• May 27, 2012

McCain Family Cover Photo On People Will Sell Maybe Four Copies

by Ken Layne  1:18 pm September 16, 2008

Ugh.After a busy two weeks of Palin family covers and about six months of Obama family covers, the trashy supermarket magazines need something new, yet still kind of political, because maybe that’s what America is sort of half-interested in, for the moment. Let’s see, are there any other charming political families to put on the cover?

Oh, how about Walnuts and some of his large, terrible, dysfunctional family of step-mothers and beer heiresses and unemployed 24-year-old bloggers and random orphans and bank-failure-causing adult sons from previous marriages which ended when the old mom wasn’t pretty anymore and John McCain needed a hundred-million-dollar trophy wife. Gack! Who took this awful picture, that same nutty lady who so enjoyed making McCain look like a dead white Jabba the Hutt for the Atlantic Monthly? [AZ Central]

{ 74 comments }

columnv September 16, 2008 at 1:21 pm

Who is the goofy looking yeti in the back who is not looking at the camera?

MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend September 16, 2008 at 1:21 pm

Wait…where’s Carol?

cal September 16, 2008 at 1:22 pm

Somebody let their maid into the photo.

druranium September 16, 2008 at 1:24 pm

Terrible photo. Why are Meghans’ boobs sitting on Bridgets’ head?
Horrifying!

you cannot be serious September 16, 2008 at 1:24 pm

They need to be posted here:

http://renz-o.blogspot.com/

Cape Clod September 16, 2008 at 1:24 pm

So where’s the black baby?

Serolf Divad September 16, 2008 at 1:25 pm

Who’s the dark skinned one… and why is she set off, by herself, relegated to the bottom of the page below everyone else?

Just askin’ that’s all.

rambone September 16, 2008 at 1:25 pm

What is this, the “Brady Bunch?” Why is their colored maid in the picture? And why isn’t John McCain standing?

Noodle Salad September 16, 2008 at 1:25 pm

They’re just like the Brady Bunch, except with a staff of 150 Alices and no humor.

rambone September 16, 2008 at 1:25 pm

[re=97575]cal[/re]: rats! You beat me to it!

Sussemilch September 16, 2008 at 1:26 pm

Damn Republicans. Even outsourcing part of his family to India.

Miller September 16, 2008 at 1:26 pm

At least McCain doesn’t seem to have as big a rod in his ass as the previous People cover. “Look everyone, I’m a real human. I have procreated multiple times, just like you. I’m not stiff and creepy at all.”

http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

Truculent September 16, 2008 at 1:27 pm

“Meet the McCains?” Noooooo thank you. I’ve seen quite enough

loquaciousmusic September 16, 2008 at 1:27 pm

Meghan McCain, who blogs about life on the campaign trail with her father, says they don’t see eye-to-eye on all issues.

“I’m more socially liberal,” she said. “My brothers are kind of liberal, too. But my father is very respectful of my views.”

Discuss.

tiny mexican September 16, 2008 at 1:28 pm

Blah… wake me up in 2012 when we can have a Beau Biden vs Tagg Romney centerfold side-by-side comparison.

PioBaroja September 16, 2008 at 1:28 pm

Is anyone other than me concerned (secretly delighted) that Meghan McCain has gained like, a Carnie Wilson type, gonna be in a John Waters movie amount of weight? I’m just lookin’ at the bust line, and where the shirt pooches out, and the fact that they hid her behind that illegitimate child that John McCain had with a black lady in South Carolina while his wife was out looking for pills.

AngryBlakGuy September 16, 2008 at 1:28 pm

…is that Gollum in the middle of that photo?!

AnnieGetYourFun September 16, 2008 at 1:29 pm

The only way to blend Brigitte into the background anymore is if they had actually made her sit on the ground behind the men.

StripesAndPlaids September 16, 2008 at 1:29 pm

I looks kind of like the TV Guide Cover from “Dynasty.” Or maybe “Falcon Crest.”

freakishlystrong September 16, 2008 at 1:29 pm

Note to “People”-We’ve met the McCains, they are not “People”, and whatever they actually are, we are not impressed…

AppalachianWino September 16, 2008 at 1:30 pm

did that harpie in front squirt out any children? and if so, how is she still whole?

ColdCupofHope September 16, 2008 at 1:30 pm

WALNUTS! seems swallowed by the mass of jobless humanity around him. What, is he about five feet tall? Someone get that old coot an apple box stat!

freakishlystrong September 16, 2008 at 1:31 pm

Oh, and serious props on the tag: “Adams Family Values”- finally, I’m smiling again, and freaking out my co-workers, by repeating it over and over and laughing….

mookworthjwilson September 16, 2008 at 1:31 pm

MY GOD!!!! Is Meghan retaining like a bathtub full of water????

AngryBlakGuy September 16, 2008 at 1:33 pm

…no fair, everyone in that photo looks like a bag of azz next to Britney and Beyonce.

tunamelt September 16, 2008 at 1:33 pm

Hey, I want to know more about Britney and her mom!

Dave J. September 16, 2008 at 1:34 pm

Classic prank, having Bob Saget in the back of the photo without anyone knowing. You got punk’d, McCain family! Boo ya!

sezme September 16, 2008 at 1:34 pm

I count at least nine of them. Jeebus, combine them with the Palins’ assorted spawn and we’ll have enough Republican presidential candidates for a million years.

Also, why didn’t they use the one where Cindy did a “Sharon Stone”?

mookworthjwilson September 16, 2008 at 1:34 pm

[re=97610]AppalachianWino[/re]: Without looking it up, I know Tubby (Meghan) is Cindy’s…

Johnny Zhivago September 16, 2008 at 1:34 pm

[re=97597]PioBaroja[/re]: Lots of free beer will do that to you.

sarcasticusername September 16, 2008 at 1:36 pm

meghan mccain really takes after her mother, and that in NOT a compliment.

freakishlystrong September 16, 2008 at 1:37 pm

[re=97593]loquaciousmusic[/re]: in the WALNUTTY! world, “librul”=unemployed, or dark skinned…

ManchuCandidate September 16, 2008 at 1:37 pm

Here’s the story of a lovely lady
Who was so cash heavy with her pretty pearls.
Looking for some one like daddy, a war hero,
Perhaps one that’s jowly.

Here’s the story, of a man named Johnny,
Who was busy with three kids of his own,
Plus his crippled wife, living all together,
Yet he needed some strange.

Till the one day when the lady met this fellow
And they knew it was much more than a hunch,
That this fling would somehow form a family.
That’s the way they all became the McCain Bunch.
The McCain Bunch,

That’s the way they all became the McCain Bunch.
The McCain Bunch.

springfield_meltdown September 16, 2008 at 1:37 pm

I’m surprised that they were able to round up all seven of the kids since McCain loves to ignore his first family. However, the more crowded the photo the less likely people will notice the black one.
[re=97597]PioBaroja[/re]: I feel kind of sorry for Megan having her bloated period in life in the public eye, but then again she could go to graduate school or get a real job and hide from all this like a semi rational person rather than using her semi fame to meet Heidi and Spencer.

Norbert September 16, 2008 at 1:37 pm

I’m pretty sure Cindy has been high as a kite in every picture I’ve ever seen of her.

p.s. since you’re unemployed and socially liberal now, Meghan, I suppose you may rest your boobs on my head too

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 16, 2008 at 1:37 pm

Cindy looks particularly drug-addled there. Her hair looks like she slept in the dumpster out behind the meth lab.

Lord Helmet September 16, 2008 at 1:38 pm

Ken, are you afraid of diverse families or would you prefer that John and Cindy have aborted all those kids or leave them to suffer in poverty overseas?

Gopherit v2.0 September 16, 2008 at 1:41 pm

“The McCains chose to raise the children in Cindy’s home state. She said she was turned off by life inside the Beltway after attending a party with her husband and ‘people shook my hand while they were looking over my head trying to find John.’”

THey didn’t pay attention to her. Can you believe it? Who is the fucking rich heiress here anyway??!

jagorev September 16, 2008 at 1:42 pm

Jesus, couldn’t they actually stand to be together in the same room for the photo? This is the worst Photoshop hatchet job I’ve seen in a while.

Gopherit v2.0 September 16, 2008 at 1:43 pm

[re=97614]mookworthjwilson[/re]: Maybe she had a hook-up with Levi. That boy is fertile, dontchaknow.

AnnieGetYourFun September 16, 2008 at 1:43 pm

[re=97611]ColdCupofHope[/re]: Five and a HALF feet tall, my friend.

Gopherit v2.0 September 16, 2008 at 1:43 pm

[re=97637]Lord Helmet[/re]: Diversity=making the brown kid sit on the floor??! You’re weird.

blackdontcrack September 16, 2008 at 1:45 pm

Is it or me or are those McCain boys gay? Or do all boy kids these days look gay? The one in the black shirt is cute as does the floating head.

jagorev September 16, 2008 at 1:45 pm

[re=97644]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Good point, actually. In Phoenix, the Hensleys are really important, while McCain is just some nobody their daughter married as a vehicle for their political ambitions.

http://www.tnr.com/story_print.html?id=0fd7470d-a41f-4d9e-9328-fd079b476a0a

NoWireHangers September 16, 2008 at 1:46 pm

[re=97614]mookworthjwilson[/re]: Quiet! She didn’t want to steal Bristol’s thunder…

HomoPolitico September 16, 2008 at 1:47 pm

I think I’ve fucked one of his grandchildren.

Godless Liberal September 16, 2008 at 1:47 pm

When did they adopt LC and Britney?

4tehlulz September 16, 2008 at 1:48 pm

Why does People have Cruella de Ville on the cover? Is another Dalmatians movie coming out?

pondscum September 16, 2008 at 1:48 pm

Evidently, the kids from the previous marriage have no names.

NoWireHangers September 16, 2008 at 1:50 pm

If you haven’t already, read the profile on Cindy in the latest issue of the New Yorker. It’s amazing. Things I learned: Cindy denies her half-sister, WALNUTS! was never baptized, Cindy considered herself a single parent except when WALNUTS! would fly in (er–crash?) for the weekends…

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/09/15/080915fa_fact_levy

Servo September 16, 2008 at 1:51 pm

They’re creepy and they’re kookey
Mysterious and spookey
They’re oft together hookey
The McCain Family

The house is a museum
When people come to see’em
They really are a scre’am
The McCain Family

Neat

Sweet

Petite

So get a witch’s shawl on
A broomstick you can crawl on
We’re going to pay a call on
The McCain Family

AngryBlakGuy September 16, 2008 at 1:54 pm

…there is just so much crazy going on in this photo:

-Guy in the back = Looks like Vince Vaughn after a coke binge

-The two guys flanking WALNUTS! = Only people who look sane in this entire photo

-The guy under the first “E” = Looks like a Jim Carrey clone

-Meghan = looks like the “Stay Puff Marshmallow Man”

-Cindy = looks like a wax statue

-WALNUTS! “adopted daughter” = Looks like she is happy to be let out of the basement!

loudmouthredhead September 16, 2008 at 1:54 pm

Cindy’s hair feathering is completely out of control. She looks like she’s sitting on top of a Tesla coil or something.

[re=97575]cal[/re]: A WIN among wins!

Why have they let the adopted one balloon to an unholy degree? That’s just cruel.

Doglessliberal September 16, 2008 at 1:58 pm

Cindy grows ever more dry and brittle while Meaghan seems to absorb all the weght Cindy has vacuumed and scalpeled out. It is like a like a fat/thin version of a Picture of Dorian Grey.

friendlynerd September 16, 2008 at 1:59 pm

[re=97581]Cape Clod[/re]:
It looks like she’s all grown up, there in the front row.

NoWireHangers September 16, 2008 at 2:01 pm

[re=97681]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Re: adopted daughter. WHY did they place her where she is? It looks like she’s squatting on the floor next to the family.

mookworthjwilson September 16, 2008 at 2:02 pm

[re=97684]loudmouthredhead[/re]: She and Meghan sumo wrestle in the backyard as the entertainment during those BBQs they hold for the “impartial” press.

pinko-commie September 16, 2008 at 2:08 pm

Is it just me, or does Cindy always look like she is on her way to a pole-dancing class? She seems to be doing her bit to keep the U.S. economy afloat by buying and wearing too much makeup and using too much peroxide. Maybe she figures she will be more approachable if she looks like she lives in a trailer park.

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 16, 2008 at 2:12 pm

[re=97711]NoWireHangers[/re]: She looks like she just snuck into the corner, without anyone realizing or stopping her. That and Meghan’s boobage is resting on her head.

wildeoats September 16, 2008 at 2:17 pm

[re=97644]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: The McCains chose to raise the children in Cindy’s home state. She said she was turned off by life inside the Beltway after attending a party with her husband and ‘people shook my hand while they were looking over my head trying to find John.’”

That’s because she was sucking his cock at the time.

WaldoJeffersHead September 16, 2008 at 2:20 pm

[re=97644]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Maybe if she had bigger tits, they might have at least looked beneath her head…

BobLoblawLawBlog September 16, 2008 at 2:28 pm

[re=97597]PioBaroja[/re]: Yup. I always delight when socialite types pork out. I can’t imagine Cindy’s horror having to buy DOUBLE DIGIT sizes in a store. If Meghan ever drags her into a Lane Bryant, I will pay one million dollars for the pictures.

grendel September 16, 2008 at 2:35 pm

Hmm… Meghan’s tits are bigger, and they put what’s-her-name’s head in front of her tummy…. sounds like the stuff they were doing with Bristol Palin before they announced she was preggers.

ProfessorJukes September 16, 2008 at 2:42 pm

Since he’s sharing a “People” cover with Britney, does this make McSame a ‘celebrity’?

grendel September 16, 2008 at 2:47 pm

[re=97644]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Those people don’t know which side their private Lear jet is buttered on

TeddyS September 16, 2008 at 2:53 pm

I thought the kids were off limits! So now can we talk about the crook that bailed out after taking his bank into ruin? The kids, from lower left, are Tan, Tramp, Tootles, Tank, Tick, Tock and Earlene.

AnnieGetYourFun September 16, 2008 at 3:10 pm

[re=97827]ProfessorJukes[/re]: Hey, valid point! It’s a whole family of celebrities. But is he ready to lead? Or die so that Palin can lead?

I Am Not Your Gary Busey September 16, 2008 at 3:20 pm

Forget the Brady Bunch metaphor:
http://editorial.sidereel.com/Images/Posts/ad.jpg

WALNUTS! = George Sr./ Oscar
Cindy = Lucille
Meghan = George Michael
McCain’s Black Baby = Maeby
The “Normal” Looking One Next to Dad = Michael
The Big & Goofy one in Back = Buster
The Slick Looking One on the Right = G.O.B.
The One That Could Be Gay on the Far Left = Tobias
The One That Looks Like She Could Be The One That Could Be Gay’s Wife = Lindsay

wallythepug September 16, 2008 at 4:15 pm

I didn’t know the McCains adopted Jennifer Hudson.

wallythepug September 16, 2008 at 4:15 pm

[re=97644]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Could it be because they knew she was boinking WALNUTS! while he was still married?

Anita Cocktail September 16, 2008 at 4:36 pm

[re=97582]Serolf Divad[/re]: Because she’s photoshopped in… Duh!

Anita Cocktail September 16, 2008 at 4:37 pm

[re=97597]PioBaroja[/re]: I think she’s carrying Bristol’s baby-daddy’s other baby.

lilblackcorvette September 16, 2008 at 4:41 pm

[re=97595]tiny mexican[/re]: why yessss, the would be worth looking at!

ms_mcgee September 16, 2008 at 6:49 pm

[re=97569]columnv[/re]: He is looking at the camera — with his good eye. It’s just that the more visable eye is looking elsewhere. Just like his dad…a wandering eye.

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