Tattoo you.Alaskan moron Sarah Palin spends all her time in a tanning bed, listening to Van Halen (the Sammy Hagar version) and making up idiot new names for her next babies. But what if you had been born to the vice president of tattoo parlors? Your editor, for example, would’ve been named “Crunk Petrol Palin.” [Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator]

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  1. The software dubbed me Goalie Sanka Palin. Dunno about the non-caffeinated bit.

    In honor of our recent economic collapse, I dub myself Freddie Mac Palin.

  2. I think Taci or Troll would go great with Track and Trig.

    For a girl, perhaps you can be more daring. Perhaps something ethnic, like Velveeta. Or maybe something really daring, for example, a lesbian name like Adia.

  3. [re=97467]NoWireHangers[/re]: We seem to have the same name… I’ve always hoped I’d meet another Barrel McRaven, but it just seemed so unlikely.

  4. well, with the nickname I use, I am Shot Corrugated Palin. With my given name, I am Comma Liberty Palin. Definitely have a split personality thing going on here.

  5. Ken, can’t your editor lackeys find another picture of Sarah? Now that you have posted this one a gazillion times, we all know that she can give tongue. What else can she do? Tell the staff to exercise some initiative and search the archives or the morgue or whatever you call it. I’m sure Sarah has other talents besides sticking her tongue out. Doesn’t she?

  6. You guys are seriously deranged. What’s sad is that you do not know it.I’ve
    been called a mouth breathing retard on this site but rather be stupid than crazy.I
    can fix stupid, you cannot fix crazy.

  7. John Sidney McCain, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

    Fork Decoy Palin

    Who knows, Fork Decoy Palin you just might be president one day!

    “Fork Decoy” sounds troublesomely accurate, somehow.

  8. [re=97508]Godot[/re]: Uhh that was in reference to my Palin Name being “Fire Patriot Palin”, which I totally posted in another comment but something happened to it.

  9. When I actually did the baby name generator it churned out:

    Meat Notgay Palin

    This is funny on so many levels. Most of those levels are about crotch height.

  10. [re=97499]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Tarp Lazer? Interesting. John Sidney McCain ends up “Bash Budweiser Palin.” That’s un-American!!!

    I’m Crust Scramble Palin. Which sounds delicious, actually.

  11. [re=97517]Walter Sobchak[/re]: I got Bash Budweiser, same as freakishly strong. Looks like it gives you different names, based on whether or not you enter the last name.

  12. Whoooo! I entered James Michael Curley and it returned “Flex Gunship” Palin. A term used in Vietnam for the B model hueys which could have their armament stripped in an hour and converted to a troop or medevac ship. I flew those suckers. Political satire is getting too close to reality.

  13. If you put in Larry Craig’s full name, Larry (no, not Lawrence; he’s really named Larry) Edwin Craig, you get: Hunger Tallest Palin.

    Someone ought to warn Track.

  14. [re=97531]HomoPolitico[/re]: oh man, is that true? That is fabulous!

    And I forgot to try Dogless Liberal. My Palinism for that is Chevy General Palin. I like the ones for my real names better. I think I will get my business cards changed to Shot Corrugated Palin. Much more of a badass lawyer name than my real one.

  15. [re=97636]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I find all the repetitions on this site amusing. I wonder how the website chooses names? It is an initials thing? Some weird complicated algorithm based on number of vowels?

    Oh, and I am apparently married to Molten Contra Palin. Watch out, Nicaragua! We’re coming back with more Iranian firearms!

  16. Chase Rooster Palin – that’s me! As a kid, I did have to help kill and pluck chickens on my grandmother’s farm. Did Sarah know, or did she just assume it was a universal childhood experience?

  17. My full name is Churn Scorpion Palin. My screenname is better though: Fleck Rookie Palin. A friend of mine, is Khaki Salmon Palin which is a complete win.

  18. If Sarah Palin had given birth to and named herself through some bizarre snowbilly course of events, she would be named:

    Flack Gobbler Palin.


  19. pistol tanker palin, thank you very much.

    obviously, she loves me the most since she named me after her two favorite things.

    i sound like a badass too.

  20. hillary rodham clinton, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

    Dust Chinstrap Palin

    yes, hillary, dust off your chinstraps and crack some more ceilings or whatever.

  21. My Level 2 Half-Elf Warlock would be Wrangler Tractor Palin. The rest of my adventuring party would be Luger Otter Palin the Halfling Rogue, Hose Hotrod Palin the Half-Elf Paladin, Torpedo Vindicator Palin the Eladrin Warlord, and Goalie Sanka Palin the Eladrin Wizard.

  22. shrek, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

    Dust Chinstrap Palin

    interestingly this is the same as hillary rodham clinton–is she calling hillary an ogre?

    that’s sexist, bitch.

    i can’t stop–i am stopping now.

  23. That’s great, I need a new name. I was lucky (unlucky?) enought to have a letter to the editor printed that was, shall we say, not entirely complimentary of GILF’s interview with Charlie Gibson. Within 2 days I got 2 vaguely threatening letters from wingnuts, unsigned of course. My spouse is now pissed at me.

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