that's our joe

Joe Biden Encourages Man In Wheelchair To ‘Stand Up’

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Oh God Joe Biden is hilarious. He cannot go more than 45 minutes without saying something incredibly awkward. Fortunately, he is so used to making embarrassing remarks that he’s like, “Enh, well, start the clock again people!” and just moves on to the next GAFFE. His Secret Service code name is Gaffey McGaffesalot, because he makes so many gaffes, even in his dreams where he makes rude remarks to articulate wheelchair-bound Indian operators of 7/11s while plagiarizing the Constitution. [Gawker/Daily Intel/YouTube]

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • RuperttheBear

    He’s appealing to the fundamentalists. People get out of wheelchairs every week at those churches. Fuck’in drink poison, raise the dead, centrifuge uranium. THE HOLY SPIRIT, PEOPLE!

  • Gopherit v2.0

    But he’s so classy when he does it. With Biden, you forgive a lot.

    I love Biden, but I’m wondering if there wasn’t a secondary roll of preventing an Obama assassination by picking him as VP… know, kinda like Dubya did with Cheney.

  • NoWireHangers

    Well, if Barack touched him he would have been able to stand.

  • jagorev

    If John McCain were in Biden’s place, he would hold a press conference complaining about how Chuck’s unpatriotic refusal to stand up is a sign of sexism.

  • LittlePhatGuise

    Excuse me, Senator…does it hurt when you step on your dick like that?

  • shortsshortsshorts

    There are quite a few pigs with lipstick on in the crowd.

  • Luke Warm
  • jollymonsing

    oh man. so instead of just apologizing he makes everyone else in the room do the one thing this guy can’t do.

    thats wicked smooth.

  • rambone

    Ah, Biden. I’ll keep cutting him slack as long as he keeps the laughs coming.

  • jollymonsing

    “hey everyone, to cover up that awkward faux pas, l command everyone in the room to do the one thing this guy i just embarrassed cannot do.”

  • LittlePhatGuise

    [re=92010]jollymonsing[/re]: “I’m “NEW”!

  • Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star

    awww. he’s adorable.

    Man, if I were only thirty years older… I’m just sayin’ Mrs. Biden better watch herself some.

  • DarkSynergy

    Oh God, Biden’s one punch in the wheelchair man’s forehead away from being an evangelical. Which would make him a republican. Dammit.

  • jollymonsing

    [re=92015]LittlePhatGuise[/re]: haha, yeah that’s right.

    am i now subject to being hazed?

  • jimh

    At least he doesn’t get all pissed off and just push him out of the way.
    I’m talking to you WALNUTS!

  • Outstando

    [re=92021]jollymonsing[/re]: Nah, you’ve taken care of that yourself. Now sit down, would ya?

  • Delicious

    God love’s Joe Biden. That made my day. Thanks Joe.

  • bitchincamaro

    He once pushed a blind kid off a see-saw.

  • Delicious

    Olbermann is gonna have a Special Comment!

  • Cathangover

    That wheelchair saved Biden’s ass, cause the dude was wearing one of those “Sarah Palin is a Cunt” shirts.

  • SayItWithWookies

    And Steve Carrell will be playing Biden in the movie version of this election.

  • ZippyDee

    I know this is horribly off topic and I have no earthy right to be here anywayz, but I just heard Palin in on a flight to Alaska as we speak! Does that mean she is about to blow another little critter named Pole, or Kodiak, or Igloo out?

  • Rush

    c’mon Chuck, now drop and give me 20 you worthless and weak maggot. Say you love it Chuck.

    Gee Wonkers, after the election, we can tour the grounds where the Titanic sank.

  • LittlePhatGuise

    [re=92021]jollymonsing[/re]: I was quoting the Senator.
    But if you’re into that kinky shit, this is the place for you!

  • grobby22

    Well at least we know now that Biden is not Jesus

  • magic titty

    Off topic – i’m going to hang Dick Morris upside down by his feet and bleed him out.

  • Delicious

    [re=92036]SayItWithWookies[/re]: She’s going to send off her son to Iraq tomorrow.

  • Delicious

    [re=92044]magic titty[/re]: You’re watching the toe-sucker on Fox, eh?

  • magic titty

    Ha! Senator Joe! What the fuck, man?

    “Hey, Stevie Wonder’s here – Stevie, look at that Obama banner over there. Oh bloody hell! I’m sorry pal, you know I love ya buddy. Everybody look at Stevie. Just look at him.”

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=92049]magic titty[/re]: It’s still not as embarrassing as the time he tried to give McCain a hi-five.

  • Rush

    [re=92049]magic titty[/re]:

    Ladies and gentlemen, John Wayne Bobbit is here. Guys, please take your junk out and show it to John Wayne….

  • dasNeonlicht

    He handled that very well, I thought. Pretty smooth.

  • lilblackcorvette

    i think cbs took the “lipstickon pig” McPain ad down. wha’s up wit that?

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …what you didn’t get to see was when Biden made these mistakes:

    -to the mute woman: “Come up here tell us your story!”

    -to the blind child: “here, catch!”

    -to the double amputee Iraq vet: “we all need to walk a day in your shoes”

    -to the guy with no arms: “Hi 5!!!”

  • Itsjustme

    Did he say I’m new, Bro’? Please tell me he said Bro!

  • Itsjustme

    Crap. listened again, he said pal.

  • iwillsavethispatient

    [re=92068]Itsjustme[/re]: So, you’re saying, it’s just you?

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=92037]ZippyDee[/re]: As Delicious said — she’s not preggers yet, but she is making room for one more.

  • CivicHoliday

    This was in my home town. Nobody I know or have read about found it offensive.

  • Itsjustme

    [re=92071]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Yes, I suppose. If it wasn’t me, who else would it be?

  • jarsilver

    I just met Biden tonight. Every time an underage girl would come up to him, he would tell them, “Remember, no boys ’til you’re 30!”

    Then he would say “My daughter didn’t follow it but you should!” and he’d kiss their forehead and infect them with syphilis.

  • DoctorCulturae

    Keith O on fire…. a brilliant change of the subject back to Bush Failure #1 (no Osama) and McFail’s knowledge of how to apprehend him…

  • PoliTacky

    lol Biden, he’s a likeable version Ol’ Gil Gunderson in this clip!
    (The flustered lawyer guy on the Simpsons)

  • hrhkingfriday

    [re=92065]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: If I ever meet McCain, I’ll be sure to ask for a high five! lulz.

  • iwillsavethispatient

    [re=92079]Itsjustme[/re]: Bah! You were meant to say, “Yes, itsjustme”. Nevermind…

  • DoctorCulturae

    Rachel’s got a scoop via the Nation of WALNUTS on a boat with Follieri & Hathaway…

  • j6n

    That is experience folks. Immediately call yourself an asshole and the press has nothing. Compare that to WALNUTS! repeatedly pulling the string on Caribou Barbie, “Thaaanks but nuuuu thaaanks.”

  • Itsjustme

    [re=92088]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Damnit! Are you being sexist?

  • trophy(forparticipation)wife

    ” I’m new pal. I really know how to put my foot in my mouth. I’ll bet you don’t have that problem. Er.”

  • iwillsavethispatient

    [re=92091]Itsjustme[/re]: I hope not, it’d be a bit of a waste of my time, as I’m not running for President.

  • trophy(forparticipation)wife

    Biden should invite Walnuts to do the wave.

  • Serolf Divad

    At the debates Biden’s going to challenge Palin to a pissing contest. Scary thing is: she’ll probably win.

  • tiny mexican

    Dammit Wonkette, please tell me you’ve seen this!

  • ky-jellydonuts

    Any politician can make this mistake. A pro like Joe catches himself before he says the next thing that comes to his mind and finally comes up with a live-mic-appropriate “God love you.” I can think of a LOT of things I’d say after I just screwed up that would have caused the more delicate among the crowd to faint.

  • Jingo

    Biden just wanted everyone to stand up so the guy in the wheelchair could see what he was missing.

  • tunamelt

    [re=92099]Serolf Divad[/re]: She can bust out that plastic she-nis thing.

  • HoofHearted

    Biden asked everyone to stand, just to show the guy in the wheelchair what he was missing.

  • natoslug

    [re=92086]hrhkingfriday[/re]: Make sure you follow it up with a swift kick to the nuts.

  • DC Spring

    [re=92105]ky-jellydonuts[/re]: Exactly, the phrase “fkn hell, I’ve just sunk the ticket” may have been reaction number one, but the instinct that talking around is a shit prospect suggests a political instinct to address a scrwe-up. This good, no? Could be change we can believe in…

    Or it means that people in wheelchairs are going to trample all over this campaign.

  • S.Luggo

    Before his hair plugs came loose, what Joe meant to say was that, despite their parents’ example, the Palin kids should stand up and veer away from a life of drugs.
    Too late, Joe. Too late.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=92099]Serolf Divad[/re]:
    Joe should ask her to name the seven continents. As alumna of the South Eastern Idaho College of Cosmetology (Matoon Annex), from her studies she should be able to spit them out:
    1. Alaska
    2. Canada
    3. The North Pole
    4. The whaT’S it? The other pole.
    5. New Zealand
    6. The Pacific
    7. The Santa Maria

  • shortsshortsshorts

    I am Biden’s illegitimate child.

  • grevillea

    1. Alaska
    2. Antalaska, aka Evil America
    3. Russia
    4. Sodom & Gomorrah
    5. Eye-rackistania (including islands of Indonesia and Hawaii)
    6. Washington DC
    7. Narnia

  • jimh


  • 2druk2phluq

    [re=92144]S.Luggo[/re]: Joe “Walking Mouth” B. should ask her to name the Cabinets of the Executive Orifice, and what each does (as it would apply if WALNUTS!-Failin’ were elected).
    1. Department of Alaskaculture
    2. Department of Bustess
    3. Department of Depends
    4. Department of Comers (all comers)
    5. Department of Her Interior
    6. Department of Funny Walks

    Ah, shit, I milked it into a Python theft.
    I’m out

  • S.Luggo

    4. Sodom & Gomorrah [For a first hand, ask Track and Bristol; these Biblical cities are like Disney World for them. Fanily Values.]
    Sarah Palin: Track and Bristol, one screw-up might be an accident. But two in a row? Walking in your steps?

  • S.Luggo

    The Sarah Palin
    7. Department of Wildlife Preservation and Birth Control

  • meister

    [re=92099]Serolf Divad[/re]: You are SOOOO right! Palin is completely hard core. She threw her developmentally challenged newborn under the bus right off the bat with her comment during her speech, “(our family) has ups and DOWNS just like any other.” Shit man. Tell me that is not fucking hard core. Mocking her baby. Shit.

  • TGY

    GoJoe! GaffeJoe! GoJoeGaffe! It’s some kinda verbal judo. Gaffedo. Whatevs.

    (As an aside, the Japanese culture has developed the Art of the High Tech Toilet to such a high degree, they’ve given it a name: tushido)

  • BobLoblawLawBlog

    God, I love him more than bacon right now. how is someone with foot-in-mouth disease not more “relatable” than a moose-eating beauty queen again?

  • BobLoblawLawBlog

    [re=92128]S.Luggo[/re]: I thought the only thing Track would get caught smoking was pole. Showed me. Piper, yer up!

  • regisgoat

    [re=92083]PoliTacky[/re]: Well, Ol’ Gil is supposed to be Jack Lemmon in Glengarry Glen Ross, and an earlier commentator was saying he was Steve Carrell. I’m going with Bill Murray, me. This “Stand up” thing, as well as its smooth as a baby’s butt comeback, was a real Bill Murray moment.

  • regisgoat

    [re=92248]TGY[/re]: Oh, now I get that joke! Remember, they called it “Bushido” when Elder Bush hurled into the lap of the Prime Minister of Japan.

  • jodyleek

    [re=92064]lilblackcorvette[/re]: I’m guessing Katie Couric didn’t much
    like the fact that they used her in the ad, and CBS probably didn’t
    like it either…she is their property after all.

  • TexasCowGirl

    Love it! Joe is sooooo funny. I don’t give a fuck if that guy is handicapped, that shit was funny.

  • TaraAriano
  • daybreaker

    Gaffey McGaffesalot … Now Thats funny.