WE ARE ALL FRENCHIES  1:51 pm September 11, 2008

We Failed MSNBC’s 9/11 Quiz

by Jim Newell

The MSNBC television channel is home to numerous liberal windbag children like Keith Olbermann, the important sports highlight show reporter who gets very grave and solemn while discussing people who exploit 9/11 in a tacky, self-promoting fashion, which ironically is what he’s doing in the process. And so Keith must be upset today with his network’s website, MSNBC.com, which actually has a live feature called “Know 9/11? Take a tougher-than-usual quiz.” We’re not sure when all of these “usual” 9/11 quizzes took place, but we agree that this one is tougher. We got a 40% and will now go to Gitmo. DHS agents are picking us up any moment now. Oh no they’re breaking down the door! Well, everyone, it’s been a pleasu


Hola wonkerados.

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ManchuCandidate September 11, 2008 at 1:56 pm

I got 70% as a Furriner. Does this mean I can get a green card (not that I want one)?

CivicHoliday September 11, 2008 at 1:56 pm

That scary flag-winged eagle shall haunt my nightmares for all eternity. Thanks, Gitmo-Jim. Enjoy your testicle electricution!

LauraElizabeth September 11, 2008 at 1:57 pm

This is the best:

4. At the time of 9/11 attacks, President Bush was in the Sarasota, Fla., area, where he was visiting an elementary school to promote an education initiative. What is the name of the school?
Booker T. Washington Elementary School
H. Barbara Booker Elementary School
Emma E. Booker Elementary School
Kermit R. Booker Elementary School
5. After hearing of the attacks and finishing a book with second graders at the Booker Elementary School, President Bush was rushed to Air Force One, which was quickly airborne. Where did the plane next touch down?

Godless Liberal * September 11, 2008 at 1:57 pm

I am 50% more patriotic than Wonkette.

4tehlulz September 11, 2008 at 1:58 pm

[re=92779]ManchuCandidate[/re]: No it means you HAVE to get one.

dougbob September 11, 2008 at 1:58 pm

do ya think we can get sarah palin to take this test?

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 11, 2008 at 1:59 pm

I suck. 40%. In all fairness, if you pass this test, you know too much. And, obviously, you’re a terrorist.

NoWireHangers September 11, 2008 at 2:00 pm

I got 40% too. You mean Booker T. Washington Elementary School doesn’t exist? Bastards.

4tehlulz September 11, 2008 at 2:00 pm

[re=92785]dougbob[/re]: With or without Joe Lieberman whispering in his ear?

El Bombastico September 11, 2008 at 2:01 pm

[re=92785]dougbob[/re]: Yes, in three weeks, after rigorous prep from Joe Lieberman.

Anita Cocktail September 11, 2008 at 2:01 pm

Um, going back to the post before this one, were they regular cretins? or troll cretins? or new cretins who haven’t gotten the unspoken conventions and unwritten code that real Wonketeers live by?

HIROHITO99 September 11, 2008 at 2:02 pm

I’m 50% of a Never Forget, Crying Eagle patriot. Suck it, Al Quaeda.

ZippyDee September 11, 2008 at 2:02 pm

[re=92779]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Unfair. You probably get fact-based news coverage where you are from. You may as well have just cheated, you cheatie cheater!

BrutallyHonestBabes September 11, 2008 at 2:03 pm

I’m glad I have learned the 9/11 lesson that President Dubya was not at Kermit the Frog Elementary School during the terrorist attacks. I am now qualified to be VP!

Monsieur Grumpe September 11, 2008 at 2:03 pm

I got a D- and I’m still smarter than Bush.

Wagamuffin September 11, 2008 at 2:03 pm

Keith Olbermann. Tested. Ugh.

Serolf Divad September 11, 2008 at 2:03 pm

The GOP version:

1) America was attacked because:

(choose 1)
1) The terrorists hate our Freedoms

2) True or False: Everyone, and I mean everyone thought Iraq had WMDs:

(Choose true or true)
1) True

3) The August PDB that Condi Shared with Bush was titled:

(Choose 1)
1) “Bill Clinton says Bin Ladin unlikely to attack US any time soon.”

4) The U.S. economy tanked, and millions list their jobs because of:

(Choose 1)
1) The recession Bush inherited from Clinton deepened after 9/11

5) The Lord Lifted his protecting veil and allowed 9/11 because:

(choose 1)
1) We tolerate Homosexuals in this country

6) If Barack Obama were elected President:

(Choose 1)
1) A resurgent Al Qaeda would launch new attacks against America that would make 9/11 look like your Thanksgiving dinner.

4tehlulz September 11, 2008 at 2:03 pm

[re=92788]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: In all fairness, I think you’re considered a terrorist if you believe that most of the attackers were from the land of oil and friendship, Saudi Arabia.

AngryBlakGuy September 11, 2008 at 2:04 pm

…dont feel so bad guys, “W” got negative 30%!

columnv September 11, 2008 at 2:04 pm

10. Excluding the hijackers, almost 3,000 people were killed in the 9/11 attacks. Among these were hundreds of foreign nationals. Which country lost most citizens?

I like this question. Cause w/o the 19 hijackers, you’re “almost 3,000″ gets pretty fucked up.

Johnny Zhivago September 11, 2008 at 2:04 pm

[re=92781]LauraElizabeth[/re]: Everyone knows Bush was circling Manhattan in a Trilateral Commission AWACS Command Frigate – carefully disguised as a Circle Line Tour boat.

Scott-san September 11, 2008 at 2:04 pm


I’m gonna go cower in the corner to get ready for the dogs. Maybe they’ll pile all of us Wonketteers up and take a group picture.

cal September 11, 2008 at 2:05 pm

The only answer that matters: My Pet Goat.

Uncle Al September 11, 2008 at 2:05 pm

The test forgot to ask, “Why did President Bush ignore Condi’s memo warning of the attacks?”
a. He doesn’t know how to read.
b. He doesn’t like to read.
c. He’s more of a “gut” person, not a “thinking” person.
d. He doesn’t like to read.

Walter Sobchak September 11, 2008 at 2:05 pm

I got a 50%. I think they should make Rudy take this on National Teevee.

Anita Cocktail September 11, 2008 at 2:06 pm

I got 80 percent right. Suck it, losers!

Gopherit v2.0 September 11, 2008 at 2:06 pm

80%. I don’t know whether to be proud or to up my meds.

DoctorCulturae September 11, 2008 at 2:07 pm

Simple Sarah says: “I don’t have to know all there is about 9/11, because I already know everything I need to know. No one has told me just what teh Allen Kayduh does.”

MARCdMan September 11, 2008 at 2:07 pm

70% I’m packing my bags for the “know too much” side of Git’mo.

jagorev September 11, 2008 at 2:09 pm

I got 50%, which proves I am more patriotic than Wonkette.

Anita Cocktail September 11, 2008 at 2:09 pm

[re=92803]Serolf Divad[/re]: Ha ha, you should have Thanksgiving in my parents’ house. Toss-up.

PengIn September 11, 2008 at 2:11 pm

30%. I haz forgetted.

Terry September 11, 2008 at 2:11 pm

70%! Woo hoooooo

Is that level of knowledge too high for a job at Homeland Security?

JadedDIssonance September 11, 2008 at 2:12 pm

I got 40%, but I think that’s only because I chose the most ironic answers.

grendel September 11, 2008 at 2:12 pm

I got a 50%… it said I’m scheduled for a sitdown meeting with Larry Craig in a Minneapolis Airport bathroom… Oh noes!

Serolf Divad September 11, 2008 at 2:13 pm

[re=92821]Anita Cocktail[/re]:

I know… that was a softball tossed out for one of you guys.

demtard September 11, 2008 at 2:14 pm

Let’s make that jackass Rudy Giuliani take this fucking quiz and laugh when he gets a shitty score.

Trollop September 11, 2008 at 2:14 pm

I got 90% link

Not sure if I should be proud or worried…

Anonymous Office Zombie September 11, 2008 at 2:15 pm

That must be a picture of our new American flag Palin’s going to introduce during her eventual presidential inaugeration/monster truck rally.

V572625694 September 11, 2008 at 2:15 pm

[re=92803]Serolf Divad[/re]: Awe-inspiring!

7) President John “Sydney” McCain will prevent further terrorist attacks like 9/11 because:

(Choose 1)
1) He’s so resolute! Five and a half years, Alan! Plus he knows how to survive crashing aircraft.

rambone September 11, 2008 at 2:17 pm

Why does MSNBC hate America with these sexist quizzes that asks for “facts?”

Joehoya September 11, 2008 at 2:18 pm

80%. I’ve always prided myself on being slightly better than average.

Walter Sobchak September 11, 2008 at 2:18 pm

[re=92827]demtard[/re]: Mom?

ReelectTilden September 11, 2008 at 2:18 pm

80%. Does that mean i have to vote for McCain.

TGY September 11, 2008 at 2:18 pm

I neither confirm nor deny I took that quiz, nor do I have any knowledge of it at this time.

natoslug September 11, 2008 at 2:20 pm

Yay! I got 50%, and I only guessed on 9 of the 10 questions. Today, I am truly proud to be an Armenian. Er, American.

Matt Cvetic September 11, 2008 at 2:20 pm

Yeah, baby, I got 90%! Woo hoo!

Oh, wait…

SkimLatteModerate September 11, 2008 at 2:20 pm

This quiz is creepy as fuck.

What are the names of the “dead” people on United 93? The only people who know this shit are truthers. And/or nerds who actually finished the comission report.

JadedDIssonance September 11, 2008 at 2:22 pm

I got a better score on the Science Test. Take THAT Public Schools!

Delicious September 11, 2008 at 2:22 pm

I got 80. Would’ve gotten 90 if I didn’t switch on Barksdale.

Now I’m ready to storm the Gates of Hell!

georgia_peach September 11, 2008 at 2:23 pm

Yikes, 30%.

Usually I’m embarrassed when I do badly on current-events quizzes, but NOTHING in this quiz has anything to do with knowing about or understanding 9/11 (except the part about Saudi Arabia, but since the government doesn’t care, why should we? More public beheadings, please!). It seems to have been written by someone who is unhealthily obsessed with 9/11 minutiae and constantly discussing and reading about the attacks.

So I’m guessing that Rudy G. would do pretty well, actually.

JadedDIssonance September 11, 2008 at 2:25 pm

[re=92848]SkimLatteModerate[/re]: Actually, Todd “Let’s Roll” Beamer went to my undergrad. We had a huge bas-relief memorial of him installed in the new student center that bears his name. Dennis Hastert even showed up to the service! (I helped sing the national anthem for it…hell, a gig’s a gig.)
I met his wife. I hope her book deal works out.

Mara47 September 11, 2008 at 2:25 pm

It scares hell out of me that I scored 80% by mostly guessing. (I’d have gotten 90% if I hadn’t changed one answer from what my Inner Wonk knew was right, but that I thought was too obvious and therefore, probably a lie.) This tells me that my brain has been co-opted by subliminable nine-elevening. Where do I get my “Support Our Troops” magnet?

WagTehGod September 11, 2008 at 2:26 pm

Where are all the questions about Satan’s horns in the Twin Towers smoke?

m_supercomputer September 11, 2008 at 2:29 pm

Hurrah, 9/11 Minutiae! Can a special edition of Trivial Pursuit be far behind? Parker Brothers would totally go for that if they really love America.

GayInMaine September 11, 2008 at 2:29 pm

I’m sorry they took you away. Juli-with-no-e, I guess the place is all yours now.

ladymacbeth September 11, 2008 at 2:31 pm

[re=92781]LauraElizabeth[/re]: hey! you have my name!

i only got ted olson, saudi arabia and UK citizens. this says something unflattering, only i don’t know what.

Dr. Feelquestionable September 11, 2008 at 2:33 pm

Ha ha, 60%! It took me FIVE AND HALF YEARS to beat Wonkette’s score by 20%.

WadISay September 11, 2008 at 2:39 pm

The terrorists wake up every morning thinking how they can hurt America…and so do we!!!

Monkey September 11, 2008 at 2:46 pm

That shit is just morbid. I realize ‘Mericans have headline-to-headline memory spans, but a fucking quiz really trivializes the event all too soon.

shoeho September 11, 2008 at 2:50 pm

[re=92829]Trollop[/re]: Me too. I think “spends too much time watching 24 hour cable news” is the correct answer. I missed the “four names” one.

magic titty September 11, 2008 at 2:51 pm

Haha – I got 10% of the questions right.
But i also managed to get 90% of them wrong.

Why do I hate 9/11?

gadfly September 11, 2008 at 2:51 pm

Damn I got a 40% too. Maybe I should stop getting ALL of my information from your website.

DangerousLiberal September 11, 2008 at 2:54 pm

80%, bitches. Consider all y’all pwned.

A trivia quiz? About 9/11? The terrorists may not have already won, but the idiots that run our tee vee networks sure are looking good.

OzoneTom September 11, 2008 at 3:05 pm

50% But about half of my correct answers were WAGs…

ThePuckStopsHere September 11, 2008 at 3:06 pm

90% cause I stay informed by reading websites like Wonkette. I would have scored a perfect ten if only all elementary schools were named after Booker T. Washington like they should be.

nutcracker September 11, 2008 at 3:16 pm

90% here too, but I kinda cheated. I was in the Pentagon that day flying all the planes by remote control, and Rummy bumped my shoulder at the wrong time, which was the real reason flight 93 crashed.

freppish September 11, 2008 at 3:28 pm

[re=92934]magic titty[/re]: yeah i got 10% to, i think it means that we are smarter because we didnt pay attention to all the conspiracy theory BS, i knew they were from saudi and thats the only detail that matters

sanantonerose September 11, 2008 at 3:33 pm

50% And I learnt all those facts from reading Wonkette.

planet-arium September 11, 2008 at 3:34 pm

60% for me which is what I always got in algebra. Found memories. Never forget high school!

TJBeck September 11, 2008 at 3:54 pm

50% means I’m 25% more smarter then Wonkette!

Scooter September 11, 2008 at 3:59 pm

40% would’ve put me in the hall-of-fame as a baseballer!! Crap, all I do is watch cable news. You’d think I’d be better informed.

ZippyDee September 11, 2008 at 4:00 pm

[re=92928]shoeho[/re]: Me too. I thought they had the Martin Short character among the options, which I thought was in questionable taste.

Mo MoDo September 11, 2008 at 4:08 pm

80% because of my SAT tested answer discriminator (guessing) skills. Follow-up question: What country that we invaded and have lost over 4,000 soldiers in had absolutely NOTHING to do with 9/11?

BruceLee5000 September 11, 2008 at 4:10 pm

40%. But give me break, who memorized the names of famous Flight 93 passengers? Or cretinous movie directors for that matter…

Tawmn September 11, 2008 at 4:13 pm

I got 60% so clearly I am a terrorizz

Anita Cocktail September 11, 2008 at 4:15 pm

[re=92834]V572625694[/re]: Haha, “Love Sydney” was a teevee show about a GAY guy. Does that mean John Mccain secretly wants teh buttsecks?

HomoPolitico September 11, 2008 at 4:25 pm

The answer to every question about 9/11 is simple:

The Jews.

HomoPolitico September 11, 2008 at 4:26 pm

BTW, I’m a member of the tribe, a hebrew, a yid, a kike, a hook-nose, a red sea pedestrian…not an anti-semite. I’m only an anti-semite when I’m working in food service.

InKnockYouUs September 11, 2008 at 4:32 pm

loggin in. Whew it was hard to register here. I had to swear I knew nothing about anal rap. What is this 9/11 you speak of?

azw88 September 11, 2008 at 4:33 pm

Ha!! I got 90%!!!

I guess that makes me…. ummm…… a republican, because we all know that the heathen, terrorist-loving, Hussein-backing, freedom hating,liberal-pussy democrats know NOTHING about 9/11.

Paradise September 11, 2008 at 5:06 pm

phew. only got 50% so i get to keep my liberal card.

Rush September 11, 2008 at 5:23 pm

110% because its about my family values

uncletravelingmatt September 11, 2008 at 5:33 pm

30%. I can’t remember if not knowing anything makes me more patriotic or less.

scwrud September 11, 2008 at 5:57 pm

80 percent, and when did Newark get an airport?

AlexisHidell September 11, 2008 at 7:37 pm

60%, and would have been better if I’d remembered that Tony Blair wasn’t Canadian. Damn 4:20!

AnnieGetYourFun September 12, 2008 at 1:28 am

Ha! 50%! That means I get waterboarded in the comfort of my own condo.

villageatrois September 12, 2008 at 2:28 am

[re=92803]Serolf Divad[/re]: Shit! Just one choice for each, which was welcome after a hard test, but I only got 60%. I think my problem is that I know the answers, but I don’t accept them. Fail, or what?

Sir Gaywad Baggington-Douchely von Suck September 12, 2008 at 4:29 am

[re=93234]scwrud[/re]: 1986, scwrud. I know because I passed through what passed for Newark’s previous airport around 1985, a year before the new one was built. I seem to recall it as something resembling a big, sweaty pile of moldy plastic with a Roy Rogers inside of it. But they had posters up all over the place saying the new airport was going to be much better!

I got 80%, by the way. So I am now Vice President of 9/11.

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