COOKIE MONSTER  11:29 am September 12, 2008

Why Does Barack Obama Hate Girl Scouts?

by Sara K. Smith

Future Palin voters of AmericaA Girl Scout troop in a Chicago-area suburb asked both Barack Obama and John McCain for some campaign schwag so they could get their “Ms. President” badges, and the McCain campaign was like, “OK yes here you go cute Girl Scouts, here is a huge box of crap for you, someday you will remember this and vote Republican!!” while the jagoffs at Obama HQ hemmed and hawed. Jesus, how bad are they at training their staff that two separate people say, “Sorry adorable young symbols of all that is right and good with America, we don’t give away valuable pins for free”?

Michelle Walsh, the Girl Scout troop leader, called the Obama campaign TWICE and talked with two different yahoos who directed her to the Web site where she was invited to pay many hot dollars for a few pins and signs. Finally Walsh called up this dude at the Chicago Tribune who writes a column on citizens getting hosed by the Corporates. This reporter called an Obama spokesperson with half a brain and the problem was quickly remedied.

Now all the little girls can get their “Ms. President” badges, huzzah.

Obama campaign patches up goof with Naperville Girl Scouts [Chicago Tribune]

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NoWireHangers September 12, 2008 at 11:31 am

Our Girl Scout troop sold Avon cosmetics and used the money to go to the mall.

ManchuCandidate September 12, 2008 at 11:36 am

See! A MOOOSLIM! We all know that MOOSLIMS hate Girl Scout Cookies.

slavojzizek September 12, 2008 at 11:36 am

This is totally upside down and backwards. Everyone knows the Boy Scouts is run by a bunch of pedophiles, which means they should be the focus of the McCain campaign. While the girl scouts is a recruitment tool for lesbians, i.e. Democrats. September 12, 2008 at 11:37 am

Yeah, I’d really like to see Obama’s machine get in gear on stuff like this. Doesn’t seem hard to do.

Texan Bulldoggette September 12, 2008 at 11:39 am

Walnuts was just scoping the terrain for wife #3. Cindy’s getting a little long in the tooth you know.

Lorax September 12, 2008 at 11:39 am

Given how things have been going this year, the Obama folks were clearly trying to avoid the following headline:


grendel September 12, 2008 at 11:41 am

WTF have we been giving you money for, Hopey?! Carpet bomb the fucking nation with Obama pins you dumbasses!

TJBeck September 12, 2008 at 11:43 am

If that’s like any other Obama field office, they’re probably out of everything.

facehead September 12, 2008 at 11:44 am

My first serious thought on Wonkette (fuck!):

Let’s say I wanted to “donate” more money than I was normally allowed, to some campaign. Could I (legally) try to hide my donation by buying a SHITLOAD (in the technical sense) of campaign CRAP (buttons, bumper stickers, woopy cushions), at some overpriced value? So I buy 100,000 bumper stickers from the campaign for 10 bucks each, just so that I can dump a cool mil on the candidate.

Is there anything which stops me from doing this? Or should I be someone’s campaign manager.

trophy(forparticipation)wife September 12, 2008 at 11:45 am

Maybe if they sold black and whites. . .

donner_froh September 12, 2008 at 11:45 am

The guy in the McCain office said he would be happy to give the girls plenty of campaign buttons and even buy cookies if one of them would go for a ride in his car.

Serolf Divad September 12, 2008 at 11:46 am

Teach those spoiled brats to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. No free lunches, girls. No free lunches.

NoWireHangers September 12, 2008 at 11:47 am

[re=94266]facehead[/re]: Obama counts merchandise as a donation, so no, they’d figure it out. But you could dump money into a 527 that doesn’t suck.

BobLoblawLawBlog September 12, 2008 at 11:48 am

Cue the McCain sexism claim (and attack ad) in 3…2…

hockeymom September 12, 2008 at 11:48 am

Obama ain’t fat for a reason, peoples. Lay off the Thin Mints, Chunkie McCain.

lazyb September 12, 2008 at 11:50 am

Barry obviously hates girl scouts and their fatmaking cookies.

HomoPolitico September 12, 2008 at 11:50 am

Well, there goes the lesbian vote.

shoeho September 12, 2008 at 11:51 am

[re=94266]facehead[/re]: The later.

Okay, I totally see the issue with this. The Girl Scout troop was from NAPERVILLE. Now, I haven’t lived there in a few years–okay, about 15—but women were still wearing white gloves to the f’in grocery store when I lived in Naperville. I was the only non-minority (and there were damned few minorities) Dem in my neighborhood. This place is a midwest version of Stepford. OF COURSE Walnuts gave them a bunch of cr*p, their parents already given a whole big bunch of $$.

The chances of any of these little cherubs having parents that would actually vote for Barry are about the same as Caribou Barbie has of winning PETA’s person of the year award.

Still, the campaign workers were idiots.

facehead September 12, 2008 at 11:56 am

[re=94271]NoWireHangers[/re]: thx.

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 12, 2008 at 11:57 am

Great. This is going to play well. I certainly hope that, nationwide, they have had a come to Jeebus meeting with every single campaign worker and volunteer who deals with the public. That article should be posted in the breakroom of every central Obama office. In part of my history that I’d like to forget, I ran a campaign. You lose votes over this shit, especially when Mama Moose is on the other side of the image coin. It’s not just the candidates themselves that can screw up the big picture; your every day volunteer is super capable of accidentally giving you a swift kick in the nuts as well.

Weeping Jesus September 12, 2008 at 11:57 am

Sara K. Smith: Just guessing that you grew up in Pittsburgh, the only city in the country where “jagoff” is used by all age groups and all three genders.

trophy(forparticipation)wife September 12, 2008 at 11:59 am

[re=94281]shoeho[/re]: They’re actually solidly split.

AngryBlakGuy September 12, 2008 at 11:59 am

…I dated a girl who use to dress in a girl scout uniform. Errrrrrrr, oops sorry got a little distracted there! Where were we?

shoeho September 12, 2008 at 12:00 pm

[re=94299]trophy(forparticipation)wife[/re]: Wow, that ain’t the Naperville I lived in and hated for years. Must be the influence of all those Whole Food’s and Starbucks moving in.

Weeping Jesus September 12, 2008 at 12:00 pm

[re=94266]facehead[/re]: Are candidates actually giving out whoopy cushions? Is that what the odd sound at the RNC was when the delegates sat back down after yet another rousing standing ovation for the Most Qualified Candidate? I’m feeling myself moving back into the Undecided category…..

HomoElectus September 12, 2008 at 12:01 pm

having been trained by similar “yahoos” in oregon, i can tell you that ‘go to the website’ is always the answer for merchandise requests, because those things cost the campaign money and dont actually produce any positive effect for the campaign. not that getting a free yard sign wont automatically make these kids wonderful citizens for life or anything.

AnnieGetYourFun September 12, 2008 at 12:02 pm

The whole scout thing is a totally foreign world to me, so foreign that I actually HATE Thin Mints. How many Wonketteers were Scouts of some kind of another?

facehead September 12, 2008 at 12:04 pm

I’m sure McCain sniffs little girls bicycle seats too. Do we really want some old man who has been seen giving little toys to little girls he doesn’t even know to be prez? … OMG Palin’s TITS ARE HUGE!!!! If I can keep my dick away from the voting lever, Barry may just win.

Schadenfried September 12, 2008 at 12:06 pm

[re=94256]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I thought that why Sarah Palin was picked.

ThePuckStopsHere September 12, 2008 at 12:07 pm

Holy shit, Batman. McCain actually went and said it hisself. Ya’ know, the thingy where Palin-in-Comparison is qualified to be the Leader of the Fress World ’cause Alaska is next to Russia. It’s at the 2:20 mark of the video…right near the end. Which is where, I fear, we will all be if these to wind up In Charge.

Georgia Girl September 12, 2008 at 12:09 pm

Get a grip Obama!!!!! I am a volunteer for Obama in Columbus, Georgia. At our regular meeting on Tuesday at the Democratic Party Headquarters, they had only a handful of voter registration applications, no tee shirts, no yard signs, and less than 40 buttons which sold for $2.50 EACH!!!!!
The week before, the t-shirts were $20. They should be sold at cost!!!!!!!!!!!! What are our contributions buying?

People here are anxious about the inexperienced VP pick and it has energized us. Columbus is the home of Ft. Benning that trains new recruits including Track Palin.

Larry McAwful September 12, 2008 at 12:09 pm

[re=94297]Weeping Jesus[/re]: I was just going to ask her about that! I grew up about seventy miles north of Pittsburgh, but we still talked more or less the same, and used that word.

In my high school, one of our track and field stars tried to get everyone to call him “Mr. Jav,” because he was so good at throwing the javelin. But what happens when you try to give yourself a nickname is that people will make fun of you more than you could ever imagine, and of course we all called the poor bastard “Mr. Jag” for the rest of his career at Hickory High.

When the TV show “JAG” came out, I thought they were making fun of the military. Seriously. I still can’t quite wrap my head around a marine calling himself a “JAG” on purpose.

Y’uns keep on usin’ the Picksburghisms n’at, Sara! Go Stillers!

CorkPopper September 12, 2008 at 12:12 pm

[re=94306]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Two years of Brownies, then I got annoyed and quit.

Thought about putting my son in the Boy Scouts (because he loves the camping, and in NYC options are limited) until I was reminded that Boy Scouts officially ban all gheys and anyone who doesn’t love Jeebus, or at least *some* sort of invisible superman in the sky. So I had to tell the creepy Scout leader who was stalking me “thanks, but no thanks.” Seriously, he was sending me emails at home and calling me EVERY DAY to see if I was signing my kid up. So even if we did believe in gay-hating and invisible superman, I’d have to stay away, because I wouldn’t want to leave my kid alone with him for ONE SECOND.

Georgia Girl September 12, 2008 at 12:15 pm

Did anyone see the View Today? Cindy McCain said the Russians were bad….killing in Georgia. You should have seen the look on John MCCains face when she said that!!! These were white children you know in Georgia……not brown ones like the women and children in Iraq.

V572625694 September 12, 2008 at 12:15 pm

[re=94306]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: BSA Troop 510 or something, in Hinsdale (not that far from Naperville!) Illinois. Achieved the exalted rank of Second Class Scout through assiduous hard work. Went to summer camp one year and came home a virgin, but learned many, many dirty jokes, only some of which I understood. Observed that achieving the higher ranks required shitloads of hard work (1 merit badge = BA degree; Eagle Scout = two or three PhDs in science), and quit.

Servo September 12, 2008 at 12:16 pm

When Obama says NO to special interests, he means fuckin’ NO!

[re=94297]Weeping Jesus[/re]:
I kinda miss the word jagoff.

Larry McAwful September 12, 2008 at 12:17 pm

[re=94306]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I was a Boy Scout. I made Eagle, in fact. I learned a lot of things in Scouts, like when you head out into woods with other boys your age, make sure you’re not wearing pink lacey underwear for some reason because one of your fellow Scouts just might get it in his mind to start running around pulling everyone’s shorts down. The kid with the pink lacey underwear never explained why he was wearing it. You probably guessed that he never showed up to another Scout meeting ever again.

My scoutmaster was a redneck jagoff who loved God and country music and had a speech impediment. My troop was full of psychotic adolescents, most of whom were atheists who listened to Devo and Frank Zappa and made fun of our scoutmaster’s speech impediment. It was like a regular Goddamned Norman Rockwell painting.

shortsshortsshorts September 12, 2008 at 12:19 pm

[re=94337]Servo[/re]: Barry is a special interest.

jimh September 12, 2008 at 12:20 pm

[re=94326]CorkPopper[/re]: They have a quota, especially if your kid is cute.

Larry McAwful September 12, 2008 at 12:23 pm

[re=94326]CorkPopper[/re]: I’m probably going to have kids in a couple of years, so I’ve thought about this. If any of them are boys, I don’t know if I’m going to encourage Scouting. Back in the ’80s, when I was in Scouts, it wasn’t as God-soaked and gay-bashy as it is today. That stuff didn’t start in earnest until soon after I made Eagle in 1987. (Well, maybe it did in the South, but in western Pennsylvania, no one talked much about it. All the same, if you came out as gay in the Scouts back then, you’d be subject to the same ridicule and harassment you’d get in your typical western Pennsylvania high school, which was a lot. The difference is that nowadays, scoutmasters can feel free to kick you out with glee and impunity. But if you knock up a teenage girl, you can now get your manhood merit badge.)

If my hypothetical son wants to join Scouts, I’ll let him, but I’ve got my misgivings about this organization that I enjoyed so much when I was a boy. It’s sad, really.

Devil Anse September 12, 2008 at 12:25 pm

Girl Scout cookies have pork fat in ‘em

botlrokit September 12, 2008 at 12:30 pm

[re=94338]Larry McAwful[/re]: My scout troop was Lord of the Flies. I hope they’re all homeless now.

Urbanachiever September 12, 2008 at 12:35 pm

Unfortunately, the best thing about this article was the photo included in the print version–about 12 girl scouts (9 white and 3 minority), each waving either a McCain sticker or an Obama sticker. Guess which girls were holding which stickers? (trust, I kid you NOT)

cal September 12, 2008 at 12:35 pm

[re=94306]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: How can anyone hate Thin Mints?!?!

That’s like hating AMERICA!!!!!!!

jagorev September 12, 2008 at 12:39 pm

[re=94266]facehead[/re]: you can’t do that. Purchase of campaign shwag in large amounts counts towards your donation limit, and will be reported to the FEC.

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 12, 2008 at 12:39 pm

[re=94306]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Brownie and Girl Scout. My brother was an Eagle Scout (which I think means that he can fly).

shortsshortsshorts September 12, 2008 at 12:46 pm

[re=94385]jagorev[/re]: You could make an argument that the cost of creating the bumper sticker doesn’t make it a pure-donation per se, because bumper stickers are like diamonds where I come from. The tribes get all genocidal when we find them.

pondscum September 12, 2008 at 12:47 pm

Girl Scout: Is this made from real lemons?
Wednesday: Yes.
Girl Scout: I only like all-natural foods and beverages, organically grown, with no preservatives. Are you sure they’re real lemons?
Pugsley: Yes.
Girl Scout: I’ll tell you what. I’ll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. Do we have a deal?
Wednesday: Are they made from real Girl Scouts?

BrutallyHonestBabes September 12, 2008 at 12:49 pm

Well, if it’s a Ms. President badge they should have gone to Female Sarah Palin. She would have sent a passel o’ moose heads for them to mount in their urban inner city hovels.

pondscum September 12, 2008 at 12:50 pm

[re=94402]BrutallyHonestBabes[/re]: I’m guessing you haven’t been to Naperville…

jodyleek September 12, 2008 at 12:52 pm

[re=94382]cal[/re]: If you hate thin mints, the terrorists win!
Maybe that should be the Girls Scout’s tag line on each box
of those wonderful, crunchy brown bits of heaven?

BrutallyHonestBabes September 12, 2008 at 12:59 pm

[re=94407]pondscum[/re]: No, but things like facts and truths don’t really matter to me because I’m American.

DemmeFatale September 12, 2008 at 1:13 pm

Every campaign I’ve worked on has had self-important dick-heads like this who sweat the small stuff. These douche-bags can really set a campaign back. Usually these wonderful citizens are kept in the back stapling things, stuffing envelopes or sending generic faxes.

And yeah, I totally would have contacted the media, too. (If McCain had balked).

Get it together, people!

V572625694 September 12, 2008 at 1:21 pm

[re=94386]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Eagle Scouts can only fly when Cindy McCain gives them the necessary uh, fuel.

V572625694 September 12, 2008 at 1:23 pm

[re=94316]Georgia Girl[/re]: You’re brave. Doesn’t everybody in Columbus have an M4 or an AK at home, and bring it to the door whenever anyone knocks?

Ever eat at Bludau’s Goetchius House? Slightly creepy, but cool.

Miller September 12, 2008 at 1:27 pm

He once bit into a Samoa with a human finger in it. Never got over it. Vowed to destroy the Girl Scouts that very day and horde their precious badges. Deal with it.

Viva la Cynthia September 12, 2008 at 1:32 pm

I paid real, live money for two stickers from Hopey’s website over 3 weeks ago, and I still haven’t gotten them. I hope the Schwag Distribution Czar is fired over this. Do we really want a guy whose website acts like a broken vending machine to be our President? I mean, shit, maybe he knows what the Bush Doctrine is, but that won’t express my views on the back of my car for me.

Cy_Guy September 12, 2008 at 1:43 pm

Don’t these Girl Scouts have Facebook accounts? I can’t go one Facebook without seeing a dozen or so ads for MOVEON sponsored Obama swag, including free bumperstickers.

The Obama campaign REALLY does not give out free stuff, and they haven’t right from the beginning. I volunteered at, and paid to attend an Obama event back in October 2007, and even though I was the last volunteer at the site picking trash off the ground while the campaign reps were drinking their bottled water, I couldn’t convince them to give me even a free pin to make up for the money I paid to attend the event that I ended up volunteering at as well. (and yes, I am still a little bitter, but it was clear they are very firm on their no free swag policy)

Borat September 12, 2008 at 1:51 pm

Of course Obama’s staff should question these kids. Weren’t they the ones who stole all those flags from the convention?

trophy(forparticipation)wife September 12, 2008 at 1:54 pm

[re=94306]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I was a boy scout and a girl scout.

trophy(forparticipation)wife September 12, 2008 at 2:04 pm

Hey, they should have contacted the McCain campaign for Obama signs. They must have some from their garbage picking in Denver.

TGY September 12, 2008 at 2:06 pm

[re=94589]trophy(forparticipation)wife[/re]: Would that be a ‘biscout’? Because ‘hermaphroscout’ is hard to say.

shortsshortsshorts September 12, 2008 at 2:41 pm

[re=94306]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: With all due respect Annie, How could you say you hate thin mints? Thin mints are the best thing to ever come to man kind. Thin mints are a staple of progress and I strongly refute and denounce that statement. Who doesn’t like thin mints?

sarcasticusername September 12, 2008 at 6:20 pm

why aren’t obama’s kids girl scouts? do they really hate america that much?

Liberty September 13, 2008 at 2:35 am

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