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Remember to leave your stockings out tonight, kids, because 9/11 comes but once a year! Rudy Giuliani will fly on his 9/11 Sleigh pulled by eight rats to deliver gifts to the world’s non-Muslim children — a ritual dating back to the First 9/11, when George W. Bush ordered Americans to go to the mall and buy shit to show Resolve. What will Rudy bring you this year? If you’re lucky, it’ll be a… fwuitcake! [YouTube]

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90 COMMENTS

  1. What did I miss? Is the link not working ’cause the towers have fallen? Some sort of blackout joke I’m not getting? It’s been a long day, help me out here.

  2. [re=92135]Jim Newell[/re]: I am now aware of your Nigerian ploy to take away my moneys by clicking the link, but will click on said link because it is Wednesday night, and I am bored.

  3. 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11

    Navr ferget!!1!

  4. not sure if it’s the red one or the you one, but one of the tubes is down. The Biden vid won’t work either. Fuck it, if you can’t watch a video mocking 9/11 on 9/11, the terrorists have won.

  5. [re=92148]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: You need to stick around at later hours, to tell us all what 9/11 has done to our country, because you were the first American.

    Gopherit for President, bitches.

  6. 9/11. 10 million scared shitless Americans.
    9/12. Liquor sales hit all-time high.
    9/13. “Come to New York, and Spend Money.”

    Priceless.

    Happy Patriot Day, heathens.

  7. [re=92155]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Wha? You said it shorterthanshortestshorts. Gopherit has something wrong somewhere. Must have missed the sins coming from Giuliani as the source of the whole piece/article/hoodlum comment fest.

    Personal note: Was blacked out since Gustav until yesterday. Just saw Ron Paul on Colbert for first time. He said they took away the guns in New Orleans. Has he been to New Orleans, like, ever? Bullets flew/fly/will fly in the City of Death (that’s what the youngsters call it now — bless their hearts).

    I think I missed 9/11 in 2005 because of Katrina, and now I just found out I almost missed it. Uh, moment of silence… … … … … RIP.

    Osama is probably desperately trying to silence Wonkette in fear that they will tell the world his clone is about to be killed by Bush-WALNUTS! as the Election Surprise to end all Election Surprises.

    kk… quiet now, Druk. Just be quiet. That’s right. Good boy.

  8. [re=92170]Strappo[/re]: Uh, thanks? Hmm.

    911tm… Olbermann got cut off here, and that was my commercial channel for the last minute until 9 (not 11, just 9 p.m.). Blast!

  9. you know, seriously, folks, i think we just ought to call 9/11 Terrorist Day. It’s simple, direct, it’s inclusive of despised groups (like Republicans) AND it will give a sorely needed boost to American business. New card-giving occasion. A retail bridge between back-to-school and Halloween. And we get to buy the many wonderful ethnic foods such as camel humps and virgins’ hymens.

    Brilliant, wot?

    http://www.mondosapore.com

  10. Why to go, Jim. You couldn’t even put up this sorry post at 9:11 PM like a real America. You call yourself a blogger? Shameful. Maybe you can make up for it tomorrow morning with a patriotic salute at 9:11 AM. We’ll see if you’re up for the task*.

    *(Not really because it’ll only be 6:11 AM on the left coast and I’ll be asleep)

    Never forget.

  11. [re=92166]2druk2phluq[/re]: I am terrified by you, so you should probably post more. We must elect Barry the antichrist, so you are not taken away. While it’s easy to to share the same views, I have not been drowned by a hurricane, so I will worship Jeebus and hope teh gays are prayed into being straighted, so we can take over Russia (she has SO MUCH experience).

  12. Obama was fab on Davo tonite. Check it out when youtubes get it up.

    Loved it when Letterman asked Obama if his 87 year old grandmother was going to vote for Walnuts so she could vote for someone closer to her age.

    Oh, and Obama said HE used to be [pre-SnowBush] on the cover of Time and Newsweek. Now it’s the centerfold of Popular Mechanics… with a wrench. Ooooooooooh, aaaaaaaaaaaaah. Wish I knew how to Photoshop that.

    G’night. G’morning. I love 9/11 ’cause I’ll get to see Obama and Wild Bill later. I heart New York.

  13. [re=92166]2druk2phluq[/re]: Cool. When you detox, can you make sure to post what the DTs are like? I’ve heard stories about my Grandfather, but those might have been B.S.

  14. [re=92185]NoWireHangers[/re]: Oh, a special present for everyone is already written & scheduled to post at 9:11 a.m. tomorrow morning. We would’ve posted it manually at the time, except we’ll be busy PRAYING TO JESUS BEFORE THE AMERICAN FLAG as you ALL SHOULD BE.

  15. [re=92195]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Yes. I am Gay. Stop posting your blog and go to hell, you rotten son of Satin-Jew-Mooslim-Anarchist-Christian folk.

  16. [re=92205]Jim Newell[/re]: I don’t own an American flag. My apartment’s too small. I’m a shut-in. I can’t go to a school or a post office. I don’t know any Republicans. What shall I do?

  17. [re=92205]Jim Newell[/re]: I should think so. You haven’t been liveblogging Lou Dobb’s Independent Convention; you didn’t liveblog Caribou Princess’s arrival in wherever Alaska (Faggoty Andy kept squealing they were the only ones who had it live. I flipped over and there it was live on MSNBC–silly cunt Andy); you didn’t liveblog Hopey on Letterpuss.

    BTW, Caribou Princess’s speech was worth liveblogging from the airport lounge or whatever the fuck that was. She is an even bigger cretin when not scripted; worse (better for you) than anyone here can imagine and that is saying something. By the time it is edited she will sound “just like one of us.”

    Jeezus Christe boiled over a bunson burner.

  18. today the flimflam-man-express will claim that you’ll be safe in the hands of the bullshit party with lipstick on, of course.
    the white house will shed many crocodile tears and approve a gazillion dollars on more no bid contracts.

  19. I brought home a SUITCASE full of American Flags from the Obama stadium show. We will be erecting one in the morning at our secure undisclosed campsite in the Yosemite wilderness, which is also why I won’t be writing here until next week. VACATION, BIATCHES. Or four days off, which is more like an insult to vacations.

    Anyway, it’s a shame about 9/11. It was horrific and appalling and should’ve been a serious national wake-up call, and for a few months I kind of believed it was true — that America would realize the consequences and responsibilities of being World Super Power, and that we’d all get smarter about shit like funding Saudi Arabia and its terrorist outcasts through our (at the time) cheap foreign oil.

    Well, so much for that. Instead, 9/11 turned into an excuse for invading Iraq. That’s when, as N.W.A. predicted, 9/11 became a sick joke.

  20. [re=92216]hatlesshead[/re]: I heard her terrifying voice squealing live from my tv tonight. She was all like “Go Alaska! Y’all are gonna love my Johnny! We are totally mavericky!”
    I was really taken by her lack of command when it comes to the english language. ONE OF US! ONE OF US! USA! USA!

  21. [re=92222]druranium[/re]: How about when she was so busy responding to the adoring crowd she forgot poor little Trig and ran over to give him a nanosecond perfunctory kiss. He had been passed around among 16 different people. Some not even family members–I think. Bletch.

  22. Rudy, please. You are unattractive due to the lisp and sneer, annoying due to the self-righteous and ridiculous claim to having saved the soul of 9-11 surviors, and, obnoxious due to, um, well, being born that way. Do you not see this? What about your wife? Is she blinded by your faux celebrity? Are you blinded by her faux beauty? And your kids, what about them? Oh, right, they find you unattactive, annoying and obnoxious, too. Stop it Rudy. You are an embarrassment.

  23. [re=92225]chili[/re]: I repeat: he was also a shitty shitty mayor. We were glad to see him leave. Wee Mike is a far far better mayor. Still a fuckstick but …

  24. [re=92227]S.Luggo[/re]: Wherever it is better take something other than yankee dollars cause they won’t be worth shit. How else will we pay for cocktails?

    There will be no United States by 2012–but there will always be Alaska, that sovereign cuntdom.

  25. [re=92130]SpecialHorse[/re]: “You” or “We”, commie, libsympath running-dog FDR tool?
    — Alan Greenspan
    — Ferdinand the Second of Aragon
    — Tucker Tucker

  26. [re=92231]hatlesshead[/re]: I think you’ll find your yankee dollars are suddenly in the past month-or-so become very much worth shit. 1 GBP hit $2.10 a few months ago, now it’s worth $1.75.

    I remember being at work in the UK when 9/11 happened… somebody there (one of the lefties) was like “That crazy cowboy Georgey Bush is gonna use this to invade Iraq” and I was “yeah, pffft, unlikely”. This is why I never put serious comments on Wonkette.

    Oddly enough, the US Immigration services is going to receive my green card application in a few hours time, assuming the USPS delivers it. I’m not sure if this is the best date to apply…

  27. [re=92224]hatlesshead[/re]: I have found that nobody else watched this Alaska homecoming video. But it was sad and tokeny and bizarre. The msnbc reporter that was on the plane and sequestered from the candidate said he heard squealing from behind the partition when it was evident that palin could see the crowd of snowbillies at the waiting to greet her.
    Maybe she’ll just stay in Alaska for the next few months due to “Scheduling Conflicts”

    [re=92237]bago[/re]: trollopy cunt

  28. On the twelfth day of 9/11,
    my true love sent to me
    Twelve years at Gitmo,
    Eleven – NINE ELEVEN,
    Ten Amendments missing,
    Nine… eleven!
    Eight TSA guards a-probing,
    Seven more years of Dubya,
    Six Cheneys snarling,
    Five I-E-Ds!
    Four planes a-crashing,
    Three yellow ribbons,
    Two anthrax scares,
    And a suspension of habeas corpus.

  29. Oh, hey, it’s 9/11. Thanks for reminding me, as I totally forgot.

    By the way, I hate fruitcake unless there’s SO much rum in it you can basically shoot it. Fruitcake-in-a-glass.

  30. [re=92220]Ken Layne[/re]: You’re right. NWA did predict 911 years before it happened and the resulting aftermath! And, did you notice no Northwest Airlines (also known as NWA) went down in flames! And NWA as can probably be used as an ackronym for many things besides niggaswithattitude.

    You know what that means?

    Where are those 911 truthers when we need them? (By the way they have set up a little camp infront of the US Embassy in London. Would have taken a photo, but it was just too pathetic. They had a soccer ball hanging from a tree and a little tent with and a huge banner)

  31. My mom likes 911-uliani too. She favored him as GOP candidate. I was really saddened and ashamed for a while, but now it’s kind of like “oh well, old folks, they’re fearful and delusional…what can you do?”
    Surprise them with a tire iron in the knee cap on election day, that’s what you can do!
    Naw, jus’ kiddin’ Mom!

  32. Good news from Alaska!
    CNN lady in fairbanks reports signs at the homecoming party reading “Sarah is a good ole boy” and “We know she doesn’t have the qualifications to be v.p.” or some such sentiment.
    Let’s all praise the alcohol-meth-lsd addled protesters for representing the truth in their home state!

  33. Terrorism:
    The unlawful use or threatened use of force or violence by a person or an organized group against people or property with the intention of intimidating or coercing societies or governments, often for ideological or political reasons.

    Who are the terrorists?

  34. [re=92220]Ken Layne[/re]: Goddammit! PUBLIC ENEMY said “9-1-1 is a joke!” Get up, g-g-git git down and get your incendiary late ’80s rap groups straight. Professor Griff died for your sins (well, that and his rabidly anti-semitic rants about the sun worshipers controlling America and whatnot).

  35. “I just wanted to see what you’d do. You didn’t disappoint.”–Joker (Heath Ledger) in The Dark Knight, explaining the rationale for his terrorism.

    That line seems to sum up the way we handled Bin-Laden’s crime: with all the forethought, grace and intelligence of a chimp with its ass on fire. I’m pretty superstitious; maybe it’s been 7 years bad luck from all the glass that got broken that day. Maybe things will turn around now. I just want this cursed day to end without the US getting the old schoolyard “two for flinching.”

  36. You know, during the pre-game bullshit before the US-T&T World Cup qualifier, they referred to the day as ‘September 11th Eve’ – do we open one present then, and the rest today?

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