CRACK THAT WHIP  6:57 pm September 16, 2008

Sarah Palin and the Softer Side of the Death Star

by Ken Layne

'Charming to the last. You don't know how hard I found it, signing the order to terminate your life. 'Oh look what Alaskan numbskull Sarah Palin is wearing now: It’s an Imperial death smock, just like what’s his name, Peter Cushing, wore in the fascist movie Star Wars. Tomorrow, inevitably, she will wear a bear suit. [Gawker]

 

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{ 97 comments }

DarkSynergy September 16, 2008 at 7:00 pm

She will literally blow up the planet. All except the Hoth like station of Alaska.

CrunchyKnee September 16, 2008 at 7:03 pm

I think that I’d rather vote for “some clown in a bear suit” any day over Darth Palin.

Vanity Smurf September 16, 2008 at 7:06 pm

There are no Imperial women.

Figure it out.

DarkSynergy September 16, 2008 at 7:07 pm

[re=98370]CrunchyKnee[/re]: Darth Palin…. brilliant!

Whiskeybaby September 16, 2008 at 7:09 pm

Isn’t that style what is known as a Mao collar? Communist!!! Why does Sarah Palin hate fashion and America?

Vanity Smurf September 16, 2008 at 7:09 pm

Well, what else should we expect a fascist cunt to wear?

This might call for a photoshop of her in the Princess Leia cast iron bikini chained to a Jabba McNasty.

ManchuCandidate September 16, 2008 at 7:10 pm

[re=98372]Vanity Smurf[/re]:
Why do you think they were so cranky and controlly?

Joehoya September 16, 2008 at 7:11 pm

I believe it would be Grand Moff Palin.

Vanity Smurf September 16, 2008 at 7:12 pm

[re=98373]DarkSynergy[/re]: An insult to both Cheney and Vader. She’s more of a Boss Hogg type — with lipstick!

Whiskeybaby September 16, 2008 at 7:12 pm

Her endless jaw alone will destroy the world.

edgydrifter September 16, 2008 at 7:15 pm

Have you ever met a conservative who didn’t get a plumpy seeing chicks in Nazi garb? She’s just giving the base some masterbatorium fodder.

SeminoleInDior September 16, 2008 at 7:18 pm

I’ve never understood why people with full access to anything they want would STILL choose to dress like they shop at Burlington Coat Factory. It’s almost like the Republican Party got a hold of a truckload of clearance items destined for Goodwill, and bogarted that crap, too.

These people are way too determined to convince us they are just like the rest of ‘Murica.

facehead September 16, 2008 at 7:21 pm

[re=98376]Whiskeybaby[/re]: When she leans out the window in the morning to wave hello to Putin, she wants him to feel at ease.

Aurelio September 16, 2008 at 7:21 pm

All Sarah needs is an Anti-Sex League red sash. Then she can go home and do her “duty to the party” by procreating more unfortunate infants with snowbilly moron and power-behind-the-throne hubby Todd “First Dood” Palin.

Hooray For Anything September 16, 2008 at 7:22 pm

I think it would be stretching it to compare her to Grand Moff Tarkin. I think the more apt comparison would be the Dark Star’s cruise director who inexplicably becomes Grand Moff’s #2 due to radiation poisoning causing the onset of Moff’s senility.

Aurelio September 16, 2008 at 7:23 pm

[re=98391]SeminoleInDior[/re]: The inspiration for this sartorial preference is Pat Nixon, who, according to her one-time Preznit hubby, the late Richard Nixon, did not own a fur coat, but instead, a “good Republican cloth coat.” The purpose of this PR nonsense is as you stated.

Whiskeybaby September 16, 2008 at 7:26 pm

[re=98393]facehead[/re]: She hearts the forrenz.

WagTehGod September 16, 2008 at 7:26 pm

Palin’s more Space Balls than Star Wars.

ManchuCandidate September 16, 2008 at 7:28 pm

[re=98399]WagTehGod[/re]:
I’m guessing related to the Assholes?

Upthruster September 16, 2008 at 7:33 pm

It’s the Dominatrix uniform for cold climates. I can totally see her with elbow-length leather gloves on while wearing this suit.

Rodney Badger September 16, 2008 at 7:36 pm

I just read through today’s posts. Excellent job. You guys started strong with the Lawyer who got raped and robbed by a Denver tranny, and just kept delivering after that. Well done. . .

WagTehGod September 16, 2008 at 7:37 pm

[re=98401]ManchuCandidate[/re]: On our Ludicrous Speed ride to hell.

ProfessorJukes September 16, 2008 at 7:38 pm

Well, there’s fashionistas, and then there’s fascistas.

smellyal8r September 16, 2008 at 7:40 pm

[re=98386]edgydrifter[/re]: Mebbe she can borrow those knee-length leather boots that Condi wore on her overseas trips…I’m not exactly sure what fashion statement Gov. Palin is shooting for here, but then again Cindy McCain wore millions of dollars worth of outfits and jewelry at the convention and everyone thought she looked like a pole dancer…Palin looks more like Miss Huan from Doonesbury.

Hooray For Anything September 16, 2008 at 7:40 pm

You can put lipstick on the Grand Moff but he’s still the Grand Moff

Slappy Whyte September 16, 2008 at 7:40 pm

Sarah Palin’s first foreign policy intiative: Bringing Orange Slices to Iraq at “Halftime”.

http://megasizzle.com/funny/sarah-palin-brings-orange-slices-to-save-iraq-at-halftime/

lilblackcorvette September 16, 2008 at 7:47 pm

[re=98391]SeminoleInDior[/re]: I’m still waiting on some to explain Cindy’s convention wear choices!

Godot September 16, 2008 at 7:54 pm

Sarah Palin = Ysanne Isard?

bcnjake September 16, 2008 at 7:58 pm

Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.

jimh September 16, 2008 at 8:03 pm

[re=98399]WagTehGod[/re]: In the SpaceBalls universe it would be Grand MUFF Palin…

jimh September 16, 2008 at 8:05 pm

[re=98418]bcnjake[/re]: btw, WIN.

ColdCupofHope September 16, 2008 at 8:07 pm

She also looks the the female version of Captain America’s nemesis, Red Skull. But with sexy Tina Fey glasses.

Great Jebus! It’s not hard to make this lady look nice. Can’t we all just make the lady look nice? MAKE IT WORK! Andre? Where’s Andre?

Keram2 September 16, 2008 at 8:09 pm

I guess since conservative women can’t show any skin, these are the consequences. Oh, and has anyone else noticed the similarities between John McCain’s skin and Bib Fortuna’s?

ManchuCandidate September 16, 2008 at 8:12 pm

[re=98423]Keram2[/re]:
True, but Walnuts jowls are more Jabba-esque.

HomoPolitico September 16, 2008 at 8:14 pm

[re=98422]ColdCupofHope[/re]: Maybe she could be the next challenge on Project Runway. Of course, with this seasons designers she’d still end up looking like a drag queen or Betty Page.

Advocatus_Diaboli September 16, 2008 at 8:21 pm

I got nuthin, but I will say “hey Sarah, wear this”

InsidiousTuna September 16, 2008 at 8:21 pm

Grand Milf Palin, blah blah blah… Star Wars puns aren’t my forte.

2druk2phluq September 16, 2008 at 8:24 pm

That’s not a death smock, it’s a speed suit. It’s the ultimate fashion statement for the super villain or mad scientist on the go. The cleverly disguised flap in the back means she doesn’t even have to come out of it to relieve herself. While it does come in pastel colors, she appears to have chosen one of the darker varieties (probably in keeping with her views on the force).

Get it right, people. Professor Jukes obviously knows a speed suit when he sees one. It’s great for fascistas and children alike.

professor.cj September 16, 2008 at 8:24 pm

The Republican image consultant is having fun playing Dress-Me-Up-Palin. Her look today is very Norma Kamali circa 1983, or very Airstrip One, 1984 [ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kY_oRgU-oRM ].

The Alexis Carrington Board Room look can’t be far away. I hope they rented Bette Midler’s “Big Business.” The 80s are back, people. Huzzah!

Delicious September 16, 2008 at 8:27 pm

If she is Darth Palin, then McCain is Senator Palpatine, who then becomes chancellor, and then in the interest of galactic peace, declares himself Emperor.

Oh man, I just geeked myself.

loquaciousmusic September 16, 2008 at 8:40 pm

I’m sure she’s wearing a “Promise Ring” with that ensemble.

Miller September 16, 2008 at 8:50 pm

Since Star Wars happen a long long time ago, this is retro and thus considered hip. Imperial-chic is the new style, get you riding pants, high necked shirts, and space lasers now before you look like one of the unfashionable rubes that will be the first against the wall.

http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

Uncle Al September 16, 2008 at 8:52 pm

Bad clothes, maybe. But check out her beautiful tan!

The Helvetica Scenario September 16, 2008 at 8:59 pm

Governor Palin. I recognized her foul stench when she was brought onboard the campaign.

Delicious September 16, 2008 at 9:02 pm

Snark break…

I’m listening to Olbermann and Maddow yukking it up about how “McCain invented the Blackberry.” He didn’t say that. His adviser said McCain’s work on the Senate Commerce Committee as the champion of telecommunications helped to create the Blackberry. I once thought Olbermann was the sane voice, the brave voice who would call out the prez. I thought Maddow was a smart commentator. But to play Fox News games to pander to the left is just as lame as being Fox News.

Now back to what’s important…Less taxes and more war!!

Ojore September 16, 2008 at 9:02 pm

Now, the MOFF I’d Like to…well.

natoslug September 16, 2008 at 9:04 pm

[re=98367]DarkSynergy[/re]: Sarah Palin’s going to blow everyone on the planet? Wait, what?

Delicious September 16, 2008 at 9:07 pm

[re=98446]The Helvetica Scenario[/re]: Are you saying like Obama, that she stinks like a fish?

Interesting that the pundits didn’t want to go there.

What was that Blue Oyster Cult song?

cal September 16, 2008 at 9:11 pm

At least she will put a tanning bed in the Death Star.

twocanpete September 16, 2008 at 9:12 pm

Maybe Sarah Palin could wear one of those funny pilgrim hats. You see, we now have her on tape saying that an Arican witch-hunter ‘prayed’ her into office. You got to see it to believe. I’ve been blogging. http://twocanpete.blogspot.com/

Rush September 16, 2008 at 9:13 pm

Join me Track, I’m your mother, let your anger go and we can rule the empire.

The Helvetica Scenario September 16, 2008 at 9:14 pm

[re=98450]Delicious[/re]: Sorry, I’m just a regular kind of nerd, not a rock nerd. I was quoting Star Wars.

irisheyes September 16, 2008 at 9:17 pm

[re=98447]Delicious[/re]: I’ve been hearing this story today as well. I was under the impression that the guy said here’s the miracle John McCain made happen and then held up his Blackberry. Do you know where I could find the full account of what he said?

rocktonsammy September 16, 2008 at 9:20 pm

does she shave her coochie, because I want a bush in the white house

The Helvetica Scenario September 16, 2008 at 9:20 pm

[re=98455]irisheyes[/re]: If the story gets cycled that Gore says he invented the internet, why not McCain inventing the Blackberry? Turnabout’s fair play, even a decade removed.

Delicious September 16, 2008 at 9:23 pm

[re=98455]irisheyes[/re]: This isn’t comprehensive, but it includes the key quote:

http://www.politico.com/blogs/jonathanmartin/0908/HoltzEakin_McCain_helped_create_BlackBerry.html

irisheyes September 16, 2008 at 9:27 pm

[re=98459]The Helvetica Scenario[/re]: I appreciate the urge to fuck’em over however we can…but there’s so much legitimate bullshit to call I don’t think there’s a need to exploit a misstatement if that’s what it was. But if the guy said here’s the thing McCain invented and then held up a Blackberry- I say run with it.

Delicious September 16, 2008 at 9:28 pm

[re=98454]The Helvetica Scenario[/re]: Oh, I’m a SW nerd (loved the first two movies). Just decided to play off the stench reference.

And ladies (the 3 that post here), no offense meant. Up close and personal is one of my fave activities. Oh shit. tmi

sanantonerose September 16, 2008 at 9:28 pm

NERRRRRRDS

Delicious September 16, 2008 at 9:30 pm

[re=98458]rocktonsammy[/re]: I think that is explained on the McCain web site.

Delicious September 16, 2008 at 9:32 pm

[re=98465]sanantonerose[/re]: That hurts. :(

irisheyes September 16, 2008 at 9:33 pm

[re=98460]Delicious[/re]: Eh. It could go either way there.

lilblackcorvette September 16, 2008 at 9:34 pm

[re=98447]Delicious[/re]: i’m watching rachel talk about troopergate. that ‘smile while rome is burning’ schtick only works on the tubes. i think that is the definition of snark.

rocktonsammy September 16, 2008 at 9:34 pm

[re=98466]Delicious[/re]: shave baby shave

lilblackcorvette September 16, 2008 at 9:37 pm

[re=98466]Delicious[/re]: oh yeah, that should clear things up……….

ladymacbeth September 16, 2008 at 9:46 pm

[re=98464]Delicious[/re]: there are many of us X chromosomes here.

but yeah, three ladies.

Delicious September 16, 2008 at 9:47 pm

Somebody shoot me now. Night.

irisheyes September 16, 2008 at 9:49 pm

[re=98479]ladymacbeth[/re]: Shall we take a head count? I’m one!

ladymacbeth September 16, 2008 at 9:57 pm

[re=98482]irisheyes[/re]: lady or X chromosome?

i’m an X…

the other not so much. in spite of, you know, my name.

irisheyes September 16, 2008 at 10:01 pm

[re=98487]ladymacbeth[/re]: I’d say lady out in the real world..which is why I like to come here and make dick jokes.

bhosp September 16, 2008 at 10:02 pm

[re=98446]The Helvetica Scenario[/re]: I guess McCain decided he needed a MILF to “hold his leash,” wokka wokka.

btwbfdimho September 16, 2008 at 10:19 pm

Darth Cheney sticking his lips on the pig
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjwVEeq7JiQ

Packherd September 16, 2008 at 10:40 pm

Hah! Sears joke!

jimh September 16, 2008 at 10:44 pm

[re=98431]InsidiousTuna[/re]: Not bad that pun was.

Democratica September 16, 2008 at 11:19 pm

Is anyone else completely sick of Carly Fiorino acting as the SEXISM POLICE? From MSNBC on Carly’s opinion of the SNL Fey/Poehler sketch: “The portrait was very dismissive of the substance of Sarah Palin, and so in that sense, they were defining Hillary Clinton as very substantive, and Sarah Palin as totally superficial,” McCain advisor Carly Fiorina told MSNBC’s Andrea Mitchell on Monday. “I think that continues the line of argument that is disrespectful in the extreme, and yes I would say sexist.”

WTF?!?!

sati demise September 16, 2008 at 11:28 pm

[re=98447]Delicious[/re]: Yea, but dont we get to taunt them a l.i.t.t.l.e bit for how they treated Al Gore about his internet legislation?

Just a bit of karma for the rabid right wing? It is out of our hands…

jimh September 16, 2008 at 11:49 pm

[re=98515]Democratica[/re]: Someone should news flash Carly, they WERE ABSOLUTELY defining Hillary Clinton as very substantive, and Sarah Palin as totally superficial. And Guv’ner Palin has done nothing to prove them wrong thus far, so it’s a fair portrait. Dead-on accurate to pretty much everyone except the McCain campaign. Sexist? Hardly.

boomer September 17, 2008 at 12:53 am

It’s called Akris couture you misogynistic philistine.

fuzznuts September 17, 2008 at 1:50 am

She’s like Bush when he was the yell king, except she has
both breasts and balls. Score Palin 2, Bush the usual 0.

I have an idea for a new Sarah Palin sit-com, I’ll call it “That’s My Bush”.
What, it’s been done? O.K., how about a religious comedy? I’ll call it
“The Burning Bush”, with John McCain as Methuselah.

By the way, what ever happened to boskolives?

HedonismBot September 17, 2008 at 2:14 am
ummOKthen September 17, 2008 at 2:22 am

Er… I don’t think she’d wear a bear suit. Her supporters would gun her down via aircraft.

She should probably do the world a favor and strap on a chastity belt, though.

gurukalehuru September 17, 2008 at 2:45 am

[re=98431]InsidiousTuna[/re]: Are you in a bad mood today, or what?

Words September 17, 2008 at 2:46 am

Please, note:Palin, bless her Barbie-Doll-mindless-fashionista soul (as we say in the South) knows just enough to wear Dark clothing after Labor Day!! (see ref. Jon Stewart, Daily Show: Laura Bush in white pant suit) — no light colored togs post-first Monday in Sept., kids!!

And unfortunately, that’s about the extent of Ms. Palin’s knowledge/or care to know area— Buckle your seat belts, we’re in for a bumpy ride, kids! –:-(

njdon September 17, 2008 at 3:48 am

soon she’ll tell the inuit how she almost became vp. they’ll be thinkin’, “another wasilla drunken skank dream”.
a thousand years from now they will tell stories around the campfire how, dances-with-moose, built a great bridge to the land of the fog.

schvitzatura September 17, 2008 at 6:10 am

Will the audience convene at one fifteen
outside Wasilla Town Hall where we will be…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=211jT7-fj7E&NR=1

Borat September 17, 2008 at 6:11 am

What kind of snowbilly sepratist pin or alien communications device does she wear. Call her out on this Stefanapolis!

facehead September 17, 2008 at 6:42 am

Despite everything that has been said, I decided to put lipstick on a pig,
and to my amazement it transmogrified into a beautiful giant butterfly,
filled with love and compassion for everyone.

Servo September 17, 2008 at 7:20 am

The first woman VP candidate for the GOP and suddenly they’re the champions of anti-sexism? Huh?

Sir Gaywad Baggington-Douchely von Suck September 17, 2008 at 7:22 am

Y’know, if Sarah Palin actually decided to wear a bear PROOF suit for the rest of the campaign, I might actually vote for her.

Anita Cocktail September 17, 2008 at 7:43 am

[re=98391]SeminoleInDior[/re]: Not Cindy, though. She lerves her $300K convention outfits, now, doesn’t she?

Anita Cocktail September 17, 2008 at 7:45 am

[re=98575]HedonismBot[/re]: except his mom hasn’t accepted the Lord Jebus Christ as her personal saviour. As a Jew, she is doomed to hellfire 4-ever.

ProgHead777 September 17, 2008 at 8:28 am

[re=98438]Delicious[/re]: No no, Cheney is the Emperor, the secret leader of the Republisith Party. Darth Dubya, Darth WALNUTS!, Darth Condoleezza and all the other Darths are but his minions. Barry Skywalker will strike them all down with his hopesaber.

superfecta September 17, 2008 at 9:22 am

OK, late to the party here, but I have two x chromosomes and am a Star Wars geek, so I’m sorry I missed out. I actually had a dream last night that things were different in ‘Empire’ and that Princess Leia ended up marrying Lando – what does this mean?

mothermaven September 17, 2008 at 9:41 am

[re=98515]Democratica[/re]: Since when have republicans been so concerned with sexism? Where are they on equal pay for women? They demonize single motherhood (except for Sarah’s spawn and are against women’s reproductive rights. Republicans haven’t done crap for women evah, and now since they put this Palin in they are champions of feminism. Nice try.

As a woman, I believe that feminism thrives when we have the ability to accurately judge the accomplishments of women without being charged with sexism. During the primaries I was called sexist for saying that Clinton did not have the judgment to be president given her record. I think Palin is a billionth worse than Clinton, because of her lack of ethics, judgment, intellect, and for her poor record of governing a state that needs little of it. Equality is being able to take hits like the boys.

Sexism,bah. I was a female in computing back in the 1980s, I know sexism and this isn’t sexism.

norbizness September 17, 2008 at 9:54 am

Don’t say “what’s his name” if you know good and goddamned well what his name is.

hej September 17, 2008 at 2:08 pm

“… do you know the Palin proverb that tells us revenge is a dish that is best served cold? (pause) It is very cold in Alaska.”

Maus September 17, 2008 at 2:17 pm

[re=98394]Aurelio[/re]: It’s the quiverfull way.

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