Mullet Troll Palin

What Sort of Made-Up White Trash Name Would Sarah Palin Give You?

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

Tattoo you.Alaskan moron Sarah Palin spends all her time in a tanning bed, listening to Van Halen (the Sammy Hagar version) and making up idiot new names for her next babies. But what if you had been born to the vice president of tattoo parlors? Your editor, for example, would’ve been named “Crunk Petrol Palin.” [Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Dave J.

    “Charcoal Sniper Palin”

  • ManchuCandidate

    Call me Rock Crane Palin

  • Formerly Preferred

    Scat Dubya, a phrase that will have a prominent place in my nightmares from now on.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    The software dubbed me Goalie Sanka Palin. Dunno about the non-caffeinated bit.

    In honor of our recent economic collapse, I dub myself Freddie Mac Palin.

  • InsidiousTuna

    “Guzzle Red Palin”

    What the fuck?

  • DarkSynergy

    I would call myself the son of a crooked bitch. For short though, I would be referred to as Stick Freedom Palin

  • ColdCupofHope

    I’ve always enjoyed my Alaskan alias: Plexiglass Hardframe Palin.

  • LittlePhatGuise

    I would be “Crunk Petrol Palin” as well.

    That is not change I can believe in.

  • NoWireHangers

    Barrel McRaven Palin

  • FalconerHK

    Hey, I’m Jeezofreak Tweak Palin! Where’s my motherfucking parade?

  • V572625694

    Chalk Revelations Palin

  • InsidiousTuna

    Just for shits and giggles, I entered “Sarah Heath Palin”. Unfortunately, it was changed to “Lock Pepper Palin”.

  • WikipediaBrown

    Neeeeeee hahhhhhhhh! I’m Bomb Locamotive Palin and I’ll kick yer ass! I’m a fuckin’ redneck. Woooooooooohoooooo!

  • 4tehlulz

    “Blocked by Websense”

  • problemwithcaring

    [re=97461]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: How about Put Put Palin?

  • yes, we can (drink heavily)

    Barrel McRaven Palin… awesome

  • StripesAndPlaids

    Flex Gunship Palin. Oddly enough, that is my real name.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    I think Taci or Troll would go great with Track and Trig.

    For a girl, perhaps you can be more daring. Perhaps something ethnic, like Velveeta. Or maybe something really daring, for example, a lesbian name like Adia.

  • LittlePhatGuise

    [re=97466]LittlePhatGuise[/re]: But if I only use my first & middle name, I am dubbed:
    Copper Catfish Palin.

  • loudmouthredhead

    Hearkening back to earlier threads, my name would have to be:

    Shotput ArcticCat Mjöllnir Palin

  • StupidGeek

    “Monty Bat Palin”

    Damn, I was hoping get something more along the line of Turdblossom.

  • yes, we can (drink heavily)

    [re=97467]NoWireHangers[/re]: We seem to have the same name… I’ve always hoped I’d meet another Barrel McRaven, but it just seemed so unlikely.

  • Sara in the West

    I am Mullet Troll Palin which is better than my porn name of Penny Plane.

  • Doglessliberal

    well, with the nickname I use, I am Shot Corrugated Palin. With my given name, I am Comma Liberty Palin. Definitely have a split personality thing going on here.

  • Not_So_Much

    “Wolfsblood-to-Nowhere Palin”

  • BobLoblawLawBlog

    Stoppage Lead Palin. Sounds like I live in McCain’s colon.

  • DieOnTheTurnpike

    Seagull Junker Palin

  • Yaybuls

    My puns Palin comparison to yours.

  • Aurelio

    Ken, can’t your editor lackeys find another picture of Sarah? Now that you have posted this one a gazillion times, we all know that she can give tongue. What else can she do? Tell the staff to exercise some initiative and search the archives or the morgue or whatever you call it. I’m sure Sarah has other talents besides sticking her tongue out. Doesn’t she?

  • obfuscator

    Gravel Codpiece Palin

    Sharktooth Archetype Palin

    Bigwheel Camouflage Palin

    This is fun!

  • rightofmiddle

    You guys are seriously deranged. What’s sad is that you do not know it.I’ve
    been called a mouth breathing retard on this site but rather be stupid than crazy.I
    can fix stupid, you cannot fix crazy.

  • brown_recluse

    Bang Walmart Palin

  • roundofapplause

    WMD Cessna Palin.

    WMD. um yeah… i win

  • Walter Sobchak

    Barack Obama, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

    Tarp Lazer Palin

    Who knows, Tarp Lazer Palin you just might be president one day!

  • 4tehlulz

    [re=97490]Aurelio[/re]: Seconded, but not that creepy one that Josh Marshall keeps putting up.

  • anabellum

    Wood Corps Palen is in the house…

    this name is now for sale…..i need lunch money..

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    Crunk Petrol Palin. Awesome. That’s going to be the name of my debut album.

  • magic titty

    Strike Chipper Palin.
    But as the Magic Titty, I’m Rake Trinket Palin.

    Wait, can’t I just be Magic Titty Palin?

  • InsidiousTuna

    [re=97489]Yaybuls[/re]: HEY-O

  • ManchuCandidate

    Judging by your comment. No, one can’t fix stupid either.

  • Godot

    My wife would be “Open Aircraft Palin”, which is vaguely slutty and not really the kind of name a fella like The Fire Patriot would like for his lady.

  • Walter Sobchak

    [re=97493]rightofmiddle[/re]: Pronouns, do you speak it, motherfucker?

  • Delicious

    I’m…Strike Chipper Palin.

    That was fun for 2 seconds.

  • FreshCliches

    Geese Whalebone Palin

  • HomoPolitico

    Bush Doctrine Palin

  • Walter Sobchak

    John Sidney McCain, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

    Fork Decoy Palin

    Who knows, Fork Decoy Palin you just might be president one day!

    “Fork Decoy” sounds troublesomely accurate, somehow.

  • freakishlystrong

    Bash Budweiser Palin..that’s a tewfer! She’s going to name the next welp after Cindy and then beat it!

  • 23 Skidoo

    Mullet Troll Palin, at your service.

  • Clancy_Pants

    [re=97467]NoWireHangers[/re]: Me too.. just call me Barrel McRaven Palin III

  • PeteJayhawk v2.0

    Fire Patriot Palin.

    Fucking awesome.

  • HomoPolitico

    Jewy Elite Homo Palin

  • kdelarosa22

    I am Crutch Camp Palin.

  • intellijen

    i’m rust mustang palin and i approve this message.

  • magic titty

    [re=97493]rightofmiddle[/re]: What the fuck are you babbling about you inane loser? Is this Uncle Footstink Palin? Go FcYerself Palin?

  • Norbert

    [re=97493]rightofmiddle[/re]: Seriously Deranged Palin

  • Yaybuls

    [re=97506]InsidiousTuna[/re]: *snare hit/cymbal crash, applause*

  • roundofapplause

    [re=97493]rightofmiddle[/re]: fine, but its the crazy ones that have all the fun. let us know when you fix that stupid problem

  • Godot

    [re=97508]Godot[/re]: Uhh that was in reference to my Palin Name being “Fire Patriot Palin”, which I totally posted in another comment but something happened to it.

  • HomoPolitico

    When I actually did the baby name generator it churned out:

    Meat Notgay Palin

    This is funny on so many levels. Most of those levels are about crotch height.

  • tunamelt

    Plop Hero Palin for my real name.

    Beans Harpoon Palin for tunamelt.

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=97499]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Tarp Lazer? Interesting. John Sidney McCain ends up “Bash Budweiser Palin.” That’s un-American!!!

    I’m Crust Scramble Palin. Which sounds delicious, actually.

  • surfacenoise76

    Knife Pile Palin


  • S.Luggo

    I typed in Track and got Meat Notgay Palin.

    Track, don’t ask and we won’t tell.

  • morevodkaplz

    Knife Pile Palin

  • magic titty

    [re=97507]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I think he/she’s Daddy BeatMe Palin.

  • Blue Myself

    [re=97525]intellijen[/re]: I too am Rust Mustang Palin…you must be destroyed.

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=97517]Walter Sobchak[/re]: I got Bash Budweiser, same as freakishly strong. Looks like it gives you different names, based on whether or not you enter the last name.

  • Special Agent Jack Mehoff

    Trucknut Moosefister Palin

  • Quacker

    Hey, I’m Slicer Tension Palin, I work for Ron Popiel as a neurotic tomato.

  • JamesMichaelCurley

    Whoooo! I entered James Michael Curley and it returned “Flex Gunship” Palin. A term used in Vietnam for the B model hueys which could have their armament stripped in an hour and converted to a troop or medevac ship. I flew those suckers. Political satire is getting too close to reality.

  • writechic

    Esp[i]n Geometry Palin

  • catsquatch

    Hump Gizzards Palin. This is so much better than my usual name that I think I will keep it. Maybe she’ll be able to be my foster mom?

  • OzoneTom

    Welcome my Palin-appropriate moniker of “Stag Tunnel Palin”…

  • MARCdMan

    I’m Ammo Canal Palin. That sounds so dirty.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    AngryBlakGuy = Slicer Mission Palin

    …sounds like an action movie! I like it!

  • TJBeck

    TJBeck, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:
    Wood Corps Palin

  • writechic

    Espen Algebra Palin

  • TJBeck

    Tony the Tiger, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:
    Engine Nighthawk Palin

  • mr.november

    Even the Hollywood elitists are jealous of the Palin baby names.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    Wait a second – I’ve got the WINNER HERE:


  • franklyb

    [re=97517]Walter Sobchak[/re]: “Fork decoy” = chopsticks = FIVE AND A HALF YEARS

  • Undeterredbyreality

    Khaki Salmon Palin at yer service! I must be the black sheep of the fambly….

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    If you put in Larry Craig’s full name, Larry (no, not Lawrence; he’s really named Larry) Edwin Craig, you get: Hunger Tallest Palin.

    Someone ought to warn Track.

  • obfuscator

    [re=97541]Special Agent Jack Mehoff[/re]:

    Eddie Van Palin

  • knoxtheharpy

    Chisel Dustup Palin

  • Schadenfried

    I’m changing my screen name to Plop Hero Palin.

  • Sussemilch

    Commando Coalfire Palin. I’ve killed more bears than Davey Crockett.

  • Schadenfried

    Can these names also double as porn names? With the shitty economy, some of use might have to get a second job.

  • mookworthjwilson

    I must be the most loved Palin, for my name is Moose Roadster Palin…either that or the least loved…

  • druranium

    Taupe Armageddon Palin

    Here’s Taupe, our special needs baby, who’s birth is ushering in the beginning of End Times. Perhaps so!

  • Clyde Midia

    ‘Tard Pillow Palin

  • TGY

    “People on the internet have too much time on their hands” Palin.

  • Cape Clod

    Skein Chug Palin. What? Even in Alaska people would make fun of you for a name like that.

  • tennessee Jed clampett

    Anwar Raper Palin

  • bigguy

    Mangle Blue Palin

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=97539]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Funny, I entered: Freakishy as my first and Strong as my last, just like in real life…

  • thejames

    “Revolver Trooper Palin.”

    Shouldn’t that be “Storm Trooper?”

  • freakishlystrong

    This is just a silly excersize from Ken to keep us from exploding into bitter, bitter tears…

  • sezme

    Chevy General Palin. My friends, deep down we are all snowbilly monsters.

  • nietzscheprojectile

    Can Lightning Palin

  • The Neoskeptic

    Bomb Locamotive Palin

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=97587]freakishlystrong[/re]: Weird. I got that for John Sidney (without the McCain)

  • thatonegirlsays

    Meat Notgay Palin

  • Miller

    Halter Grasshopper Palin.

    That’s weird, that already is my name. My parents must suffer from the same moosemeat born brain parasites as they do up in Alaska.

  • Truculent

    Fish Guts Palin

    Black Fly Palin



    Your Dad And I Still Smoke Meth When You’re Asleep Palin

  • StrangelyBrown

    Mack Master Palin Sweetness

    Oh, wait, that was my pimp name.

  • sarcasticusername

    Fleck Rookie Palin

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=97531]HomoPolitico[/re]: oh man, is that true? That is fabulous!

    And I forgot to try Dogless Liberal. My Palinism for that is Chevy General Palin. I like the ones for my real names better. I think I will get my business cards changed to Shot Corrugated Palin. Much more of a badass lawyer name than my real one.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=97549]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: ooh, that is a great one. WALNUTS!’ favorite movie: Slicer Mission Meets the Evil Cong

  • TJBeck

    John McCain, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

    Steam Fangs Palin

    Who knows, Steam Fangs Palin you just might be president one day!

  • CivicHoliday

    Rock Crain Palin.

    I sound like a NASCAR driver. Danica, move out the way, bitch! It’s MY turn!

  • ManchuCandidate

    Well, that’s my name!

  • Scaggsvillain

    Scrapple Earnhardt Van Palin

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    Skunk Grunt Palin. I can’t tell whether to laugh or weep. Because it’s actually sort of a phrase.

  • Servo

    Dances with Moose
    H.R. Puffinmeth
    Comrad Pekrhed – I’ll wave to her from my vodka shop outside of Vladivostok.

  • capitol hillbilly

    Sammy Hagar Palin, pleased to meet you …

  • anothersarah7

    Wrangler Tractor Palin

  • CivicHoliday

    [re=97636]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I find all the repetitions on this site amusing. I wonder how the website chooses names? It is an initials thing? Some weird complicated algorithm based on number of vowels?

    Oh, and I am apparently married to Molten Contra Palin. Watch out, Nicaragua! We’re coming back with more Iranian firearms!

  • KittyKatMan

    Methsmak Crak Palin

  • Tawmn

    Beretta Hockey Palin

  • OuterBoroughPrincess

    Crust Scramble Palin? This sounds a little too much like matzoh brei for the progeny of my favorite anti-semitic ice princess.

  • superfecta

    Chase Rooster Palin – that’s me! As a kid, I did have to help kill and pluck chickens on my grandmother’s farm. Did Sarah know, or did she just assume it was a universal childhood experience?

  • iwillsavethispatient

    Fullname: Recoil Mush Palin
    No middle name: Seagull Junker Palin
    iwillsavethispatient: Mounty Bat Palin

  • edgydrifter

    Drill Swollen Palin–Fuck Yeah!

  • Viva la Cynthia

    My full name is Churn Scorpion Palin. My screenname is better though: Fleck Rookie Palin. A friend of mine, is Khaki Salmon Palin which is a complete win.

  • Viva la Cynthia

    If Sarah Palin had given birth to and named herself through some bizarre snowbilly course of events, she would be named:

    Flack Gobbler Palin.


  • Lord Helmet


    Are you gay or did you just sleep at a Holiday Inn Express last night?

  • evolutionista

    pistol tanker palin, thank you very much.

    obviously, she loves me the most since she named me after her two favorite things.

    i sound like a badass too.

  • tropaean

    Buster Taint Palin here.

    I love the fact that I’m having a hard time guessing who’s actually just making up their own.

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=97769]Lord Helmet[/re]:
    1/2 a McCain point. You really want that divot tool, don’t you?

  • amy amnesia

    Turbine Yukon Palin.

    The “Palin” part is the trashiest of all.

  • evolutionista

    hillary rodham clinton, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

    Dust Chinstrap Palin

    yes, hillary, dust off your chinstraps and crack some more ceilings or whatever.

  • Godot

    My Level 2 Half-Elf Warlock would be Wrangler Tractor Palin. The rest of my adventuring party would be Luger Otter Palin the Halfling Rogue, Hose Hotrod Palin the Half-Elf Paladin, Torpedo Vindicator Palin the Eladrin Warlord, and Goalie Sanka Palin the Eladrin Wizard.

  • teebob2000

    Plop Hero Palin. Damn glad to meet ya.

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    Engine Nighthawk Palin!! Awesome!

  • evolutionista

    joseph biden, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

    Knife Pile Palin

    this describes how she sees him in her debate nightmares.

  • Truculent

    Strap-On Palin

  • evolutionista

    shrek, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

    Dust Chinstrap Palin

    interestingly this is the same as hillary rodham clinton–is she calling hillary an ogre?

    that’s sexist, bitch.

    i can’t stop–i am stopping now.

  • Walter Sobchak

    [re=97555]franklyb[/re]: win.

  • LittlePig

    Speck Backfire Palin.

  • LittlePig

    [re=97598]nietzscheprojectile[/re]: Interestingly, Tenzing Norgay also yields Can Lightning Palin.

  • OffTheRecord

    Bow NATO Palin. There is a Russia joke in there somewhere, but I just can’t figure it out.

  • wallythepug

    That’s great, I need a new name. I was lucky (unlucky?) enought to have a letter to the editor printed that was, shall we say, not entirely complimentary of GILF’s interview with Charlie Gibson. Within 2 days I got 2 vaguely threatening letters from wingnuts, unsigned of course. My spouse is now pissed at me.

  • rebellitor

    Lean Pipe Palin here, yo!

  • sweetits

    Strangle Thicket Palin. Hot!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Krinkle Bearcat Palin. I think I’m going to get it legally changed to that.

  • casinomike

    “Revolver Trooper” Palin….

    That name gave me a woody……

    I know, I know, getting a woody does not count as personal growth…

  • Joey Ratz

    I’m Bash Budweiser Palin! At least it’s better than Bash Coors Palin.

  • wallythepug

    [re=98159]wallythepug[/re]: Let’s update that, make it six crazy-ass letters. I better move.

  • Grimbot

    Stockyard Mudslide Palin = Win

  • nietzscheprojectile

    [re=97922]LittlePig[/re]: You’ve found me out!

  • christo

    The newest Van Palin has arrived! It’s Trig’s younger brother, Eddie Van Palin!

  • jeffreyfrog

    I am following your blog regularly and got great information. I really like the tips you have given.

    foreclosure investment