MULLET TROLL PALIN  12:45 pm September 16, 2008

What Sort of Made-Up White Trash Name Would Sarah Palin Give You?

by Ken Layne

Tattoo you.Alaskan moron Sarah Palin spends all her time in a tanning bed, listening to Van Halen (the Sammy Hagar version) and making up idiot new names for her next babies. But what if you had been born to the vice president of tattoo parlors? Your editor, for example, would’ve been named “Crunk Petrol Palin.” [Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator]

 

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{ 153 comments }

Dave J. September 16, 2008 at 12:46 pm

“Charcoal Sniper Palin”

ManchuCandidate September 16, 2008 at 12:48 pm

Call me Rock Crane Palin

Formerly Preferred September 16, 2008 at 12:48 pm

Scat Dubya, a phrase that will have a prominent place in my nightmares from now on.

Gopherit v2.0 September 16, 2008 at 12:48 pm

The software dubbed me Goalie Sanka Palin. Dunno about the non-caffeinated bit.

In honor of our recent economic collapse, I dub myself Freddie Mac Palin.

InsidiousTuna September 16, 2008 at 12:49 pm

“Guzzle Red Palin”

What the fuck?

DarkSynergy September 16, 2008 at 12:49 pm

I would call myself the son of a crooked bitch. For short though, I would be referred to as Stick Freedom Palin

ColdCupofHope September 16, 2008 at 12:49 pm

I’ve always enjoyed my Alaskan alias: Plexiglass Hardframe Palin.

LittlePhatGuise September 16, 2008 at 12:49 pm

I would be “Crunk Petrol Palin” as well.

That is not change I can believe in.

NoWireHangers September 16, 2008 at 12:49 pm

Barrel McRaven Palin

FalconerHK September 16, 2008 at 12:49 pm

Hey, I’m Jeezofreak Tweak Palin! Where’s my motherfucking parade?

V572625694 September 16, 2008 at 12:50 pm

Chalk Revelations Palin

InsidiousTuna September 16, 2008 at 12:50 pm

Just for shits and giggles, I entered “Sarah Heath Palin”. Unfortunately, it was changed to “Lock Pepper Palin”.

WikipediaBrown September 16, 2008 at 12:50 pm

Neeeeeee hahhhhhhhh! I’m Bomb Locamotive Palin and I’ll kick yer ass! I’m a fuckin’ redneck. Woooooooooohoooooo!

4tehlulz September 16, 2008 at 12:50 pm

“Blocked by Websense”

problemwithcaring September 16, 2008 at 12:51 pm

[re=97461]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: How about Put Put Palin?

yes, we can (drink heavily) September 16, 2008 at 12:51 pm

Barrel McRaven Palin… awesome

StripesAndPlaids September 16, 2008 at 12:51 pm

Flex Gunship Palin. Oddly enough, that is my real name.

Johnny Zhivago September 16, 2008 at 12:52 pm

I think Taci or Troll would go great with Track and Trig.

For a girl, perhaps you can be more daring. Perhaps something ethnic, like Velveeta. Or maybe something really daring, for example, a lesbian name like Adia.

LittlePhatGuise September 16, 2008 at 12:52 pm

[re=97466]LittlePhatGuise[/re]: But if I only use my first & middle name, I am dubbed:
Copper Catfish Palin.

loudmouthredhead September 16, 2008 at 12:52 pm

Hearkening back to earlier threads, my name would have to be:

Shotput ArcticCat Mjöllnir Palin

StupidGeek September 16, 2008 at 12:52 pm

“Monty Bat Palin”

Damn, I was hoping get something more along the line of Turdblossom.

yes, we can (drink heavily) September 16, 2008 at 12:52 pm

[re=97467]NoWireHangers[/re]: We seem to have the same name… I’ve always hoped I’d meet another Barrel McRaven, but it just seemed so unlikely.

Sara in the West September 16, 2008 at 12:52 pm

I am Mullet Troll Palin which is better than my porn name of Penny Plane.

Doglessliberal September 16, 2008 at 12:52 pm

well, with the nickname I use, I am Shot Corrugated Palin. With my given name, I am Comma Liberty Palin. Definitely have a split personality thing going on here.

Not_So_Much September 16, 2008 at 12:52 pm

“Wolfsblood-to-Nowhere Palin”

BobLoblawLawBlog September 16, 2008 at 12:53 pm

Stoppage Lead Palin. Sounds like I live in McCain’s colon.

DieOnTheTurnpike September 16, 2008 at 12:53 pm

Seagull Junker Palin

Yaybuls September 16, 2008 at 12:53 pm

My puns Palin comparison to yours.

Aurelio September 16, 2008 at 12:54 pm

Ken, can’t your editor lackeys find another picture of Sarah? Now that you have posted this one a gazillion times, we all know that she can give tongue. What else can she do? Tell the staff to exercise some initiative and search the archives or the morgue or whatever you call it. I’m sure Sarah has other talents besides sticking her tongue out. Doesn’t she?

obfuscator September 16, 2008 at 12:55 pm

Gravel Codpiece Palin

Sharktooth Archetype Palin

Bigwheel Camouflage Palin

This is fun!

rightofmiddle September 16, 2008 at 12:55 pm

You guys are seriously deranged. What’s sad is that you do not know it.I’ve
been called a mouth breathing retard on this site but rather be stupid than crazy.I
can fix stupid, you cannot fix crazy.

brown_recluse September 16, 2008 at 12:56 pm

Bang Walmart Palin

roundofapplause September 16, 2008 at 12:56 pm

WMD Cessna Palin.

WMD. um yeah… i win

Walter Sobchak September 16, 2008 at 12:56 pm

Barack Obama, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

Tarp Lazer Palin

Who knows, Tarp Lazer Palin you just might be president one day!

4tehlulz September 16, 2008 at 12:57 pm

[re=97490]Aurelio[/re]: Seconded, but not that creepy one that Josh Marshall keeps putting up.

anabellum September 16, 2008 at 12:57 pm

Wood Corps Palen is in the house…

this name is now for sale…..i need lunch money..

Botswana Meat Commission FC September 16, 2008 at 12:57 pm

Crunk Petrol Palin. Awesome. That’s going to be the name of my debut album.

magic titty September 16, 2008 at 12:58 pm

Strike Chipper Palin.
But as the Magic Titty, I’m Rake Trinket Palin.

Wait, can’t I just be Magic Titty Palin?

InsidiousTuna September 16, 2008 at 12:58 pm

[re=97489]Yaybuls[/re]: HEY-O

ManchuCandidate September 16, 2008 at 12:58 pm

[re=97493]rightofmiddle[/re]:
Judging by your comment. No, one can’t fix stupid either.

Godot September 16, 2008 at 12:58 pm

My wife would be “Open Aircraft Palin”, which is vaguely slutty and not really the kind of name a fella like The Fire Patriot would like for his lady.

Walter Sobchak September 16, 2008 at 12:59 pm

[re=97493]rightofmiddle[/re]: Pronouns, do you speak it, motherfucker?

Delicious September 16, 2008 at 12:59 pm

I’m…Strike Chipper Palin.

That was fun for 2 seconds.

FreshCliches September 16, 2008 at 1:00 pm

Geese Whalebone Palin

HomoPolitico September 16, 2008 at 1:00 pm

Bush Doctrine Palin

Walter Sobchak September 16, 2008 at 1:01 pm

John Sidney McCain, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

Fork Decoy Palin

Who knows, Fork Decoy Palin you just might be president one day!

“Fork Decoy” sounds troublesomely accurate, somehow.

freakishlystrong September 16, 2008 at 1:02 pm

Bash Budweiser Palin..that’s a tewfer! She’s going to name the next welp after Cindy and then beat it!

23 Skidoo September 16, 2008 at 1:03 pm

Mullet Troll Palin, at your service.

Clancy_Pants September 16, 2008 at 1:03 pm

[re=97467]NoWireHangers[/re]: Me too.. just call me Barrel McRaven Palin III

PeteJayhawk v2.0 September 16, 2008 at 1:04 pm

Fire Patriot Palin.

Fucking awesome.

HomoPolitico September 16, 2008 at 1:04 pm

Jewy Elite Homo Palin

kdelarosa22 September 16, 2008 at 1:04 pm

I am Crutch Camp Palin.

intellijen September 16, 2008 at 1:04 pm

i’m rust mustang palin and i approve this message.

magic titty September 16, 2008 at 1:04 pm

[re=97493]rightofmiddle[/re]: What the fuck are you babbling about you inane loser? Is this Uncle Footstink Palin? Go FcYerself Palin?

Norbert September 16, 2008 at 1:04 pm

[re=97493]rightofmiddle[/re]: Seriously Deranged Palin

Yaybuls September 16, 2008 at 1:04 pm

[re=97506]InsidiousTuna[/re]: *snare hit/cymbal crash, applause*

roundofapplause September 16, 2008 at 1:05 pm

[re=97493]rightofmiddle[/re]: fine, but its the crazy ones that have all the fun. let us know when you fix that stupid problem

Godot September 16, 2008 at 1:05 pm

[re=97508]Godot[/re]: Uhh that was in reference to my Palin Name being “Fire Patriot Palin”, which I totally posted in another comment but something happened to it.

HomoPolitico September 16, 2008 at 1:05 pm

When I actually did the baby name generator it churned out:

Meat Notgay Palin

This is funny on so many levels. Most of those levels are about crotch height.

tunamelt September 16, 2008 at 1:06 pm

Plop Hero Palin for my real name.

Beans Harpoon Palin for tunamelt.

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 16, 2008 at 1:06 pm

[re=97499]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Tarp Lazer? Interesting. John Sidney McCain ends up “Bash Budweiser Palin.” That’s un-American!!!

I’m Crust Scramble Palin. Which sounds delicious, actually.

surfacenoise76 September 16, 2008 at 1:06 pm

Knife Pile Palin

Pile?

S.Luggo September 16, 2008 at 1:07 pm

I typed in Track and got Meat Notgay Palin.

Track, don’t ask and we won’t tell.

morevodkaplz September 16, 2008 at 1:07 pm

Knife Pile Palin

magic titty September 16, 2008 at 1:07 pm

[re=97507]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I think he/she’s Daddy BeatMe Palin.

Blue Myself September 16, 2008 at 1:08 pm

[re=97525]intellijen[/re]: I too am Rust Mustang Palin…you must be destroyed.

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 16, 2008 at 1:09 pm

[re=97517]Walter Sobchak[/re]: I got Bash Budweiser, same as freakishly strong. Looks like it gives you different names, based on whether or not you enter the last name.

Special Agent Jack Mehoff September 16, 2008 at 1:09 pm

Trucknut Moosefister Palin

Quacker September 16, 2008 at 1:10 pm

Hey, I’m Slicer Tension Palin, I work for Ron Popiel as a neurotic tomato.

JamesMichaelCurley September 16, 2008 at 1:10 pm

Whoooo! I entered James Michael Curley and it returned “Flex Gunship” Palin. A term used in Vietnam for the B model hueys which could have their armament stripped in an hour and converted to a troop or medevac ship. I flew those suckers. Political satire is getting too close to reality.

writechic September 16, 2008 at 1:10 pm

Esp[i]n Geometry Palin

catsquatch September 16, 2008 at 1:10 pm

Hump Gizzards Palin. This is so much better than my usual name that I think I will keep it. Maybe she’ll be able to be my foster mom?

OzoneTom September 16, 2008 at 1:10 pm

Welcome my Palin-appropriate moniker of “Stag Tunnel Palin”…

MARCdMan September 16, 2008 at 1:10 pm

I’m Ammo Canal Palin. That sounds so dirty.

AngryBlakGuy September 16, 2008 at 1:11 pm

AngryBlakGuy = Slicer Mission Palin

…sounds like an action movie! I like it!

TJBeck September 16, 2008 at 1:11 pm

TJBeck, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:
Wood Corps Palin

writechic September 16, 2008 at 1:11 pm

Espen Algebra Palin

TJBeck September 16, 2008 at 1:11 pm

Tony the Tiger, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:
Engine Nighthawk Palin

mr.november September 16, 2008 at 1:12 pm

Even the Hollywood elitists are jealous of the Palin baby names.

Johnny Zhivago September 16, 2008 at 1:12 pm

Wait a second – I’ve got the WINNER HERE:

TROOPER PALIN!

franklyb September 16, 2008 at 1:12 pm

[re=97517]Walter Sobchak[/re]: “Fork decoy” = chopsticks = FIVE AND A HALF YEARS

Undeterredbyreality September 16, 2008 at 1:12 pm

Khaki Salmon Palin at yer service! I must be the black sheep of the fambly….

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 16, 2008 at 1:12 pm

If you put in Larry Craig’s full name, Larry (no, not Lawrence; he’s really named Larry) Edwin Craig, you get: Hunger Tallest Palin.

Someone ought to warn Track.

obfuscator September 16, 2008 at 1:13 pm

[re=97541]Special Agent Jack Mehoff[/re]:

Eddie Van Palin

knoxtheharpy September 16, 2008 at 1:14 pm

Chisel Dustup Palin

Schadenfried September 16, 2008 at 1:15 pm

I’m changing my screen name to Plop Hero Palin.

Sussemilch September 16, 2008 at 1:16 pm

Commando Coalfire Palin. I’ve killed more bears than Davey Crockett.

Schadenfried September 16, 2008 at 1:17 pm

Can these names also double as porn names? With the shitty economy, some of use might have to get a second job.

mookworthjwilson September 16, 2008 at 1:19 pm

I must be the most loved Palin, for my name is Moose Roadster Palin…either that or the least loved…

druranium September 16, 2008 at 1:20 pm

Taupe Armageddon Palin

Here’s Taupe, our special needs baby, who’s birth is ushering in the beginning of End Times. Perhaps so!

Clyde Midia September 16, 2008 at 1:21 pm

‘Tard Pillow Palin

TGY September 16, 2008 at 1:21 pm

“People on the internet have too much time on their hands” Palin.

Cape Clod September 16, 2008 at 1:22 pm

Skein Chug Palin. What? Even in Alaska people would make fun of you for a name like that.

tennessee Jed clampett September 16, 2008 at 1:22 pm

Anwar Raper Palin

bigguy September 16, 2008 at 1:23 pm

Mangle Blue Palin

freakishlystrong September 16, 2008 at 1:26 pm

[re=97539]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Funny, I entered: Freakishy as my first and Strong as my last, just like in real life…

thejames September 16, 2008 at 1:27 pm

“Revolver Trooper Palin.”

Shouldn’t that be “Storm Trooper?”

freakishlystrong September 16, 2008 at 1:27 pm

This is just a silly excersize from Ken to keep us from exploding into bitter, bitter tears…

sezme September 16, 2008 at 1:28 pm

Chevy General Palin. My friends, deep down we are all snowbilly monsters.

nietzscheprojectile September 16, 2008 at 1:28 pm

Can Lightning Palin

The Neoskeptic September 16, 2008 at 1:29 pm

Bomb Locamotive Palin

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 16, 2008 at 1:29 pm

[re=97587]freakishlystrong[/re]: Weird. I got that for John Sidney (without the McCain)

thatonegirlsays September 16, 2008 at 1:29 pm

Meat Notgay Palin

Miller September 16, 2008 at 1:29 pm

Halter Grasshopper Palin.

That’s weird, that already is my name. My parents must suffer from the same moosemeat born brain parasites as they do up in Alaska.

http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

Truculent September 16, 2008 at 1:29 pm

Fish Guts Palin

Black Fly Palin

Toolbox

Ejector

Your Dad And I Still Smoke Meth When You’re Asleep Palin

StrangelyBrown September 16, 2008 at 1:29 pm

Mack Master Palin Sweetness

Oh, wait, that was my pimp name.

sarcasticusername September 16, 2008 at 1:31 pm

Fleck Rookie Palin

Doglessliberal September 16, 2008 at 1:34 pm

[re=97531]HomoPolitico[/re]: oh man, is that true? That is fabulous!

And I forgot to try Dogless Liberal. My Palinism for that is Chevy General Palin. I like the ones for my real names better. I think I will get my business cards changed to Shot Corrugated Palin. Much more of a badass lawyer name than my real one.

Doglessliberal September 16, 2008 at 1:35 pm

[re=97549]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: ooh, that is a great one. WALNUTS!’ favorite movie: Slicer Mission Meets the Evil Cong

TJBeck September 16, 2008 at 1:35 pm

John McCain, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

Steam Fangs Palin

Who knows, Steam Fangs Palin you just might be president one day!

CivicHoliday September 16, 2008 at 1:37 pm

Rock Crain Palin.

I sound like a NASCAR driver. Danica, move out the way, bitch! It’s MY turn!

ManchuCandidate September 16, 2008 at 1:38 pm

[re=97629]CivicHoliday[/re]:
Well, that’s my name!

Scaggsvillain September 16, 2008 at 1:39 pm

Scrapple Earnhardt Van Palin

AnnieGetYourFun September 16, 2008 at 1:40 pm

Skunk Grunt Palin. I can’t tell whether to laugh or weep. Because it’s actually sort of a phrase.

Servo September 16, 2008 at 1:42 pm

Dances with Moose
H.R. Puffinmeth
Comrad Pekrhed – I’ll wave to her from my vodka shop outside of Vladivostok.

capitol hillbilly September 16, 2008 at 1:42 pm

Sammy Hagar Palin, pleased to meet you …

anothersarah7 September 16, 2008 at 1:45 pm

Wrangler Tractor Palin

CivicHoliday September 16, 2008 at 1:47 pm

[re=97636]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I find all the repetitions on this site amusing. I wonder how the website chooses names? It is an initials thing? Some weird complicated algorithm based on number of vowels?

Oh, and I am apparently married to Molten Contra Palin. Watch out, Nicaragua! We’re coming back with more Iranian firearms!

KittyKatMan September 16, 2008 at 1:48 pm

Methsmak Crak Palin

Tawmn September 16, 2008 at 1:54 pm

Beretta Hockey Palin

OuterBoroughPrincess September 16, 2008 at 1:54 pm

Crust Scramble Palin? This sounds a little too much like matzoh brei for the progeny of my favorite anti-semitic ice princess.

superfecta September 16, 2008 at 2:04 pm

Chase Rooster Palin – that’s me! As a kid, I did have to help kill and pluck chickens on my grandmother’s farm. Did Sarah know, or did she just assume it was a universal childhood experience?

iwillsavethispatient September 16, 2008 at 2:08 pm

Fullname: Recoil Mush Palin
No middle name: Seagull Junker Palin
iwillsavethispatient: Mounty Bat Palin

edgydrifter September 16, 2008 at 2:09 pm

Drill Swollen Palin–Fuck Yeah!

Viva la Cynthia September 16, 2008 at 2:10 pm

My full name is Churn Scorpion Palin. My screenname is better though: Fleck Rookie Palin. A friend of mine, is Khaki Salmon Palin which is a complete win.

Viva la Cynthia September 16, 2008 at 2:15 pm

If Sarah Palin had given birth to and named herself through some bizarre snowbilly course of events, she would be named:

Flack Gobbler Palin.

Win.

Lord Helmet September 16, 2008 at 2:20 pm

Ken,

Are you gay or did you just sleep at a Holiday Inn Express last night?

evolutionista September 16, 2008 at 2:25 pm

pistol tanker palin, thank you very much.

obviously, she loves me the most since she named me after her two favorite things.

i sound like a badass too.

tropaean September 16, 2008 at 2:31 pm

Buster Taint Palin here.

I love the fact that I’m having a hard time guessing who’s actually just making up their own.

ManchuCandidate September 16, 2008 at 2:32 pm

[re=97769]Lord Helmet[/re]:
1/2 a McCain point. You really want that divot tool, don’t you?

amy amnesia September 16, 2008 at 2:36 pm

Turbine Yukon Palin.

The “Palin” part is the trashiest of all.

evolutionista September 16, 2008 at 2:37 pm

hillary rodham clinton, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

Dust Chinstrap Palin

yes, hillary, dust off your chinstraps and crack some more ceilings or whatever.

Godot September 16, 2008 at 2:43 pm

My Level 2 Half-Elf Warlock would be Wrangler Tractor Palin. The rest of my adventuring party would be Luger Otter Palin the Halfling Rogue, Hose Hotrod Palin the Half-Elf Paladin, Torpedo Vindicator Palin the Eladrin Warlord, and Goalie Sanka Palin the Eladrin Wizard.

teebob2000 September 16, 2008 at 2:44 pm

Plop Hero Palin. Damn glad to meet ya.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 16, 2008 at 2:46 pm

Engine Nighthawk Palin!! Awesome!

evolutionista September 16, 2008 at 2:49 pm

joseph biden, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

Knife Pile Palin

this describes how she sees him in her debate nightmares.

Truculent September 16, 2008 at 2:50 pm

Strap-On Palin

evolutionista September 16, 2008 at 2:51 pm

shrek, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

Dust Chinstrap Palin

interestingly this is the same as hillary rodham clinton–is she calling hillary an ogre?

that’s sexist, bitch.

i can’t stop–i am stopping now.

Walter Sobchak September 16, 2008 at 3:05 pm

[re=97555]franklyb[/re]: win.

LittlePig September 16, 2008 at 3:10 pm

Speck Backfire Palin.

LittlePig September 16, 2008 at 3:12 pm

[re=97598]nietzscheprojectile[/re]: Interestingly, Tenzing Norgay also yields Can Lightning Palin.

OffTheRecord September 16, 2008 at 4:09 pm

Bow NATO Palin. There is a Russia joke in there somewhere, but I just can’t figure it out.

wallythepug September 16, 2008 at 4:19 pm

That’s great, I need a new name. I was lucky (unlucky?) enought to have a letter to the editor printed that was, shall we say, not entirely complimentary of GILF’s interview with Charlie Gibson. Within 2 days I got 2 vaguely threatening letters from wingnuts, unsigned of course. My spouse is now pissed at me.

rebellitor September 16, 2008 at 4:22 pm

Lean Pipe Palin here, yo!

sweetits September 16, 2008 at 5:14 pm

Strangle Thicket Palin. Hot!

SayItWithWookies September 16, 2008 at 5:29 pm

Krinkle Bearcat Palin. I think I’m going to get it legally changed to that.

casinomike September 16, 2008 at 6:56 pm

“Revolver Trooper” Palin….

That name gave me a woody……

I know, I know, getting a woody does not count as personal growth…

Joey Ratz September 16, 2008 at 8:10 pm

I’m Bash Budweiser Palin! At least it’s better than Bash Coors Palin.

wallythepug September 16, 2008 at 8:31 pm

[re=98159]wallythepug[/re]: Let’s update that, make it six crazy-ass letters. I better move.

Grimbot September 16, 2008 at 11:25 pm

Stockyard Mudslide Palin = Win

nietzscheprojectile September 17, 2008 at 2:29 pm

[re=97922]LittlePig[/re]: You’ve found me out!

christo September 23, 2008 at 11:38 am

The newest Van Palin has arrived! It’s Trig’s younger brother, Eddie Van Palin!
http://www.chriskinsman.com/vanpalin.jpg

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