Wonkette
A quick search on the Facebook for “bristol palin” reveals this strange creature, one “Bristol Palin-Johnston.” America’s little girl has gotten married, to that Levi character? Yay! Everyone send them $17 in toxic home-cooked meth as a present. Also: hypenated last name. WTF yo? A real CHRISTIAN takes her husband’s name forever. [Facebook via The Frisky]
NOW SEX IS LEGAL!
Did Bristol Palin Marry That Nice Boy, Levi?
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3:10 PM
on Tue September 16 2008
By
Jim Newell
7108 Views
Which is why I changed my last name to Obama. Once Barack wins and starts collecting all the wives that he is entitled to as a muslin, I want to be first in line.
http://www.redroom.com/blog/tim-wise/this-your-nation-white-privilege
She didn’t want to have to change her driver’s license and all for a temporary wedding.
I thought her married name would be Bristol Palin-Fuckin Redneck…
and now SHE’s a Hockey mom… aww, she can run for president after she cranks out four or five more puppies.
What’s the pool at on the divorce date? I have November 5th, 9 am.
Every time I see that footage from the RNC, all I can think of is: Someone get that girl a decent bra! Forcing her to strap on some backwoods, snowbilly over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder must hurt like a sonofabitch.
And she’s the daughter of one. There’s a difference, hippys!
She actually thinks that holding onto that Palin name is going to be worth something? Wow, is she in for a rude awakening.
It’s a pre wedding name change. She won’t officially be his wife till he’s got “Property of the Palin Family” tattooed on his Johnson.
Bristol now shall be known by Tank Dent Palin-Johnston.
According to Wasilla types, they’ve been married for a bit now, which would explain why he has her name tattooed on his left ring finger. If he didn’t have such a ridiculous douche face, I’d feel sorry for that kid: his sex life is over.
Gopherit v2.0: I call Jan. 21.
I guess it’s too much to hope for that they’ve registered somewhere.
Obama still sucks. Try as you may, Palin is a self made woman unlike Hillary or that front for Soros Obama.
You won’t win. You can’t win. America can’t lose.
“spawn of Briston and Levi” gets Rake Trinket Palin from the name generator
Gopherit v2.0: Good Christians don’t get divorced, Gopherit. They have annulments like decent people. Then they never speak of it again, ever… ever.
Does the fact that Bristol had a baby move her legal status further up on the calendar? When should we expect the Bristol “Candy” Palin-Johnston strip club debut? I’ll buy two drinks for that. I’d buy five if mommy joined in.
Gopherit v2.0: Yep, the same day Chralie Christ calls off his “marriage”!
Gopherit v2.0: I think there’s a Target in Wasilla.
So I have to wonder, who was holding the shotgun?
Lord Helmet: See, you lie. You don’t really have a job.
Another Bush/McCain success story.
With this crew, you know there’s gonna be a honeymoon video.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Mommie Dearest. The name is worth a little publicity for the book tour.
Hey, wait. Didn’t SOMEONE claim to have a job to return to?
(Hint: You can’t offend this crowd by insulting Hillary. Try another target.)
Lord Helmet: Tony the Tiger?
…on a un-snarky side, my money is that this profile is fake. Why would she use a photo from the RNC as her default photo if she just got married? A photo that absolutely anyone can find with half a brain and internet access. Just doesn’t smell right.
According to the New York Times, Levi dropped out of high school. How is he going to support himself, Bristol and their new baby? Hey, who cares, so long as Palin has her tanning bed!
Lord Helmet: apply pliers to neck, pull. sphincter should re-tighten.
I keep hearing things…
Lord Helmet: If by self-made you mean 2nd place beauty queen who parlayed that into a “Weather Girl” position. Yes, nothing says self-made woman like using physical looks as your biggest resume qualification!
2druk2phluq: You mean good Papists get annulments. Pentecostals get divorced all the time. There’s some speaking in tongues and ruining the life of the lesser half you aren’t related to, if Sarah can be taken as an example.
have any of you losers ever been outside of a left wing dominated city hell hole?
Gopherit v2.0: I checked Tiffany (ha!), Target, Macys, and Babys r Us. No luck.
limama56: Edjewkashun jes ain’t not impertanent anyhows. Meemaw’s a gonna fire everyone who don’t buy my meth anyways.
AnnieGetYourFun: He’s only a half-breed muslin, so he gets all the wives a muslin is entitled to, divided by 2. Here’s to hoping you end up on the right side of that division sign!
AnnieGetYourFun: I know. His Hillary jabs have been met with silence. But I guess 6 colleges in 5 years makes a person “self-made”.
Say, did Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh, heroes to the vast redneck, ever graduate ‘teh colege’?
are you guys hearing things?
Lord Helmet: No. I considered moving to a small town in Alabama but it was too far from the welfare office and I couldn’t have wild buttsecks at hedonistic gay bars whenever I wanted. Also, there was no Whole Foods.
Lord Helmet: Levi! I didn’t know you knew how to use a computer! Fancy that.
Lord Helmet: Please, oh shiny helmet! Tell us of the promised land! Are there lots of eager little boys and bathroom stalls?
Kev, I’m sure you can find a “friend” in here who will satisfy your urges.
Lord Helmet:
I’m really sorry you got robbed by that Tranny, Gabbie but you should be more careful with them librul city sin girls and thar evil wicked ways.
Did you really lose 120K?
Lord Helmet: You better sugar coat some of those words, or they gonna taste really bitter going back down.
Lord Helmet: Aren’t you glad they have Wi-Fi at McDonald’s now?
Lord Helmet: Nope. Left wing dominated city hell hole’s only. Whatever those are. If those are actual things. Your rhetoric is a bit unclear.
Do you mean gloryholes in big cities? If so, then yes.
Lord Helmet: “self-made woman”
Sure, if you’re talking about babies.
sigh… snark is lost on this one…
Besides Helmet, the real good ass is over at Redstate. Meet you there in ten! You bring the meth I got the lube!
Lord Helmet: Pleased, PLEASE Lord Helmet! What of the Promised Land?! Are the people only white? Are the Cheetos and sperm-stained keyboards in abundance??
Kev-O-Tron: Make sure he knows which is which now. Smoking K-Y is nasty.
Kev, sorry, I don’t swing your way.
You’ll have to settle for the vast majority of Obama’s staff. They seem like pussified wimpish non men who are threatened by the likes of Palin and the “first dude”. When you line up the democrats, you have a bunch of pencil-necked, needle-dicked posers who think they are “tough” because they once (a long time ago) jumped a subway gate.
Lord Helmet: Yes…but I am sure that you have never left the valley…or “huller”…at least not mentally.
See, I would buy the whole…we work hard outside the cities crap…if you hadn’t voted for the people who shipped all those hard jobs overseas and then hired illegals to do the real hard work of picking crops while you salted fries for a minimum wage your heroes wouldn’t even increase.
Can you even put Republican female and self-made in the same sentence? Then again Ann Coulter is self-made, with a little help for a few…specialists.
So happy, so in love: http://www.thefrisky.com/images/uploads/bristol_levi_c.jpg
So doomed.
mookworthjwilson: I’m thinking Helmet is transmitting from the Subway at his area Super Wal-Mart.
That’s nothing. My Facebook profile says ‘Mr. Barbara Eden.’
Want to target someone who shipped “all those jobs overseas”? Well, start with Billy Job Clinton who signed the China MFN bill and NAFTA, you ignorant putz.
What do you think Algore got all decked out for in the Halloween costume at the buddhist temple for anyway? Those bags of cash weren’t for Kung Pao chicken, boy. He SOLD US OUT. No… he sold YOU out… you and the rest of the block-headed democrat dolts who voted Clinton in twice to send your skill-less jobs over to Shanghai…. for about 5 cents an hour.
You democrats are a tribute to the failure of public education, the NEA, and the idiots who infest our government bureaucracy.
Vote yourself a handout from Obama. That’s all you can do.
I just realized….Lord Helmet is Joe Lieberman. And one of them gayz.
I got them a hefty bag with duct tape as a present.
Lord Helmet: I don’t believe your straight. sorry I’m not that stupid. I’m openly bisexual and we can smell our own. And you sir, smell like Santorum.
FunkyPalmettoBug: Will that be the baby carrier?
A real CHRISTIAN takes her husband’s name forever.
Good Christians also don’t get knocked up before marriage.
I suspect the hyphenation is to make things easier after the divorce, which will happen within six months regardless of the outcome of the erec — um, election.
Being that none of her facebook friends are from Alaska, but rather the northeast, I surmise this isn’t the REAL facebook profile of Mrs. Palin-Johnston.
He can look forward to 50 years of guilt-laden missionary style Republican sex… for procreation only, of course.
Lord “Purple” Helmet: Vote yourself a handout from Obama. That’s all you can do.
Ummm…sorry, that would be Sarah “Wealth Redistribution” Palin and her $1300 check she sent to every Alaskan as bribe to vote for her.
LEAK IN WONKETTE!
Hey, where are our ban-happy editors when you need them? Sheesh.
wallythepug: tony was funnier
ladymacbeth: oh, i’m sure we’ll look back on this in a couple of weeks and chuckle at the antics of Lord Dickhead - dontcha think?
Did anyone check out the friend list of this supposed Palin-Johnston? One of her friends that has an Public account lists her political views as I Heart Obama!!! AND she belongs to groups like Sarah Palin is a B***h, Sarah Palin Makes Me Laugh, 1,000,000 strong for “McCain is a JOKE”!!, Bristol Palin is pregnant because her mother is against sex-ed, Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are the Result of Abstinence Only Sex Ed.
So if this IS a real facebook account for ImPalin’s Breeding Offspring, she sure does have friends not so happy with her mom or McCain.
Am I the only one who thinks Bristol has “I hate Mommy” written all over her face, and always has? There is some crazy-ass passive-agressive behavior going on there…
I cry FAKE. First, what teenage girl would have a picture of herself holding her real baby in an attempt to hide her fake baby - as her profile picture on facebook. That isn’t going to get the dudes a poking. Second, it appears she only has 32 friends… right like the princess of Alaska is only going to have 32 friends. Ergo: B.S.
capitol hillbilly: A couple of hours.
ladymacbeth: So true, Tony even Friended me when Wonkette was on the Gawker system.
Alas; Rightwing Vitriol - funny = meh.
rednecks in the white house …. gotta love it.
Gopherit v2.0: within two weeks of announcing the miscarriage.
Did somebody say “baby registry”? http://tinyurl.com/65q2wn
Linked from http://sarahpalin.typepad.com/
S.Luggo: Jeebus. They look like they’re at a funeral.
The Palins ARE feminists!
Wait a minute, wait a minute… somebody actually thinks this couple would be registered at Target??? Target is a FRENCH company, and as any good God-fearing Republican will tell you, the French are evil terrorist pacifist hippies who don’t shave their pits!
Target… ha! What an insult. This family has more class than that. That’s why they’re registered at Wal-Mart, like TRUE Americans. That way they can pick up diapers and huntin’ munition all in the same trip.
As for the “rednecks in the White House” comment… we’ve had rednecks in the White House for the past 16 years. Granted, “Bubba” was one of them EDUCATED hicks, but a hick nonetheless. Whereas “Dubbya” is more along the lines of your standard “I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about but I’ll just smile and say somethin’ about God and freedom and people will clap” kind of rednecks. Palin is one of those “I know I’m right because I just know it and I know God is on my side and that’s that, so shut up before I have to shoot you” kind of rednecks.
Now, in response to Beer4Prez re: teenage Palin only having 32 friends on her Facebook page… remember, we’re talking about ALASKA here… and we’re talking about a very conservative redneck family who probably only have conservative redneck friends, many of whom don’t own computers or even know how to operate them. That, and she’s probably a bitch — like mother, like daughter. A pitbull with lipstick — now who wouldn’t want to kiss that?
She obviously didn’t use the “Simpson” method of birth control…..
2druk2phluq: Everybody’s worried about the impact of an Obama win on the good name of the White House, what, with Kwame Kilpatrick already measuring the Red Room for new drapes for the Champagne Room to take RR’s place, but the real issue will be Bristol Palin giving lappers to Levi Fuckin-Redneck (& after that relationship inevitably ends, whoever she can find; personally, I’ll be first in line, but then again, I love strippers (even if they don’t love me)) in the event of a Mc Cain win.