• May 27, 2012

Would This Be Under-The-Table Money, Then?

by Jim Newell  4:29 pm September 16, 2008

Bill Clinton e-mailed us today and guess what he wants, that’s right, more money. He writes that you can purchase a DVD of Hillary & Bill’s convention speeches for $50 dollars, today! And if you pay $250, you get the same thing but SIGNED BY HILLARY. It is called the “Signature” Edition! Oh man, these people miss that $11 million of their $109 million fortune so much. But aren’t candidates who’ve suspended their campaigns only allowed to raise money through the convention, and then it comes out of their pocketbooks? Maybe there’s an article somewhere about this, but fuck reading. Anyway, Bill Clinton wants you to buy porn, was the point. [Hillary Clinton]

{ 52 comments }

Gopherit v2.0 September 16, 2008 at 4:32 pm

Please. No. Hillary. Porn.

AnnieGetYourFun September 16, 2008 at 4:33 pm

Admit it – you’ve all masturbated to that clip of Bill mouthing “I love you… I love you” at the convention.

What? Just me?

Harvey Birdman September 16, 2008 at 4:33 pm

All I can think about is that scene in Little Children where Kate Winslet’s husband buys a woman’s used underwear over the net, wraps them around his head, and jo’s while looking at pics of her. Extrapolate as you will.

Godot September 16, 2008 at 4:34 pm

If Bill Clinton actually wanted to sell me porn, I’d at least consider. I mean a guy like him, he knows where to find the really good stuff.

american mutt September 16, 2008 at 4:35 pm

Am I the only one who thinks Hillary’s logo looks like some kind of 1980s sitcom about a woman getting a job in the big city?

Advocatus_Diaboli September 16, 2008 at 4:37 pm

please. the words “Hillary” and “porn” in the same DAY make me flaccid for weeks.

SayItWithWookies September 16, 2008 at 4:39 pm

And for fifty bucks more, they won’t include the DVD of Bush, Cheney and Rove speeches.

Anita Cocktail September 16, 2008 at 4:39 pm

Hillary supports Barack Obama, as you can see by that pin she is wearing…

FreshCliches September 16, 2008 at 4:39 pm

It’s official….when the Clintons are offering the same incentives for donations as your local PBS affiliate, they’ve run out of ideas.

Dave J. September 16, 2008 at 4:41 pm

[re=98178]Harvey Birdman[/re]: Hell, who HASN’T done that while looking at pics of Kate Winslet?

njdon September 16, 2008 at 4:42 pm

he’s pimping? he needs some of them funny clothes,and a funny hat.

grendel September 16, 2008 at 4:43 pm

If you pay $500 you get their special naughty nekkid time video… with other people of course. Bill hasn’t touched that since he was stoned in college.

obfuscator September 16, 2008 at 4:43 pm

[re=98180]american mutt[/re]: Starring Sandy Duncan & Greg Evigan! Cue the theme song: heavy on sax and synth, opening credits feature sweeping helicopter shots of Manhattan.

Serolf Divad September 16, 2008 at 4:44 pm

DONT BUY IT! Wait a few weeks and there’ll be a director’s cut with extended scenes and bloopers and a couple of commentary tracks. Always happens. You know how many versions of “The Lord of the Rings” were eventually released? Don’t let it happen to you.

madirishman September 16, 2008 at 4:44 pm

[re=98180]american mutt[/re]: Actually, it looks more like a talk-show logo…

OH MY GOD!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

AnnieGetYourFun September 16, 2008 at 4:46 pm

[re=98180]american mutt[/re]: If it wasn’t for the underlining thing, I wouldn’t have thought so. Oh, and the photo at a cock-eyed angle.

grendel September 16, 2008 at 4:46 pm

[re=98205]madirishman[/re]: I was thinking High School yearbook, circa 1987

Rodney Badger September 16, 2008 at 4:48 pm

[re=98179]Godot[/re]: Maybe if you were into BBW porn.

obfuscator September 16, 2008 at 4:48 pm

[re=98205]madirishman[/re]: Hillz comes bounding onstage in an orange pantsuit, mouth agape, eyes abugged. Clap Clap Point goes on for the show’s entire 22 minute run time the end.

Larry Fine September 16, 2008 at 4:48 pm

The Clintons need the money for all the expensive Botox treatments they’ve been getting.

SuperRounder September 16, 2008 at 4:49 pm

Cock, Bush, Hillary and Porn in the same thread. I think we’re done for the day.

Texan Bulldoggette September 16, 2008 at 4:50 pm

Hill & Bill, we’re not giving you shit until you go out there & get Hopey elected. Based on your actions, deeds & words & the results of Nov. 4, come back to us THEN with your hand out.

Rodney Badger September 16, 2008 at 4:50 pm

[re=98216]SuperRounder[/re]: Hold on skippy, we need some drinking and drug references.

Atypical September 16, 2008 at 4:51 pm

How much would it be if he threw in a cigar…

Rodney Badger September 16, 2008 at 4:51 pm

[re=98216]SuperRounder[/re]: and a Palin reference.

AmericanValues September 16, 2008 at 4:51 pm

I’m a lot more interested in “The Making of The Hillz and Billz Convention Speeches DVD” where Barry personally edits their speeches to make sure the bitters don’t get too energized for Hillz in 2012

Cape Clod September 16, 2008 at 4:52 pm

[re=98203]Serolf Divad[/re]: And the commentary track track is done by Terry Mcauliffe after downing a fifth of Bacardi. He get’s kinda weepy at the end.

magic titty September 16, 2008 at 4:53 pm

[re=98193]Anita Cocktail[/re]: Yeah, and the ‘NO MA’AM’ t-shirts she wears on the road.

2druk2phluq September 16, 2008 at 4:59 pm

If I have told Bill once, then I have told him a thousand times. He needs to get Chelsea a personal trainer, some teaching from one of those Thai madams and a few ping-pong balls, and just work it out. Then, and only then, will I purchase Clinton porn.

obfuscator September 16, 2008 at 4:59 pm

[re=98222]Cape Clod[/re]: Blooper footage of Mark Penn eating a footlong meatball sandwich.

Oscar Folsom Cleveland September 16, 2008 at 5:01 pm

Oh yeah, that’s what that was. I got my copy tucked in the morning paper yesterday and promptly wrote Bill n’ Hillz a check for sixteen million Nigerian dollars.

Cool video, though, and I love the naked chorus line scene
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6331994107023396223

StripesAndPlaids September 16, 2008 at 5:04 pm

Look. Putting Hillary’s signature on the same DVD is not change. It is more of the same. I mean, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it is still a pig.

sezme September 16, 2008 at 5:07 pm

I don’t think it’s at all tacky to be raising money for yourself rather than the nominee to whom you’ve pledged full support, HIllary. Why do you ask?

Hamster September 16, 2008 at 5:08 pm

I see bad investments are the new hotness this week. Too bad I need that $50 for lotto tickets.

Godot September 16, 2008 at 5:12 pm

[re=98213]Rodney Badger[/re]: Well you can put lipstick on a pig…

slavojzizek September 16, 2008 at 5:13 pm

[re=98202]obfuscator[/re]: The theme song is “Hillary for you and me”.

magic titty September 16, 2008 at 5:18 pm

[re=98237]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: can’t stop laughing at this. I need to go home.

HomoPolitico September 16, 2008 at 5:19 pm

Thanks for reminding me Bill. Fifty bucks to Barrys campaign!

btwbfdimho September 16, 2008 at 5:23 pm

Porn with Hillary? Sure it’s lesbian porn which I hate it because you never know who’s faking the orgasm.

TGY September 16, 2008 at 5:24 pm

And still Chels goes unutilized.

gurukalehuru September 16, 2008 at 5:25 pm

If I had $50 to spare, I’d send it to Barry. Or just spend it on drugs.

HomoPolitico September 16, 2008 at 5:40 pm

[re=98260]gurukalehuru[/re]: Sell drugs, then send the money to Barry.

Rush September 16, 2008 at 6:13 pm

Next on ebay, she’ll auction her Bosnia bullets.

DailyComicsReview September 16, 2008 at 6:29 pm

If you want one signed by Bill too, you have to suck his dick.

smellyal8r September 16, 2008 at 6:33 pm

I know, I’ll just buy an old DVD of that hideous Gena Davis vehicle Commander in Cheese or whatever it was and sign Hillz name across the front. That way, I can personalize it. I think she wore a hideous pantsuit as well…

loquaciousmusic September 16, 2008 at 6:47 pm

Sing it with me:

“Hillary for you and me!
Vomit while you watch t.v.!”

KittyKatMan September 16, 2008 at 6:49 pm

I got that email cuz my hiltard wife forced me to register.
It’s funny because it only mentions Barack’s name once near the end of the email. Sell-out wiggaz.

Borat September 16, 2008 at 6:52 pm

[re=98233]Oscar Folsom Cleveland[/re]: Nigerian Nira or NGN is the currency. This is very important – dollars, as in Zimbabwe dollars and American dollars isn’t worth the paper they are printed on.

Servo September 16, 2008 at 7:15 pm

“Signature Edition”? Is that like the Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham?

[re=98180]american mutt[/re]:
“‘Hillary!’ was filmed before a live audience of bitters.”

natoslug September 16, 2008 at 8:45 pm

How much will it cost to get them to destroy all copies of this DVD and never ever make any more?

Cape Clod September 16, 2008 at 10:48 pm

[re=98229]obfuscator[/re]: Thank You for that horrible image. I will never eat a meatball sandwich again.

Schadenfried September 17, 2008 at 3:50 pm

[re=98199]njdon[/re]: The Mr. Whitefolks of politics?

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