even have to answer questions from milquetoast pushover Alan Colmes. She might as well have been interviewed by John McCain.
InsidiousTuna: Of course, the fact that this was in Buttfuck, Texas probably explains the fact it was all WALNUTS! supporters.
I mean, we all know what they do to black guys, and white guys who support black guys, down there…
Strictly for the Tardcore: John King, is that you? If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times: the medication only works if you take it everyday.
y’know, a myriad of town hall meetings would actually be good because obama would run mccain ragged. how much stamina does he have. going into the fourth quarter mccain would have nothing but fumbles and interceptions.
How could candidate McCain fail to admire and respect the very same reporters who have been dutifully licking his a** for the last decade? ‘Cause, you know, normally being willing to turn a free trick on command inspires such respect for a person.
njdon: Right now it’s the 3rd quarter, and McCain is Rex Grossman.
You forgot the all-important *flings poo* part of the McCain press conference, SKS.
Best LOLcat. Ever.
Hunter Gathers: mccain isn’t that good from my very quick read of wikipedia. did you mean milton grossman the short fat kid around the corner. not, i guess.
Hunter Gathers: Tell me more about this ‘reporting’…I may just have to change careers.
njdon: …you sir, get a +1 for your football analogy!
jjgittes: Sorry, lady, but I’m a stand-up kind of writer.
I may be the last man standing, actually.
And I can piss and investigate at the same time, while standing up. You don’t want to be my shoes, though.
hey media geniuses, i have a story for you - howcome nobody is talking about sending some of these wall street characters to JAIL? if you package a bunch of sub-prime mortgages and sell them as AAA rated bonds, isn’t that fucking FRAUD? do these guys get to walk away with their million dollar bonuses while millions of regular people watch their retirement accounts disappear?
The press following McCain had been slobbering all over him and making him out to be an actual human being who has thoughts and emotions. Once he cut them off they had no plan B so now they feel really, really bad.
capitol hillbilly: Kind of hard to talk tough when the entire system is collapsing around you. But it’s okay, WALNUTS! is going to form, and promptly ignore, a commission to study the problem and tell us who to arrest.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: I’m interested in seeing the comical hats. What kind of comical hat would get me past the velvet rope and into a Walnuts concert?
While I totally agree that the felon Nixon broke new ground controlling the press corps, let’s not let the news organizations off the hook. They could have pulled their reporters when the White House insisted on prepackaged “news,” but they didn’t have the courage. The White House corps became spoon feeders, and there’s very little any one reporter can do about it. If you’re out investigating something meaty and miss the little bon bon de jour from the White House, your editor has puppies. If the editors had any stones, they’d be telling the White House corps to forget the bon bon’s and go after real stories. But they aren’t. They want stories about Sarah Palin’s pets.
Meh, they should just make Youtubes addressing questions to the candidate’s Youtubes. ‘Have our Youtubes call your Youtubes’, so to speak.
A. Mitchell - “Gee, Tom. I just can’t get any time with either candidate.”
Tom - “In what respect Charlie?”
In defense of McCain/Obama/practically everybody’s decision to not want to talk to campaign reporters, here’s a sample conversation between a reporter and McCain’s political guru Mike Murphy, circa 2000, courtesy of the late, great DFW:
Monkey: If, say, you win here in South Carolina, what do you do then?
Murphy: Fly to Michigan that night.
Monkey: And what if, hypothetically, you, say, lose here in South Carolina?
Murphy: Fly to Michigan that night win or lose.
Monkey: Can you perhaps talk about why?
Murphy: ‘Cause the plane’s already paid for.
Monkey: I mean can you explain why specifically Michigan?
Murphy: It’s the next primary.
Monkey: I think what we’re trying to get you to elaborate on, Mike, is: what will your goal be in Michigan?
Murphy: To get a whole lot of votes. That’s part of our secret strategy for winning the nomination.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: It’s very simple. McCain is a stalker who has a major crush on Obama.
I think this is just a co-ordinated attempt by both campaigns to get political reporters to realize their jobs are useless and they provide insight to no one. It’s an intervention and frankly it might have come too late. Tell Chris Cilizza to stop chasing the politics dragon, someone cares enough to get him to quit.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
I don’t know what Obama wears for cologne, but I’d bet you cash money that Joe Biden is a Yatagan guy.
magic titty: Huh? Have you heard of Woodward and Bernstein? (Back in the day, they did some awesome reporting)
lawrenceofthedesert: “could have pulled their reporters when the White House insisted on prepackaged “news,” but they didn’t have the courage.”
They’ve been letting corporate PR packages run their news for years now, with video clips and prewritten copy included. Why would they change this just for the government? Low cost and people watch anyway, baby!
yellowdogdem: Ok, and when were Woodward and Bernstein on the presidential press corps? Since we’re, you know, talking presidential elections and stuff…