America’s happiest moment in eight years was when that dude in a bear suit comically walked down the beach while that local-teevee reporter described some invisible pier, during Hurricane Ike. Poor old Ralph Nader wonders aloud, to his running mate, a bird named “Gonzalez,” if maybe he should wear a bear suit and fuck a panda at the National Zoo. Sure, why not. Nader also asks, sadly, why nobody wants to cover his campaign. The answer is simple: YOU RUINED EVERYTHING IN 2000, NADER. IT IS YOUR FAULT, ALL OF THIS. [Andrew Sullivan]
Political Wire
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Authors
Rebecca Schoenkopf (424)
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (927)
Sulagna Misra (4)
Kris E. Benson (11)
Liz Colville (170)
John Schoenkopf (7)
Jim Newell (5640)
Josh Fruhlinger (646)
Erik Jay (27)
Blair Burke (181)
{ 68 comments }
I am voting for the Bird!
[re=98293]grobby22[/re]: I’m giving Ralph the bird. I don’t want to hear from this fucking guy right now.
Would someone please just drive an exploding Pinto up his ass and shut him up for good.
Did Nader have a stroke or did he always speak that slowly, stammeringly, and without an ounce of fucking conviction?
Why blame Nader? It’s the votes that weren’t counted that count. Not the ones that were.
Honestly, Ralph, shut the fuck up for the next couple of months.
[re=98299]youknew[/re]: huh?
Oh Hi Ralph. Did I forget to mention how much I fucking hate you? Yes, you, douchebag, deserve the most blame for the 2000 Florida debacle. Do you still think there’s no difference between the candidates? Die. Fucking. Slowly. And Painfully. You. Fuck.
That ad is terrible. I really would rather see him dressed up as a panda. Wait. Nope. I’d rather not see him at all. Go away, Mr. I Stole Your Election! No love for you.
Holy fucking shit in a blender, poor old Ralph’s gone nuttier than Mike Gravel, you know, I do believe the American public is stupid enough to shift on a goddamned dime, and totally go 3rd party if somebody produced just the right video, but this was like, sad.
Remember Ralph for what he once was. Not the barely repressed pandafucker that he has apparently become.
Jeezus, that is just pathetic.
I had a bird once, a cockatiel. It crapped all over everthing and covered the place in dander. Birds are basically feathered lizards. If our sizes had been reversed, it would have ripped of my head and shit down my neck. When it flew away, I was disconsolate for minutes.
When did Alan Alda start running for president?
Fuck me, Ralph. Take a cue from ……wait, he wants to fuck a panda? Maybe he hired Gravel as a media advisor after all.
Not to be, Ralph. Pull the trigger.
[re=98299]youknew[/re]: Take a cue from your buddy and go come on to a panda. You might get luckier than with Nader.
Papyrus = Worst Font Ever. It’s for Chinese take-out menus and I-95 massage parlors. Or is that the campaign message? More spring rolls and hand jobs?
“John From Cincinnati” was some of Ralph’s best work.
I love the safety inherent in a Nader run. He can talk about an immediate single-payer system, immediate troop withdrawl, tearing down corporations, and magical unicorns and jobs for everyone, but we all know it’s not to be. So he’ll never actually have to live up to his ideals as president. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, pandas screwing are more interesting than him and his failed strategies.
tl/dw
Didn’t Chekhov say that if you talk about dressing up as a panda over and over throughout your entire commercial, you actually have to appear in a panda suit after the credits?
This man is fuck nutty.
in other news: Skin lesion, my butt. He fell down drunk.
Isn’t he dead yet?
Go away Ralph. Crawl under a rock and die already. Get hit by a car/bus/moped. Anything. Just fucking die already. Loser.
Oh my god, this guy is a muzzie terrist from Lebanon and we should be knowin better. He terrirized the 2000 election B4 the 911s. He Knew!!!11!!
He terrisismed GM too back in the ’70s B4 the Beirut bombings. He KNEW!!!11!!
It’s the great pumpkin showing up every four years to remind us how his running for President and doing nothing else in the interim is all about us. Thanks, Ralph. Go home.
Seriously, “Gonzales”?
Go stop a speeding Corvair with your face, Ralph.
Then he ate the bird, the end.
I still blame the Supremes for ’00
Ralph is 74 years old… time to rest now.
Are his parents dead yet? A note from mommy and daddy explaining why they didn’t pay more attention to him might end this bullshit charade once and for all.
This video does not work for me. I mean, I can’t see it. And no, I don’t want to do what you call “restart.” I am going to convene a Congressional Committee, and I want them to convene a 9/11 commission and get to the bottom of this.
I promise you, WE WILL NEVER PUT AMERICA IN THIS POSITION AGAIN.
The End.
Whether tis nobler to be shot by Palin from an airplane, or two bear arms mauling her.
That does it. I am definitely voting for Bob Barr or Cynthia McKinney, or that guy from the Liberty (?) party. Nader must be stopped.
Actually 2000 was at least as much Lieberman’s fault. He urged Gore to pull his punches and throw in the towel. Had Gore/Lieberman won, after 9-11, Lieberman probably would have joined the Republican push to impeach Gore. Then President Lieberman would have stocked his cabinet full of neocons, and the US would’ve invaded Iraq around 2003.
fuck you guys i love Ralph Nader
[re=98427]heathenish[/re]: He doesn’t love you the same way we do.
Also he doesn’t need to dress up like a bear. He needs to kill a bear and cover the president of PETA in its blood. He’ll get national attention for that.
When does he shoot the parrot and then himself, like in Orwell’s Burmese Days? That would make this ad much more poignant.
I can’t wait for Bob Barr’s ad with a horse in a cowboy hat. Take a gander at Nader and remember that he’s the serious 3rd party candidate. You don’t even want to look at some of the other parties and candidates running on fringe tickets.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Shit. Even restart doesn’t work. I will NEVER hear what this bird says to Ralph Nader, I assume it is not tweet tweet. It could be extremely PROFOUND. Sob.
Somebody must be to blame. I think it was GREED. Yes, and these people on Wall Street, and regulations which are bad, except when you need them, and . . . the SPIE, or something.
SADDEST MAN ALIVE.
How much does an ad suck that it makes you nostalgic for the Ron Paul campaign?
Ralph Nader may be the panda bear, but all you nasty people are sheep going to slaughter.
Both McCain and Obama are corporate stooges that will sell you down the river once in office.
Mr. Nader is a great man and a great American. He has my vote!
The bird isn’t “Gonzalez” — it’s “Cardozo.” As in Benjamin Cardozo, the great liberal Supreme Court justice (1870-1938) and the second Jew to serve on the Supreme Court. As in Cardozo School of Law.
Gonzalez is the running mate.
Try listening with the volume turned up.
Yeah, it’s a weird ad. But at least “Cardozo” makes sense.
Okay we’ve all seen you again, Ralphie Boy! Now phuck off and die.
Alternate ending: Mike Gravel picks up a very large rock and crushes Cardozo with one blow. Come on Nader/Gonzalez 2008, it’s called catharsis.
I can’t bring myself to hit play. It’s not even worth clogging the tubes.
This was ok, but I prefer Nader’s early, funny films.
Cantankerous old fart needs to give it a rest. Thanks for the good work in the 70′s but it’s time to bow out.
cheezizpriced! weirder than a bucket of hair.
Pathetic loser,
alone with his bird. No votes.
Please someone, blow him.
[re=98307]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I believe it was the final season of “The West Wing.”
So, my city’s old mayor, Rocky Anderson, is credited as a consultant on this thing. What the fuck did they need to consult on for this nonsense?
[re=98556]PioBaroja[/re]:
The year two thousand
Made all of us realize
All votes DO matter.
Come on, is he gonna wear the bear suit or not? Fucking cliffhangers…
He’s been campaigning in 50 states?? He’s been campaigning at all?
How come they don’t show him on the CNN?
Ralph Nader has been on CNN several times. Most recently with Ron Paul, then again with Barr.
It is just the amount of time given and frequency of coverage that’s unfair. Ralph Nader might be old, but he is very wise. He predicted this economic mess. We all msut become independent thinkers and really look closely at what the dems and reps have done to this country. They’re the same animals, just a little twist to their rhetoric. How many of you out there can afford a $28-31,000/plate Obama campaign bash? Maybe you can meet him face to face if you have the bucks. Get real America!
If this fruit hung any lower, it’d be a potato.
[re=98315]professor.cj[/re]: It really is Papyrus! I had to go back and look. Ha ha!
But I have to disagree. Comic Sans is truly the cockroach of fonts.
[re=98617]JRD[/re]: troll much?
now we have video proof that Nader is a Bird Brain.
[re=98617]JRD: Ralph Nader has been on CNN several times. Most recently with Ron Paul, then again with Barr.[/re]
Sorry to admit, I missed the snark in your comment. It went WAYYYYYY over my head!
[re=98845]teebob2000[/re]: Don’t you get it??? He spelled “must” wrong!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHQH!
[re=98618]bitchincamaro[/re]: 10 points for awesome post.
[re=98493]JRD[/re]: baaaaaaaaaaaa
Don’t. Wan’t. It. And I happen to have right above my computer a cage full of zebra finches who I love and adore and talk baby-talk to in a way fit to make any sane person hurl.
I’m really hitting a nerve with many of your readers. Columnv I knew you were a sheep!
To Advocatus_Diaboli,
The way our economy is going we’ll all be trolling soon.
Columnv,
I wanted to thank you for catching that misspelling. But assuming I’m a he and not a she, not cool.
I can this is a site for idiot smart asses.
Ralph Eeyore Nader is just the worst, most self-indulgent narcissist ever. His campaign is all about him. Otherwise, he’d realize after his last COMPLETE AND TOTAL FAILURES that he needs to help someone else win. Hell, find a protege. Something. But no, he has to get off on tilting at windmills – much better for his fantasy head.
Oh, and he fucked the parrot right after this spot. There were feathers everywhere. And he just kept yelling “Say my NAME!!! Who’s your big daddy? That’s right! Say MY NAME!!”
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