CULTURE BORES  5:23 pm September 16, 2008

A Guided Tour Of Obama’s Elitist New Designer Clothing Boutique

by Jim Newell

The right wing hasn’t been able to fully brand Obama as a GAY yet, as they did to John Kerry (Gay Trademark: being French) and Al Gore (Gay Trademark: fucking dudes). But Obama’s trying to help them out with his new online store section called “Runway to Change,” which features fancy clothes from elitist fashion designers that you can buy for only… uh oh, they don’t even list the prices on the front page! What is this, RUSSIA? Never a good sign, like when you want to order lobster at a rich person’s restaurant and the menu says “Market Price,” which is a plutocrat’s term for “go away, rat hobo.”

$60 for this uncreative turd, for ladies. The “Dude, where’s ______?” structure should be taken out back and shot. It should be taken out back and shot a lot. Remember when Michael Moore used this as the title for one of his books, like eight years ago? Well, someone should’ve shot it then because wtf.

$45 for this tee shirt about nightmares. This is the exact shirt that the serial killer from Scream wore as his jammie top. He dares you to dream, because he haunts your dreams. Obama/Death 2008!

…And this $75 bag is not! Except for collecting your dog’s poopies during walks. Then again, look at the secret code: “CIA.” So, uh, that’s why it costs $75 dollars?

So after checking this overpriced crap out, we’ve determined Barack Obama is still not a Gay, because Gays like fashion and this is not that.

Runway To Change [Obama Store]

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TGY September 16, 2008 at 5:25 pm

I often CHANGE my socks.

pondscum September 16, 2008 at 5:28 pm

So, Jim, you’re saying the pink rainbow shirt isn’t gay?

AnnieGetYourFun September 16, 2008 at 5:29 pm

And here I thought it was just McCain’s advisors that were trying to help him lose the election. What, did they all start some kind of fucking BET that neither of them was fit to rule?

tonashideska September 16, 2008 at 5:29 pm

Still no elitist polo shirts!

sezme September 16, 2008 at 5:30 pm

Wow, being gay is a lot harder than it looks!

pondscum September 16, 2008 at 5:31 pm

ohgod. The wrap shirt… I have no words.

Dave J. September 16, 2008 at 5:31 pm

What is this, RUSSIA?

In Soviet Russia, Blackberry invents you!

Gopherit v2.0 September 16, 2008 at 5:32 pm

I like the dog collar for the discriminating Bottoms out there.

carerer September 16, 2008 at 5:33 pm

I thought this would be a diamond studded collar for my toy dog.
A stupid leather bracelet??? What am I, republican?

Texan Bulldoggette September 16, 2008 at 5:35 pm

Good lord, those shirts are hideous. I wouldn’t put a pitbull in lipstick in one of those ugly things. The first one made me think of Ashton Kutcher & “Dude, Where’s My Car?” Anything that reminds you of Ashton Kutcher is a FAIL.

NoWireHangers September 16, 2008 at 5:36 pm

But that Diane von Furstenberg tote is dreamy. I guess I’ll just go without electricity this month…

Gopherit v2.0 September 16, 2008 at 5:37 pm

[re=98269]pondscum[/re]: I think that’s to steal some of Palin’s votes.

SayItWithWookies September 16, 2008 at 5:38 pm

The fashion industry and politics — they go together like — like bowling and Egyptology.

NoWireHangers September 16, 2008 at 5:38 pm

I’m still holding out for an Obama vibrator. If he wins, the market will rise to meet demand.

magic titty September 16, 2008 at 5:38 pm

Can we expedite these debates and have the fucking election eight seconds after their conclusion, so that some asshole referring to himself as “Suede” on Project Runway supports Obama publicly and ruins Hopey for good? Bah.

columnv September 16, 2008 at 5:40 pm

This is terrible.

NoWireHangers September 16, 2008 at 5:42 pm

If they really wanted to reel in the Moran vote, they’d offer “Change” laden white platform flip-flops, press-on acrylic tips, lunch pails, and overalls.

pondscum September 16, 2008 at 5:43 pm

[re=98276]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: How? It’s a wrap shirt, not a hockey jersey. Actually, that’s not a bad idea…but basketball. That’s what we need! Obama bball jerseys!!

bup September 16, 2008 at 5:43 pm

Red bloggers are going to make fun of this forever.

And rightly so.

Gopherit v2.0 September 16, 2008 at 5:45 pm

[re=98285]pondscum[/re]: I guess it looks more like a redneck bikini top to me. Just tie it up and go.

pondscum September 16, 2008 at 5:48 pm

[re=98288]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Oh, that’s priceless and perfect! Right on the money!

ColdCupofHope September 16, 2008 at 5:49 pm

Wow. “Dare to Dream.” This is what they come up with? I’ve seen nicer t-shirts on sale at the Wisconsin Dells. And most of those have to do with hunting: deer, moose, and pussy.

AnnieGetYourFun September 16, 2008 at 5:51 pm

Wait… uh. I don’t see any burqas.

jasonelias September 16, 2008 at 5:52 pm

This stuff is nifty, but I like John McCain’s line of old man slacks with a compartments for carrying and wearing adult diapers.

problemwithcaring September 16, 2008 at 6:01 pm

There is a Beyonce House of Dereon T-shirt.

Um, what voting block is he exactly aiming for here, because Rave/Rainbow/Wet Seal vote, I’d venture is locked up already.

magic titty September 16, 2008 at 6:04 pm

[re=98279]magic titty[/re]: sorry, this was written in haste. it was supposed to say “before some asshole…”

I’m done for the day.

Keram2 September 16, 2008 at 6:10 pm

How long until the wingnuts come out with the “HUR, DURR. RACHEL RAY WEARS ANOTHER TERRIST SCARF. HUR… DUR.” meme?

sarcasticusername September 16, 2008 at 6:10 pm

way to put out fancy elitist merchandise that no normal people can afford while the economy implodes around you. snaps for barry, it’s a great time to show just how much you “get it.” jesus, the economy is trading in monopoly money at this point; is he secretly working for the mccain campaign?

S.Luggo September 16, 2008 at 6:11 pm

Goes well with chilled white wine, pâté and Streisand:
This falls into the “What were they thinking category”.

InsidiousTuna September 16, 2008 at 6:12 pm

There was a scarf made by a “Rachel Roy”. Isn’t that the Dunkin’ Donuts terrorist lady?

Undeterredbyreality September 16, 2008 at 6:16 pm

OMFG! Whose idea was this and why do they hate America?

gjdodger September 16, 2008 at 6:17 pm

this $75 bag is not! Except for collecting your dog’s poopies during walks

Th-th-that’s n-not change we can relieve in!

smellyal8r September 16, 2008 at 6:26 pm

I’m sure the elitist NYC fashion set wanted to “something” to get BHO elected and this is what they came up with. They shouldn’t be in a catalog, but in a 500 sq ft stark white shop on the lower East Side where six of them are hanging on racks. You know, places no str8 person would go.

StripesAndPlaids September 16, 2008 at 6:26 pm

[re=98273]carerer[/re]: no, its a bracelet, not a cock ring.

The Lucky Republican September 16, 2008 at 6:38 pm

Why does Barack Obama want to destroy fashion?

Borat September 16, 2008 at 6:42 pm

How come no $120k sweaty dick lawyer clothes from St. Paul?

Servo September 16, 2008 at 6:50 pm

Are they organic muslin?

CrunchyKnee September 16, 2008 at 6:55 pm

[re=98355]Servo[/re]: I think that frist shirt is half breed muslin.

tocute2btrue September 16, 2008 at 7:03 pm

That dam Michelle has a pair of lace panties that the rats ate the crotch out, she wears them all the time.

grevillea September 16, 2008 at 7:14 pm

Hope is an anchor, dragging you to a watery grave? WTF?

sati demise September 16, 2008 at 7:15 pm

[re=98286]bup[/re]: Wait until they find out McCains mother has a FRENCH maiden name!

Baseproduct September 16, 2008 at 7:36 pm

Surely the pink rainbow shirt with the upside-down magenta A’s proves Obama isn’t a gay? That shirt screams “I love vagina and I don’t care who knows it!”

twoeightnine September 16, 2008 at 7:40 pm

Digital Gravel and Upper Playground’s selection is much better and cheaper.

MarSF September 16, 2008 at 7:43 pm

Looks like Marc Jacobs is still nursing his Hillary wounds with that half-assed effort at a tote bag. I think the work was farmed out to the summer interns.

I say the campaign should take this down before it gets discovered by the ghouls at NRO and Fox.

Sire Says September 16, 2008 at 8:20 pm

Well…don’t forget that Sarah Palin has inspired fashionistas all across the country with these stunning looks that I have collected for your viewing pleasure.

wallythepug September 16, 2008 at 8:26 pm

C’mon people, some of these aren’t so bad…although has more interesting t-shirts. Besides, the moneys go to the campaign and it beats sending $75 without getting a high-end cleaning rag.

somelegalbitch September 16, 2008 at 9:51 pm

God I want one of those totes. The Rag and Bone and Derek Lam are both fantastic. And yeah, they are expensive but if you’re going to donate to the campaign anyway you may as well get a cool tote bag out of it.

darbyogill September 17, 2008 at 12:40 am

How about we just RunAway from Change?

Eh… it’s pointless, I just can’t do it, I’m an Obamatard forever.

Cape Clod September 17, 2008 at 8:33 am

[re=98277]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Win.
Perhaps a better idea would have been to sell recycled coffee mugs. Just cross out the “Shearson/Lehman” and write “Change is Awesome”.

fuzznuts September 17, 2008 at 10:44 am

I think we’re in real danger if style defines substance.

What is the newest fashion trend?

Jimmy Choos Snow Shoes!

OzoneTom September 17, 2008 at 11:10 am

Can I get it in pleather?

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