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Scary McCain Photos Will Scare You

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It's the hot Halloween costume this year!Jill Greenberg is that photographer who takes pictures of monkeys and crying babies all the time, which was why she seemed like a natural fit for John McCain’s Atlantic cover. But it turns out she is a big fat libtard, so she tricked John McCain into various unflattering positions during his photo shoot — including making him sit under the head of a pooping monkey. Ha ha we kid, she accomplished that feat with Photoshop, which was still not up to the task of making John McCain look like a human in his “flattering” cover photo. Anyway click here (note: banner ads above some images are for NSFW type sites) for more outtakes that are making the people who hired her for this shoot all kinds of mad. Photo via Imagebam. [New York Post]

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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  • ManchuCandidate

    Did she take this photo while John was strapped to a rocket sled?

    I’m guessing 8Gs of acceleration on his face.

  • mattbolt

    Hey thanks for the porn ads on whatever image hosting site that was

    BRB getting fired

  • Larry Fine

    yo, turkey neck bastard

  • sanantonerose


  • meemers

    I think the monkey was a metaphor. It represents the love between George and John!

  • Yaybuls

    Look at the sea. What does it care about offences? (Replace “sea” with “C” and you understand my thoughts.)

  • Larry Fine

    looks like a srcotum under his chin

  • Godless Liberal


    I need alcohol before looking at that.

  • The Gordo

    I’m no fan of McCain, but this was just shitty and unprofessional.

  • Godless Liberal

    Actually, that “warmonger” shot really captured his inner essence.

  • mr.november

    Liberal Cannibals are salivating over their future thanksgiving dinner.

  • fuzznuts

    How many North Vietnam guards had to poke him in his left eye
    for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS to make him squint like that?

    Just askin……

  • pondscum

    Jeebus, his team is all kinds of fail. They REALLY have no idea how to vet ANYONE!

  • Sara K. Smith

    [re=95906]mattbolt[/re]: Yoiks sorry about that Matt! Post has been updated with a warning.

  • EnBuenOra

    This almost makes up for the Michell-Obama-As-Angela-David-Assata-Shakur cover.

  • shoeho

    Jeebus, no wonder Cindy takes viacodin.

  • capitol hillbilly

    times like this call for a president with two nutsacks …

  • Godless Liberal

    [re=95926]Sara K. Smith[/re]: Oh, look who had her name legally changed to “Editor” over here.

  • Borat

    But america knows Walnut’s face. We want an exclusive on those asscheeks. Are there walnuts there too?

  • columnv

    One of those replaced my Obama Half Breed Muslin background

  • Serolf Divad

    You guys do know that the more malevolent McCain looks, the more the bitters will love him, right?

  • TGY

    I welcome our new Baron Blood look-alike overlord and look forward to living in the Democracy of the Misshapen.

  • Servo

    Cheeto Jeebus! Did they have to rub his face with saddle soap? He looks like a shiny pleather chair.

  • ZippyD

    Good news – no appetite suppressant required today!

    * side effects may include (but are not limited to): violent wretching, eye bleeding, stroke, kidney failure, night terrors, and economic meltdown.

  • 4tehlulz

    [re=95913]Larry Fine[/re]: You know, for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, he was not able to have a pair hanging from his head.

  • cheeto_christ

    I seem to remember seeing a postage stamp from asshatistan with this likeness on it?

    servo you brilliant

  • aabbbiee

    They used the normal version of this for the cover of Atlantic this month. Hilariously, my mother thought it was one of the best pictures she’d seen of McCain. “He has color in his face,” she said. She’s no McCain fan, btw.

  • phuckpolitics

    My eyes…they burn….

  • AxmxZ

    I for one welcome our new Elephant Man overlords.

  • Kaylub

    Why doesnt McCain just grow a big, bush beard? Problem solved! And it will be snowy white, reminding voters of that lovable Santa Claus, or that cartoon gnome, or a wizard of some sort, who will solve the nations problems through magic.

  • ProgHead777

    He looks strained. This is John a few seconds before his o-face. Yeah, when Cindy sees this face hovering over her she thinks, “Oh thank god! It’s almost over!”

    You’re welcome. And good luck cleaning your breakfast out of your keyboard.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=95956]Servo[/re]: Crisco.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    God, wonder what Annie Leibowitz would have done to him. Made him & Cindy pose nude? Photoshopped Suri Cruise in with him? Makes you think they vetted the photographer about the same way they vetted Mother Sarah.

  • Servo

    [re=95981]Gopherit v2.0[/re]:
    It can’t be Crisco because he would look like a 6 month old fly strip from a Florida home.

  • NoWireHangers

    Well, someone in the party had to fight dirty. Bang up job, Jill. I feel a leetle bit bad that you tricked grandpa, but if you could do it so easily, surely the terrorists could too. One day it’s bad lighting, the next day, there’s an IED in his Depends.

  • wilmawonker

    [re=95915]The Gordo[/re]: agreed. immature.

  • freppish

    ok i cant sleep ever again, i will see that face holding a knife and chasing me in ever dream ever, thanks wonkette

  • facehead

    Such a muscular face.

  • TGY

    [re=96019]facehead[/re]: As a youth, he flew planes with his face and not with the seat of his pants as is rumored.

  • 1337b07

    Well with a face like that those hippy communist terrorist neo nazi liberals in Iran, Russia,France,China.Burma.Zimbabwe,France,San Francisco(mostly the castro area) will have to stop their multi axis of terror and evil and become good peaceful citizens of the world!

  • Sussemilch

    [re=96009]wilmawonker[/re]: I’ll stop cheering for evil things to happen to Republicans when the New Orleans dead can rise from their watery graves and do it themselves.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    Having spent a lot of time around the corporate PR world, it’s hard to understand how even the most inexperienced flack would allow a single photo to be taken without adding their two cents. Does McCain go to photo sessions alone???

    It’s inconceivable how the (actual) photos were taken.

    The photoshops are just plain stupid and do nothing but feed Bill-O and Hannity…

  • 1337b07

    [re=96029]Sussemilch[/re]: The republicans will of found a way to raise the dead and then enslave them so that they can be deployed to various parts of the world to bring freedom and eat brains. So the logical thing to do is to raise an army of undead before they figure out how to do it.

  • freppish

    [re=96030]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: well fox does photoshops all the time so screw them

  • SayItWithWookies

    Christ on a biscuit — if I get random heebies today I’ll know where they’re coming from.
    John McCain 2008: Hell is full — let’s make our own.

  • KittyKatMan

    oooooh leathery

  • obfuscator

    He looks like a Dick Tracy villain. “The Jowl”.

  • SayItWithWookies

    He looks like he should be sitting on a lily pad catching flies.

  • Sussemilch

    [re=96054]obfuscator[/re]: r@fl

  • teebob2000

    Wonder if they include in the story the photo of McCain devouring little tiny defenseless Down baby Trig at a recent photo op…

  • teebob2000
  • Bigbruther

    No wonder he was shot down over North Vietnam, he was flying 800 mph with the canopy open. Yee-haw this is fun! Oh fuck, my face melted!

  • hej


  • edgydrifter

    So we’re going to have an angry leather muppet for president? Super-dee-duper!

  • Viva la Cynthia

    Good god, this is like an ad for never getting old. If this is what people look like when they reach their 70’s, then I advocate euthanasia for everyone at the age of 69.

  • TGY

    And is this a pic of WALNUTS! *after* Palin threw him under a bus?

  • TGY

    Or perhaps pressed his face up against a scanner screen? That would explain it.

  • Miller

    Who angrily punched that pile of clay…..oh dear God that’s his face.


  • Johnny Zhivago

    [re=96041]freppish[/re]: Good point! I’m surprised they don’t completely substitute a photo of him from 20 years ago!

  • ExileOC

    Proof his campaign uses all the makeup in the world to make him look human….

  • PoliTacky

    In the immortal words of our illustrious President: “… fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.”

    Personally, I think Greenberg’s portrait captures the dichotomous essence of WALNUTS!: There’s the scary old man on the porch, shaking his cane at passing schoolchildren warning them to stay off his lawn, and also the flip side: the scary old man with his finger on the nuclear button, shaking his flaccid penis at the American public, warning them to stay the course. A fascinating portrait that exemplifies WALNUTS! many complicated moods, not to mention his deep wrinkles, craters and crevasses, which remind all good Americans of the Grand Canyon, a famous American hole.

  • limama56


    Hey if it looks like a monkey and walks like a monkey…