Related video

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

106 comments

  1. StripesAndPlaids

    I looked up how much it costs to play hockey the other day. Turns out it is something like $6500-$7000 for a season with equipment, ice time, travel money etc. Sounds pretty elitist to me.

  2. Serolf Divad

    Q: What’s the difference between a hockey mom an d a pit bull?

    A: A pit bull can tell you what he thinks about the Bush doctrine’s illegal reliance on preemptive war against non-aggressor nations.

    BTW, did anyone else see John McCain on Scarborough this morning explain that he’s lying about our Barry because he’s sore that Barry dissed him when it came to those 862 Town Hall meetings McCain wanted to hold together?

  3. Special Agent Jack Mehoff

    [re=97729]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: Of course it’s Elitist. It does come from elitist Blackberry producing Canada doesn’t it?

  4. irisheyes

    Hey- maybe it’s just me. On CNN.com right now there’s a picture of barry /walnuts and it seems that they’ve chosen a nice welcoming barry photo and a kind of angry looking walnuts pic. But I might be biased. Let me know.

  5. Lord Helmet

    All this noise doesn’t change the fact that Obama is the most unqualified candidate for POTUS in our history.

    The guys’ resume is razor thin. Outside of organize the south side of Chicago into a gang ridden nest of crack houses, fake a no-show “present” job in the IL legislature, and then run unopposed in the election to the Senate where he’s been AWOL for 2 years, just WHAT has that poser, that fake, that fraud actually DONE? Have a ghost writer create 2 Soros funded books?

    Palin makes him look like a beginner. And McCain? The guy forgot more than Obama knows. This isn’t a contest. It shouldn’t even be close. Without the left wing media, Air America TV (MSNBC), and the rest of the far left socialist code-pink America hating maggot crowd… Obama would just be another Kucinich with bigger ears but a better jump shot. Wake up before it’s too late!

  6. StripesAndPlaids

    [re=97730]Serolf Divad[/re]: I saw it. I watch WAY TOO much political TV. I also saw Johnny Mac call Meka an Obama supporter and tell her she was taking cheap shots on him. BAck in 2000, I would not have voted for McCAin, but if he won I would have been ok with it. But now? He seems like an unhinged, crazed Machiavellan Demon, and he scares the hell out of me.

  7. BobLoblawLawBlog

    [re=97730]Serolf Divad[/re]: BTW, did anyone else see John McCain on Scarborough this morning explain that he’s lying about our Barry because he’s sore that Barry dissed him when it came to those 862 Town Hall meetings McCain wanted to hold together?

    Yeah, he said the same thing in his own defense when he was getting owned on The View. How has no one mentioned that McNasty is only rearing his ugly head because Hopey didn’t do exactly what he asked?

  8. Lord Helmet

    I love how you left wing losers will cry and assume the fetal position when your boy, Obama, is defeated in November. He’s a do-nothing poser who’s campaign if “fake it until you make it”….. and that will not fly with the real people who live outside of NYC, LA, and the other democrat run cesspools.

  9. space stout

    [re=97760]Lord Helmet[/re]: please refer back to your gps (hmmm,gops maybe?)- you are terribly lost. you took the wrong tube at teh internets crossroads, this is just not a good neighborhood for you to be in.

  10. OuterBoroughPrincess

    [re=97760]Lord Helmet[/re]: Stupid is fine. Really. Stupid can be highly entertaining (see: Quayle, Dan; or, anyone named Tucker appearing on MSNBC) But to be stupid and dull . . . it’s just . . . tedious. Please go peddle your crazy wares at The Huffington Post. You are lost.

  11. Reefpilot

    Yeah, yup-yup really mops the floor with Obama’s waffles. She doesn’t take shit from librarians or police chiefs who cross her.

  12. CrunchyKnee

    [re=97778]Lord Helmet[/re]: Shouldn’t you be in your repube run cesspool basement cowering in fear of the TERRA!? Or, are you maybe looking for a date?

  13. Lord Helmet

    Allen Keyes? lol. He wasn’t even from IL. And Osama Obama has been AWOL from the Senate since day one. How many committee meetings did he chair? How much groundbreaking legislation did he author? How many times did he “reach across the aisle”? Please. Obama is someone who should be extorting corporations along with fellow community agitator Jesse Jackson…. not running for the biggest job in the land.

    Will you fools actually VOTE for this poser? If so, you need your feather-filled heads examined.

  14. Schadenfried

    [re=97778]Lord Helmet[/re]: Where’s shortsshortsshorts when you need him?

    Oh, and Hi Hater, (I mean, Tony)

  15. Gopherit v2.0

    [re=97778]Lord Helmet[/re]: Nice strategy. Write up an accurate description of the McCain campaign and replace “McCain” with “Obama.”

    First, you can’t bring the snark, and now you can’t even bring the punctuation. I have a feeling you’re going to sense a disturbance in the force soon, Lord Helmet.

  16. Serolf Divad

    [re=97760]Lord Helmet[/re]:

    Obama’s Resume:

    Harvard Law Review editor

    You will notice that Barack Obama only attended 2 colleges in 4 years before going on to study law. Sarah Palin, on the other hand, studied at four colleges over five years and went on to become a highly successful hockey mom.

    Community organizer: actual time on the actual streets working with actual people in actual distress.

    This obviously is a disqualifying factor for any presidential candidate. After all, who wants an elitist president who’s actually helped people get their lives back together.

    Professor of constitutional law

    This, obviously, is also a disqualifier. Anyone whose knowledge of the constitution is based upon actual academic study is clearly unqualified to be president of anything other than the society for pointy-headed-smart-people.

    Illinois State legislator

    Clearly being a mayor of a town of 5000 is more impressive than representing a congressional district of a mere 781,000 people.

    U.S. Senate

    Washington D.C. is waaaay farther from Russia than Alaska. So here again, no contest.

    In sum, Sarah Palin is so much more qualified than Obama that it’s not even worth discussing.

  17. pondscum

    [re=97744]irisheyes[/re]: I’m not sure I’ve even seen a picture of McFail where he DIDN’T look grumpy.

  18. Dave J.

    How many times did he “reach across the aisle”?

    Bob Allen offered him $20 to reach across the aisle, but he turned it down.

  19. Lord Helmet

    How much did “professor” Obama get published? NOTHING. Just like his razor thin resume. The guy doesn’t understand the constitution. He said the 2nd amendment “confers” (wrong!) rights to the citizens but that local and state governments could infringe those rights.

    What basement printing press did the Poser get his degree from? Some on-line form that he took from the back of Rolling Stone magazine?

    As a legislator and Senator Obama has done exactly NOTHING. Take away the Soros money, the Hollywood special effects…. and you have a poser and a pontificating FAKE.

    And you feather heads eat it up. Like saps.

  20. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=97797]Serolf Divad[/re]: Wait, wait. Let me try my hand at this.

    “What’s wrong with you stupid liberal idiots? You’re going to vote for someone with no experience? Osama has no experience and Palin does. Moreso than Osama, anyway. You are all dumb.”

    Wow, that’s actually really easy. All I have to do is ignore factual evidence and keep making shit up. Huh. Maybe I was giving this guy too much credit.

  21. Lord Helmet

    Stupid liberal idiots is redundant.

    LiberalLogic(tm) is voting for a guy who promotes the economic program that brought such light to places like Detroit, Flint, Newark, St. Louis, Now Orleans, S. Chicago and other far left democrat monopoly killing fields.

    If you love the most dangerous cities in America, you’ll LOVE Obama. He represents that program to a TEE.

  22. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=97811]Lord Helmet[/re]: Oh, and you don’t have to put it in quotes if it’s actually his title. You just capitalize it. You know, for future reference. So, it’s Professor Obama, not “professor” Obama. I know, though, these things can be tough for the differently abled.

  23. slavojzizek

    [re=97811]Lord Helmet[/re]: Can’t wait til Secretary General Obama sends your ass to a re-education camp. My understanding is that no pedophilia will be allowed there, so you Republicans will be truly miserable.

  24. Lord Helmet

    Annie, I prefer “The Poser” when describing Obama. And I’ll be LMAO at you lefties when you wait for the “Great Pumpkin” who won’t rise this November. And do you left wing refuse have JOBS? Or do you post at work endlessly thus destroying American productivity?

    I expect nothing less from liberal democrats, the scourge of this nation.

  25. Gopherit v2.0

    [re=97811]Lord Helmet[/re]: [re=97808]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: He’s an inadequate BLACK MALE!

    Give in, Helmet. I think you’ll find him, errm, more than adequate. Just keep your hands off of him. We know how much you conservatives like the man-flesh, but Hopey doesn’t go for your creepy wetsuit and dildo dungeon games.

  26. pondscum

    [re=97828]Lord Helmet[/re]: Oh, honey. Please. If you are seriously interested in converting people into McCain voters you are in the wrong place. You’re only going to raise your blood pressure here. And make yourself look like a fool.
    This is no way to win friends and influence people.

  27. Lord Helmet

    Dave J? Did you have a Grandpa that made sense? How did you pop out of that genetic tree? Mailman? UPS guy?

    Obama’s a stiff who’s lied his way into the hearts of far left America. But his chickens…. are coming home…. to ROOST.

    And I’ll LMAO when you left wing losers have to deal with McCain/Palin. But look at the bright side, lefties. You people can’t RUN anything (except into the ground that is). You’re far better at the PROTEST party…. always griping and complaining like a bunch of spoiled asshole kids.

  28. Kev-O-Tron

    [re=97819]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: You forgot some key elements of conservative rants.

    1) B. Hussein is a Marxist (they don’t know what that means but Rush said it so it’s true.)
    2) We (over here on wonkette) are “libruls”
    3) Nothing is the fault of the GOP or the free market (thanks Adam Smith for that nifty invisible hand thing) it is the fault of the “do-nothing” congress.
    4) Let’s just stop at three this is strange enough.

    Oh yea… Hi Tony. Howya been?

  29. Gopherit v2.0

    [re=97848]Lord Helmet[/re]: Wait….Senator McCain? That “get off my lawn!!!” tone gave you away.

    I thought you couldn’t type….you know, from all the hand jobs you gave out at the Hanoi Hilton.

  30. Lord Helmet

    Dave J, with respect to MSP restrooms, I expect YOU to know. lol.

    Keep whining but that doesn’t change the FACT that the Poser is unqualified to be anything other than a second rate community agitator ala Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, and his south side bro Louis Farakkkhan.

    What has he ever DONE to prove his qualifications? Nothing. Not one thing. List his qualifications not a fraudulent cut and paste from his 300 advisor ghost written web page!

  31. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=97839]Lord Helmet[/re]: See, there you go! The capitalization. Now, just get rid of the quotes, and you’ll look slightly less douchey.

    Oh, and… wow. Nice glass house you have there. I don’t recommend throwing stones from the… well, there you go.

  32. Serolf Divad

    [re=97811]Lord Helmet[/re]:

    How much did “professor” Obama get published? NOTHING.

    Obama was, at the same time, a State Senator and worked at a law firm. He was not a pure academic and turned down offers of a tenute track position, thus his decision not to engage in the academic research/publication rat race is hardly surprising. He was an engaging teacher and beloved by his students.

    What basement printing press did the Poser get his degree from?

    The “Poser” got his Law Degree from the printing press in the basement of that notorious, fly-by-night, correspondence-school known as Harvard University.

    As a legislator and Senator Obama has done exactly NOTHING.

    What… you mean, other than these 55 bills he’s sponsored. (Sorry, that’s just what he’s done since he’s been in the senate.)

  33. 2druk2phluq

    [re=97760]Lord Helmet[/re]: Special needs helmet prevents subject from damaging already softened brain, eh, Lord Helmet? Or is it that you admire Biden’s helmet so much you named yourself after it? Thanks for the wake up call. I’ll have some of that meth you’re on.

  34. lalochezia

    [re=97811]Lord Helmet[/re]: Listen, uh, here’s the thing: don’t say stuff that makes you sound like a dumbass. Ever heard of this Illinois law where the police now have to videotape suspect interrogations? How about the Coburn-Obama bill? No? Where do you stand on PL 109-401, which as I understand it not only heralded a major-ass change in the landscape of international politics BUT ALSO totally upended the policy we followed for thirty years prior to its passage? “In what context, Charlie?” Yeah, that’s what I thought.

    Oh, and I’d love to hear your counterargument, seriously. I’m just here to learn.

  35. Lord Helmet

    jinmood, did you NOTICE that Pelosi/Reid has run congress for the past 2 years? What did they DO? Non biding resolutions? Redecorate their offices? Go on vacation during an energy crises?

    Want more of the corrupt same? Vote for Obama the Poser and his blowhard boy wonder Biden.

    Those two fakes never ran anything other than their mouths.

  36. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    Awww. It’s adorable when ditto heads get all ranty. Isn’t Lord Helmet cute? What a cutey little ranty righty! Whose turn is it to put him down for his nap?

  37. Reefpilot

    [re=97828]Lord Helmet[/re]:

    When Obama wins, will you take one last drag on freeper cock before you smoke the .357 barrel, just for old time’s sake?

    For the record… I still think this is snark. Dude’s too fucking stupid, even for a freep.

    His posts are like watching a six-armed lobotmized muppet with a fistful of razorblades alternating screaming chants of USA/die libral die. While tearing at himself and his fellow psychopaths in a frenzy. Too insane/dumb to realize he’s shredding himself to pieces.

    Kind of fascinating to watch really, an agent of hate and racism destroying himself.

  38. Gopherit v2.0

    [re=97872]Serolf Divad[/re]: Don’t you remember? Tony got his degree from Harvard, too! That would really make me wonder about Obama’s credentials….if Tony weren’t a lying fuck.

  39. Kev-O-Tron

    [re=97875]Lord Helmet[/re]: Yes! Well done! Refer to point 3 in the above list.

    Next on the screed: B. Hussein is a fascist. Come one say it… you know you want to. Say, how’s Malkin’s blog been lately? Stopped reading recently. It got too douchey.

  40. AnnieGetYourFun

    You know what’s so cute? That people consider us leftist. I mean, I know that most Americans haven’t traveled outside America, and thus have never seen and ACTUAL leftist, but it’s just so precious that this crowd would be considered decidedly left-wing. I mean, by anyone who has ever heard of, oh, say, Nepal.

  41. jodyleek

    [re=97839]Lord Helmet[/re]: Dude, aren’t you posting at work? Or, do you work the night shift in Never Never Land?

  42. AngryBlakGuy

    …Geez, we must really be falling off! Is this the quality of “Troll” that we attract now-a-days? At least in the past they would espouse a teeney-weeney bit of political/economic knowledge. This guy is throwing out the absolutely weakest “Rush Limbaugh” talking points I have ever heard. Maybe you should up your game and listen to a “right wingers” that can actually put together coherent arguments(even though they are full shit too). Since you know SOOOOO much about foreign and domestic policy, why don’t you tell us all ONE thing that John McCain has accomplished in the senate/congress? I have a feeling you are running to Wikipedia as you are reading this; we probably wont be hearing from you for an hour or so while you research it.

  43. OzoneTom

    Seems like we’re letting a troll take this forum of erudite contributors off-message. We need follow Barry’s example of ignoring the decoy and getting back to the message. Please start talking about buttsecks and Kerry’s vagina, lest we all get drawn into the tiny black hole under the helmet.

  44. Lord Helmet

    Well, unlike you losers, I have to get back to work. Have fun ripping off your companies or collecting your welfare checks while you pray to the great Obama, the poser, fake, and fraud.

    Just don’t take us good Americans out with you when you decide to end it all when the dream ends for you as a result of the American electoral process. Thanks in advance. Duh, what am I thinking? You lefties are unarmed…. especially in the brains department!

  45. Gopherit v2.0

    [re=97881]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: He did in the other thread. He called us totalitarians. Bwahahahahahahahaha!

  46. Delicious

    [re=97875]Lord Helmet[/re]: Hmm, you make excellent points. I shall take them under advisement. Thank you for your participation in he great marketplace of ideas. Have a blessed day.

  47. Vewol Mevemont

    [re=97875]Lord Helmet[/re]: Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Louis Farakkkhan, and Obama… Hmmm, what do these people have in common that you despise? They’re all men of the cloth? No, that’s not it. They’re all about the same age? No. Same views on abortion? Nope. Same views on welfare? Nope. Same views on gay rights? No again.

    Jesus, I give up. What would cause a person to choose this particular group?

  48. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=97875]Lord Helmet[/re]: Oooh! Ooh! I totally called this one, I did. I was like “You know what’s going to suck? Bush and his ilk have SO fucked this country in the ass without lube for the past 6 yers – if the Dems sweep the elections, all the special needs conservatives are going to claim that the Dems have failed to turn the country around during a Republican administration in the year and a half since they took over Congress.”

    You proved my point! Mind you, it was a really easy one.

  49. lalochezia

    [re=97875]Lord Helmet[/re]: Go on vacation during an energy crisis?

    Hahahahah yeah, what kind of irresponsible asshole would just wander off and ignore the problem when their constituents were…oh, wait.

  50. jodyleek

    [re=97877]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Just ignore him and he will go away…that’s what my mommy always told me.

  51. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=97891]Lord Helmet[/re]: “Just don’t take us good Americans out with you when you decide to end it all when the dream ends for you as a result of the American electoral process.”

    Does anyone else think that that was the best sentence written on this site since… shit, I don’t even KNOW when?

  52. Gopherit v2.0

    [re=97891]Lord Helmet[/re]: Yeah, those 15 minute breaks are really the only benes McDonalds offers. See ya, Tony. Don’t forget to fuck yourself on the way out.

  53. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=97893]Delicious[/re]: Win! It’s the “Have a blessed day” part that really takes it to the next level.

  54. AngryBlakGuy

    …this guy is obviously suffering from some type of inbred degenerative brain disease. Learn how to use the “reply” link Cooter, Bubba or whatever the fukk they call you in your trailer park!

  55. Gopherit v2.0

    [re=97890]OzoneTom[/re]: Okay….which would Tony the Helmet rather bury himself in neck deep? Walnuts! ass or Kerry’s vagina?

  56. grendel

    [re=97760]Lord Helmet[/re]: I think you mean his experience is almost directly parallel to one of our greatest Presidents… Abraham Lincoln.

  57. AngryBlakGuy

    …have a feeling in his mind:

    Work = Fukking his Sister

    Have fun, and dont forget to save some for your uncle!

  58. BobLoblawLawBlog

    [re=97795]Schadenfried[/re]: I haven’t seen him comment in a while. Anyone know where he’s at?
    In his stead, I’d like to invite Lord Helmet to suck a bag of dicks.

  59. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=97933]BobLoblawLawBlog[/re]: Actually, if memory serves me, shorts is off visiting someone somewhere for a bit.

  60. Kev-O-Tron

    [re=97933]BobLoblawLawBlog[/re]: He’s vacationing in Chicago. Don’t worry I had him chipped and equipped with a Lowjack should wonkette get too crazy.

  61. JamesMichaelCurley

    [re=97778]Lord Helmet[/re]: One has to assume your screen name comes from that lame Mel Brooks movie “Spaceballs.” Said ‘comedy’ has been out only a few years longer than Republicans have mayors of New York City. Ever heard of Guiliani and Bloomberg? Flawed facts lead to flawed reasoning and flawed opinions.

  62. StripesAndPlaids

    Do you think Lord Helmet is really Jim Newell trying to drive up his hit and reply count? I’m not sayin’; I’m just sayin’.

  63. obfuscator

    Poser!
    Razor thin resume!
    Far left!
    Feather filled heads!
    George Soros!

    It’s like Fucktarded Conservative Madlib.

    “Fucktard Conservative” is redundant!1!1!!! Lol. Lol. Lol.

  64. Baconcat

    John McCain broke under pressure and gave nuclear secrets to the Vietnamese. While in Brazil he had an affair with a transsexual. While in the senate he voted for forced abortions on MLK day for all. Wow, I see the appeal about jsut making stuff up about your opponents. We bash Republicans for doing it, but guys, IT’S REALLY FUN!

    John McCain once chewed off the nipple of a hairstylist who asked him what he wanted to do with his ‘comb-over’.

    John McCain is the only republican elected official who doesn’t sleep with underage boys.

  65. JamesMichaelCurley

    [re=97793]Lord Helmet[/re]: In the three years eight months Obama has been a Senator he has voted more times than John McCain. In fact, John McCain hasn’t attended a session of the senate in over four months. Freshman Senators (those elected to their first senate term like Obama) don’t get the chance to chair committees – simple Senate governace and rules going back almost two hundred years. One opperating reason for such governance and rules is old farts like John McCain don’t yeild their chairmanship. John McCain chairs no – that’s zero – committees since January 2005. These facts are easily researchable on http://www.senate.gov (which I’m sure you will allege is a ‘liberally biased website’). As for ‘reaching across the isle’ all the bills Obama introduced were introduced with Republican co-sponsors.

  66. CivicHoliday

    geez, everyone, haven’t you learned that responding to trolls only makes them stronger? don’t bother with this guy…

  67. lawrenceofthedesert

    Why is it that when an improv sketch doesn’t have a strong ending (the weak point in improv — great beginnings, not always good resolution), that people like Helmet Hair come out of the woodwork? I’d see that happen at Second City all the time (used to work the Earl of Old Town across the street). Trolling seems to be the virtual version of road rage, and brother to heckling — and probably fueled by some of the same substances.

  68. lilblackcorvette

    [re=97843]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: ummm.. do you have problem against wetsuit and dildo games? don’t knock ‘em til you try ‘em!

  69. lilblackcorvette

    [re=98104]CivicHoliday[/re]: actually, trolls make wonkette commenters step up their policy wonk game which provides hard-working blue collar chicks like me the cooolest pick uplines for the smart hunks i flirt with everyday. Thanks Wonkette. Fuck e-harmony!

  70. Borat

    [re=97903]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: hehe. The poor sap Helmut has to work. Sucker! What happened, the rest of us got our offshore trust fund payments, didn’t him? Oh, nos! He invested in LEH yesterday when Walnuts said the economy is sound!

    We’ve all been in gold for 6 months, can’t wait to buy his house!

Comments are closed.