INCOHERENT ELECTORAL ANALYSIS  6:59 pm September 9, 2008

Pathetic, Failed Presidential Candidate Barack Obama To Win Presidential Election

by Jim Newell

Even though the Internet has already concluded that Barack Obama lost the election after some unknown wingnut vice president lady gave one surly speech last week, we couldn’t help but check out the electoral map anyway, just for kicks. Above is the fun Pollster map, and then you’ve got your FiveThirtyEight map, and this is a good thing to read also. Now play around with this stuff for exactly two minutes, preferably while drinking, and after those two minutes you’ll realize that Barack Obama still has this shit safely locked up.

The safest route is still this: Kerry states + Iowa + New Mexico + Colorado. It seems doubtful that New Hampshire, a New England state, would go for any Republican in this particular election, even if WALNUTS! has won its primary twice. And adding a crazy fundamentalist Christian to the ticket instead of friendly neighboring Governor Mittens doesn’t do much for that state’s independent crowd. (Ha ha even though Mittens is a douche too.) Mittens could’ve significantly helped McCain in Michigan, though, because his father used to govern it, and for some reason that would have made some people vote for the smarmy devil son 40 years later. Too late now! Michigan has no freaking business voting for MCCAIN, the guy who told them in January that their jobs were never coming back. And since Michigan and New Hampshire seemed like the only two possible states to lose from the Kerry coalition, well, enough of that.

Iowa seems safe; Barry’s always winning caucuses and giving speeches there, whereas John McCain has avoided the Iowa caucus entirely for each of his 850 presidential campaigns. New Mexico looks solid too, what with that fat Mexican governor of theirs, whatsisname, the one who always brags about his resume… well anyway, he’s always talking up Barry on the teevee. So then Barry simply has to win Colorado, where he just threw A HUGE SEXY PARTY FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK (and also where one of those Democratic Udalls is coasting to a Senate victory). Then he wins and Sarah Palin goes back to her distant Ice Palace in terrible shame.

Or he could pull off Florida — where the lovely old Jewish folks don’t cotton much to crazy ass Governor Palin — and fuck the rest, because if you’re looking at the Pollster map, 243 + 27 = a happy number.

Or he could win Kerry states + Virginia + Iowa or Nevada or Colorado or like any other random state.

Or he could lose Colorado and instead win Nevada & Montana — where Ron Paul is on the ballot!

And in case you haven’t noticed, all of the above scenarios exclude freaking Ohio. And if you had to make a bet, in a Democratic year, well…

So look you liberal Obamatards, do not worry so much about national polls in Obama’s worst week, after a Republican convention, with a new, as-yet-unquestioned lady face temporarily stealing some attention. The debates are coming soon, anyway.

The only thing worth worrying about is the Bradley Effect. By the way, did you guys hear that Barack Obama is BLACK?

 
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{ 343 comments }

facehead September 9, 2008 at 7:01 pm

word to your mother.

Rodney Badger September 9, 2008 at 7:02 pm

After the Palin announcement, the electorate was just going after a little strange. The electorate will return to our Hopey, and he will accept them like any decent Lord and Saviour.

Theo_Mobius September 9, 2008 at 7:05 pm

Thanks. I feel better.

Rodney Badger September 9, 2008 at 7:06 pm

Chuck Todd and Chris Matthews are now talking about some new national poll today. It is such a huge fucking waste of time. Electoral College, mother fuckers! Do you speak it!?

MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend September 9, 2008 at 7:08 pm

Holy shit, I had not heard the black thing. Is America ready for a black president?? Is he black enough for black people to vote for? Or is he too black for white people to vote for? How the fuck is he going to get any votes? Even from his immediate family?

columnv September 9, 2008 at 7:08 pm

But what about her foreign policy experience???? HUH!!!

soytrucknutz September 9, 2008 at 7:08 pm

Wait, this seems very smart and carefully thought through, something I’m not used to seeing on Wonkette. Is this Jim Newell writing……OR IS IT CHUCK TODD!?

KevoTron September 9, 2008 at 7:08 pm

You Editors with your “polls” and “statistics” and “electoral college”. Poo poo! I prefer to live in fear. It’s all I’ve known for the last eight years and this whole thing about “change” just seems to “changey” which sounds too “chinky” and thus too “commie” for this cornfed white boy.

Godless Liberal * September 9, 2008 at 7:10 pm

Yes, well, I see Obama on TV spending all his speaking time attacking the opposition’s VP candidate, and when he is wasting time on that shit he is not talking about McCain or what he is going to do or anything else that got him the nomination in the first place, and it is most disheartening.

JimAlbertson September 9, 2008 at 7:10 pm
Viva la Cynthia September 9, 2008 at 7:11 pm

FTW

KevoTron September 9, 2008 at 7:12 pm

[re=90510]MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend[/re]: Don’t worry he won’t stay that way. He’ll pull a Michael Jackson and bleach his skin once this celebrity thing goes to his head. I hear he’s sleeping in a hyperbaric chamber too.

AngryBlakGuy September 9, 2008 at 7:12 pm

…thank you Jim Newell, now I’m going to masturbate to a print out of this map!!!

Rodney Badger September 9, 2008 at 7:13 pm

Re Michigan and NH: Obama has led in 12 of 13 polls in MI and 5 of 6 out of NH. Tossups? Who is letting Trig Palin do polling analysis?

Bliz September 9, 2008 at 7:13 pm

God, I love you guys. I needed that.

Kimbo September 9, 2008 at 7:14 pm

Um FYI… Kerry States + VA does not equal a win for Barry. He needs another State with VA.

AngryBlakGuy September 9, 2008 at 7:16 pm

…this still doesn’t change the fact that 40% of the voting population of the U.S. should be soaked in bathtub and beaten with an extension cord!

Spence September 9, 2008 at 7:16 pm

Haven’t you all heard? Barack Obama is trying to sexx our childrens!
http://tpmelectioncentral.talkingpointsmemo.com/2008/09/new_mccain_ad_badly_distorts_o_1.php

Jim Newell September 9, 2008 at 7:16 pm

[re=90523]Kimbo[/re]: oh yes you’re right, thank you…

Mr. Spanky September 9, 2008 at 7:17 pm

I like the descriptions “strong” and “lean” when indicating levels of support.

It sounds like the way Charlie Crist would describe the go-go boys at his favorite gay bar!

JeffGoldblum September 9, 2008 at 7:18 pm

I’m pretty damn psyched for the inevitable shit-show that will be The Debates.

Texan Bulldoggette September 9, 2008 at 7:18 pm

This is almost as good as when Jim eviscerates Rudy (actually, I like the Rudy-bashing posts much better)! But I’ll take this as I watch Keith O & Rachel tonight, whom according to KO beat Old doddering fool Larry King in ratings last night.

Godot September 9, 2008 at 7:19 pm

That cheered me up a bit.

But if Hopey loses I’m still moving, not to Socialist Canada which is far too close to traitorous Alaska, but to lovely Mexico, where the drinks are cheap, the food is spicy, and the wrestlers are masked. Plus dreaded White Witch of Winter Sarah Palin would likely not be able to survive in its tropical climes.

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez September 9, 2008 at 7:20 pm

This site has been my daily salvation. I especially enjoy it while drinking. Looks worse today than lately, but Barry’s campaign always does the right thing. Sorry, I’m just sensitive right now about the whole Mooselini thing, but I know we will prevail. (please god who I don’t even believe in). My boss already announced that it the corpse/MILF ticket wins, I am out of a job cuz she can’t keep the company running anymore.

2druk2phluq September 9, 2008 at 7:20 pm

[re=90526]Spence[/re]: RKelly like a mofo, huh?

Also, he doesn’t like snow bunnies. Bastard!

Rodney Badger September 9, 2008 at 7:20 pm

[re=90523]Kimbo[/re]: If Obama wins Virginia, he is probably gonna win some other Bush states. Maybe NC, IN or Ohio. It’s all demographical and shit.

MISTAHCOUGHDROP September 9, 2008 at 7:22 pm

Lovely Bill Kryptonite on John Gibson now salivating over a Palin-McCain victory.

Texan Bulldoggette September 9, 2008 at 7:22 pm

[re=90526]Spence[/re]: Well in BO’s defense, Willow might as well learn where her girl parts are sooner rather than later. Her eggs are aging as we speak & we know the Palins believe that every egg must be fertilized or you’ll go to HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!

2druk2phluq September 9, 2008 at 7:23 pm

[re=90533]Godot[/re]: Have you decided which coast yet? I’m going for the Southern Yucatan. Best blow.

nuckingfutz September 9, 2008 at 7:23 pm

[re=90527]Jim Newell[/re]: Dear Jim, thanks for the bitch slap back to reality…it was getting really scary inside my head. As proof of my undying love and gratitude, please allow me to have your Down Syndrome baby.

edgydrifter September 9, 2008 at 7:24 pm

Whatever. Sir Hopealot will take NH and MI, Grandpa Nutbag will carry the rest of the yellow areas, either legitimately or through trickery. Walnuts strokes out in June of next year, Bible Spice takes command, PUMAs lose control of their bladders in ecstasy, China invades Taiwan and tells us to suck it, US economy collapses, and by this time next year we’re all hunkered down behind barricades burning tires for warmth and fighting off CHUDs with axes and aluminum baseball bats. Yay apocalypse!

Jim Newell September 9, 2008 at 7:24 pm

[re=90537]Rodney Badger[/re]: Yeah and if Obama comes out of his current nadir, then Indiana and Missouri — which are a little more Republican-leaning that Virginia this year — jump right back into play, too.

Texan Bulldoggette September 9, 2008 at 7:27 pm

Also, HuffPo has a good article about these national polls.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/09/poll-madness-mccain-takes_n_125158.html

Basically that they are over-sampling Republicans. It’s a L-O-O-N-G article & you’ll lose interest after the first couple paragraphs if you’ve been drinking, but something to bookmark & peruse after you’ve sobered up a bit. (Yes, I know it’s only Tuesday & way too early to be drinking but screw it! At this rate, I’ll be begging someone here on Wonkette for a liver by Halloween.)

ZLN September 9, 2008 at 7:28 pm

You Americans are such royal bunch of fuck-ups… well, I guess you will elect the president you deserve.

facehead September 9, 2008 at 7:29 pm

[re=90518]KevoTron[/re]: with white children

[re=90517]Viva la Cynthia[/re]: is that “For The Win” or “Fuck The World” or perhaps “Fist The Wookie” ?

In any case, Sarah’s chest is much bigger than Michelle’s.

Godless Liberal * September 9, 2008 at 7:30 pm

[re=90549]ZLN[/re]: Don’t you put that evil on us.

Hutch September 9, 2008 at 7:31 pm

I have enjoyed Wonkette comments for a couple of years, but have never seen so many obvious wing-nuts posting messages. Someone asked last night if Wonkette had been recently invaded. I notice no one much responsed to their messages. Is that the protocol? Let me know.

wealwaysknow September 9, 2008 at 7:33 pm

If Anne Kilkenny is never seen or heard from again here is why:

http://webpages.charter.net/suasponte/

facehead September 9, 2008 at 7:33 pm

[re=90549]ZLN[/re]: Go back to your “old Europe” or wherever it is that all your royalty are non-fucked up, smoke the local hash, bug out, and leave me helpless Americanos alone.

Meanie!

nestor September 9, 2008 at 7:33 pm

I love that Arizona is is only a lean despite its favorite senator being the nominee. It’s probably because of all those damn mooslem loving illegals.

magic titty September 9, 2008 at 7:35 pm

I want to go to the Electoral College!

FlipOffResearch September 9, 2008 at 7:38 pm

I’m still worried. The Republicans just need to keep it close enough to rob the rest. Witness 2000, 2004. http://rawstory.com/news/2008/Cybersecurity_expert_raises_allegations_of_2004_0717.html

smellyal8r September 9, 2008 at 7:39 pm

I’m still hoping that all of BHO’s supporters remember to go to the polls and actually vote. The “Dean Quandary” four years ago left John Kerry a mite short. Don’t forget that these states that Hopey wins will probably be by one or two percentage points. This is no landslide election (though I still contend he would have been in much better shape with HRC at his side…that would have negated Palin, forced Lieberman onto the McCain ticket as the soo-prize, etc.). State by state is looking pretty good (this far out) but I notice in today’s NYT that “no drama Obama” may be facing some challenges over staff members wondering aloud about not taking public financing and whining that fund raising isn’t going as well as it could be and that Hopey has to spend time raising money instead of campaigning, etc. It is still the Demos’ election to lose (and that is possible), so they are going to have to remain unified, on message and on the air.

tunamelt September 9, 2008 at 7:43 pm

[re=90546]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Begging someone on Wonkette for a liver? …something about that plan strikes me as not quite right.

The debates are coming soon, anyway.

I, for one, cannot wait for October 2nd, the Biden v Palin cage match.

smellyal8r September 9, 2008 at 7:43 pm

[re=90549]ZLN[/re]: We go to the election with the candidates we have, not the candidates we wish we had, Old Europe

Advocatus_Diaboli September 9, 2008 at 7:43 pm

270 Baby! Which is, by coincidence, the number of millimeters of the Hope Sausage.

V572625694 September 9, 2008 at 7:45 pm

[re=90557]magic titty[/re]: They’ve got an outstanding football team. Be sure to date a Tri-Delt!

Dientes September 9, 2008 at 7:45 pm

[re=90553]wealwaysknow[/re]: That made me happy.

shoeho September 9, 2008 at 7:51 pm

[re=90533]Godot[/re]: Well,you know, that got me wonderin’ too! I’m bettin’ the snowbilly is plannin’ in moving the VEEP’s residence to Juneau. Anyone who has ever lived through a DC summer knows why. I mean, I don’t think she’d make it w/o melting.

[re=90560]smellyal8r[/re]: Alas, this is why many of us who are vets of more than a few elections do not trust the “youth vote” no matter how vocal. It only counts when you get your lazy a$$ out of bed to vote, no matter how cold it is/how hung over you are/what test you have to take that day.

Jingo September 9, 2008 at 7:52 pm

Sounds like a bunch of liberal bullshit to me. We’re gonna have some COLLEGE pick our president? As Sarah Palin says like every five friggin’ minutes, “Thanks but no thanks.” Of course some college is gonna pick the well-educated, professor guy.

We should be selecting our president based on the land mass of each state – it is, after all, the President of the United STATES, not President of Electoral Delegates or President of Voters. Therefore, I and McCain think he should win. Alaska alone is over 1 fifth the size of the rest of the states combined, which is the ONLY reason he chose Palin. Granted she has an ass like a ripe apple, but that only serves to remind McCain that he needs new denture adhesive.

Sean O September 9, 2008 at 7:56 pm

Thanks Jim. When DailyKos does it, it’s smarmy, self important and makes me want to punch babies. When Wonkette does it, it makes sense.

kellygrrrl September 9, 2008 at 7:58 pm

Electoral Votes – ALL that matters

OH and VA – ALL that matters

suppression and caging of young voters already happening there

I don’t care who you are or who you love – if you want to live in a Democracy – you do what you can to make sure young people are allowed to VOTE!!!!!

Delicious September 9, 2008 at 7:59 pm

Wait till you folks see the polls after Palin sends off her son on Sept. 11 from Fairbanks to Iraq.

kellygrrrl September 9, 2008 at 7:59 pm

[re=90503]Rodney Badger[/re]: until they get behind that private little porno curtain and actually pull the trigger!

Jim Newell September 9, 2008 at 8:00 pm

[re=90572]kellygrrrl[/re]: OK, it’s pretty clear that you do not like fun, so goodbye.

cembry September 9, 2008 at 8:00 pm

Second-hand clothes? Oh the humanity!

Delicious September 9, 2008 at 8:02 pm

Oh yeah, Obama needed a cushion for that little thing called the Tom Bradley Effect. So close is not good.

Advocatus_Diaboli September 9, 2008 at 8:04 pm

[re=90573]Delicious[/re]: Yup, once again this kind of bullshit will play well in the media while the bigger story of why the fuck particular troop movements are publicized goes unmentioned.

NOLA September 9, 2008 at 8:05 pm

H-E-L-L-O. The state (electoral) numbers lag behind the national polls.
Therefore, the electoral numbers are obsolete.

So, I am brand new here. What’s the deal? Do you hate Obama? (i.e. “Pathetic” and using
that horrible picture of him with a cigarette in his mouth). You seem to want McHouses
to lose – but WTF with the negative Obama stuff.

Is this some kind of “Can’t get over Hillary losing” website????

Advocatus_Diaboli September 9, 2008 at 8:06 pm

[re=90575]Jim Newell[/re]: yum, Jim, yum. If I was gay, I’d be totally gay for you right now.

sike101 September 9, 2008 at 8:07 pm

does this mean I won’t be getting a tax deduction on my doomsday shelter?

Delicious September 9, 2008 at 8:08 pm

Oh boy, Drudge is screaming Obama’s “lipstick on a pig” quote.

I’m taking the blue pill, because I choose the Matrix!

tunamelt September 9, 2008 at 8:10 pm

[re=90582]sike101[/re]: I’ve been trying to find a way to write off my tinfoil hat.

[re=90580]NOLA[/re]: …what?

Texan Bulldoggette September 9, 2008 at 8:11 pm

[re=90573]Delicious[/re]: Ummmm Biden is also sending his son off to Iraq in Oct. He’s just not using his child as a political prop. Kudos to Walnuts for doing the same.

Delicious September 9, 2008 at 8:12 pm

[re=90585]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Difference there is Biden’s son is a JAG. He ain’t seeing any bullets his way.

Texan Bulldoggette September 9, 2008 at 8:12 pm

[re=90583]Delicious[/re]: I think Mother Sarah has performed a miracle already-she’s turned Matt straight.

Jim Newell September 9, 2008 at 8:13 pm

[re=90580]NOLA[/re]: Before you are banned, that is a good point you make in the first sentence, and numbers have been updated: http://www.fivethirtyeight.com/

But he’s still ahead on average, barely, even after the bounce, which is temporary. And you really can’t underestimate the advantages Obama has in party registration (51-38 or something) and ground organization (like 20-30 times as many doorknocks as McCain).

hedgewitch September 9, 2008 at 8:13 pm

Normally a lurker but wanted to thank EdgyDrifter guy for that post describing the impending apocalypse. Bible Spice had me wishing for one of the Ancient of Days’ depends.

Oh and thnx wonkette for the tiny ray of electoral college hope,the first chink in the Palin’s vast northern underground Fortress of Stupiditude.

Nevski September 9, 2008 at 8:14 pm

btw, when will Lou Dobbs be forced by independant voters to wear his GOP colors while being dragged in the streets by an elephant?

tunamelt September 9, 2008 at 8:15 pm

[re=90585]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Treating your kids like a political prop has a long and storied past. Look at any of the of the past monarchy, hell, just look at the Hapsburgs.

Godless Liberal * September 9, 2008 at 8:15 pm

[re=90583]Delicious[/re]: Good thing for Obama the old expression didn’t involve lipstick on a cunt.

iwillsavethispatient September 9, 2008 at 8:15 pm

[re=90580]NOLA[/re]: The site is pro-Obama – it’s irony. Also, smoking cigarettes is cool.

Regarding the polling, I’m led to believe pollsters only call landlines and not cellphones and the demographic of people who only have a cellphone is mostly younger Democratic-types, so the polling is likely to be over-egging the Republican figures.

Texan Bulldoggette September 9, 2008 at 8:15 pm

[re=90586]Delicious[/re]: Well, Beau is an attorney. That’s probably the best place for him. And if you think Palin’s son will ever be in actual danger, I have a bridge in AK for you….

WhatTheHeck September 9, 2008 at 8:16 pm

Oooo, I love maps. Jim, you are quite the cartographer.
But why, oh why, when pangea was splitting apart, why didn’t Florida get attached to say, Venezuela?

I plan on claiming Wonkette as a college/tuition/home-schooling/deduction because I learns a lot.

Harvey Birdman September 9, 2008 at 8:16 pm

Newell, you complete me.

Delicious September 9, 2008 at 8:16 pm

[re=90587]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Two card tricks and she’s a saint!

Godless Liberal * September 9, 2008 at 8:20 pm

[re=90593]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: You’re correct in that assumption. Someone leaked that top secret information to the polling houses, who will have a built-in adjustment to account for that.

PoliTacky September 9, 2008 at 8:20 pm

[re=90526]Spence[/re]: Since the legislation in question is about teaching little kids how to avoid pedophiles, I’m guessing that by attacking Obama, this makes McCain PRO-Pedophilia-Child-Molester. Quick! Somebody check and see if he’s accepted any money from NAMBLA!

soytrucknutz September 9, 2008 at 8:22 pm

“You can wrap an old fish in a piece of paper called ‘change,’” Obama continued, “it’s still gonna stink after eight years.”

Tell Barack Obama to leave Sarah Palin’s vagina alone.

I’m John McCain and I approve this message.

Viva la Cynthia September 9, 2008 at 8:23 pm

[re=90550]facehead[/re]: French The Wonkette

rambone September 9, 2008 at 8:23 pm

[re=90583]Delicious[/re]: I wonder if “lipstick on a Sambo Bitch” would have been more PC.

trophy(forparticipation)wife September 9, 2008 at 8:31 pm

[re=90580]NOLA[/re]: Obama is a Mooslum terrorist. And he hates the flag.

Show us a Birth Certificate muthafucker!

Delicious September 9, 2008 at 8:34 pm

[re=90602]rambone[/re]: That alleged comment is not on video.

Unless the campaign knows a horrible secret it intends to pop down the road, Obama is now in meltdown.

RooseveltFranklin September 9, 2008 at 8:36 pm

Thank you, Jim. I will try to sleep better tonight. Father Time and The Abominable Snowtard have given me such nightmares.

Gopherit v2.0 September 9, 2008 at 8:45 pm

[re=90606]Delicious[/re]: Yeah it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPd4yk0x-eg

I think Obama probably could have thought that out better, but meltdown? I doubt it.

OffTheRecord September 9, 2008 at 8:45 pm

And I thought Chuck Todd and Nate Silver were the last sane men in America. You’re a good egg, Newell.

MISTAHCOUGHDROP September 9, 2008 at 8:47 pm

The GOP now owns the word “lipstick” ?

Let’s take a vote: Put Palin on Oprah? Oui [ ] Non [ ]

pinko-commie September 9, 2008 at 8:47 pm

I just keep repeating the matra, “The MSM would not sell ad space if they told the truth that Obama has the election locked up.” They have to make it all “dramatic” to make any money. I personally am looking forward to the Democratic landslide. I’ve always wanted to see WALNUTS cry like a baby.

But I do have to wonder, who are they idiots who are “undecideds”? Or worse yet CHANGE their likely vote from day to day based on the last speech they saw? C’mon people! Pick a side in the revolution!!!

MISTAHCOUGHDROP September 9, 2008 at 8:49 pm

If anything, I think the lipstick remark will pretty up this whole election.

Seriously, did McCain bring her on to be a ferocious pugnacious bull or paranoid poodle?

rambone September 9, 2008 at 8:49 pm

[re=90606]Delicious[/re]: Yes, you are correct. However, McCain calling individuals gooks and making jokes about gorilla rape are on the record.

While Obama can argue that he was not referring to Palin, but actually referring to McCain, it is more difficult for McCain to argue that his comments were taken out of context.

Delicious September 9, 2008 at 8:51 pm

[re=90606]Delicious[/re]: I meant the bogus Sambo quote. And, yes, the Obama quote is on video. In *context*, it’s not explicitly about Palin, but come on.

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez September 9, 2008 at 8:51 pm

I check this site every day. Two days ago it was much more encouraging. Crrrack–that is the sound of the vodka bottle opening.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 9, 2008 at 8:52 pm

[re=90573]Delicious[/re]: What a deployment date for Track– fucking 9/11. I wonder if they got a ‘special request’ in…

rambone September 9, 2008 at 8:56 pm

[re=90623]Delicious[/re]: If you would like, I am more than happy to come on Palin. However, I refuse to come in her as she appears to be more fertile than the Nile river valley after a flood.

NotthatLC September 9, 2008 at 8:57 pm

I’ve been trying to tell my mother about the electoral college for days, now. She finally started listening when I told her the damn polls only call 1000 people are and over-freakin’ sampling republicans. So many people to hate, so little time.

wheelie September 9, 2008 at 8:57 pm

I’ll only believe it when TJBeck says it’s true.

[re=90549]ZLN[/re]: Show me a country that doesn’t elect the leader it deserves and I will show you a dictatorship. Or a dodgy Florida count, at least. Print this off and, as we say in my part of old Europe, stick it up your hole xx

Delicious September 9, 2008 at 8:58 pm

[re=90622]rambone[/re]: The MSM refuses to go there. How does that help?

I want Obama to win. But do we need toadies to tell the emperor his new clothes are gorgeous? Isn’t that the rap on W?

I don’t know how Hopey overcomes these obstacles, but I am cheering for him. Not now here on Wonkette. He needs a reality check.

tunamelt September 9, 2008 at 8:59 pm

[re=90630]wheelie[/re]: Hey, where are TJBeck’s graphs? This election won’t feel real again until I have a bottle of red in one hand and am downloading his graphs while watching some ridiculous debate.

InsidiousTuna September 9, 2008 at 9:03 pm

[re=90632]tunamelt[/re]: Rachel Maddow’s on. Chill out and have a drink, watch the friendly liberal lady.

rebellitor September 9, 2008 at 9:06 pm

Yeah, yeah, meltdown, meltdown. Whatever.

ponies! September 9, 2008 at 9:06 pm

[re=90549]ZLN[/re]: Hey, if you’re so European, shouldn’t you be sodomizing something right now?

j6n September 9, 2008 at 9:07 pm

Gallup says that historically, the candidate with the second convention retains their bounce for a month, so if WALNUTS! fades before the month is out, he’s sucking.

http://www.gallup.com/poll/110143/Gallup-Daily-McCain-Maintains-5Point-Lead.aspx

tunamelt September 9, 2008 at 9:09 pm

[re=90639]j6n[/re]: That makes him sound like a beach ball.

[re=90634]InsidiousTuna[/re]: Your screenname always makes me feel mildly uncomfortable and oddly competitive. But yes, I do in fact have Rachel Maddow on.

PeteJayhawk v2.0 September 9, 2008 at 9:10 pm

Fucking awesome, Jim.

bipolar2 September 9, 2008 at 9:10 pm

Stop hyperventilating, Dems. Stop blovating, media.

And, go to results if election were held today:
election.princeton.edu/history-of-electoral-votes-for-obama/
9/9/2008 5pm : 300 electoral votes for Obama.

Post-convention bounce will die away. Palin has yet to face any press questioning — GOP is trying to fill her brain with points to parrot before then. But, sharpen the attacks Barry.

bipolar2

Texan Bulldoggette September 9, 2008 at 9:11 pm

[re=90638]ponies![/re]: Egad, good show mate.

Delicious September 9, 2008 at 9:11 pm

Rachel: Bridge to Nowhere. Game changer. Yeah, right.

Goodnight.

I still love you snarky cunt-trollop bastards!

El Bombastico September 9, 2008 at 9:12 pm

You all may have to gird yourselves for the uncomfortable truth that we may never see another Democratic president IN OUR LIFETIMES. America just hates us so much.

Outstando September 9, 2008 at 9:13 pm

Just wait until Obama busts out Al Gore on a cherry picker to talk us through ice core drilling sample data of McCain’s voting record during the Mesozoic Era.

ponies! September 9, 2008 at 9:14 pm

Why is my state only a light, baby shower-indecisivo shade of blue? I can accept being an pansy-ass arugulabortion liberal, but a timid one? That shit’s sad.

Drinky drinky…

ZippyDee September 9, 2008 at 9:14 pm

Heeeey! You just kilt my teeth-grinding, apopletic anger adrenaline rush!

wheelie September 9, 2008 at 9:15 pm

[re=90632]tunamelt[/re]: I know! TJBeck’s sober graphwork was the perfect counterpoint to our incessant drinking during the primaries.

j6n September 9, 2008 at 9:17 pm

[re=90641]tunamelt[/re]: Remember – Obamas bounce, McCains crash.

Was that insensitive?

rambone September 9, 2008 at 9:17 pm

[re=90631]Delicious[/re]: Well there’s the problem right there.

I went into this knowing that there was no chance in hell that America would elect a black man President. I admit that I got my hopes up a little bit a few weeks ago, but the fact that Obama is currently being demolished by a walking cadaver and a nasally voiced psycho religious extremist only reassures me that I have a decent understanding of the realities of this world.

InsidiousTuna September 9, 2008 at 9:17 pm

[re=90641]tunamelt[/re]: Nah, it’s cool. I hardly notice it anymore.

shortsshortsshorts September 9, 2008 at 9:17 pm

I’m proud to see justice being served. Please execute people who post their stupid goddamn lame ass mother fucking blogs.
Respectfully Requested,

Michelle Malkin

Rush September 9, 2008 at 9:20 pm

Bullshit electoral map – Scranton is not on it!!@!@

ponies! September 9, 2008 at 9:20 pm

[re=90646]El Bombastico[/re]: I think teh repubs are just so jealous of us libs and our free-wheelin’ ways. They have to stay up all hours of the night burping their 17-year-old’s babies while we blue-staters are also up, though we are snorting cocaine off strippers’ lady bits.

InsidiousTuna September 9, 2008 at 9:20 pm

[re=90580]NOLA[/re]: Wait, what?

ZippyDee September 9, 2008 at 9:21 pm

[re=90649]ponies![/re]: Puh-leez. At least you aren’t forced to hang on with your bare fingernails to that yellow dangle in the bottom right hand corner while hurricane winds whip rednecks’ aluminum sheds and gas station signs at you like me and my kin.

AnnieGetYourFun September 9, 2008 at 9:21 pm

Why do you hate lack of hope, Wonkette?

Viva la Cynthia September 9, 2008 at 9:21 pm

I love how everyone on Wonkette is a Maverick(tm)!

I love you all, ya Game Changers!

tunamelt September 9, 2008 at 9:22 pm

[re=90652]wheelie[/re]: The debates are coming up soon enough. I will start stockpiling alcohol like I’m preparing my emergency kit.

[re=90654]j6n[/re]: Snap.

I like watching Maddow laugh at everything she says.

lazyb September 9, 2008 at 9:22 pm

[re=90649]ponies![/re]: Wah wah wah. I would rather live in a baby-blue state than the menses-red hellhole I call home. At least in a state of a lighter shade you feel like you can make a difference somehow.

Rush September 9, 2008 at 9:23 pm

[re=90663]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]:

I still believe in a town called “Despair”

natoslug September 9, 2008 at 9:26 pm

[re=90524]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Don’t beat me — I just clicked on Wonkette’s happy donate link and gave Barry the $100.00 I had saved up for cappuccinos next week. Fucker better win or I want my coffee money back.

VP Mooseburger September 9, 2008 at 9:28 pm

[re=90511]columnv[/re]: Don’t diss my foreign policy experience. I live real close to Russia. Ya. I can defend the Bering Strait with a 12 gauge. Todd patrols on snowmachine. And, the more the ice melts – that’s God’s way of saying he wants us further from Godless Russia.

I AM VP Mooseburger

ponies! September 9, 2008 at 9:29 pm

[re=90662]ZippyDee[/re]: My deepest, unironic condolences. WA state may have its political and geographical drawbacks, but Florida is a place wackier than that island on LOST. All that state needs is a smoke monster and a slew of wild polar bears and they could sue that show for copyright infringement.

shortsshortsshorts September 9, 2008 at 9:29 pm

[re=90668]natoslug[/re]: Holy shit how could you do such a thing? Think of the children, the CHILDREN.

tunamelt September 9, 2008 at 9:31 pm

[re=90668]natoslug[/re]: Latte liberal.

ponies! September 9, 2008 at 9:34 pm

[re=90666]lazyb[/re]: Nah, my state will go blue for sure. I would just prefer they be a touch partisan hack-ier.

MoodProcessor September 9, 2008 at 9:34 pm

[re=90668]natoslug[/re]:
If he doesn’t win, you’ll probably want to sleep as much as possible for the next four years.
Call it money well spent.

Viva la Cynthia September 9, 2008 at 9:37 pm

[re=90665]tunamelt[/re]: I totally want, like, a thousand of Maddow’s lesbian babies.

WagTehGod September 9, 2008 at 9:37 pm

Your “electoral college” is so sexist!

tunamelt September 9, 2008 at 9:37 pm

[re=90677]MoodProcessor[/re]: …and then the world will end in 2012, so whatevs, right?

El Bombastico September 9, 2008 at 9:37 pm

The good news is that none of this will matter tomorrow when the Hadron supercollider is turned on and all matter and energy in our universe is sucked into the fifth dimension.

Texan Bulldoggette September 9, 2008 at 9:37 pm

[re=90666]lazyb[/re]: Me too. I live in a pretty blue area but in a really red state (the rednecks outnumber the elite folk by a lot!). Maybe we can figure out how to do a vote swap like they did during Kerry’s …. on wait, I see how well that worked for him. Nevermind.

ColdCupofHope September 9, 2008 at 9:38 pm

All freakin’ day I’ve had to put up with a bunch whiny, pants-pissing libera-tards quaking in their elitist shoes about Palin. Wake up, white people! And other people, too!

What goes up, must come down. Palin won’t be able to stay away from a mic forever. She’s already got one fuck-up under her belt, and the longer she uses that stump speech, the harder she’s going to get hit for lying her ass off. She’s a life preserver-shaped anchor.

Can we get that AK separatist group to start a splinter org in FL?

cheeto_christ September 9, 2008 at 9:38 pm

[re=90562]tunamelt[/re]: MMMmmm Liver and fava beans MMmmm

ZippyDee September 9, 2008 at 9:38 pm

[re=90671]ponies![/re]: Many thanks. And you could not have guessed, but I moved only this year from…taaa-daaa! Seattle! So from the top of QA hill to the top of the dangle. Life is good cuz the rhum is spelt with an “h” here.

tunamelt September 9, 2008 at 9:39 pm

[re=90681]El Bombastico[/re]: I’ve been telling people this all day, but my friend’s mom works on that project as like a supervisor. So if we all die, it’s basically her fault.

irisheyes September 9, 2008 at 9:40 pm

Jim- umm, my house is half packed, I’ve pulled the kids from school, hubby’s found a gig overseas, we put down the dog (couldn’t travel well poor dear) and NOW you decide to calm us all down with your high falutin’ reason and math and stuff. Timing sucks. But I love you just a little bit tonite anyway.

Rush September 9, 2008 at 9:40 pm

Hey, does this remind anyone of someone’s womb???

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=23f_1220992782

springfield_meltdown September 9, 2008 at 9:40 pm

As petty as this sounds, aren’t Catholic usually considered swing voters? Then they need to go after Palin about her religious views, because if I know my evangelical nutcaes then she probably thinks Catholicism is a false religion and the pope the next best thing to the anti-christ etc. Yeah, it is petty and low but the Hopey people need to somehow show that just because someone has a religion or is a Christian doesn’t mean that their believes are healthy or inclusive.

InsidiousTuna September 9, 2008 at 9:40 pm

[re=90682]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: What area of this shithole of a state is blue? Austin? Downtown Houston or Dallas, maybe?

Viva la Cynthia September 9, 2008 at 9:41 pm

[re=90666]lazyb[/re]: I went from a racist red state to a sexist blue state and I have to say that it’s nice to know that my vote doesn’t make a difference anywhere.

ManchuCandidate September 9, 2008 at 9:42 pm

Holy fuck. Calm down.

1) A Palin bounce was not unexpected.
2) Walnuts is throwing everything he can at Hopey to see if shit will stick. Some has.
3) Walnuts EARNED his nickname McNasty and he’s going to go the way he knows best.
4) HONESTLY, DID ANYONE THINK THIS WAS EVER GOING TO BE EASY?
5) Anyone notice that the economy is tanking? Benefits the challenger party, not the INCUMBENT.
6) Someone is eventually going to ask Walnuts about his “economic” plan. Aside from “Duh. Er, Tax cuts?” he doesn’t have much.
7) Palin’s gotta open her mouth sooner or later.

This is going to be a hard fought tough vicious election. Panicking with 2 fucking months to go isn’t going to help.

InsidiousTuna September 9, 2008 at 9:43 pm

[re=90565]V572625694[/re]: ALWAYS go for the Tri-Delts.

tunamelt September 9, 2008 at 9:44 pm

[re=90690]InsidiousTuna[/re]: Austin. Oh, yeah, and um, Austin.

Viva la Cynthia September 9, 2008 at 9:44 pm

[re=90690]InsidiousTuna[/re]: When I lived in Denton in 2004, I was proud to note that my precinct was like 70% blue. It was also like 90% college students.

El Bombastico September 9, 2008 at 9:44 pm

[re=90689]springfield_meltdown[/re]: Yes, but white Catholics are also inveterate racists.

tunamelt September 9, 2008 at 9:46 pm

So Miss Alaska 1984 was Black. I wonder if that means anything.

ponies! September 9, 2008 at 9:46 pm

[re=90679]WagTehGod[/re]: Wait what? But doesn’t Electoral College have to adhere to affirmative action quotas??? Shit, good thing it was my safety school.

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez September 9, 2008 at 9:47 pm

We are all like “don’t panic”. What does that say? We are going to slaughter them. Let’s go troops.

El Bombastico September 9, 2008 at 9:47 pm

[re=90697]tunamelt[/re]: That was the Vanessa Williams downticket effect.

Viva la Cynthia September 9, 2008 at 9:49 pm

[re=90694]tunamelt[/re], [re=90690]InsidiousTuna[/re], [re=90682]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]:

For the Texas-minded, I would like to direct you toward a recent Nation article that made me remember why I was proud to be Texan (it does happen occasionally). Then I remembered it was in the Nation and so maybe not taken seriously by a lot of people. But it still was fun to read:
http://www.thenation.com/doc/20080721/moser

Texan Bulldoggette September 9, 2008 at 9:49 pm

[re=90690]InsidiousTuna[/re]: Austin. Which is way cool. We have lots of teh gays, live music, margaritas, Tex-Mex food, Lance Armstrong & I once saw Ann Richards at the movie theater watching “Hunt for Red October”. Of course, I couldn’t see the movie over her huge beehive hairdo, but she was a cool broad. As much as I hate the rubes in most of TX, I love this area & would never move. That’s why Hopey must win; Canada is too freaking cold!

natoslug September 9, 2008 at 9:50 pm

[re=90672]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: As a breeder, I am thinking of the children. Although, if I kept the cash, that’d be $100 more in gas money to get me across the border. If I take along a couple of extra wimmins with me, hopefully I can pretend to be FLDS and blend in with the rest of the fine folks just north of me in Creston, B.C.. Damn, I sure hate my country right now. Or at least the majority of the idiots residing in it. I want a return to the good ol’ days of throwing f****ing Christians to lions.

Viva la Cynthia September 9, 2008 at 9:50 pm

[re=90698]ponies![/re]: There’s a joke in here somewhere about GW Bush being a legacy admission…

InsidiousTuna September 9, 2008 at 9:51 pm

[re=90694]tunamelt[/re]: Well, I’m in Waco. Fuck me, right? At least we’ve got Chet Edwards as our Rep. And he’s a solid Obama backer (turns out he was in Barry’s top four for VP pick!). If Barry’s got a shot outside of Austin, it’s here.

ponies! September 9, 2008 at 9:51 pm

[re=90685]ZippyDee[/re]: No ways! Well, it’s okay. Either way you would look down on me because I’m from Tacoma. That’s why we like Florida- no one there can give us shit!!

tunamelt September 9, 2008 at 9:52 pm

[re=90703]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: [re=90702]Viva la Cynthia[/re]: [re=90690]InsidiousTuna[/re]: Austin, only place in Texas I didn’t hate.

j6n September 9, 2008 at 9:52 pm

[re=90689]springfield_meltdown[/re]: No need.
There’s a good argument to made to even pro-life Catholics. It is true, though, that there are some crackpots like John Hagee (see youtube) who consider the Catholic church to be an apostate church.

ZippyDee September 9, 2008 at 9:52 pm

[re=90689]springfield_meltdown[/re]: I looking forward to an End of Days documentary. It would give pause to people who think government should be involved in strategic thinking and long-term planning. Unless the fiends have promised every corporate media titan a no questions asked fast-pass on the Big Rapturarama ride to Skyland; cuz then their secret will be safeguarded.

WadISay September 9, 2008 at 9:53 pm

Time to start the October Surprise lottery. My nominees:

* We find out how Sarah Palin spent her spare time in college(s).
* McCain develops Turret’s during a debate.
* Bush invades Venezuela.

InsidiousTuna September 9, 2008 at 9:53 pm

[re=90703]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Austin is fun. Better than here.

Viva la Cynthia September 9, 2008 at 9:54 pm

[re=90706]InsidiousTuna[/re]: And Denton! Denton Denton Denton! I love Denton! Denton rocks, and I would put money on Hopey doing very well there.

Viva la Cynthia September 9, 2008 at 9:57 pm

[re=90709]tunamelt[/re]: You should head up to Denton sometime!

(Um, I’m from and I love Denton!)

Deserve Neither September 9, 2008 at 9:59 pm

Just saw on Rachel’s show that Russia is banning South Park. Perhaps our ladygov can intercede?

tunamelt September 9, 2008 at 10:00 pm

Was Tancredo being angry about the LPGA repealing the English-only rule thing on Wonkette? Because that’s hilarious.

ZippyDee September 9, 2008 at 10:00 pm

[re=90707]ponies![/re]: How true! Being all elistist and everything, I have been forced to learn to hold my head in a different way cuz I can no longer look down my nose at other people. On the good side, though, I can pay more attention to where I am walking so I don’t trip embarrassingly in my zany plastic flip-flops.

Viva la Cynthia September 9, 2008 at 10:01 pm

[re=90712]WadISay[/re]: My vote: Palin lets out an N-word relative during a stump speech.

Texan Bulldoggette September 9, 2008 at 10:02 pm

[re=90714]InsidiousTuna[/re]: Yeah, sorry about living in Waco. I guess someone has to, right?? You got the Baylor Bears & the Brazos River & the VA center and hmmmm…. I guess that’s about it. You could always move your shit an hour south.

ponies! September 9, 2008 at 10:02 pm

[re=90712]WadISay[/re]: Ooh! We should take bets on political predictions- get a pool going. This beats the shit out of my fantasy football league.

My guess: A Cindy McCain nervous breakdown/ hard-drive malfunction. Then she will befriend a cricket and become a Real Girl!!

Viva la Cynthia September 9, 2008 at 10:02 pm

[re=90720]tunamelt[/re], [re=90719]Deserve Neither[/re]:

Awww, we’re all watching the same shows, guys. It’s sweet, really. We should all just quit our dayjobs and start liveblogging MSNBC for our own enjoyment.

tunamelt September 9, 2008 at 10:04 pm

[re=90718]Viva la Cynthia[/re]: I’ve only been to a couple cities in Texas. I’m way too stereotypically Southern Californian to appreciate other states. I liked Austin, though, and will keep your recommendation in mind.

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star September 9, 2008 at 10:04 pm

[re=90712]WadISay[/re]: If Bristol’s baby comes out to be half-negro, will it negatively affect Barry? like maybe people will think, “oh noes, he’s after the white wimmins!”

We need dirty naked pictures of Pfailin shotgunning a Mickey in a soaking wet t-shirt.

tunamelt September 9, 2008 at 10:05 pm

God, by the time this election is over, I’m going to have stabbed out my eardrums with pens because of Palin’s irritating, irritating accent.

shortsshortsshorts September 9, 2008 at 10:06 pm

[re=90704]natoslug[/re]: I don’t know how long you’ve been here, but I think you should stick around.

Fucking Win.

iwillsavethispatient September 9, 2008 at 10:07 pm

[re=90712]WadISay[/re]: I’m going for a more depressing prediction – McCain says he’ll only serve one term if he wins, in an attempt to swing in some more Hillary 2012 supporters.

tunamelt September 9, 2008 at 10:08 pm

Governor Gump.

ZippyDee September 9, 2008 at 10:09 pm

Remember Slate’s Hillary Fail Countdown (it was really a *****watch, but I don’t want the Secret Service to visit me). Isn’t it weird that that was A-OK for the primaries, but would be horrifying now?

But if John McCain quietly slipped out the back door and sneaked off to retire to a set of islands accessible only by Cindy’s invisible plane, would the Republicans or the media notice?

ponies! September 9, 2008 at 10:10 pm

[re=90728]Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star[/re]: Sexism! Then we also need one of Barry. And even naked-er.

Viva la Cynthia September 9, 2008 at 10:11 pm

[re=90729]tunamelt[/re]: Lucky for me, Caribou Barbie’s shrill self blew out my eardrums during that first press conference–you know, the one where she met McNasty for the second time.

Viva la Cynthia September 9, 2008 at 10:12 pm

[re=90728]Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star[/re]: ‘Pfailin’ = awesome.

regisgoat September 9, 2008 at 10:14 pm

Quick note about New Mexico. It’s got, jeez 2 electoral votes or whatever, but it fucked us up good last election. Anyway: thanks to the community activists and that fat gobernador you were mentioning, there are PAPER ballots this year, so suck on that, Diebold. I’d say let’s put it firmly in the Obama column.

ponies! September 9, 2008 at 10:18 pm

[re=90733]ZippyDee[/re]: Y’know, that’s a good point. I wonder if Walnuts is jealous that everyone seems to have a burning schoolyard crush/obsession with the Ice Princess. And poor McCain is in the back mumbling things like that socially awkward guy at the party that everyone ignores with an obvious and humiliatingly dismissive, “So, ANYWAY… Sarah! You came! And made caribou dip!”

ladymacbeth September 9, 2008 at 10:18 pm

has anyone noticed that alaska on that map looks like a little hobbity troll gnome thingee leaning up against canada with his little hobbity troll gnome hand out grabbing for cash and prizes from asia?

also, LA looks like it’s trying to goose someone.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 9, 2008 at 10:19 pm

[re=90729]tunamelt[/re]: I heard she broke the glass ceiling with her fucking voice.

sonofHST September 9, 2008 at 10:19 pm

You know, I saw a lot of women on the DC Metro today with hair piled on the tops of their heads and little square glasses. A fashion trend? I don’t know, but I’m scared.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 9, 2008 at 10:21 pm

[re=90740]ladymacbeth[/re]: I like the island of National Trend. It’s tiny and looks just like us. Asians will buy it.

Advocatus_Diaboli September 9, 2008 at 10:24 pm

It’s time for Barry to just start slapping that ass like in a bad porno, before he hammers it.

Please, Barry? Please, Democratic Party?

I so want them to serve the GOP their lunch on a nutsuck, but the fucking media keeps popping McCain full of viagra. What. The. Fuck.!. ?. !.

ZippyDee September 9, 2008 at 10:25 pm

[re=90739]ponies![/re]: He is an infamous attention whore, too. What else could explain his insistence on being filmed in front of green screens? In which case, he may just get his angry little tasmanian devil knickers wound up and act out to get a little focus his way.

ladymacbeth September 9, 2008 at 10:25 pm

[re=90744]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: can i move there if ice pack is elected on island of stupid people?

Texan Bulldoggette September 9, 2008 at 10:27 pm

[re=90738]regisgoat[/re]: Everyone was always going on about how Richardson would help with the Hispanic vote. I hate to be obtuse, but how many people are going to think ‘yeah, he’s Mexican just like me even though his last name is Richardson’. Although I’m sure NMexicans(?) know his heritage. Get out there & blow em away, Bill. (Since Bill & Hill won’t take your calls anymore!)

ponies! September 9, 2008 at 10:27 pm

[re=90740]ladymacbeth[/re]: It also looks like Hawaii is saying “hi” to us. Adorables!!

skippy September 9, 2008 at 10:33 pm

I hope there’s no shark jumping going on here?! I’m so outraged at this out of character hope-raising effort by Newell that after (what feels like) decades of lurkage you’ve forced me to create an id to register my angry protest. Grrr.

Hooray For Anything September 9, 2008 at 10:33 pm

[re=90655]rambone[/re]: Yeah, I keep on saying the same thing myself. Everytime I start thinking Hopey is going to win, I realize he’s a black man with a funny name and the reality hits me that this country will never elect a black guy with a funny name. That’s when I start drinking.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 9, 2008 at 10:35 pm

Vermont is saying ‘vote’, Delaware is kinda saying ‘democrat’, Connecticut is saying ‘cunt’, Maryland is saying ‘mold’, and DC is saying, well, ‘dick’! How appropos!

sanantonerose September 9, 2008 at 10:42 pm

Where’s my Joe Biden talking doll? I want to pull his string.

ZippyDee September 9, 2008 at 10:43 pm

And just look at that evil stinger on AK! How can anyone who grew up watching Wild Kingdom or Nat Geo specials not recognize that nothing but vapid, soulless, threatening malevolence lurks!

InsidiousTuna September 9, 2008 at 10:44 pm

[re=90724]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I’m a Baylor student.

irisheyes September 9, 2008 at 10:46 pm

So the all knowing Chuck Todd got it on with Keithy tonite and said that when Mondale picked Ferraro, the first few weeks after were the only ones when they felt they might have a chance.

I’m coming down from defcon 5. Feels so good to breathe again.

bitchincamaro September 9, 2008 at 10:48 pm

O.K. I did the drinking part and have been faithfully watching the 538 shit, and am still thoroughly pissed off that Barry is a pussy and Hope is waining. And I just soiled my underpants.

Texan Bulldoggette September 9, 2008 at 10:52 pm

[re=90763]InsidiousTuna[/re]: Well, when you get done, get yourself a Uhaul. You’ll also have the pride of knowing you have a prestigious, religious private school (why are you a Dem?) degree to face the world with. Seriously!

gliberal September 9, 2008 at 10:53 pm

Trixie plans to save the economy by instituting Pentecost controls.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 9, 2008 at 10:54 pm

Wow, I didn’t realize how succinctly the lyrics from this song summarize Palin’s entire political career!

ZippyDee September 9, 2008 at 10:55 pm

[re=90768]gliberal[/re]: We’re all going to be pregnant anywayz, so why not be barefoot?

Viva la Cynthia September 9, 2008 at 10:56 pm

[re=90765]irisheyes[/re]: That is quite heartening–thanks :). I knew that some good would come out of the 1984 election, somehow!

ZippyDee September 9, 2008 at 10:57 pm

[re=90769]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: It said website cannot be found. Yes, those lyrics fit nicely.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 9, 2008 at 10:57 pm

[re=90769]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Oh, fuck me. I’ll just post ‘em:

I live cement
I hate this street
Give dirt to me
I bite lament
This human form
Where I was born
I now repent

Caribou

Repent
Re-pe-ent

Give me white
Ground to run
And foregone
Lets me knife
Knife me lets
I will get
What I like

Caribou

Repent
Rep-pent

InsidiousTuna September 9, 2008 at 11:00 pm

[re=90767]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Oh, once I graduate, I’m getting the FUCK out of here and up to DC. Like, walking off the stage and getting in my car. I’m ready to get the hell out of this state. But Austin is a fun town, and I like to go visit it on the weekends because there’s shit-all to do here.

naveed September 9, 2008 at 11:01 pm

What a hue and cry!

Viva la Cynthia September 9, 2008 at 11:05 pm

[re=90775]InsidiousTuna[/re]: [re=90767]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Ahem….couldn’t help but overhear, but um…Denton, y’all. Why not transfer to UNT? Transferring to a different college can only get you closer to the Republican Vice Presidential nomination, for starters; plus, UNT is way cheaper and way more awesome than Baylor, and you’ll get to live in North Texas’s very own lil’ liberal enclave (outside Dallas proper).

mrblue19 September 9, 2008 at 11:09 pm

I see you’ve silence me,free speech playa hater!

populucious September 9, 2008 at 11:10 pm

Now listen here you dirty hope-mongers! I am a lifelong Democrat and you must know that Democrats are not happy unless they are miserable losers, so don’t you dare try to rob me of my rightful morose moping with all your fancy “facts” and “figures”. Damn you, Wonkette!

InsidiousTuna September 9, 2008 at 11:12 pm

[re=90777]Viva la Cynthia[/re]: Regardless of all the shit I say, I like it here at school.

contentsunderpressure September 9, 2008 at 11:13 pm

[re=90719]Deserve Neither[/re]: I covered that in depth on my blaawg. Haha, just kidding. Please don’t ban me!

RuperttheBear September 9, 2008 at 11:13 pm

[re=90580]NOLA[/re]: Oh, NOLA. NOLA NOLA NOLA.

Do you see any cat fur? Any pant suits? NO! What you smell is UNICORN HORN OIL!

I said it this morning, mothafucaks. Bring the HORN OF PAIN. FEEL IT.

BHO = ANGEL OF DEATH IN FAIRY LAND

Let the DEAD bury the DEAD. The OWL of WiSDOM fucks the UNICORN at DUSK. Here is the dance, and McPouchy McCheekpants has an empty dance card.

God, I’m sad that Wonkette is drawing attention from the uninwonkinated at this time, at the turning of the tide. But it’ll work out. Angryblakguy will set them straight. Nellist will whip them into shape. Juli will post a photo of herself in mormon magic underwear. Cadmon the Inadequate’s cat will die. SHortshortshotsdhso will stock up on box wine.

there are so few and yet so many of us e e cummings
wrote peoms
j u s t li ke this

Jeebus. There is not enough and yet too much boxed wine in the world.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 9, 2008 at 11:14 pm

[re=90780]populucious[/re]: That’s why I’m an Eagles fan.

[re=90777]Viva la Cynthia[/re]: Isn’t Cindy McCain an alum of UNT?

Aurelio September 9, 2008 at 11:18 pm

[re=90516]JimAlbertson[/re]: The have his big walnut on the wrong side in that picture.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 9, 2008 at 11:19 pm

[re=90783]RuperttheBear[/re]: It sounds like Franzia Chillable Red, am I right?

InsidiousTuna September 9, 2008 at 11:20 pm

[re=90784]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: That’s why I’m a Baylor fan.

Viva la Cynthia September 9, 2008 at 11:22 pm

[re=90784]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: The all-knowing Wikipedia says she went to USC, so…close, I guess, phonetically? I knew it couldn’t be true before I looked it up, though, because why would Beer’s Favorite Daughter attend a low-class public institution (that I love)? She’s definitely the SMU type (Laura Bush’s alma mater).

If you are an Eagles (the band) fan, then you’ll be happy to know that Don Henley is a UNT alum, though, and if you’re an Eagles (the football team) fan, then you’ll be happy to know that the Eagles are also the UNT football team (and UNT did kind of plagiarize the Philadelphia Eagles’ mascot/logo design for quite some time).

NoWireHangers September 9, 2008 at 11:24 pm

My fellow Wonketteers, when you start to feel blue about Hopey, just think about how fucking awesome it will be when he wins. You’ll have to take a week off work for the celebratory drinking alone! Champagne will rain from the heavens! There will be dancing streets!

Aurelio September 9, 2008 at 11:24 pm

[re=90783]RuperttheBear[/re]: “Let the DEAD bury the DEAD.” What a strange fucking thing to say. Jesus said it, right? What the fuck is it supposed to mean?

Maurice Levy September 9, 2008 at 11:25 pm

Boy, if this doesn’t give you hope for the future:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnpCDPIfb9I

Harvey Birdman September 9, 2008 at 11:26 pm

Where did the Austin shout-outs come from? Fun Fun Fun Fest!

Also, Denton had a nice punk scene.

I’m drunk on Margaritas from Jorge’s.

NoWireHangers September 9, 2008 at 11:27 pm

[re=90783]RuperttheBear[/re]: Rupert, are you drunk?

Smoke Filled Roommate September 9, 2008 at 11:29 pm

[re=90789]Viva la Cynthia[/re]: ‘Phonetically’ (C)UNT was the joke I was going for. Get it?

Viva la Cynthia September 9, 2008 at 11:29 pm

[re=90790]NoWireHangers[/re]: The streets are going to dance? So this celebration is going to include plenty of acid, then?

Whiskeybaby September 9, 2008 at 11:29 pm

[re=90704]natoslug[/re]: There’s a T-shirt in the crappy t-shirt shop down my street that has a t-shirt saying “So Many Fundamentalist Christians. So few lions.” Every time I walk past it makes me happy.

Viva la Cynthia September 9, 2008 at 11:31 pm

[re=90796]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: AAAAAooooooooh, yes, that is quite humorous. :) I made that same joke about a million times in my four years there, and yet I didn’t catch on this time? Man, I’ve been in NY for way too long…

NoWireHangers September 9, 2008 at 11:33 pm

[re=90797]Viva la Cynthia[/re]: Whoops. But then again, I’m not one to turn down free acid.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 9, 2008 at 11:35 pm

[re=90798]Whiskeybaby[/re]: You should check out Cafepress or Atheists Online. That’s where I got my ‘Jesus Loves Me But I Make Him Wear A Condom’ bumper sticker.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 9, 2008 at 11:36 pm

[re=90800]Viva la Cynthia[/re]: I really don’t give a shit where you went to school or where you live. Is that shocking?

ZippyDee September 9, 2008 at 11:37 pm

[re=90793]Maurice Levy[/re]: Well good. Now I will go watch Nurse Ratched domineer and browbeat people in One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest followed by Dawn of the Living Dead and sleep in fitfully bouts between night terrors.

KittyKatMan September 9, 2008 at 11:37 pm

[re=90794]Harvey Birdman[/re]: South austin is in the m’fukin house
I’m doing straight up Cazadores tequila shots listening to 91.7 FM.

McCain is a walking POW zombie, and Palin is a crazy annie-oakley-mutant fundie.

The sane and responsible ticket is:
Obama/Biden 08

Donate:
https://donate.barackobama.com/page/contribute/splashtshirt

Barry is strapping for cash.

Viva la Cynthia September 9, 2008 at 11:38 pm

[re=90805]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: All in good fun, bro.

Whiskeybaby September 9, 2008 at 11:39 pm

[re=90790]NoWireHangers[/re]: Can you imagine how much sex will be had that night? Wild, non-monogamous sex orgy!!! Lube and condoms will be paid for with all the funds left over from Hopey’s campaign donations.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 9, 2008 at 11:41 pm

[re=90808]Viva la Cynthia[/re]: :) That’s sis.

mookworthjwilson September 9, 2008 at 11:41 pm

I didn’t read through the 100 or so comments so if someone else had this idea just disregard me. McCain is only up in the Natl polls cuz he is running up the score in the reddest of red states, while hopey is winning more e.c. votes, but by not as much in each state…does this jibe????

Whiskeybaby September 9, 2008 at 11:41 pm

[re=90804]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Hee. Do Christians try to have you stoned to death or anything when you wear it?

Viva la Cynthia September 9, 2008 at 11:42 pm

[re=90802]NoWireHangers[/re]: Well, don’t worry, because it will be flowing in those dancing streets after Hopey seals this deal!

ladymacbeth September 9, 2008 at 11:44 pm

[re=90807]KittyKatMan[/re]: jesus how many more hopey dollars do i have to give?

no offense, but i’m not a rich ladymacbeth.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 9, 2008 at 11:45 pm

Well, it’s a bumper sticker, so I’m sure I pissed off many people in the angry red Mexican State of Arizona. (Mexicans really dig Jesus, so do Repubs)..

DC Spring September 9, 2008 at 11:45 pm

[re=90692]ManchuCandidate[/re]: [re=90774]S I have no freaking idea what this is about because the Wonkette Executive Branch fail to invest in post tracking functions. Just sayin’, Layne.

Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Jeebus, I posted the Cariboooo stuff about a week ago. The wonketteers moved on to Grant Lee Buffalo about 3 days ago. Have a look.

But thanks for the transcript. Cool.

DC Annoid Spring

Gopherit v2.0 September 9, 2008 at 11:47 pm

[re=90783]RuperttheBear[/re]: Word.

Texan Bulldoggette September 9, 2008 at 11:47 pm

[re=90807]KittyKatMan[/re]: Oh yeah, S. Austin is WAY cooler than N. Austin with all their SUVs & uptight Repubs with sticks stuck up their asses. Unfort. this is where we settled during the high tech reign in the 90s & this is where we still are. I always get a smile in my heart when I hear about the SoCo ladies of the evening. Go KUT!

Smoke Filled Roommate September 9, 2008 at 11:48 pm

[re=90816]DC Spring[/re]: Sorry, haven’t been on in awhile. :)

[re=90815]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: duh, that was to [re=90812]Whiskeybaby[/re]:

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star September 9, 2008 at 11:50 pm

I have eight dollars till payday. I’m tempted to give five of it to Hopey. Those little Maruchan Cup of Noodles are only 39 cents each, right? I can survive till then. Oh, and I have all of these saltine crackers from Wendy’s!

j6n September 9, 2008 at 11:52 pm

[re=90765]irisheyes[/re]: Just to be annoying, I have to tell you that DefCon 5 is the lowest level of military readiness, and DefCon 1 is the highest. Why? It’s the way the military works.

Gopherit v2.0 September 9, 2008 at 11:54 pm

[re=90815]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: You might have a fighting chance with that on your car here in Tucson……but up in Phoenix? I bet your car gets keyed alot.

I wonder if my wife would let us put that sticker on our car?

expatinOz September 9, 2008 at 11:55 pm

[re=90790]NoWireHangers[/re]: Shut yo mouth! Knock on wood. Turn around three times and then go outside and spit! Jinxer. Jinxer, I say!

Whiskeybaby September 9, 2008 at 11:56 pm

Newell, have I told you lately that I love you? 250 comments worth of hope you haz given us!!

j6n September 9, 2008 at 11:57 pm

When you feel the anxiety coming on, go to my.barackobama.com, click Action, and work of the jitters.

Whiskeybaby September 9, 2008 at 11:59 pm

[re=90819]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: You, sir, are a fine patriot.

DC Spring September 10, 2008 at 12:00 am

[re=90783]RuperttheBear[/re]: I cannot but agree. Just keep it surreal, and I’ll be smoothly and lusciously satisfied.

Disclosure : I’m shorting optimism futures, short ALL financials,; long positions in forensic accounting, food aid logistics operations, and GMO foodbanks.

OMG misery is such a great market.

M

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star September 10, 2008 at 12:04 am

Why are democrats such whiners?

me <— whiny angry baby

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star September 10, 2008 at 12:05 am

I wonder if it’s okay to find Jake Tapper fuckable…

Smoke Filled Roommate September 10, 2008 at 12:05 am

[re=90824]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: No, strangely enough it’s never been keyed once. I guess I have respectful Mexican neighbors which is very cool. I live by the Macehualli Day Labor Center where Sheriff Joe and his bullshit ‘posse’ have staged media events [which is what they are] and protesters have rallied.

shortsshortsshorts September 10, 2008 at 12:09 am

When the electoral went to college, it experienced hell. FIVE AND A HALF YEARS of hell. When it came out, it decided to be Florida.

Texan Bulldoggette September 10, 2008 at 12:09 am

[re=90831]Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star[/re]: No, it’s not. He’s a douche bag of the first order. Besides, Monica may have ruined him for any other woman (I assume you’re a chick).

druranium September 10, 2008 at 12:14 am

[re=90820]Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star[/re]: Another tip: Ketchup packets and water makes a nice soup. Now go give Hopey your eight bucks!
He’ll repay you after he gets elected.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 10, 2008 at 12:15 am

[re=90828]Whiskeybaby[/re]: I’m a chick, dammit! Born and raised outside of Philly, went deer hunting with my dad, mom grew up in Hazelton, blah. And guess what? I hate Sarah Palin!

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star September 10, 2008 at 12:25 am

[re=90835]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: oh, eww, I totally forgot about that. Damn, I KNEW he looked familiar. In my defense, I was like… a zygote when all that shit went down.

Anyway, how about Brian Williams? I think I’m starting to suffer from Stockholm Syndrome. I’m falling in love with pundits!

[re=90838]druranium[/re]: I found this really old can of Vienna Sausages. I can add it to my tomato soup!

TexasCowGirl September 10, 2008 at 12:27 am

[re=90503]Rodney Badger[/re]: Of course he will as our Obamassiah is not a jealous, rathful god like the hateful god that the evil Alaskan snow bitch prays to so he will take away teh gay. What a horrible bitch! If her prayes were answered who would do our hair, plan our weddings, decorate our homes and design our clothes? I don’t even want to think about a world without teh gay.

Texan Bulldoggette September 10, 2008 at 12:31 am

[re=90841]Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star[/re]: Okay, honey, you need to get out more. Hit on the bartender, flirt with some guys in your class or at work, go shoot some pool at the sports bar. Dream about Michael Phelps or Brad Pitt or Javier Bardem–Snap out of it, Sister!

ZippyDee September 10, 2008 at 12:31 am

[re=90834]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Sure FL is an attention whore. A trait it shares, as I have mentioned, with John McCain. You kidz nevah call us! Oh, now you notice us cuz we’re screwing with your little country running, huh? Well we don’t know which way we’re voting…we’re still looking at the buffet options and considering…hmmmm the jello looks strange. Does the jello look strange to you?

Smoke Filled Roommate September 10, 2008 at 12:33 am

[re=90841]Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star[/re]: What about Tweety? He’s soooo Irish-Catholically dreamy and has an awesome accent to boot!
Also adding a touch of sesame oil, ginger, and cilantro to Ramen makes them reallly gooood!

gurukalehuru September 10, 2008 at 12:37 am

[re=90580]NOLA[/re]: We love our smoking Barry.

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star September 10, 2008 at 12:41 am

[re=90847]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: During the DNC, I remarked to my dad that Tweety’s hair was getting yellower and yellower each day. At first he was like, “girl, please,” then after a while, he was like, “zomg, you’re totes right.” also, my dad is totally gay for Olbermann.

[re=90845]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Aww… going out means spending some cash that I don’t have. I suppose I could just ditch the bra, wear a low-cut top, and go for it. Thanks, Texan Bulldoggette!

lilblackcorvette September 10, 2008 at 12:42 am

[re=90820]Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star[/re]: Nice Cup O’ Noodles shout out! I ,for one ,welcome our Japanese Dietary Overlords!

DC Spring September 10, 2008 at 12:42 am

[re=90819]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Here we go dude becos lazy Exec Branch won’t do the right thing. Colossal and irritating. I’m only a couple of blocks from you Layne, get it fixed up or I’ll request a targeted discussion over lunch.

(If you’ve the gear, crank up the bass and mids, all good then try the past post – the links should go thru)

http://wonkette.com/402583/sarah-palin-always-breaking-the-law-in-typical-snowbilly-fashion

The relevant platinum! blathering is toward the end.

donner_froh September 10, 2008 at 12:45 am

People lie to poll takers because they don’t want to be seen (even anonymously and in aggregate) as racist.

Then they vote for the white guy.

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star September 10, 2008 at 12:46 am

Oh, hey, I just found out that my lover-man might get transferred to Dubai next year… if McCreepy/Pfailin win, I have a Plan B! YESSSS!!

KittyKatMan September 10, 2008 at 12:47 am

[re=90818]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]:
I lived in Cedar park, I couldn’t stand the giant SUVs and fundies. Now I live next door to an Iranian-American who grows his own weed. When I hang with him on friday nights, we’re Homeland Security code red. ;)

shortsshortsshorts September 10, 2008 at 12:49 am

[re=90846]ZippyDee[/re]: 10 Whore Diamonds. And a bit of Alaskan Meth for everything else.

lilblackcorvette September 10, 2008 at 12:51 am

[re=90849]Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star[/re]: another benefit of the crazy election is that it gives you great opening lines. Saying “You look like the One” has a whole new meaning now. Ask if they have arugula in the cafeteria and someone will try to hook up with you. I’m telling you what I know.

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star September 10, 2008 at 12:51 am

[re=90854]Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star[/re]: That is —I, for one, welcome my swarthy Emiri overlords

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star September 10, 2008 at 12:53 am

[re=90857]lilblackcorvette[/re]: “Will you energize the hope… in my pants?”

DC Spring September 10, 2008 at 12:54 am

Oops, good golly didn’t make the link. I’ll have another go. Terribly difficult for a man aged 70 with a prostate probl. gotta go. It’s my only chance this week. AHHHHHHHH, Ouch. Ok, back now.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 10, 2008 at 12:58 am

I am talking to myself here, but fuck– please Gen Y, Please Elect Obama. That way I might possibly have a utopic decade in which I can enjoy life before it all goes to shit again.

Oscar Folsom Cleveland September 10, 2008 at 1:02 am

Ah, but Jim Newell, you leave out the weather and other acts of God, with whom Cheney Bush himself shares a party line. All 600,000 Alaska national guard are being redeployed from Irak to the Bering Straights in order to defend Ossetian oil preserves – conveniently located just after the Siberian and Kazahkstani natural gas fields.

Defending our interests in foreign-sounding sovereign nations will bolster Governor Plain’s foreign policy curriculum vitae (actually written in Aleut), but Joe Biden will blow a gasket and say something stupid, and Barry (born in Indonesia and raised in French Tahiti) will ask the Kazahkstani minister to play a game of hoops for world peace.

Thus, the electoral college dean of admissions will ban Barry from play on a technicality (the dean’s daughter fucked Trick Palin in the 1990s) and the score will end up 1,800 McCain, 12 Obama. Yay!!!

ohiogal September 10, 2008 at 1:16 am

Thanks for reminding me to drink.

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star September 10, 2008 at 1:18 am

[re=90862]Oscar Folsom Cleveland[/re]: why do you say such ugly things?

*night terrors*

ponies! September 10, 2008 at 1:20 am

[re=90861]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Gen Y responds: I am very concerned about the fate of our nation. Our energy independence, women’s rights, the flailing economy, corpora… oh shit! Mike just texted me a pic of this UNC chic showin’ her tittiezz!! And this YouTube video of this Japanese dude taking a dump on a game show! That shit’s hilarious! Fuckin Mike is such a fag!

Ponies!: Thanks peers! I’ll see all of you in hell in, oh, let’s give it 3 1/2 years.

keepinitrealyo September 10, 2008 at 1:27 am
tunamelt September 10, 2008 at 1:30 am

[re=90789]Viva la Cynthia[/re]: I lost track of this because I had to go to a class, but USC is definitely a private school and knowing that Cindy went there freaks me out, as I love my school and also beat the Buckeyes.

[re=90861]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: What, exactly is gen Y, because I think technically I fall under Millennial, but I see your point.

DoesThisKool-AidTasteFunny? September 10, 2008 at 1:45 am

Because of the lame non-vetting process, Bullwinkle-Burger-Babe really needs to prove herself to the American people. I say fuck the veep debates. Cage Match: Sarah Palin vs. a polar bear. She could wear a white fur bikini and bright baby-pig-pink lipstick. It would kill on pay-per-view. And if she survives, she gets to run for veep. If not, oh well…

Smoke Filled Roommate September 10, 2008 at 1:47 am

I was born in 1972. I’m *old* and a little bit bitter. Hope you understand.

shortsshortsshorts September 10, 2008 at 1:49 am

Furvin gurvin turvin sleapervarvin. Jeebus. Allah.

DC Spring September 10, 2008 at 1:52 am

[re=90861]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Nice one.

In separate news Wonkette Exec gets purple heart for – new category -snarkitude.

Platinum!

naveed September 10, 2008 at 1:53 am
Smoke Filled Roommate September 10, 2008 at 1:59 am

[re=90879]naveed[/re]: Likewise, lobotomy gets ‘em home!

facehead September 10, 2008 at 2:17 am

This electoral map can’t be right. Alaska isn’t south of California.

Fuckin librul maps.

njdon September 10, 2008 at 2:20 am

women want tne ..umm.. security of mccain but they are reliably erratic.
intrade betting today is at toss up level for hopey or old yeller.
there is no savior but i’m truly sick of republicans.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 10, 2008 at 2:30 am

[re=90870]tunamelt[/re]: For fuck’s sake, woman.. Get hold of your all-consuming bubble! There’s more shit that you need to buy!

naveed September 10, 2008 at 2:34 am

Plouffe sez: Get a grip.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 10, 2008 at 2:40 am

Linux sez: they need a new mascot.

texaseevildoer September 10, 2008 at 3:48 am

Is this mic on?

Hello

InsidiousTuna September 10, 2008 at 4:36 am

[re=90898]BobLoblawLawBlog[/re]: Yes. More of this.

freppish September 10, 2008 at 4:39 am

i kinda hope barry wins without the popular vote so we can convince repubs how stupid the electoral college is

morevodkaplz September 10, 2008 at 5:16 am

I was in such a panic over the republican convention bounce, that I took my last $100.00 and donated it to Hopey. Now, I have no money for food, cigs, and booze for the week.

Newell, you just made me realize that maybe I could have waited until the next paycheck to donate.

worstprezever September 10, 2008 at 5:17 am

The syllogism of Karl Rove’s playbook. To win an election, you need 50% +1 of the votes. There are more dumb people than sharp. Get all the dumb people to vote for you and you will win elections.

Shed at tear for representative democracy.

llyn September 10, 2008 at 6:35 am

[re=90539]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I think it’s Piper who is the youngest girl. (Although Willow will be needing the info sooner than Piper, or at least I pray that is the case.)

2druk2phluq September 10, 2008 at 7:23 am

Damn. I should have stuck with this thread instead of passing out in a puddle of backwash. Oh, no, I wonder what I said in here. Fuck it… 6:30 a.m. martini.

njdon September 10, 2008 at 7:23 am

[re=90910]worstprezever[/re]: intelligence is not an (alleged) objective test. there are many people with iqs over 130, 140 who would fall in the nitwit category.

look at einstein with a huge iq. he didn’t even know where to get a haircut.

TGY September 10, 2008 at 7:25 am

[re=90588]Jim Newell[/re]: It’s pretty jittery that Hopey blew a 49 point lead down to 13 points. I suppose we’ll see. I sort of like Pollyvote for forecasting, myself.

Still..I’m angry! Sarah Palin is a nonentity, for the love of Plastic Jesus. What does she bring to the ticket? Three boobs, including herself! Do people remember the last eight years under a not-so-smart guy? WAKE UP, PEOPLE!

Even my aged, sainted mother has fallen under the Palin spell. I can has DNA change?

Ok, ok, Wonkettes should return to the regularly scheduled ass-fucking discussions. Got the message.

YellowSnow September 10, 2008 at 7:46 am

[re=90580]NOLA[/re]: No I can assure, you we hate Hillz too!

RuperttheBear September 10, 2008 at 7:58 am

[re=90787]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Actually, it’s in a bottle. Mouton Cadet. They were out of “Black Box” at Sentry, which says something, don’t you think?

[re=90795]NoWireHangers[/re]: I’m wasn’t drunk. I was drinking. I’m too old to get drunk. I get frothy.

[re=90792]Aurelio[/re]: Jeebus at Luke 9:59-62. And then Karl Marx in the intro to the 18th Brumaire, which I was thinking sums up the emergence of the McCain campaign as anything but absurd. Those who have joined the new cause have no truck with the ones left behind. So be it here.

njdon September 10, 2008 at 8:06 am

i capitulate. don’t put lipstick on a pig.

Terry September 10, 2008 at 8:14 am

Exclude Ohio? Please, let’s do so immediately. Florida, too.

fishcanoeski September 10, 2008 at 8:17 am

Biden has got to risk looking mean. He has to take that chance. He has to make her lose her composure. And if for no other reason than it would make me feel good he has to call her a manipulative, deluded neo-fascist and tell her to rot in Hell.

Monsieur Grumpe September 10, 2008 at 8:22 am

Her voice is like finger nails on a chalkboard. After a few weeks of listening to her screech the polls will get back to favoring Hopey. Of course, all the white male voters could just turn down the sound and jerk off to Palin’s pretty little pinched face and some perverted moose hunting fantasy. On second thought, were fucked.

Texan Bulldoggette September 10, 2008 at 8:33 am

[re=90855]KittyKatMan[/re]: Sigh….yes, I live in Cedar Park. The land of W/Cheney bumper stickers (although I have seen zero Walnuts) bumper stickers here this year & several Hopey ones. Interesting, but yeah, the Cedar Park ideologues suck.

freakishlystrong September 10, 2008 at 8:39 am

[re=90921]TGY[/re]: That seems to be the MO in our electorate..appeal to the lowest, “working class whites”, (read: religious rightwing nuts), intellect to win the office of POTUS, and make the election about abortion and gay marriage…that’s not change I can believe in….

superfecta September 10, 2008 at 8:41 am

Are you saying I don’t have to move to New Zealand after all?

lilblackcorvette September 10, 2008 at 8:56 am

[re=90930]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: you think you’re fucked. try this on My birthday is 9/11. everyone is going through the re-greiving process and i WANT TO GET PISSY DRUNK AND PARTY. does anyone feel my pain? Ms. Manners are you here?

lilblackcorvette September 10, 2008 at 8:58 am

can anyone spare some “loose change” ?

Silver Honkey September 10, 2008 at 9:02 am

Sweet Zombie Jesus you meatbags sure like to worry don’t you? Well, you shouldn’t. Govenor Mooseburger will fall faster than Freddy Mac or Fannie Mae once she holds a REAL press conference,not some soft-focus puff piece given by Charlie ‘I likes my capitol gains tax low’ Gibson. Let the 10,000 year old man and Stiffler’s Mom have thier day. Come November, it’ll be ‘Thanks, But No Thanks’. White people may like like the gentle brother, but the only thing they hate more is an empty wallet.
Behold my mighty robo-logic!!!

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star September 10, 2008 at 9:04 am

For some reason, “WILD BOYS” by Duran Duran is playing loudly in my head.

Silver Honkey September 10, 2008 at 9:07 am

[re=90944]Silver Honkey[/re]: “White people may NOT like the gentle brother, but the only thing they hate more is an empty wallet”.

First post, and I am already a complete fucktard. My mighty robo-logic has failed. Feel free to destroy me.

Silver Honkey September 10, 2008 at 9:07 am

[re=90944]Silver Honkey[/re]:
First post, and I am already a complete fucktard. My mighty robo-logic has failed. Feel free to destroy me.

Monsieur Grumpe September 10, 2008 at 9:12 am

[re=90938]lilblackcorvette[/re]:
Well, Happy Pre-Birthday.
Maybe if your cake wasn’t in the shape of the Twin Towers it might be a more upbeat event.

dancingliberal September 10, 2008 at 9:41 am

Barry’s…BLACK?! I just thought he got really tan from his elitist trip to Hawaii where he picked argula and laughed about how John McCain calls women c*nts.

AxmxZ September 10, 2008 at 10:07 am

Heh heh, Barry is up by one in today’s Rasmussen.

Scott-san September 10, 2008 at 10:15 am

[re=90944]Silver Honkey[/re]: I’m fully prepared to go into Election Night expecting the worst. I’m gonna drink like there’s No Tomorrow (i.e., a “victory” for McAngry and the Pitbull).

I did a “map” that skews for America’s inherent racism and has McCain up 254-251, with Hopey needing Pennsylvania FTW.

Sussemilch September 10, 2008 at 10:20 am

Obama isn’t black so much as McCain is really, really, really – REALLY – white.

Mista Eko September 10, 2008 at 10:22 am

And Ron Paul stayed flat.

whore4hope September 10, 2008 at 10:26 am

[re=90580]NOLA[/re]: Humor. This site is against Obama as much as John Stewart is a Republican.

whore4hope September 10, 2008 at 10:27 am

[re=90580]NOLA[/re]: Actually, I meant Colbert, but the point still works. Wonkette is not anti-Obama.

capitol hillbilly September 10, 2008 at 10:47 am

[re=90926]njdon[/re]: down south they put lipstick on a pig before they fuck it.

shortsshortsshorts September 10, 2008 at 10:53 am

The election comes down to Johnny Cash’s “Cocaine Blues,” which shall be forever labeled “Cocainegate.”

natoslug September 10, 2008 at 12:10 pm

[re=91065]capitol hillbilly[/re]: Which end are you supposed to apply the lipstick to? I always get confused in moments of passion.

lawrenceofthedesert September 10, 2008 at 12:48 pm

It’s good to know that Barry is doing well with the mainstream of America and the stream of consciousness of Wonkette. I like fishin’ both streams.

No_Obamatards September 10, 2008 at 4:31 pm

Wow, talk about desperation.

McCain is up 11 in Montana (see yesterday’s Rasmussen poll), up 5-7 points in Ohio, tied in Florida, tied in New Hampshire, up in Virginia, down one in Colorado, up in New Mexico, tied in Nevada and down just two points in Pennsylvania and Michigan…. and McCain is up nationally.

You’re only hurting yourself to pretend Obama has this locked up. It’s a dead-heat race, nationally and electorally. You’re setting yourself up for a suicidal let-down.

aflurry September 10, 2008 at 6:38 pm

[re=90542]edgydrifter[/re]: Nice predictions… I would only add that new President Palin reams a bunch of holes in ANWR, just in time for the emboldened Alaska Independence Party to take the state in a secessionist revolt. And we’re right back where we started dependent on foreign oil… D’oh.

Senhor Tambor September 11, 2008 at 3:15 pm

LazyB: >>Wah wah wah. I would rather live in a baby-blue state than the menses-red hellhole I call home.<<<
Word to your Senator. I live in UTAH, fer crissakes.

Senhor Tambor September 11, 2008 at 3:16 pm

LazyB:
Word to your Senator. I live in UTAH, fer crissakes.

BobnDougMackenzie September 12, 2008 at 9:29 pm

Here’s to Sarah from Alaska From the trailer park to the White House!

super_girl September 15, 2008 at 2:37 am

fyi: nevada is going blue. i’m making sure of it ;)

BBGG September 17, 2008 at 7:31 pm

I love this Blog Site. It is funny and great. I love Sarah Palin because she is a lot like me, she has balls! About time we saw somebody say what they thought and hell with being politically correct. Say it, just spit it out. That’s what I like about her. Since we can’t have Hillary, despite all her experience, the Demos threw her under the bus, this provides some relief. McCain had the balls to pick Sarah, Barrack had none. Hell with 18 million votes, I don’t need the Clintons, that’s what Gore thought. We shall see, we shall see (as I stroke my chin). One more thing, wish I could field dress a moose and I don’t know how to gut a fish either, but I am trainable.

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