what economy?

Sarah Palin Even Lies About Lipstick! (Maybe)

Whatever you are thinking is offensive and sexist.Oh dudes here is a SCURRILOUS RUMOR we just received, possibly from somebody in America’s Meth/Tattoo Capital of Wasilla, Alaska. The email is, uh, difficult to follow. But the central claim is this: Sarah Palin doesn’t even put that lipstick on her mouth, because it’s a TATTOO. Oh jesus christ, she is so gross, especially if this is true.

Here’s the email. We appreciate the tip, of course, but it’s odd to see someone completely bungle a simple email:

From: C______@gmail.com>
To: tips@wonkette.com
Date: Wed, Sep 10, 2008 at 2:59 PM
Subject: tip on Sarah Pallin

Notes: Sarah’s sister in-law owns a beauty parlor in Wasilla…apparently Sarah’s lip liner is tattooed on…not sure what to do with that one.

leak to wonkette

What follows are the names and home/cell numbers of two women (Michelle and Mary) who apparently live in Wasilla and, uh, keep notes of their conversations, and conclude, naturally, that “leak to wonkette” is the answer to pretty much any question. And then a different person sends us these weird notes. And they spell “Palin” wrong.

Anyway! Take that, everybody! There is no lipstick involved. Sarah Palin’s offensive speech at the RNC, in which she claimed to be a dog who played hockey and wore lipstick, is a stinking lie, maybe, because these are the kind of people who think it’s fine to TATTOO THEIR MOUTHS.

We were going to do some “internet research” on this, but there are like 5,000 “beauty parlors” in Wasilla, all with names like “Country Cutts” and “Legally Blonde” and “Hello Gorgeous” and “Prima Facie,” which is listed as a place that does “permanent lip liner” and now its website is mysteriously GONE FROM THE INTERNET so Sarah Palin had all these people killed and now they’re buried in the rocks, in the gravel pit.

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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64 comments

  1. Terry

    Honestly, can you imagine how much it would hurt to have your lip liner tattooed on? Also consider that lip liner color changes with styles. You’d let some cosmetologist with a certificate from a dodgy Institute of Beauty poke needles in your lips, then the next year you’d look at dates and crappy anyway.

  2. ColdCupofHope

    the only way we’ll know for sure is if we check the “tramp stamp” above her ass.

    I volunteer.

    Ha HA… sexism.

  3. Rev. Juan MessyCan

    The lying whore! What’s the Bible of End of Days (or whatever kookbook she believes in) say about scheming harlots who go so far to rebuke their virtue they permanently color their faces to match the curtains in hell?

    BRB, consulting the Rev. MessyCan Memorial Library.

    ….

    I don’t have a BofEofD, but I have my own Harry Potter slash lit and it says that instead of stoning her (with rocks) she should be waterboarded while the rest of us get stoned (with weed), then beaten with the biggest specula we can find. (It’s more humane than it sounds — after a few bong hits, who’s gonna be motivated enough to cause real damage?)

    Who’s coming to Palin Pinata Party?

  4. Valerie

    Juvederm? Botox? WHEN WILL IT END??
    I’m just waiting for the glittery navel piercing photos from that time at the lake when the first dude was all like “smile, baby!” and shit.

  5. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    Well, she can’t be expected to remember to do all those time-consuming things a woman has to do to get ready for work, don’tcha know? She’s got babies to breed and troopers to fire!

  6. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    Crap. I just realized that this Halloween is going to be one Palindrone after another, isn’t it? Too early to drink?

  7. obfuscator

    That picture is terrifying.

    [To a mirror] “Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me. I’d fuck me hard.”

    [Shouting] “You don’t know what pain is!”

    [To Clarice while dying] “What’s it like to be beautiful?”

  8. KevoTron

    Tattooed make up??? Creationism??? It’s all clear now! She’s the reincarnation of Tammy Fay Baker!!! Homo’s: your new savior has arrived!

  9. RogueDC

    [re=91611]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: No, according to local “sources”, he’s got “Sarah” tattooed down there. Teehee!

  10. WadISay

    As long as she was going for a sexy tat, she should have gotten “insert penis here”, with a little arrow.

  11. HomoPolitico

    [re=91618]KevoTron[/re]: Don’t you DARE put that TrollpyBitchCunt on the same level as St. Tammy. Our gay Canadian wedding is SO on hold.

  12. jimh

    [re=91611]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: This is totally false, it just looks that way when flaccid. His dick tat actually reads “Bill Lightning Rod Conservative Kristol”. My “sources” asked to remain anonymous.

  13. BobLoblawLawBlog

    I’m going to have nightmares about her nostrils swallowing me whole for the rest of my life. Thanks, Ken.

  14. NoWireHangers

    [re=91609]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Last year it was Amy Winehouse, this year it’ll be Sarah Palin. The costume that everyone thinks is a unique pop-culture commentary, when really it’s far too obvious and everyone’s doing it.

  15. trophy(forparticipation)wife

    Check eyeliner and eyebrows too. I noticed in my Wasilla research a week ago that there were an unbelievable number of “permanent make-up” places. I hadn’t thought about her lips but I was fairly certain about her eyebrows. I don’t know what this all means. . . Oh, I found it when I was looking for her ankle at tattoo parlors.

    [re=91628]WadISay[/re]: It’s probably on the inside of her lip.

    Her son has a Jesus Fish on his ankle. She has said that was how she and Todd knew that they’d done something right.

    http://www.greatbrows.com/about.html

  16. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=91655]NoWireHangers[/re]: That’s what I’m afraid of. Maybe I’ll take a tip from you and dress as a wire hanger this Halloween.

  17. hatlesshead

    Can’t wait for Halloween to see the masks they do for this election. They are in production right now. Walnuts’ will have big old nasty yellow teeth. Ewwwwwwww! Natch Hopey will be a unicorn.

  18. rev_matt_y

    [re=91599]Rev. Juan MessyCan[/re]: Your post isn’t entirely clear (one of us got a head start on the bong hits. I think it’s you.): Who is being beaten with the specula? The waterboarded Palin or the stoned everyone else? Not that I suppose it matters, but I like to have my absurdist imagery accurate, thanks.

  19. YellowSnow

    This really isn’t so surprising. Did you see the Wasilla photos yesterday? I don’t see much else to do there besides get ‘tooed. I especially liked the greek delta for the ‘A’ at the tatoo shops – now that takes smartyness.

    Just like all these screwed up places, hicks seem to have a luv/hate relationship with themselves. They all go to church and praise Jeebus, but then they like Harleys, AC/DC, Tatoos, flunkin high school and other things they think are rebelleous. WHY BOTHER, just take some more meth (but leave me the smoky smoky)

  20. shoeho

    My own personal hairguy, Mr. Juan, was saying on Saturday that he was betting on a piece for the prom queen ‘do, acrylic nails (so yesterday) and permenant MU (ditto) at least for the lips and brows. We need more info, Mary and ah, whomever from Wasilla.

    Of course, Mr. Juan knows that fine upstanding homosexuals like hisself will be banished to, ah, someplace really icky if this broad gets elected, so he could be lyin’. But I’m just sayin’….

  21. jasonelias

    I would say she should retire that “lipstick” joke. But then again if she changes any of her stump speech the back of her head smokes and a spring pops out of her mouth.

  22. 1ofUS

    Me and my sister were pluckin’ our whiskers
    and wonderin’ what makes a woman a woman
    Was it butt or booby, or a mouth of ruby,
    We just couldn’t understand

    The old man didn’t like our appearance
    He said that only men smoke meth and inhale

    So me and my sister borrowed money from Bristol
    We knew what we had to do
    We went downtown Wisalia, past the library and gym
    And got our lips tattooed

  23. d34dfish

    site from wayback:
    http://web.archive.org/web/20061117033843/http://www.prima-facie.com/index.html

    whois:
    Registrant:
    Prima Facie
    90 East Bogard Rd
    Wasilla, Alaska 99654
    US

    Registrar: DOTSTER
    Domain Name: PRIMA-FACIE.COM
    Created on: 17-DEC-01
    Expires on: 17-DEC-09
    Last Updated on: 26-SEP-07

    Administrative Contact:
    master, Host hostmaster@weblight.net
    MTA Solutions
    619 Ship Creek Ave Ste 241
    Anchorage, Alaska 99501
    US
    907 793 4100
    907-793-4122

    Technical Contact:
    Pulliam, Andrew drpulliam@prima-facie.com
    Prima Facie
    90 East Bogard Rd
    Wasilla, Alaska 99654
    US
    907 357 8500

    Domain servers in listed order:
    NS1.MTAONLINE.NET
    NS2.MTAONLINE.NET

  24. Pelagius

    I thought the GOP would be more upset that B. Hussein Obama likened her vagina to stinky old fish wrapped in newspaper.

  25. tocute2btrue

    Hey U dumasses herd Gasoline to go uo $1.50 @ Gallon tonight @ midnight 9/11/08 my muslim buddies tole me.

  26. jojo

    there are more animals present in this election than in the past 250 years of american politics. and they are doing human things like wearing makeup and flying F16′s

  27. anwyn

    I think she’s had more from Prima-Facie than tattooed lips:

    Andrew R. Pulliam, M.D., FACS90 East Bogard RoadWasilla, Alaska99654907-357-8500
    # View Online Source
    Dr. Pulliam and Prima Facie – [Cached Version]
    Published on: 3/27/2006 Last Visited: 7/1/2008

    Dr. Andrew R. Pulliam

    Andrew Pulliam, M.D., F.A.C.S. has two decades of experience in the field of facial plastic surgery.He has achieved dual board certification through the American Board of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery and the American Board of Otolaryngology.His other achievements include Fellow of the Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, and Fellow of the American College of Surgery.Dr. Pulliam was listed in “The Best Doctors in America” in 1996-1997 and was Chief of Surgery for Sarasota Memorial Hospital prior to moving back to Alaska after living and practicing for ten years in Sarasota, Florida.

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