AP McCain Feature Just Chock Full of Awful Metaphors About Accordion Players

  mama's got a squeeze box

WTF?It’s the New Associated Press! Less boring facts and whatever, and more shitty, shitty writing like you might find on a Live Journal, for the Retarded. Let’s enjoy some of the dozens of terrible metaphors in today’s AP feature on how John McCain is a shameful old fraud who should be locked in a bag of snakes and dropped down an oil well — no, wait! John McCain is actually like, uh, a person who plays the accordion. Because he’s super old, right?! Uhhh ….

  • “John McCain embraces and expels Washington like an accordion player belting out a song.”
  • “Squeeze in, and he’s the new capital tour guide for his running mate, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin.”
  • “Draw out, and he’s never set foot in the city himself.”
  • “Squeeze in, and he’s got the Washington skill set needed to right the country’s Wall Street woes.”
  • “Draw out, and he distances himself from the administration of the Republican president who has endorsed him.”
  • “There are even times when McCain does both — squeeze in and draw out — in the same thought.”
  • “It sounds the note he hopes voters will hear on Election Day, that of the experienced newcomer.”

Next week on the AP Wire: John McCain is like an old guy who bowls down at the bowling alley, or something, but newfangled video games distract his attention, or something.

McCain has 2 faces: Washington in- and outsider [AP]

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A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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