Wonkette
- Huzzah! We all woke up alive this morning, which means the Large Hadron Collider didn’t destroy the world after all. [Reuters]
- Unable to make friends with human informants, the U.S. government has turned to Predator drones to try to find Osama bin Laden. [Washington Post]
- Another hurricane in the Gulf, called Ike after President Ike “Hurricane” Eisenhower, might mess with Texas. [Houston Chronicle]
- Good God, what’s this? An actual news article about the two presidential candidates that (however briefly) discusses their differing policy positions, and no mention of the Alaskan Lipstick Pig and her 40 pregnant babies? OFFENSIVE. [Wall Street Journal]
- Oh super. Another investment bank says it’s writing off catastrophic losses, will probably fail anyway, &c. [New York Times]
- The elitist Santa Barbara City Council affirmed that they are not interested in having oil derricks off their beautiful sunny shores. [Los Angeles Times]
I think lipstick makes a pig look better, but it makes no difference if your doing her from behind piggy style.
Can you imagine being the press relations person for the hadron collider, busily preparing text for the science related press, and you get this call or email.
“We understand that as soon as you all turn this thing on, a giant black hole will from under France and Switzerland and will consume the planet. Please convince us that it won’t.”
He or she drank their lunch THAT day, for sure.
Why does John McCain support NAMBLA, pedophiles, and child sex predators?
Barack Obama wanted to protect your children from child molesters and pedophiles.
But not John McCain.
John McCain and the Republican Party oppose teaching your children to avoid child sex predators and asking adults for help.
Why is John McCain protecting child molesters and pedophiles like NAMBLA?
How could you leave this out?! HOPEY WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH KINDERGARTENERS
http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalradar/2008/09/obama-targeted.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVLQhRiEXZs
Terry: But… what if we were sucked into a hole of some sort and this is now an alternative reality from what we knew?
I expect Pinhead and the Cenobytes to come for me any moment now.
Btw, have you guys seen this?
http://briefingroom.thehill.com/2008/09/09/biden-palin-would-be-backward-step-for-women/
Those Palindrone commentors are seriously scary…
oh. you didn’t actually leave it out. I didn’t read the wsj article. guh-reat.
Wait. A BLACK hole is trying to destroy the earth?! That’s racist!!!
And catch OSama they will, they only needed him out there to scare the idiots..the minute the whole Baked Alaska thing calms down, THIS, not the issues, will dominate the news cycles..
I read in newspaper this morning that one of the doomsday scientists is saying we’ll really need up to 4 years to know if the world is going to implode. I guess he needs 4 years of more PR revenues.
But this election isn’t about “issues,” dammit. Let’s get back to mocking the Lipstick Pig! To be clear, we are talking about Meghan McCain, right?
YellowSnow: 4 MORE YEARS!
OMG! All they did was turn the thing on to make sure it would run. The LHC isn’t scheduled to put us out of our misery until late October.
The world destroying experiment hasn’t been performed yet. They’ll do it next week. Please return to kissing your asses goodbye.
Oh, wait, I just saw that Obama also referenced stinky fish in the same speech, so now I know it’s Palin (and her stank poon tang) that he’s talking about. Meghan’s prolly smells like My Little Ponies and Love’s Baby Soft.
Monsieur Grumpe: The silver lining here is that if they start the experiment and a black hole starts slowly consuming the planet, we can all gloat as those science hating evangelicals like Sarah Palin realize they were wrong all the time about creationism.
BobLoblawLawBlog: seriously, you don’t have to go this far in your illustration.
no, seriously. you can quit now.
YellowSnow: If we’re ready to bomb Iranian nuke facilities cause they threaten Israel, WHY THE HELL aren’t we threatening to bomb C.E.R.N. over their planet destroyer.
I really think the McCain/Palin ticket should be taking this up right away.
freakishlystrong: Mmm, I don’t know - I kinda think that if they really already had Osama or knew where he was, they would’ve used that in 2004.
Wow. McCain is running a campaign that would make even Lee Atwater vomit.
Done eating breakfast? Good.
Here’s the new official McCain ad featuring Hopey’s “sexist” “smear” of Palin:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZd_Y_D-RaA
BobLoblawLawBlog: He also said this; “Let’s just list this for a second. John McCain says he’s about change, too. Except — and so I guess his whole angle is, “Watch out, George Bush, except for economic policy, health-care policy, tax policy, education policy, foreign policy, and Karl Rove-style politics. We’re really gonna shake things up in Washington”
But that’s not as sexy as lipsticks and pigs and shit…
Why is John McCain & the Republican Party supporting child molesters?
The US America economy is on the verge of a major shit storm and I’m guessing that the October Surprise will be the Stock Market finally “correcting” itself into a nosedive. Do you think anyone is going to give a shit about insulting Jeebus Slut when the banks start calling in all the mortgages due to pay for their losses? No.
I thought the black hole fears were just a snark! People need to read more and astronomy needs to be taught beyond identifying the planets in our solar system. Perhaps if folks grasped just the scale and distances of our local group, then they may realize the insignificance of their petty gripes.
Neil deGrasse Tyson is the man!
Miss Buffalo Chip versus the Pickle Lickers!!!
But Obama’s the sexist who wants to fuck kindergarteners.
At this point they may as well fill up the pits at Ground Zero with mud and sponsor a cage match. My money’s on Barry, though McCain will turn out to be an earbiter.
m_supercomputer: They didn’t need to use OBL, they CHEATED, now, they’ll need to trot him out to CHEAT again, and steal the news and claim Victory for the Shrub before he leaves office in disgrace er…triumph…
Terry: Funny thing is, it’s not as crazy as it sounds or as the MSM would have you believe. They’re basing their assertion that it is safe on the theory that any micro-black holes that are created (and they are actually hoping it will create them because it would be “exciting”) will evaporate almost instantly through Hawking radiation. Hawking radiation is a theory for which there is exactly zero evidence. Exciting, isn’t it?
I’d say the LHC is no more likely to destroy the Earth than John McCain.
So, should Barry have said, “Just because you pour syrup on shit don’t make it pancakes?”
Too ghetto?
It’s a shame they won’t tell us when the LHC will start actually colliding. I missed all the Y2K doomsday parties, and damnit I need another reason to drink.
I haven’t heard the word “uppity” used on a white guy yet.
Another one!!
http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/shared-blogs/ajc/politicalinsider/entries/2008/09/08/an_uppity_second_look_at_the_w.html
“uppity”=”n*ggerish” , let’s not get confused.
So, Santa Babs City Council thinks it can block progress and stop offshore drilling there?
See, this is why Calyfohnya needs a strong Republican governor. Then it’d be “drill, baby, drill” 24/7/365.
Gee what’s the current governor’s name and party affiliation? I can’t recall him.
Though Californians can.
Regarding Large Hadron Collider: WRONG. This morning the collider was fired and the earth and its solar system were sucked into a giant black hole which the LHC had created. Look up at the sky this evening foolish humans and you won’t see any stars. That’s because we’re traveling though the black hole destined for…The Twilight Zone.
Obama wants to secks up your kindergartners. McCain wants to make sure all high school girls have kindergartners of their own before high school graduation.
Mr. Dick Sprinkles: Obama’s reply ad: “That’s ridiculous! We all know Gov. Palin is pretty–even the Wonkettes. But beauty is only skin deep. What’s really ugly is your policies, your advertising and your minds; what’s really ugly is your cynicism; what’s really ugly is your hypocrisy.
When you said this [show video of McCain calling Hillary's policy like putting lipstick on a pig], were you being sexist? When I said the same thing about Bush 2 years ago, was I being sexist? You are the sexist, using Gov. Palin’s gender as a shield from all criticism.”
Then follow it, of course, with the photoshopped bikini picture of Palin and her AK-47.
Let the elitist Euros spend billions on the LHC to research the origins of the universe, phooey. The 2011 federal budget will have a massive earmark for a creationist research facility near Anchorage.
We all woke up alive this morning
Crap. I guess I shouldn’t have punched my boss yesterday.
Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star: But I’m not seeing anyone with a beard, and I haven’t heard mention of “The Empire”. I think we’re ok…
Did anyone beside myself watch that creepy Discovery special about how there are like a zillion ancient religions and prophecies about how the world is going to end in December 2012? And they’re saying we won’t know for 4 years if the black hole is going to destroy us? Me no likee when whacko theories agree like that.
Oh and here’s a suitably craaaazy website about the 2012 thingee, if you want to keep up with the basement dwellers on this one: http://www.december212012.com/
Larry Fine:
A farmer friend of mine once told me that of all of the animals (other than peoples of course) the pig was the only one that seemed to enjoy teh sexy time. She said their ears wiggle.
@MoodProcessor: A friend told you that. Sure, sure.
magic titty: You can throw a cat in the oven, but it won’t make biscuits.
Naked Bunny with a Whip:
You don’t even want to know what she said about teh bunneez.
MoodProcessor: I think that was a Ross Perot analogy…
there’s nothing like a liz phair reference to soothe the political hate in my heart…
Cogito Ergo Bibo:
A real concern is a big fuckin’ asteroid that will either hit us or pass within the lunar orbit. If it misses on the first pass, which is what the computer simulation suggests, the return trip will be a bulls-eye. If my memory is correct, the first pass will be on Friday, April 13, 2029. If it misses and slingshots back, it will return in 5 to 7 years and impact into the Pacific Ocean, creating the biggest fuckin’ tsunami imaginable.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Given that none of the scientists at CERN seem to have wild, kinky hair, goggles, elbow length rubber gloves and seem to laugh in a mature, respectable way rather than in mad, spontanious cackles, I think they’ve got a pretty good grip on what this machine is capable of doing.
ProgHead777:
“I’d say the LHC is no more likely to destroy the Earth than John McCain.”
Damn, it’s pretty well certain then.
YellowSnow: They’re not scheduled to be full power until 2012, I think… Which coincides nicely with the Mayan prediction of the end of the world in 2012
ProgHead777: Fuck! Is that the October surprise?
Cape Clod: You haven’t met any string theorists have you? They and their semi-reality based maths equations don’t inspire much confidence. That why they had to build a giant collider.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: I’m counting on the Doctor showing up an throwing a wrench in the works at the last minute to save humanity because I often get reality and classic BBC scifi shows mixed up.
springfield_meltdown: String Theory is a bunch of crap… They’re the Paultards of science.
MoodProcessor: If I saw someone throw a cat in the oven I would fire up the “Fist Collider” and make some black holes in someones FACE!!!
Terry: Looking on the sorta bright side, if it does suck up the Earth it will most likely suck up John McCain and Beverly Snowbilly too.
ProgHead777: Sarahcunta is indestructible.
Does John S (for Senile) McCain the Third (for Shrub’s 3rd term) own another suit?
We all know the Arizona Beer Queen spent something like $300,000 a night for the outfits she wore at the Republic Party convention. Remember that clingy chromakey-green number that looked like it was made out of a discontinued ShamWow, and the $800 shoes that were molded to her feet by imported Italian cobblers?
Okay, the country club bling-bling diamonds and pearls skewed Cindy’s per diem wardrobe budget; we don’t know whether she bought them just for the occasion. But do you think we’ll ever see that yellow monstrosity with the Elvis-at-the-Flamingo collar again? Looked like something from the Prymaat Conehead couture collection.
But McCodger keeps wearing that same frumpy black suit from the Men’s Wearhouse bargain rack. He makes John Fiedler look like a GQ model.
And he wears it everywhere. On the golf course in George HW Bush’s cart. When he’s serving up dry-rub to his media lackeys. When he’s checkin’ out Quayle with a rack his Moose-Dressing running mate.
The same damned suit.
And he keeps the coat buttoned to hide his belt-at-the-armpits when he goes the full Fred Mertz.
Should fashion sense make a difference in a presidential election? Why not? It’s about as stupid as most CONs’ rants
Servo: And that’s why, my friend, I live in the midwest on high ground, even though I have to put up with stupid people all the time. Floodwaters and tsunami’s aren’t killing ME bitches! Have fun out on the lovely liberal coasts, until death knocks at your doors.
“We all woke up alive this morning…”
Depends on your definition.
Cape Clod: Don’t forget the big lever in the wall–the one that no one should ever touch–that will destroy the entire operation just before it hits critical mass and destroys the world. It worked in Bride of Frankenstein.
So far, the Moose-Dresser is the Gaffe that Keeps on Giving, as when she got it a clean 180-degrees wrong on the Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac bailout (which the Shrub Administration said — a month ago — would not be necessary.
Her Bridge to Nowhere lie keeps getting repeated because that’s the speech she’s been programmed with learned.
This morning McCain introduced Todd Palin and said, “If he can race a snow machine a thousand miles in 40-below-zero weather, he can handle anything Washington hands him.”
Huh?
What’s Todd’s role in this campaign? What’s Todd gonna be in a hypothetical McCoot Administration?
Look who’s playing the Sexist Card. “Todd will bring along the requisite testosterone to the Trophy Veep’s service. And while he’s raced snow machines in 40-below weather, Joe Biden’s wimpy first wife, Neilia, went and died in a piddly little Christmas shopping car wreck.”
Damn. I should work for Karl Rove.
Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star: Scary, but retarded. Moose-cunt would lose a debate with an answering machine.