HUMAN RESOURCES  4:20 pm September 9, 2008

How John McCain Hired Sarah Palin In One Day

by Ken Layne

We just received an awesome email advertisement offer that sounds like the perfect way to make random last-minute hiring decisions. Subject: Same day hiring decisions are possible.

From: Mark
To: HR Department
CC: Hiring Manager
Date: Tue, Sep 9, 2008 at 4:52 PM
Subject: Same day hiring decisions are possible

Introducing the new RAPID HIRE Employment Screening & Background Check System

If you are currently not able to make SAME DAY hiring decisions, you may be an excellent candidate for the RAPID HIRE Employment Screening & Background Check System. Our new RAPID HIRE System offers our customers access to intelligent tools which have been built into our proprietary web application.

Our intelligent tools will increase your efficiency and expedite the time in which you can make effective hiring decisions. You will enjoy our”Best in Class” service.

Below is a list of some of the services and service times available through the new RAPID HIRE System.

SSN Trace – Instant
Credit Report – Instant
MVR Report – Instant
Over 700 popular Counties for County Criminal records searches – SAME DAY
Over 30 States for Statewide Criminal records searches – SAME DAY
Nationwide Criminal Searches scanning over 300 million Criminal records – SAME DAY
Majority of all employment & education verifications – SAME DAY

For more information on the RAPID HIRE program simply reply to this e-mail. Based on your inquiry, we would be happy to provide you with a consultation or forward additional information that may assist you in enhancing your hiring efficiencies.

Hmm, so was Alaska one of the 30 states available for SAME DAY criminal records searches?

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 64 comments }

NotLaughing September 9, 2008 at 4:23 pm

<—-needs work

ManchuCandidate September 9, 2008 at 4:25 pm

-Baby Daddy Questions: 72 hour period
-Discovery of affairs with hubby’s best friend: Pending
-Alaskan Independence Party Membership: mmmmmmumblbe mumbbble
-Dominionist Pentacostal who believes in end times: uhhhhhhh, no comment.

freakishlystrong September 9, 2008 at 4:25 pm

Great marketing and good timing on that, considering the job market…!?

magic titty September 9, 2008 at 4:29 pm

I have gone on record (in the form of my informed & bitter political writings) that this was a mere Craigslist, Random Encounters situacion.
You know she was down with the barebackness of it all too.

SayItWithWookies September 9, 2008 at 4:31 pm

Unfortunately it still takes the DailyKos community two days to vet a hire, mostly because there are so many porn sites and sex tapes to look through.

grendel September 9, 2008 at 4:31 pm

What about book burning and moose hunting accuracy? What has happened to our standards as a nation?

NotLaughing September 9, 2008 at 4:31 pm

[re=90238]freakishlystrong[/re]: I hear ya there!

Serolf Divad September 9, 2008 at 4:35 pm

John McCain didn’t hire Palin. She hired him, even though he doesn’t realize it. The hiring process involved a prayer session, some speaking in tongues and a little snake handling. The members of Palin’s church had just wrapped up the Lord’s Prayer (a musical version, sung to the tune of Carl Orff’s “Oh Fortuna, Imperatirx Mundi”) when Palin’s cell phone rang. It was John. The rest is history.

blader September 9, 2008 at 4:37 pm

Where’s the ATV report??!!

obfuscator September 9, 2008 at 4:38 pm

[re=90257]Serolf Divad[/re]: Does “little” describe the snake or the amount of handling?

Tawmn September 9, 2008 at 4:38 pm

[re=90257]Serolf Divad[/re]: It’s the snake handling that got her vetted.

freakishlystrong September 9, 2008 at 4:39 pm

Oh, and the mean, sexist media had to vet Baked Alaska, the WALNUTS! campaign just looked at the hormone level…

shortsshortsshorts September 9, 2008 at 4:39 pm

SAME DAY abortions would be just fine for Alaska.

irisheyes September 9, 2008 at 4:39 pm

Side note: politico has an interesting article asking people what they would ask Palin. Some of the questions are pandering, but many of them are quite intelligent and legitimate questions. The whole thing made me smile, as I think of her trying to answer any of these and sound like she has a clue. I have been worried, but I think when those coveted independents catch the 10/2 debate, their eyes will be opened to how incredibly unprepared this person is to sit in the VP’s spot. Hope lives on.

freakishlystrong September 9, 2008 at 4:44 pm

[re=90267]irisheyes[/re]: Oh, how I want to believe, but these things are REPUBLICANS..

grendel September 9, 2008 at 4:44 pm

[re=90267]irisheyes[/re]: Dream on. She’ll be coached to respond with platitudes and generalities and do it in a folksy way. She won’t say anything we couldn’t have read off a Republican playbook, but she’ll be lauded as having held her own with big bad Joe Biden. You won’t see any gotchas unless the candidates are allowed to ask each other questions.

AnnieGetYourFun September 9, 2008 at 4:46 pm

[re=90266]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Oh, wow. Win.

Texan Bulldoggette September 9, 2008 at 4:48 pm

[re=90267]irisheyes[/re]: Sorry, I’m not so optimistic. For one, none of the media seems to care that she continues to lie about that stupid bridge (even when there’s photographic evidence) or on her earmark obsession. Two, by the time Oct. gets here, the narrative will be she is ‘everymom’ & you shouldn’t be mean to her & she has been the biggest victim of sexism EVAH. How dare you ask her about an issue; that’s sexism! She’ll have won the debate just by showing up. If Joe Biden even looks at her, the media will be screaming ‘Mean Joe, Mean Joe’. The media can write the article today & just print it on Oct. 3.

My only consolation is that Gwen Ifil will be the moderator & she won’t give a shit about pouty lips, cleavage or ‘everymom’ crap. However, I remember some of her softball Cheney/Edwards debate questions, so I remain hopelessly pessimistic at this point.

Q2 September 9, 2008 at 4:52 pm

Since Palin wants the baby belugs and polar bear babies DEAD and since Sarah Palin believes whe knows the will of God, I would ask Sarah Palin this: Does God want the baby beluga whales and polar bear cubs dead?

TGY September 9, 2008 at 4:54 pm

I, for one, welcome our new instantly-vetted overlord.

KittyKatMan September 9, 2008 at 4:55 pm

[re=90273]grendel[/re]: Damn, you’re bumming me out. You’re right.
I’m rationalizing this his whole thing already. Palin/McCain will be a four year lame duck presidency with Dems in both senate and the house, and the snowbillies will be a treasure trove of comedy for Maher, Stewart,etc…..? :) :| :( :((

NotLaughing September 9, 2008 at 4:56 pm

God has been mad at whales since the whole Jonah thing.

That’s why there aren’t very many anymore.

grendel September 9, 2008 at 4:56 pm

[re=90285]Q2[/re]: Obviously the answer is yes, or the Earth wouldn’t be warming up and destroying their habitat.

WhatTheHeck September 9, 2008 at 4:57 pm

[re=90257]Serolf Divad[/re]:
So much so, that the difference between a vice presnit and a presnit is a heart attack.

freakishlystrong September 9, 2008 at 4:57 pm

[re=90279]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Nail in the coffin, I’m getting so depressed, aren’t we supposed to be funny?

freppish September 9, 2008 at 4:57 pm

i wonder if McCain checked palins daughters facebook pages for pictures of underaged drinking

crunchymunchy September 9, 2008 at 4:58 pm

Please don’t reward this terrible pick with the most powerful position in the free world. Please.

McCain’s VP selection process: http://tinyurl.com/5zr47h

TGY September 9, 2008 at 4:58 pm

[re=90305]freakishlystrong[/re]: We can still be funny. It’s called ‘gallows humor’ or somesuch.

grendel September 9, 2008 at 5:00 pm

[re=90298]KittyKatMan[/re]: And I’ll be laughing at you from socialist Europe

KittyKatMan September 9, 2008 at 5:00 pm

Will Palin get a blanky and hot yummy moose milk at her debates??
AP Kept Off Palin Plane: All Press Off The Record

You know, we’re up against the stupids who don’t see this ploy. The idjit bitters who believe these lies.

KittyKatMan September 9, 2008 at 5:02 pm

[re=90316]grendel[/re]: Damn you !!! Damn you to hell!!! ;)

NotLaughing September 9, 2008 at 5:02 pm

This isn’t just a lame duck.

This duck is on crutches and god knows what else.

Texan Bulldoggette September 9, 2008 at 5:03 pm

[re=90305]freakishlystrong[/re]: Sorry, I’ll try to be appropriately snarky. But it’s easier to be funny, sarcastic, snarky when you’re a) drunk or b) under the delusion that America is not completely full of dumb asses. (Walnuts is buying ad time during daytime soaps, so I guess that ruins thought b.)

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 9, 2008 at 5:03 pm

[re=90317]KittyKatMan[/re]: I thought Palin put the plane on eBay, along with Bristol’s promise ring.

TGY September 9, 2008 at 5:03 pm

[re=90316]grendel[/re]: I bet there’s not much laughing in the Foreign Legion. Well, only when it hurts, which is an S&M switch of some sort. Viva la France!

grendel September 9, 2008 at 5:03 pm

[re=90317]KittyKatMan[/re]: I can’t believe no MSM went with Palin’s quote about how Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac were getting too big and costing the taxpayers too much money… Instant dequalification (and decapitation) in a rational world.

Gopherit v2.0 September 9, 2008 at 5:04 pm

[re=90316]grendel[/re]: Nah. If she and McCain win, you’ll be just another bit of carbonized jetsam on the cratered content we once knew as Europe.

grendel September 9, 2008 at 5:04 pm

[re=90326]TGY[/re]: Ahahaha! But I won’t be in the foreign legion… just kicking back drinking socialist European wine and trying to learn how to say “fuck you” in my new adopted tongue!

freakishlystrong September 9, 2008 at 5:05 pm

[re=90312]TGY[/re]: Thank you, first gen-u-ine laff I’ve had all day, fer realz…

KittyKatMan September 9, 2008 at 5:05 pm

I may just turn Paultard. Then I’d hate both sides. At least I’d be happy.

grendel September 9, 2008 at 5:06 pm

[re=90325]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: She sold Bristol’s virginity on Craiglist… Levi had an extra $20 kicking around

grendel September 9, 2008 at 5:07 pm

[re=90330]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Good point… maybe I should make it Brasil… You’re all invited for Carnival

Texan Bulldoggette September 9, 2008 at 5:08 pm

[re=90325]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Don’t you mean the ring that she exchanged with Mack Daddy Todd at the purity ball?

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 9, 2008 at 5:09 pm

OMG. VP’s are not meant to wear ponytails! Gah, woman! Get thee to a stylist, stat!!!!

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0908/13307.html

freakishlystrong September 9, 2008 at 5:11 pm

[re=90324]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Then we need to start drinkin’ everytime we hear the
word(s) “maverick”, or everytime we come across a dumbass just knowck em’ out with a 2X4, it’s the least we can do..(my poor teevee)..

YellowSnow September 9, 2008 at 5:12 pm

300 million crimial records? How many people are in America, and what does George W have on ALL OF US?

YellowSnow September 9, 2008 at 5:13 pm

Ohh, sorry, the Johnny Black is kicking in. chalk that up to 300million+1 criminal records

InsidiousTuna September 9, 2008 at 5:13 pm

[re=90303]WhatTheHeck[/re]: The difference is 50 SPF.

liquiddaddy September 9, 2008 at 5:16 pm

One can hire a woman like Palin silently with a 20 in one hand and a point to the crotch with the other. No interview or vetting required.

rev_matt_y September 9, 2008 at 5:18 pm

[re=90250]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I’m confused. Are they reviewing to confirm that the applicant was actually in the porn industry?

wealwaysknow September 9, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Texan Bulldoggette September 9, 2008 at 5:19 pm

[re=90351]freakishlystrong[/re]: Actually the best thing to do is avoid Drudge & most political web sites. Take a break, enjoy football season, realize that we survived 8 years of Bush, we can survive 4 years of Walnuts & the Arctic Princess. (Plus I imagine the Senate will have a majority, so how much damage can the dynamic duo do?) I know I’m going to regret typing that last question….

Texan Bulldoggette September 9, 2008 at 5:22 pm

[re=90377]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Ooops the Senate will have a Democratic majority.

grendel September 9, 2008 at 5:24 pm

[re=90377]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: We’re weakened now after 8 years… easier prey…

btwbfdimho September 9, 2008 at 5:27 pm

Wait for the first VP debate to see a same-day firing.

InsidiousTuna September 9, 2008 at 5:28 pm

[re=90375]wealwaysknow[/re]: Nice. I’m sending that shit everywhere.

shortsshortsshorts September 9, 2008 at 5:30 pm

[re=90326]TGY[/re]: Holy shit, you’re right. The Euros don’t laugh, they just manufacture the funny.

freakishlystrong September 9, 2008 at 5:47 pm

[re=90377]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: They can do gobs of damage..and you’re right about football, ‘cept my team SUCKS!

S. Cullen Bonz September 9, 2008 at 7:03 pm

She sounds like Trudi Weigold on Reno 911.

elitistpigbull September 9, 2008 at 9:02 pm

My favorite interview question: will you be able to answer the phone at 3 am or will you be covered in blood and strangling yourself with moose entrails?

jasonelias September 9, 2008 at 10:13 pm

Would you believe she came from Manpower?

The 3-Legged Man September 9, 2008 at 10:21 pm

The Republicans said they will wait until October to start profiling internet forum posters for later reprisals. Just in case they jump the gun, I thought I should repeat, for like the 1,000th time, my complete support for Pres-to-be Palin and that old dude.

skyinator September 10, 2008 at 2:29 am

But can she type? Haras Nilap for Eciv Tnediserp!

villageatrois September 10, 2008 at 4:28 am

Mc 5.5 shoulda vetted her with IRS. It might not be against Alaskan law to bill the state per diem for staying home, but IRS has compendious case law about allowable business deductions, and things like business use of a home. If there was income without expense, it should have been reported and taxed. If there were legitimate business expenses, they have to meet certain tests. I understand that none of the procedures are faith-based.

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