What Sort of Made-Up White Trash Name Would Sarah Palin Give You?

  Mullet Troll Palin

Tattoo you.Alaskan moron Sarah Palin spends all her time in a tanning bed, listening to Van Halen (the Sammy Hagar version) and making up idiot new names for her next babies. But what if you had been born to the vice president of tattoo parlors? Your editor, for example, would’ve been named “Crunk Petrol Palin.” [Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator]

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A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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153 comments

  1. Gopherit v2.0

    The software dubbed me Goalie Sanka Palin. Dunno about the non-caffeinated bit.

    In honor of our recent economic collapse, I dub myself Freddie Mac Palin.

  2. DarkSynergy

    I would call myself the son of a crooked bitch. For short though, I would be referred to as Stick Freedom Palin

  3. InsidiousTuna

    Just for shits and giggles, I entered “Sarah Heath Palin”. Unfortunately, it was changed to “Lock Pepper Palin”.

  4. WikipediaBrown

    Neeeeeee hahhhhhhhh! I’m Bomb Locamotive Palin and I’ll kick yer ass! I’m a fuckin’ redneck. Woooooooooohoooooo!

  5. Johnny Zhivago

    I think Taci or Troll would go great with Track and Trig.

    For a girl, perhaps you can be more daring. Perhaps something ethnic, like Velveeta. Or maybe something really daring, for example, a lesbian name like Adia.

  6. LittlePhatGuise

    [re=97466]LittlePhatGuise[/re]: But if I only use my first & middle name, I am dubbed:
    Copper Catfish Palin.

  7. yes, we can (drink heavily)

    [re=97467]NoWireHangers[/re]: We seem to have the same name… I’ve always hoped I’d meet another Barrel McRaven, but it just seemed so unlikely.

  8. Doglessliberal

    well, with the nickname I use, I am Shot Corrugated Palin. With my given name, I am Comma Liberty Palin. Definitely have a split personality thing going on here.

  9. Aurelio

    Ken, can’t your editor lackeys find another picture of Sarah? Now that you have posted this one a gazillion times, we all know that she can give tongue. What else can she do? Tell the staff to exercise some initiative and search the archives or the morgue or whatever you call it. I’m sure Sarah has other talents besides sticking her tongue out. Doesn’t she?

  10. rightofmiddle

    You guys are seriously deranged. What’s sad is that you do not know it.I’ve
    been called a mouth breathing retard on this site but rather be stupid than crazy.I
    can fix stupid, you cannot fix crazy.

  11. Walter Sobchak

    Barack Obama, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

    Tarp Lazer Palin

    Who knows, Tarp Lazer Palin you just might be president one day!

  12. magic titty

    Strike Chipper Palin.
    But as the Magic Titty, I’m Rake Trinket Palin.

    Wait, can’t I just be Magic Titty Palin?

  13. Godot

    My wife would be “Open Aircraft Palin”, which is vaguely slutty and not really the kind of name a fella like The Fire Patriot would like for his lady.

  14. Walter Sobchak

    John Sidney McCain, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

    Fork Decoy Palin

    Who knows, Fork Decoy Palin you just might be president one day!

    “Fork Decoy” sounds troublesomely accurate, somehow.

  15. freakishlystrong

    Bash Budweiser Palin..that’s a tewfer! She’s going to name the next welp after Cindy and then beat it!

  16. magic titty

    [re=97493]rightofmiddle[/re]: What the fuck are you babbling about you inane loser? Is this Uncle Footstink Palin? Go FcYerself Palin?

  17. roundofapplause

    [re=97493]rightofmiddle[/re]: fine, but its the crazy ones that have all the fun. let us know when you fix that stupid problem

  18. Godot

    [re=97508]Godot[/re]: Uhh that was in reference to my Palin Name being “Fire Patriot Palin”, which I totally posted in another comment but something happened to it.

  19. HomoPolitico

    When I actually did the baby name generator it churned out:

    Meat Notgay Palin

    This is funny on so many levels. Most of those levels are about crotch height.

  20. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=97499]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Tarp Lazer? Interesting. John Sidney McCain ends up “Bash Budweiser Palin.” That’s un-American!!!

    I’m Crust Scramble Palin. Which sounds delicious, actually.

  21. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=97517]Walter Sobchak[/re]: I got Bash Budweiser, same as freakishly strong. Looks like it gives you different names, based on whether or not you enter the last name.

  22. JamesMichaelCurley

    Whoooo! I entered James Michael Curley and it returned “Flex Gunship” Palin. A term used in Vietnam for the B model hueys which could have their armament stripped in an hour and converted to a troop or medevac ship. I flew those suckers. Political satire is getting too close to reality.

  23. catsquatch

    Hump Gizzards Palin. This is so much better than my usual name that I think I will keep it. Maybe she’ll be able to be my foster mom?

  24. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    If you put in Larry Craig’s full name, Larry (no, not Lawrence; he’s really named Larry) Edwin Craig, you get: Hunger Tallest Palin.

    Someone ought to warn Track.

  25. Schadenfried

    Can these names also double as porn names? With the shitty economy, some of use might have to get a second job.

  26. mookworthjwilson

    I must be the most loved Palin, for my name is Moose Roadster Palin…either that or the least loved…

  27. druranium

    Taupe Armageddon Palin

    Here’s Taupe, our special needs baby, who’s birth is ushering in the beginning of End Times. Perhaps so!

  28. freakishlystrong

    [re=97539]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Funny, I entered: Freakishy as my first and Strong as my last, just like in real life…

  29. Truculent

    Fish Guts Palin

    Black Fly Palin

    Toolbox

    Ejector

    Your Dad And I Still Smoke Meth When You’re Asleep Palin

  30. Doglessliberal

    [re=97531]HomoPolitico[/re]: oh man, is that true? That is fabulous!

    And I forgot to try Dogless Liberal. My Palinism for that is Chevy General Palin. I like the ones for my real names better. I think I will get my business cards changed to Shot Corrugated Palin. Much more of a badass lawyer name than my real one.

  31. Doglessliberal

    [re=97549]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: ooh, that is a great one. WALNUTS!’ favorite movie: Slicer Mission Meets the Evil Cong

  32. TJBeck

    John McCain, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

    Steam Fangs Palin

    Who knows, Steam Fangs Palin you just might be president one day!

  33. AnnieGetYourFun

    Skunk Grunt Palin. I can’t tell whether to laugh or weep. Because it’s actually sort of a phrase.

  34. Servo

    Dances with Moose
    H.R. Puffinmeth
    Comrad Pekrhed – I’ll wave to her from my vodka shop outside of Vladivostok.

  35. CivicHoliday

    [re=97636]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I find all the repetitions on this site amusing. I wonder how the website chooses names? It is an initials thing? Some weird complicated algorithm based on number of vowels?

    Oh, and I am apparently married to Molten Contra Palin. Watch out, Nicaragua! We’re coming back with more Iranian firearms!

  36. OuterBoroughPrincess

    Crust Scramble Palin? This sounds a little too much like matzoh brei for the progeny of my favorite anti-semitic ice princess.

  37. superfecta

    Chase Rooster Palin – that’s me! As a kid, I did have to help kill and pluck chickens on my grandmother’s farm. Did Sarah know, or did she just assume it was a universal childhood experience?

  38. iwillsavethispatient

    Fullname: Recoil Mush Palin
    No middle name: Seagull Junker Palin
    iwillsavethispatient: Mounty Bat Palin

  39. Viva la Cynthia

    My full name is Churn Scorpion Palin. My screenname is better though: Fleck Rookie Palin. A friend of mine, is Khaki Salmon Palin which is a complete win.

  40. Viva la Cynthia

    If Sarah Palin had given birth to and named herself through some bizarre snowbilly course of events, she would be named:

    Flack Gobbler Palin.

    Win.

  41. evolutionista

    pistol tanker palin, thank you very much.

    obviously, she loves me the most since she named me after her two favorite things.

    i sound like a badass too.

  42. tropaean

    Buster Taint Palin here.

    I love the fact that I’m having a hard time guessing who’s actually just making up their own.

  43. evolutionista

    hillary rodham clinton, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

    Dust Chinstrap Palin

    yes, hillary, dust off your chinstraps and crack some more ceilings or whatever.

  44. Godot

    My Level 2 Half-Elf Warlock would be Wrangler Tractor Palin. The rest of my adventuring party would be Luger Otter Palin the Halfling Rogue, Hose Hotrod Palin the Half-Elf Paladin, Torpedo Vindicator Palin the Eladrin Warlord, and Goalie Sanka Palin the Eladrin Wizard.

  45. evolutionista

    joseph biden, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

    Knife Pile Palin

    this describes how she sees him in her debate nightmares.

  46. evolutionista

    shrek, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

    Dust Chinstrap Palin

    interestingly this is the same as hillary rodham clinton–is she calling hillary an ogre?

    that’s sexist, bitch.

    i can’t stop–i am stopping now.

  47. wallythepug

    That’s great, I need a new name. I was lucky (unlucky?) enought to have a letter to the editor printed that was, shall we say, not entirely complimentary of GILF’s interview with Charlie Gibson. Within 2 days I got 2 vaguely threatening letters from wingnuts, unsigned of course. My spouse is now pissed at me.

  48. casinomike

    “Revolver Trooper” Palin….

    That name gave me a woody……

    I know, I know, getting a woody does not count as personal growth…

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