WHAT ECONOMY?  3:30 pm September 10, 2008

Sarah Palin Even Lies About Lipstick! (Maybe)

by Ken Layne

Whatever you are thinking is offensive and sexist.Oh dudes here is a SCURRILOUS RUMOR we just received, possibly from somebody in America’s Meth/Tattoo Capital of Wasilla, Alaska. The email is, uh, difficult to follow. But the central claim is this: Sarah Palin doesn’t even put that lipstick on her mouth, because it’s a TATTOO. Oh jesus christ, she is so gross, especially if this is true.

Here’s the email. We appreciate the tip, of course, but it’s odd to see someone completely bungle a simple email:

From: C______@gmail.com>
To: tips@wonkette.com
Date: Wed, Sep 10, 2008 at 2:59 PM
Subject: tip on Sarah Pallin

Notes: Sarah’s sister in-law owns a beauty parlor in Wasilla…apparently Sarah’s lip liner is tattooed on…not sure what to do with that one.

leak to wonkette

What follows are the names and home/cell numbers of two women (Michelle and Mary) who apparently live in Wasilla and, uh, keep notes of their conversations, and conclude, naturally, that “leak to wonkette” is the answer to pretty much any question. And then a different person sends us these weird notes. And they spell “Palin” wrong.

Anyway! Take that, everybody! There is no lipstick involved. Sarah Palin’s offensive speech at the RNC, in which she claimed to be a dog who played hockey and wore lipstick, is a stinking lie, maybe, because these are the kind of people who think it’s fine to TATTOO THEIR MOUTHS.

We were going to do some “internet research” on this, but there are like 5,000 “beauty parlors” in Wasilla, all with names like “Country Cutts” and “Legally Blonde” and “Hello Gorgeous” and “Prima Facie,” which is listed as a place that does “permanent lip liner” and now its website is mysteriously GONE FROM THE INTERNET so Sarah Palin had all these people killed and now they’re buried in the rocks, in the gravel pit.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 64 comments }

blader September 10, 2008 at 3:35 pm

These ladies are confused. Gov. Mother Sarah Palin has a tattoo of the Rolling Stones lips on her left breast, just north of her (perky, brownish) aureole.

She is THAT edgy

http://www.ebeautydaily.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/01/rolling-stones-lips.jpg

facehead September 10, 2008 at 3:36 pm

Wait, you’re saying she didn’t fuck a pitbull?

sleepy September 10, 2008 at 3:36 pm

again with the heath ledger/joker creep-out…

stew September 10, 2008 at 3:37 pm

Track was so disillusioned by this, he immediatly turned to oxycontin and vandalism and never returned…

Terry September 10, 2008 at 3:37 pm

Honestly, can you imagine how much it would hurt to have your lip liner tattooed on? Also consider that lip liner color changes with styles. You’d let some cosmetologist with a certificate from a dodgy Institute of Beauty poke needles in your lips, then the next year you’d look at dates and crappy anyway.

TGY September 10, 2008 at 3:38 pm

Yes, looks like ‘permanent makeup’ to me.

spencer September 10, 2008 at 3:38 pm

This isn’t as bad as Barry Hussein getting his skin tattooed brown so he can win the election.

Larry Fine September 10, 2008 at 3:38 pm

Jesus will forbid her to enter Heaven because of this.

shortsshortsshorts September 10, 2008 at 3:39 pm

Meth Whore!

KittyKatMan September 10, 2008 at 3:41 pm

You think its easy preparing to be a meth queen of living skank? You gotta cut corners.

ColdCupofHope September 10, 2008 at 3:41 pm

the only way we’ll know for sure is if we check the “tramp stamp” above her ass.

I volunteer.

Ha HA… sexism.

tunamelt September 10, 2008 at 3:41 pm

She’s like a chola. Does she draw her eyebrows on with a sharpie?

freakishlystrong September 10, 2008 at 3:42 pm

Those fuckin’ glasses are tattooed on as well…

Rev. Juan MessyCan September 10, 2008 at 3:43 pm

The lying whore! What’s the Bible of End of Days (or whatever kookbook she believes in) say about scheming harlots who go so far to rebuke their virtue they permanently color their faces to match the curtains in hell?

BRB, consulting the Rev. MessyCan Memorial Library.

….

I don’t have a BofEofD, but I have my own Harry Potter slash lit and it says that instead of stoning her (with rocks) she should be waterboarded while the rest of us get stoned (with weed), then beaten with the biggest specula we can find. (It’s more humane than it sounds — after a few bong hits, who’s gonna be motivated enough to cause real damage?)

Who’s coming to Palin Pinata Party?

Valerie September 10, 2008 at 3:44 pm

Juvederm? Botox? WHEN WILL IT END??
I’m just waiting for the glittery navel piercing photos from that time at the lake when the first dude was all like “smile, baby!” and shit.

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 10, 2008 at 3:44 pm

Well, she can’t be expected to remember to do all those time-consuming things a woman has to do to get ready for work, don’tcha know? She’s got babies to breed and troopers to fire!

HomoPolitico September 10, 2008 at 3:45 pm

I tried leaking to Wonkette but teh ginger told me he wasn’t into watersports.

SayItWithWookies September 10, 2008 at 3:47 pm

Let’s bury this. Unless you really want to hear all about McCain’s tattoo. Argh.

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 10, 2008 at 3:48 pm

Crap. I just realized that this Halloween is going to be one Palindrone after another, isn’t it? Too early to drink?

AngryBlakGuy September 10, 2008 at 3:48 pm

…I heard that Levi didn’t only tattoo “Bristol” on his ring finger but also on his penis.

obfuscator September 10, 2008 at 3:50 pm

That picture is terrifying.

[To a mirror] “Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me. I’d fuck me hard.”

[Shouting] “You don’t know what pain is!”

[To Clarice while dying] “What’s it like to be beautiful?”

phalex September 10, 2008 at 3:50 pm

Everybody still talks about how badly they were shocked.

KevoTron September 10, 2008 at 3:51 pm

Tattooed make up??? Creationism??? It’s all clear now! She’s the reincarnation of Tammy Fay Baker!!! Homo’s: your new savior has arrived!

RogueDC September 10, 2008 at 3:53 pm

[re=91611]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: No, according to local “sources”, he’s got “Sarah” tattooed down there. Teehee!

WIDTAP September 10, 2008 at 3:56 pm

So any trueth to the rumor that she has an inner lip tattoo that says “I bite”?

WadISay September 10, 2008 at 3:57 pm

As long as she was going for a sexy tat, she should have gotten “insert penis here”, with a little arrow.

dingleberries September 10, 2008 at 3:58 pm

Thanks for the closeup. I didn’t need to see her labia.

Serolf Divad September 10, 2008 at 3:58 pm

You can tattoo lipliner on a pig…

HomoPolitico September 10, 2008 at 3:59 pm

[re=91618]KevoTron[/re]: Don’t you DARE put that TrollpyBitchCunt on the same level as St. Tammy. Our gay Canadian wedding is SO on hold.

sezme September 10, 2008 at 4:04 pm

What kind of monster puts a tattoo on a dog?

magic titty September 10, 2008 at 4:04 pm

[re=91586]spencer[/re]: Win.

jimh September 10, 2008 at 4:05 pm

[re=91611]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: This is totally false, it just looks that way when flaccid. His dick tat actually reads “Bill Lightning Rod Conservative Kristol”. My “sources” asked to remain anonymous.

V2peaceAllOver September 10, 2008 at 4:06 pm

……….and when does the red ball nose come into play?…honk honk.

BobLoblawLawBlog September 10, 2008 at 4:07 pm

I’m going to have nightmares about her nostrils swallowing me whole for the rest of my life. Thanks, Ken.

StuckInsideMobile September 10, 2008 at 4:09 pm

@phalex: But me, I ‘spected it to happen.

NoWireHangers September 10, 2008 at 4:12 pm

[re=91609]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Last year it was Amy Winehouse, this year it’ll be Sarah Palin. The costume that everyone thinks is a unique pop-culture commentary, when really it’s far too obvious and everyone’s doing it.

trophy(forparticipation)wife September 10, 2008 at 4:14 pm

Check eyeliner and eyebrows too. I noticed in my Wasilla research a week ago that there were an unbelievable number of “permanent make-up” places. I hadn’t thought about her lips but I was fairly certain about her eyebrows. I don’t know what this all means. . . Oh, I found it when I was looking for her ankle at tattoo parlors.

[re=91628]WadISay[/re]: It’s probably on the inside of her lip.

Her son has a Jesus Fish on his ankle. She has said that was how she and Todd knew that they’d done something right.

http://www.greatbrows.com/about.html

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 10, 2008 at 4:20 pm

[re=91655]NoWireHangers[/re]: That’s what I’m afraid of. Maybe I’ll take a tip from you and dress as a wire hanger this Halloween.

hatlesshead September 10, 2008 at 4:20 pm

Can’t wait for Halloween to see the masks they do for this election. They are in production right now. Walnuts’ will have big old nasty yellow teeth. Ewwwwwwww! Natch Hopey will be a unicorn.

jimh September 10, 2008 at 4:28 pm

[re=91667]hatlesshead[/re]: Um, unicorns are white, mmmkay?

rev_matt_y September 10, 2008 at 4:31 pm

[re=91599]Rev. Juan MessyCan[/re]: Your post isn’t entirely clear (one of us got a head start on the bong hits. I think it’s you.): Who is being beaten with the specula? The waterboarded Palin or the stoned everyone else? Not that I suppose it matters, but I like to have my absurdist imagery accurate, thanks.

hatlesshead September 10, 2008 at 4:33 pm

[re=91686]jimh[/re]: You mean unicorns don’t cum in colors?

RuperttheBear September 10, 2008 at 4:38 pm

[re=91698]hatlesshead[/re]: Taste the rainbow.

YellowSnow September 10, 2008 at 4:40 pm

This really isn’t so surprising. Did you see the Wasilla photos yesterday? I don’t see much else to do there besides get ‘tooed. I especially liked the greek delta for the ‘A’ at the tatoo shops – now that takes smartyness.

Just like all these screwed up places, hicks seem to have a luv/hate relationship with themselves. They all go to church and praise Jeebus, but then they like Harleys, AC/DC, Tatoos, flunkin high school and other things they think are rebelleous. WHY BOTHER, just take some more meth (but leave me the smoky smoky)

shoeho September 10, 2008 at 4:42 pm

My own personal hairguy, Mr. Juan, was saying on Saturday that he was betting on a piece for the prom queen ‘do, acrylic nails (so yesterday) and permenant MU (ditto) at least for the lips and brows. We need more info, Mary and ah, whomever from Wasilla.

Of course, Mr. Juan knows that fine upstanding homosexuals like hisself will be banished to, ah, someplace really icky if this broad gets elected, so he could be lyin’. But I’m just sayin’….

btwbfdimho September 10, 2008 at 4:56 pm

Sounds like she’s a branded animal and not a maverick as her mentor claims.

jasonelias September 10, 2008 at 5:07 pm

I would say she should retire that “lipstick” joke. But then again if she changes any of her stump speech the back of her head smokes and a spring pops out of her mouth.

Johnny Zhivago September 10, 2008 at 5:08 pm

[re=91756]btwbfdimho[/re]: Check to see if she has the finger tatoo “MCCAIN 2008″

OzoneTom September 10, 2008 at 5:17 pm

ColdCupThe tramp-stamp that says “Drill here. Drill now. Drill! Drill Drill!” ?

tender September 10, 2008 at 6:03 pm

[re=91586]spencer[/re]: I know. The nerve of that uppity white man! OUTRAGE!

Itsjustme September 10, 2008 at 6:26 pm

[re=91611]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: was it as small as the one on his finger?

Luke Warm September 10, 2008 at 7:07 pm

You think that’s weird? Katherine Harris had an entire face tatooed over her makeup.

1ofUS September 10, 2008 at 8:59 pm

Me and my sister were pluckin’ our whiskers
and wonderin’ what makes a woman a woman
Was it butt or booby, or a mouth of ruby,
We just couldn’t understand

The old man didn’t like our appearance
He said that only men smoke meth and inhale

So me and my sister borrowed money from Bristol
We knew what we had to do
We went downtown Wisalia, past the library and gym
And got our lips tattooed

d34dfish September 10, 2008 at 9:24 pm

site from wayback:
http://web.archive.org/web/20061117033843/http://www.prima-facie.com/index.html

whois:
Registrant:
Prima Facie
90 East Bogard Rd
Wasilla, Alaska 99654
US

Registrar: DOTSTER
Domain Name: PRIMA-FACIE.COM
Created on: 17-DEC-01
Expires on: 17-DEC-09
Last Updated on: 26-SEP-07

Administrative Contact:
master, Host hostmaster@weblight.net
MTA Solutions
619 Ship Creek Ave Ste 241
Anchorage, Alaska 99501
US
907 793 4100
907-793-4122

Technical Contact:
Pulliam, Andrew drpulliam@prima-facie.com
Prima Facie
90 East Bogard Rd
Wasilla, Alaska 99654
US
907 357 8500

Domain servers in listed order:
NS1.MTAONLINE.NET
NS2.MTAONLINE.NET

Farmisht Phoenix September 11, 2008 at 2:04 am

What, no “the end?”

HOW DO I KNOW A STORY IS OVER IF WONKETTE DOESN’T SAY “THE END?”

rebellitor September 11, 2008 at 2:52 am

So, even her face is a lie?

Pelagius September 11, 2008 at 6:38 am

I thought the GOP would be more upset that B. Hussein Obama likened her vagina to stinky old fish wrapped in newspaper.

Spacemonkey September 11, 2008 at 5:50 pm

Class acts here at Wonkette.

I expect no less.

tocute2btrue September 11, 2008 at 6:18 pm

Hey U dumasses herd Gasoline to go uo $1.50 @ Gallon tonight @ midnight 9/11/08 my muslim buddies tole me.

Liberty September 13, 2008 at 2:29 am
jojo September 15, 2008 at 12:09 am

there are more animals present in this election than in the past 250 years of american politics. and they are doing human things like wearing makeup and flying F16′s

anwyn September 16, 2008 at 9:51 pm

I think she’s had more from Prima-Facie than tattooed lips:

Andrew R. Pulliam, M.D., FACS90 East Bogard RoadWasilla, Alaska99654907-357-8500
# View Online Source
Dr. Pulliam and Prima Facie – [Cached Version]
Published on: 3/27/2006 Last Visited: 7/1/2008

Dr. Andrew R. Pulliam

Andrew Pulliam, M.D., F.A.C.S. has two decades of experience in the field of facial plastic surgery.He has achieved dual board certification through the American Board of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery and the American Board of Otolaryngology.His other achievements include Fellow of the Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, and Fellow of the American College of Surgery.Dr. Pulliam was listed in “The Best Doctors in America” in 1996-1997 and was Chief of Surgery for Sarasota Memorial Hospital prior to moving back to Alaska after living and practicing for ten years in Sarasota, Florida.

anwyn September 16, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Magginkat October 4, 2008 at 1:12 pm

So now the difference between a pit bill and a hockey mom is a tattoo?

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