Wonkette
Ha ha, remember last Friday, before every bank in America liquidated and the New Depression kicked in and we had to boil our dogs for sustenance? Back in those innocent times, people were still fretting about how John McCain — a man who built a lifetime career on doing shitty things like leaving his crippled wife, consorting with S&L crooks, pandering to racists, and spewing foul invective at anyone who dared question his Honor — was suddenly not acting like his noble old self. So Richard Cohen is really only about 72 hours behind the curve on this one.
In today’s Washington Post he writes sadly about how his old boyfriend John McCain who used to be so wonderful is now just an awful sellout prick:
I am one of the journalists accused over the years of being in the tank for McCain. Guilty.
[...]When he talked about service to a cause greater than oneself, he struck a chord. He expressed his message in words, but he packaged it in the McCain story — that man, beaten to a pulp, who chose honor over freedom. This had nothing to do with access. It had to do with integrity.
McCain has soiled all that.
We will leave it at that, with the image of John McCain “soiling” something, because the article is just downhill from there: a shoutout to renowned journalist Joy Behar, and then a quote from the sixth Marx brother, Karl, who said that history repeating itself once is tragedy, a second time is farce, and a third time is Richard Cohen’s column.
The Ugly New McCain [Washington Post]
The tire swings yet again.
But don’t worry, Ol’ Richie will swing back in 5,4,3,2,1…………
>>I am one of the journalists accused over the years of being in the tank for McCain. Guilty.
It’s a good thing you maintained your integrity, Dick; otherwise, we’d wouldn’t take you seriously.
Finally, the media backlash begins in earnest. It seems like McCain’s been lying unfettered now for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, ALAN!!
There should be a standard clause in every living will that specifies that eagerly anticipating a Richard Cohen column apart from wanting to ridicule it mercilessly should lead to active euthanasia.
4tehlulz: I didn’t realize dicks had integrity…….I always thought they were just dicks.
Dick, breaking up is hard to do. Now quit calling him & hanging up when he answers, don’t drive by his house & burn the pics of you & Walnuts staring at the sunset & enjoying candlelight BBQ. Your heart will go on (or so says Celine Dion, whom I’m sure you’re familiar with.)
> McCain has soiled all that.
So now he’s shit his britches? How’s he going to blame that on the sexist media?
Stop talking about cooking dogs…it makes me get hungry every time I look at mine…
Does anyone else think that there are some writers that maybe should consider NOT posting their pictures with their articles?
Dicky Cohen’s Total Eclipse of the Heart
Chorus X 2
Turnaround, every now and then I get a
little bit needy and you’re never coming around
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit tired of reading all the words that I write
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit nervous that every one was right and I was wrong
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified and then I had a mancrush because you’re a POW
Turnaround Walnuts, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround Walnuts, Every now and
then I fall apart
And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you’ll only hold me tight
We’ll be holding on forever
And we’ll only be making it right
Cause we’ll always be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
My love is like a shadow on you all of the time
I don’t know what to do and I’m always in the dark
We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Honor’s gonna start tonight
Honor’s gonna start tonight
Once upon a time I had a mancrush
But now I’m only falling apart
There’s nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time Walnuts love was my life
But now there’s only snark in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart
No more free Bud for you, Richard. Oh, and don’t be surprised if everyone suddenly starts calling you “Dick” Cohen.
This is why Richard Cohen stands at the highest rank of Professional Journalistical Persons: columnist. From this lofty perch he is no longer required (if he ever was) to go out on the street and observe things and talk to non-Professional Journalistical Persons. Instead he can sit in his cubicle at the Post, or maybe in his pajamas at home, and issue sophisticated, refined, insightful pronciamenti such as this one. “Juan McCain is a sellout.” Oh my God it must be true because Richard Cohen has so stated. When Friedman chimes in in agreement, it will become Law. So say we all.
So some Canadian folk singer endorsed McCain and then didn’t? Who cares?
Fuck, wait, that’s Leonard Cohen.
V572625694: It won’t become law until Tweety says so, so sayeth my flashing picture box.
V572625694: Don’t forget the fucking dolt that is Frank Rich.
No worries though, Johnny Mac, for Bill Kristol will still masturbate to the talking points.
Well, I guess one of the courtiers has figured out that the guy with the metal hat is walking around with his privates flopping around.
Hunter Gathers: Can’t speak for everyone, but my dick has a lot of integrity. More than Cohen anyway.
Ten bux his next column can be summed up as “WHY CAN’T I QUIT YOU?”.
…John McCains biggest mistake so far was declaring war on the media. The media has been carrying his water for the past 8 years(at least), covering everything he does is a positive light. By calling them bias or even sexist for doing what he should have done in the first place(vetting Sarah Palin) he has just given up his sole advantage. The MSM has been tearing him to shreds on everything he claims. He is in a “lose lose situation”, his campaign badly wants to push Sarah Palin into the public eye as the future of Republican party. But to do that would mean more interviews for someone who is obviously not politically adept. And McCain doesn’t want to do interviews because all reporters want to ask about is his negative and deceitful ads.
John McCain invented the Blackberry
Holtz-Eakin: McCain helped create BlackBerry
Asked what work John McCain did as Chairman of the Senate Commerce Committee that helped him understand the financial markets, the candidate’s top economic adviser wielded visual evidence: his BlackBerry.
“He did this,” Douglas Holtz-Eakin told reporters this morning, holding up his BlackBerry. “Telecommunications of the United States is a premier innovation in the past 15 years, comes right through the Commerce committee so you’re looking at the miracle John McCain helped create and that’s what he did.”
Al Gore just rolled over in his grave
Even Mittens thinks McCain has becomenothing more than a two-bit bullshit artist. Of course, that could just be sour grapes and payback.
4tehlulz: You think Cohen was crying as he preened out this bitter and self-serving mess?
It is cute though, that he thought John McCain never lies or something. Even the Obama supporters aren’t dumb enough to believe that about their candidate. Fucking losers, these people.
Speaking of shitheads and hacks, what’s the latest from life-altering scribe Jonah Goldberg?
Hunter Gathers: John McCain invented the cell phone… sounds like a meme we can believe in. Got a link?
The cat cannot change its stripes. He has been a consumate politician since his SECOND wife’s daddy paid for him to be elected.
The last time we saw a meltdown like this due to deregulation or NO regulation he was smack-dab in the middle of it…the KEATING FIVE. He was SOOOOOOO ashamed of his association with those bad lobbyists and crooked bankers…boo fucking hoo.
Of course, NOW we have another market meltdown and WHO is one HIS staff…the very lobbyists that created the system that allowed the crooks to once again rob the markets blind and put them on the edge of destruction.
I find NOTHING more suspect then a man who refers to his military service to cover for his HONOR. Ollie North anyone? He ACTIVELY subverted the Constitution to further his career and stood up and claimed he was honorable in his FUCKING UNIFORM! How many perverts, crooks and pathological liars all fall back on “but I served this country!”?
McCain got caught with the Keating Five and has been trying to cover for it ever since. This isn’t a NEW McCain…this IS McCain.
Hunter Gathers: Oh wow, this is wonderful. Finally a meme to destroy Juan McCain, exposing him to world-wide ridicule: John McCain invented the Blackberry, and doesn’t know how to read his own email. Oh, let’s see: while on that committee he also trashed banking and airline regulation, leading to the current situation of bankrupt banks and airlines. Nice work, Panamanian Strongman Juan McCain! I’ll think of you every time I look at my 401(k), or have to pay $800 to wedge myself into seat 33E on an ancient MD-80. Let me vote for you, so we can have more of these wonderful gifts.
grendel: http://www.politico.com/blogs/jonathanmartin/0908/HoltzEakin_McCain_helped_create_BlackBerry.html#comments
He expressed his message in words
As oppposed to most politicians, who express their message via interpretive dance? What the fuck.
magic titty: Goldberg is at home, masturbating into Monica Lewinsky’s blue dress, as always.
President WALNUTS! So, once is tragedy, twice is a farce. What’s the third time?
So do I get internet money now? I demand a case of TRUCKNUTZ!!
Aside: Also note CNN Headline: “Bush lands in Texas; Residents urged to leave”. I know I’d leave.
Hunter Gathers: my dick has ’structural’ integrity.
He soiled all that?
Must be happier than a pig in sh*t.
Oh wait, can I say that?
V572625694: Goldberg doesn’t have time to masturbate….Too busy blowing Bill Kristol, and Kristol is definitly the type to deny a reacharound
freakishlystrong: I assumed that somebody drew on Cohen’s glasses and the buck teeth with a magic marker.
magic titty: Ask and ye shall receive:
http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-goldberg16-2008sep16,0,5361480.column
Just looking at that smug pic of him makes me want to…hit something.
TGY: Nuclear holocaust.
Hunter Gathers: That’s awesome. I bet he’ll soon be taking credit for the microwave oven and the rhoomba as well.
OzoneTom: Yep! You don’t even need to censor yourself! Shit, shit, shit. Everything’s in play.
AngryBlakGuy: Yeah, but see, McCain watched with envy as Hillz cowed the media with her blistering ’sexist’ accusations, being asked the question first and other old school chauvinism, and thought Sarah Plain was his ticket to similar treatment. Worked too, until he went all commando on Hopey with weapons of mass distortion and discounted all media questions as rooted in sexism and bias. Ah the good old days…. meaning “Sunday.”
Hunter Gathers: Juan invented the Blackberry? Hmmm… that’ll come as news to Research in Motion, which has successfully defended the patent rights against numerous comers, and which is located a few hours down the sled trail from where I sit. Gee, since it’s one of the most lucrative Canuckistani inventions with mega spinoff benefits here, I think I’ll write in McCain’s name on my ballot in our forthcoming federal election. Better Gramps than Harper, who makes Juan seem folksy and genial by comparison.
Fox doing their best to stop the trend in order to save McSame:
Headline on Fox News Web Page: “Day of Doom to… Rebound?”
Based on 87 point rise after 500 point disaster.
Well, he had to think of something during those 5 and a half years of ‘enhanced interrogation’. Now if he could onlt invent a working economy we’d be set.
Cape Clod: Nah… the wheel and fire
Delicious: Thank you, but why did I read that?
What a fucking tool, that guy. So, because John McCain got that ass whooped in Vietnam, he can’t type. Which implies, he can’t key a lock, make a fist, hold a sandwich, fondle his wife, tie his shoes, use a pen, dial a phone, take out the trash, write his book, etc…yawn…etc.
He also ignored the rest of the ad, which speaks to McCain’s uselessness on the economy.
Apparently, Jonah left his email address up, so he and I will commence to a quick chat about now.
Thanks again.
I’d still rather punch the shit out of Sean Hannity, but I see your point, on the picture.
freakishlystrong:
Oh! WaPo substituted a photo of Colonel Sanders from back when he was 1st Lieutenant Sanders.
Canuckledragger: You mean Pierre Truedeau is still dead?
ManchuCandidate:
Replace “heart” with “fart” and you’ve got somethin’. I’m gonna be humming that monstrosity all day now. Damn Manchurians!
Our Editor Sarah K. Smith: In reference to the alt-text: WALNUTS! can’t raise a boombox over his head because he was tortured for 5.5 years, duh. In any event, it wouldn’t be a boombox. More like a phonograph playing the Battle Hymn of the Republic or something. Maybe ABBA.
When you’ve lost Richard Cohen you’ve lost America.
ManchuCandidate: Oh shit… SNAP for the WIN!
InsidiousTuna: I meant the “pig” part. Every time anyone uses that word Repubs assume that we’re speaking about the snowbilly…
Delicious: So I just emailed ‘the Jonah’. Ten bux says he deletes it with extreme prejudice.
Bypartizoa: So now he’s shit his britches? How’s he going to blame that on the sexist media?
“Depends”
agentstinky: Well, since Johnny-Mac couldn’t get the Canadian to endorse him, he made a visit to a Phx high school (the one where his wife was a cheerleader back in the day) and got the endorsement of Daddy Yankee
Though it is not too surprising that a guy who made his $$ from a song with gasoline’ in the title would back Johnny “drill here, Drill Now” McCain.
Best line in the article “…at an ethnically diverse high school in Phoenix where McCain’s wife, Cindy, graduated in 1972″ I bet it wasn’t that ethnically diverse when the Beer Queen was there!
ManchuCandidate: Thanks! I enjoyed that. But there should have been a line in there somewhere about a “total eclipse of the fart.”
I am one of the journalists accused over the years of being in the tank for McCain. Guilty.
Ugh. Visions of the newsroom scenes in season 5 of The Wire.
Delicious: I couldn’t get past the first sentence. I used to fear the apocalypse. Now I am almost looking forward to it.
Hunter Gathers: Al Gore is spinning in his grave at that.
Think every msm talking head will repeat this and make fun of it and call McCain a liar because of this statement? Will people write books about it?
The McNasty campaign did not learn from history, instead are banking on the IOKIYAR media to stand firm.
John McCain’s career is one of doing immensely shitty things but then giving a real good apology about them so everybody likes him again. Just wait for his post-November apology, Cohen is going to need a change of shorts he’s going to orgasm so hard.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Delicious: Oh, doughy pantsload, how you lighten my own load:
One reason McCain is not versed in the mechanical details of sending e-mail and typing on a keyboard is that the North Vietnamese broke his fingers and shattered both of his arms.
And the winner for the most creative use of FIVE AND A HALF YEARS goes to Jonah Goldberg!
mookworthjwilson: Put a few slices in your egg-tomato soup, it’ll last longer.